


The Non-Coincident Theorem

by devilbk



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-04
Updated: 2013-11-24
Packaged: 2017-12-31 12:27:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 60
Words: 106,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1031709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devilbk/pseuds/devilbk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A continuation of the stories presented The Pasadena/Omaha Inversion and The Body-Snatcher Conundrum. Penny & Sheldon are together and happy. But there are some loose ends from the previous stories that still need to be tied up. One of those loose ends threatens everything. Primarily a Shenny story with appearances by everyone and some OC. Some mature language. </p><p>The original characters are mine but the usual suspects own everything else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_This story takes place a few months after The Body Snatcher Conundrum_

**The Non-Coincident Theorem**

**Prologue: The Thai Night Debacle**

_Monday Evening_

Penny left her apartment and headed over to Apartment 4A for an evening of Thai food with her friends. She opened the door without knocking and walked in expecting to find them all waiting for her. The only one she found was Leonard.

“Where is everyone?”

“Oh yeah. They’re running a little late. I worked at home today and I guess it threw them a bit off. Sheldon is riding with Howard and Raj and they’re picking Bernadette up and then the food. I guess they’re trying to save gas or something.”

Leonard knew they’d be late. Sheldon had called to tell him and asked that he inform Penny. Since Leonard and Penny were rarely alone with each other since Penny had started whatever it was she was doing with Sheldon he had decided to create an opportunity.

“Damn. I was ready for a nice relaxing dinner with you guys. I’m having a really hard time with the script I’m working on. It’s left me pretty tense.”

Leonard knew that Penny and Sheldon still hadn’t had sex.

“You know that if you ever want to relieve some tension I’m right here, if you know what I mean.”

_“Oh, he hadn’t just gone there. Again.” Penny thought._

“Um, Leonard, You’re not that subtle. Especially when you’re talking about sex. And I think I’ve been pretty clear about you and me and coitus and how it _ain’t ever gonna happen again!_ ”

“Yes, Penny. You were clear. I just remember that you have certain needs and I used to satisfy those needs pretty well. And we did used to be in love.”

“I thought we were done with this crap, Leonard. Okay, buddy, looks like you need a little refresher course. First, we were never in love. You were in love with the idea of loving me and after a while I convinced myself that I was in love with you. You just wanted to get laid and I made a mistake, a series of mistakes. Whatever it was we had, it wasn’t ever love. Do you know how I know that? Because I am in love with your roommate. And he’s in love with me. And it’s not like anything I’ve ever felt before. It’s incredible.”

“Come on. You haven’t even had sex and I know how important sex is to you.”

“Leonard, you do not now nor have you ever understood what’s important to me. Not that it’s really any of your business, but to be blunt, yeah, Sheldon and I haven’t fucked yet. But I know that when we’re both ready and we do it is going to be amazing. And even without sex he rocks my world.”

“I remember when I used to rock your world. Sometimes more than once a night.”

“Leonard, I really don’t enjoy these conversations with you. I was hoping that after a few months you’d get used to the fact that we aren’t together and won’t ever be again. I really would like us to be friends again. I really treasure that friendship. I miss it. But here’s the thing. You aren’t that good. You did some interesting things that I found surprising and, yes, educational. But most of the time, not so much.”

“That’s not what I remember. I remember some very loud expressions of approval. And I bet Sheldon remembers them too.”

“Leonard, that was crude. Please grow the fuck up. I’m going back over to my apartment. When the food gets here please ask Sheldon to come get me.”

Halfway out the door Penny turned around.

“And one last thing that you ought to think about. I’m an actress. And some of the very best acting I’ve ever done was in your bed!”

Penny slammed the door to 4A behind her and then punctuated in by slamming her own door.

Why did she let him push her buttons like that? She could feel the tears begin to fall.

***

Her relationship with Sheldon was great. It had really progressed over the past few months. And she didn’t actually need to convince herself of that. It was pretty amazing. They really did love each other. They completed each other. So what if they hadn’t had sex yet. They’d get there. Things were moving along. And they kissed. A lot. Sheldon really liked kissing. It was kind of a surprise considering all of the germs, but kissing Penny didn’t seem to bother him at all. Even first thing in the morning. Penny didn’t even need to initiate it any more. It was second nature. The first thing Sheldon did whenever he saw Penny was walk up to her and kiss her. On the lips. Even in public. In private the kissing was even better and after a month or so he even started using his tongue.

When they first got together Penny realized a couple of things about being with Sheldon. One was that she’d have to dial back from being a big ol’ five and let him take the lead, at least until he was more comfortable with her doing it. The second thing was that when Sheldon was finally ready to do something he would be freaking amazing at it. She learned that with their kissing, which was some of the best she had ever experienced. Of course there were some bumps along the road. A couple of times early on Sheldon just completely forgot that he needed to breathe and blacked out on her. At first she freaked out and thought she’d killed him. But then he came to with the most incredible smile on his face and wanted to get right back to it. She had to give him a couple of lessons in pacing. Imagine that, Penny was teaching Sheldon to slow down.

There was another thing. It had been over a year since she’d had a drink. She had come to realize that virtually all of her sexual experiences had been accompanied by alcohol. Oh, she enjoyed sex all right. She just used to think it was the only thing she was really good at, especially with her acting going nowhere, and the alcohol helped her find guys that would give her the validation she needed. Once she stopped drinking and started discovering that there were other things she was actually good at, like writing, she just didn’t have the constant need for sexual validation.

And Sheldon gave her so much more. They loved each other’s company. They talked all the time. About everything. She didn’t always understand what he was saying but she knew that if she stopped him and asked, he’d explain, and not in a condescending way.

“Penny, you’re not stupid,” he’d say, “You just lack a formal education, especially in the sciences. As a physicist I have an understanding of the universe and everything in it. Since we are in a relationship it is incumbent upon me to share that knowledge with you at a pace you can handle. I can never expect to become as socially adept or aware of popular culture as you but I know you will teach me what you can. And both of us will be better for the learning. And we will forever fill each other’s empty spaces. As an example, I now very much enjoy Radiohead.”

Physically, aside form the kissing and handholding, which was kind of recent but really, really welcome, they were moving at a glacial pace, but they were moving. And he could surprise her. Boy could he surprise her. She thought back to the previous Anything-Can-Happen Thursday.

One of the things they discovered they enjoyed doing was reading to each other, mainly fiction. Penny couldn’t think of anything more boring than reading one of Sheldon’s physics books out loud and Sheldon had no interest in hearing tales of Brad and Angelina, whoever they were. So they’d hunt around for a book of fiction that would interest the two of them and take turns reading chapters aloud. Now finding a book that worked for both of them wasn’t the easiest thing to do. Their taste in fiction did not really intersect a lot. Sheldon had a preference for science fiction. Penny preferred trashy romance novels and best sellers. So there weren’t a lot of places where those two preferences meshed. Then they discovered historical fiction, which they both seemed to like. So what they did was share a historical fiction novel, then some science fiction, another historical fiction novel and then a trashy romance. Penny especially liked hearing Sheldon read a trashy romance out loud. They usually did this late at night in bed. And that was another thing Penny liked about the activity.

Technically, Sheldon and Penny were not, in the usual sense, sleeping together. Yes, they were in the same bed, hers, and yes they did eventually sleep, who thought Sheldon could be such a cuddler, but they were both dressed in their bedclothes and, except for a kiss goodnight which was often the highpoint of their day, nothing else happened.

When they spent the night together Sheldon always stayed over at Penny’s. Penny never stayed over at 4A. They both thought that it would be too cruel to Leonard to do that. Sheldon reminded Penny that Leonard had never been so thoughtful about his feelings. And Penny felt really guilty about what Sheldon had been forced to listen to when she was dating Leonard, especially when he finally revealed that he had been in love with her from the moment they met but wasn’t comfortable saying anything and really didn’t see a place in his life of science for any other relationship until he started dating Amy Farrah Fowler. Sheldon felt a little better but also a bit sad when Penny revealed to him that most of what he heard was her acting as though she was enjoying herself. He also felt a little sorry that she had been with Leonard so long and had to do that. In any case, things with Leonard were difficult enough without throwing their happiness in his face.

So anyway, the previous Anything-Can-Happen Thursday, Penny and Sheldon were on her bed reading to each other fully clothed. It was still early and they were both enjoying their latest novel, deciding to make an entire evening of it. They had read three chapters each and Penny was starting to drift off. Sheldon reached across Penny to turn off her light when he accidentally brushed her left breast. And stopped. Penny immediately woke up but didn’t say or do anything. Sheldon had an intent gaze of concentration on his face. He placed his hand on her breast very lightly and squeezed. Penny made a little whimpering sound. Sheldon squeezed again a little harder. She whimpered again. He began slowly kneading her breast. Very slowly. Penny could feel everything through her camisole, though her bra. Sheldon made no effort to remove any of her clothing or to go under her shirt. As Penny felt her nipple harden, Sheldon was there, feeling for it through her clothes, pinching it between two fingers. Except for an occasional whimper from Penny this was happening in complete silence. Sheldon kept on massaging and kneading and pinching. It seemed to go on forever and Penny was getting more and more excited by it. She could even feel herself getting wet. Knowing Sheldon she realized that it was likely that this was as far as it was going and she was determined to enjoy the moment and not overthink it. Penny started moaning, even writhing a little but Sheldon maintained his focus on her left breast. And then she shuddered. And then she came. It was the first orgasm that Sheldon had ever given her and boy was it a good one. It took her a few minutes to pull herself back together to say something.

“Thank you, sweetie.”

Sheldon’s face turned red.

“Penny, I think I’ll sleep in my bed tonight.”

“Sheldon, you didn’t do anything wrong. I really enjoyed that.”

“I realize that, Penny. I also enjoyed doing that and further appreciate that it gave you pleasure. There is actually an appropriate term for my activity.”

“Sure there is, Moonpie. It’s called copping a feel.”

“No Penny. Nothing so crass. There is a mathematical term. It’s called isolating the variable.”

“Well, Shelly, you can isolate my variables whenever you please.”

Sheldon got an exasperated and somewhat embarrassed look on his face.

“Penny!?!”

And then he stiffened, looked her in the eyes and said: “But I realize that I have some things I need to take care of at home before I can go to sleep so I’ll say good night.”

He gave her a nice good night kiss and headed out of her bedroom and through her front door. Penny couldn’t help but notice that Sheldon seemed to have an erection and then realized exactly what he had to take care of at home. She would have preferred to help him out but, baby steps. If this was a hint of what she could look forward to “Holy crap on a cracker!” she thought, it was so going to be worth the wait. She was really looking forward to the next Anything-Can-Happen Thursday.

***

Monday night Sheldon came over to collect Penny when the group arrived with the Thai food. He noticed that Penny’s eyes were red.

“Penny, are you all right? Have you been crying?”

“No sweetie. It’s these damn allergies. Let’s go have dinner.”

Dinner went nicely enough. Amy had been unable to join them because one of her experiments was running late. Penny and Sheldon were both happy that Amy Farrah Fowler had remained their friend despite the various changes in relationship statuses. When Amy saw Sheldon and Penny kiss at The Cheesecake Factory she saw everything that was missing from her relationship with Sheldon and completely understood the depth of feeling the physicist and the actress-waitress-writer had for each other. She sent Sheldon an email terminating their Relationship Contract with “no hard feelings” and said she wished them luck and would see them soon. She stepped back from socializing with them for a couple of weeks to let them have time to figure out what was going on between them and after a Girls Night with Penny and Bernadette rejoined the various group activities while leaving herself a little free time to find, as she put it, “her own honey.”

However, Sheldon did notice during dinner that Penny and Leonard avoided each other’s glances the entire evening. He had his suspicions but decided not to say anything in front of the group since Penny hadn’t said anything to him. After dinner Howard, Bernadette and Raj left and Sheldon accompanied Penny to her apartment.

“Penny, what did Leonard do this time?”

“Nothing, Sheldon. Leave it alone.”

“Penny, for years all of you repeatedly said I was oblivious to social cues and you were for the most part correct. Ever since we started growing closer I have endeavored to become more sensitive to such things, especially where they concern you. You must realize that expanding my powers of observation to include this was not easy and ran counter to lifetime habits. Please do not make me think that it was a waste of effort. You are upset. And you are upset with Leonard. Why?”

Penny related her conversation with Leonard earlier.

“I’m going to speak with him. That behavior is unacceptable.”

“Sheldon, don’t. You’ll just make it worse.”

“Penny, this is not the first time. He has continually intimated that you are just waiting for the right opportunity to have coitus with him and that all he has to do is wait you out. That is insulting to you and it is insulting to me. I will not allow it to continue. He must be made to understand that his continued habitation in Apartment 4A is dependant on your happiness and mine. If he cannot accept that perhaps it is time to change our habitation paradigm.”

“Sheldon, are you saying that you might want to live with me?”

“Penny, by now you must understand that you are the only person I will ever want to share a romantic relationship with. I understand that such a relationship often leads to cohabitation and I am certain that at some point that will happen for us. I would prefer that we come to that decision in our own time but since I believe it is inevitable I am not averse to it happening earlier. I would just rather it not be because my homunculus roommate forced us to.”

“Okay, sweetie. Y’know that may be the most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me. You’re the only one for me, too. Go ahead and talk to the homunculus and put him in his place. By the way, if you need some ammunition, you can tell him that the orgasm you gave me last Thursday put everything he ever did with me during the entire time we were together to shame.”

“Penny, you know me well enough to know that I would never share such an intimate detail of our life, especially with Leonard!” Sheldon huffed. “But it is heartening to learn that I satisfied you sexually.”

“Moonpie, I was very, very satisfied. And I would really appreciate the opportunity to return the favor.”

Penny knew she might be pushing things a bit here.

Sheldon turned red.

“All in good time, Penny. All in good time.”

Sheldon kissed her good night and headed over to deal with Leonard.

***

Remembering it was Monday, Penny looked over at the clock and realized it wasn’t too late to call her Mom in Nebraska.

“Hi Mom.”

“Hi, honey. How’s it going?”

“Pretty good. I’m having some trouble with a new script I’m writing.”

“What’s it about?”

“Well, don’t get angry but I’m doing something based on all that stuff that happened with Paul Hernly but don’t worry, I’m changing a lot of it and you’re not in it at all and there isn’t even a character based on you. It’s going to be the story of a waitress who wants to be a writer who gets taken advantage of by a Hollywood producer and then her friends come to the rescue. The only characters that are like anyone we know are the waitress and the evil producer. All the others are completely different from the people we know. It’s actually a comedy. I ran the idea by the network and they like it and they want to see it when I’m done.”

“Well, dear, I trust that you’ll do the right thing.”

“So how are things going with you Mom? And Dad?”

“Well I’m still living with your aunt and I’m working at the diner a few days a week and weekends when they need me. It keeps me busy and I can use the money. Your dad has been coming by to say hi and I let him know when my meal breaks are so he comes in around then and we sit together and talk. It’s nice. In fact a couple of weeks ago he started doing something you’ll think is pretty funny.”

“Oh, what’s that, Mom?”

“Well, I have to tell you something else first. I know that you always work on Tuesday nights so that you can serve the gang their Tuesday dinner. When they set up my schedule at the diner I asked them to give me Tuesday nights so I knew that the two of us were doing the same thing at almost the same time.”

“Aw, Mom, that’s sweet.”

“Here’s the funny part. Three weeks ago your father comes in on Tuesday night and asks to be seated in my section.”

“Okay?”

“So I go over to say hi and take his order and guess what he asks for.”

“What?”

“Barbecue bacon cheeseburger and a lemonade.”

“You’re kidding!”

“Nope.”

“The next week he comes in and orders the same thing.”

“No!”

“Last week he comes in and I go over to take his order. You know what he says?”

“What?”

“He says “My usual.””

“He isn’t ordering everything on the side is he?”

“No, but close enough, isn’t it?”

“Um, spooky.”

“So anyway, last week after he orders his “usual” I decided to ask him out on a date.”

“You’re kidding. What did he say?”

“He said “yes” of course. I’m a real catch.”

“Yes you are, Mom. So what did you do.”

“Well, a couple of days later I took him to the movies. I let him buy the popcorn and pop and we sat up in the balcony. It felt like we were back in high school again.”

“Oh, that’s nice. How did it go?”

“Well, we were enjoying the movie, it was the new one with Sandra Bullock, and the he put his arm around me and, um, Penny, your father copped a feel.”

“Mom! I’ve never heard you talk like that. And I’m not sure I’m comfortable with it.”

“Penny dear, you are the only one who knows everything about what happened out there. I mean, I’ve told your dad and we’re working through it with the pastor. Thank you by the way. But, really honey, you are the only one I can talk to about this stuff. Your sister is useless.”

“Okay. Wait. What night did you go to the movies?”

“Thursday.”

“Thursday night Sheldon did the same thing.”

“Sheldon took you to the movies?”

“No. Sheldon copped a feel. I mean, it was kind of more than that, but essentially that’s what he did.”

“That’s very strange. Wyatt and Sheldon doing the same things at the same time. You don’t think they’re in touch, do you?”

“No, Sheldon would have said something. It must just be a coincidence. A big coincidence.”

“By the way, didn’t I tell you about that young man? I’m very happy that you’re dating.”

“I am too, Mom. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy. Tonight he said the most wonderful thing. He said I’m the only person he’ll ever want to share a romantic relationship with and implied that we’d probably be living together soon.”

“You know, honey, if any other man said that it would come with a ring.”

“This is Sheldon, Mom. I’m perfectly fine going along at whatever pace is comfortable for him. And he’s making steady progress. We’ll get there and I won’t do anything to scare him off.”

“Penny, dear, at this point I don’t think you could scare that young man off you’re your dad’s shotgun.”

“And, Penny, I told your father about Leonard and some of the things he said to you while I was there. I’d recommend Leonard not come anywhere near Omaha for a very long time. You dad feels very badly about what happened when Leonard visited. He thinks it was his fault.”

“Please tell Dad that I forgave him for that a long time ago and that all he needs to do is keep working on himself and going to his meetings. I can handle Leonard and Sheldon’s got my back. Actually, you don’t need to tell Dad. I’ll call him tomorrow and tell him myself. Maybe I’ll call when he’s in the diner having his cheeseburger.”

“That would be very nice, dear. Well. It’s getting late. Good night, sweetie.”

“Good night, Mom.”

Penny thought “The cheeseburger and copping a feel, that had to be a coincidence, didn’t it?”

***

Wyatt and Sheldon actually were in touch, mainly via email. When Sheldon and Penny decided that they were going to be involved with each other in an undefined but exclusive relationship Sheldon decided that he’d better do it right. He also knew that for some reason Penny’s dad had bonded with Leonard and had determined that they were a good match. Sheldon was very nervous about having to compete with Leonard in Wyatt’s eyes. Even though Penny had chosen him, Sheldon knew that her dad had a lot of influence over her, positive and negative.

So Sheldon crafted a letter, with beautiful handwritten calligraphy requesting Wyatt’s permission to court Penny. Wyatt was touched. Leonard had never made any effort like that. And then Wyatt heard from his never-to-be-ex-wife some of the things that Leonard had said to and about Penny. He was ready to jump on a plane right then, fly to California and kick Leonard’s butt way out into the Pacific Ocean. Wyatt was assured his wife that the situation was being handled and that he didn’t need to worry. From that moment on he was firmly on Team Shenny.

Wyatt and Sheldon traded emails weekly. Nothing deep, but enough so that they were a presence in each other’s lives. Neither thought to mention it to anyone else. The day Wyatt first showed up at the diner and asked for a barbecue bacon cheeseburger and lemonade it was because Sheldon had mentioned that he was going to do that same thing that night and Wyatt was hungry. He kept ordering it because it tasted good and he liked barbecue bacon cheeseburgers and lemonade. Sheldon and Wyatt both copping feels that Thursday night, that was entirely coincidence.

Before Sheldon opened the door to Apartment 4A he quickly sent Wyatt an email asking a favor. Then he walked though the door.

“Leonard. We need to talk.”

“What do you want Sheldon?”

“What did you say to Penny?”

“I said a lot of things to Penny.”

“Did you offer to relieve her sexual tension earlier this evening?”

“I was joking, Sheldon.”

“Did Penny laugh?”

“No.”

“Than I would posit that it was not a joke. And based upon some of the other remarks you have made to her and our other friends over the past few months I would propose that you actually believe that there is a possibility that you and Penny will reconcile at some point.”

“We’ve gotten back together before, Sheldon.”

“That proves nothing.”

“Sheldon, I don’t know what kind of relationship you think you’re having with Penny but I think the two of you are living in some kind of fantasy world.”

“How so?”

“First of all, you two haven’t even had sex, um, coitus to use your term.”

“What does that prove?”

“One thing I know is that Penny loves coitus. She’s a big ol’ five, to use her own words. She can’t get enough. We used to do it all the time. Everywhere. I don’t see her giving that up for anything or anyone. Especially not for you. It’s who she is. If she’s not getting it from you I’m sure she’ll get it from someone. Why not me?”

“Really, Leonard. Since you claim to know Penny so well, did you ever notice that Penny was drinking to excess while you were doing it “everywhere?” Did you notice that she was an alcoholic? Did you notice how incredibly unhappy she was? I did. Her other friends did. And every one of us saw that you either didn’t see it or you just didn’t care.”

“We were in love Sheldon. I believe we still are and just hit a bump in the road. A bump in the road with an IQ of 187.”

“Love, Leonard? To paraphrase The Princess Bride, a wonderful film, I do not think that word means what you think it means.”

“Well Sheldon, I disagree. And you know who else disagrees? Penny’s dad. He loves me and he believes Penny and I belong together. We are very tight.”

“It’s very nice to hear you say that, Leonard. I know what high regard you hold Penny’s father in. Might I suggest you check your email?”

“Why?”

“Just check it.”

Leonard took out his phone and saw that he had an email from Wyatt that had arrived not five minutes earlier.

“Wyatt sent me an email. He’s probably coming to visit and wants to get together with me because we had such a good time when I visited him.”

“Why don’t you open the email, Leonard?”

Leonard read the email. It was in all capital letters, as though Wyatt was yelling. He probably didn’t realize the caps lock was on.

“LEONARD…

STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM PENNY AND MY FAMILY AND GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!

SINCERELY,

WYATT”

“What did you tell him, Sheldon?”

“Leonard, even though Wyatt and I communicate on a regular basis, you have never come up in conversation, either written or verbal. If Wyatt knows anything of your recent behavior, he learned it from Penny’s mother or from Penny or both. I had nothing to do with it.”

“Why do you communicate with Wyatt at all?”

“Though it is truly none of your business, because you were once my best friend and are formerly Penny’s paramour I will tell you. When Penny and I first decided to change our relationship paradigm I requested Wyatt’s permission to court her. And he gave it. This is how things are done in polite society in Texas and Nebraska. I’m not certain how things are done in New Jersey.”

“Does Penny know that you went behind her back and did this? You know she doesn’t like stuff like that. You’re gonna be in big trouble, Sheldon.”

“I know about it now. And I think it’s romantic. Come give me a kiss, Shelly.”

Penny was standing in the doorway.

“You two must realize that you’re yelling. I bet Howard and Bernadette can hear you from their place across town.”

“Sorry, Penny,” Sheldon said before he gave Penny a peck on the cheek.

Leonard just glared.

“Before I let Sheldon continue, there are a couple of things you should know, Leonard. One, Sheldon and I are absolutely in love with each other. Head over heels, bluebirds flying around our heads love. And we intend to be together for the rest of our lives so if you intend to wait until we split up be prepared for a very long wait and then add a few thousand years to that.”

“Penny at that point there won’t be anything to split up.”

“Shut up, Moonpie. I’m on a roll.”

“And Leonard, me fucking you all the time, it wasn’t so wonderful. Not for me. It was a symptom of a problem. Not that you ever thought I might have a problem. Not with sex. Not with my drinking. What was going on in my head never entered your mind. Leonard, your nearsightedness extends way beyond needing glasses.”

“One last thing, and you may want to think about it. You’re right. Sheldon and I haven’t had sex. We don’t know when we will, but we will and I know one thing. It will be fan-fucking-tastic. It will be the best sex I ever have in my life and it will keep getting better and better and better. Do you know how I know that? Well, I’ll tell you a little story. Moonpie, you might want to cover your ears for this. Last week Sheldon on the spur of the moment decided to cop a feel. Sheldon, right? Well he did. One hand. One tit. Nothing else. And I was still dressed. His hand was on top of my clothes. Our skin didn’t even touch. And you know what? He made me cum. I had an orgasm because he touched my tit the right way. And it was really good. It was a better orgasm than I ever had with you the entire time we were together. So Leonard, time to walk away from the fantasy that we will ever be together again. Sheldon and I have been really sensitive to your feelings for months now. We kept to my apartment most of the time so that you wouldn’t have to deal with us as a couple but it’s time you accepted reality. Sheldon and I are together. Get past it. Live your own life. And please, for God’s sake, get some therapy. And if you’re already getting it, change therapists because you’re going to the wrong one.”

“Sheldon, I’m going to bed. It’s your turn to read so don’t be too long.”

“Allright, Penny. I’ll be over soon.”

Penny went back over to 4B.

“And now let’s talk about what to do about you, Leonard. I don’t believe awarding strikes is appropriate any longer.”

“Nothing I’ve done or said violates the Roommate Agreement, Sheldon.”

“True.”

Sheldon went over to his desk and pulled out the Roommate Agreement. He opened it and tore out a page.

“Okay Sheldon, which part of the agreement are you removing?”

“Oh, Leonard, you’re mistaken. I’m not removing this part. This is the part I’m retaining. I’m discarding the rest of it. I am only retaining the page that requires me to give you 30 days notice before I claim the entire apartment as my own. Consider notice given.”

“Penny isn’t going to move in with you, Sheldon.”

“Leonard, Penny and I have already discussed this though we hadn’t set a date. She and I have already concluded that we will cohabitate. It may be 30 days from now or 30 years from now but it will happen. And when it does I would prefer that the stench of your bitterness be entirely erased from our home. I believe that will likely take a great deal of cleaning.”

“C’mon, Sheldon. We’ve been friends for a long time. Best friends. You don’t want to end it over this. Over Penny.”

“Leonard, we haven’t been best friends since the Electric Can Opener Incident. And our friendship has been on shaky ground since I became aware of the disgusting things you’ve said in public about Penny. As far as I am concerned we are acquaintances, and believe me you are not even a treasured one. Since I have affection for our past relationship I will allow you to continue to be my roommate for another thirty days. After that, any relationship you have with myself or Penny will be entirely based upon your behavior. Our other friends can make their own decisions regarding you but I must tell you, both Howard and Raj have expressed surprise that I have let things progress as far as they have without, as Howard put it, kicking you to the curb. Your future place in our circle of friends is entirely up to you. Consider that.”

“Good night, Leonard. Penny is waiting for me and I will not keep the woman I love waiting.”

Sheldon returned to Apartment 4B. He was visibly upset. Penny walked over and hugged him.

“Sheldon, what happened.”

“I have discarded the Roommate Agreement and given Leonard thirty days to vacate our apartment. I can see that at this point he has no intention of adjusting his attitude toward our changed relationship paradigm and I cannot accept his ongoing disrespect for you.”

“Sheldon, I know this is big for you and I’m not even going to try to change your mind about it right now. I do think we should maybe consider a less drastic solution but let’s wait until we’re both a little calmer and a little more rational.”

“Penny, I am always rational but I accept your premise that perhaps we should discuss this further at another time, perhaps in the morning.”

“Good idea, Shelly. Now I kinda have something else I need to know. First, I’m not angry at all, just curious, but what the heck is going on between my dad and you?”

“Penny, let me go back a bit, since the proverbial genie is now out of the bottle. I’m sure you recall our kiss at The Cheesecake Factory following our victory over Paul Hernly.”

“Of course. That was a pretty good kiss.”

“For you I hope it was. But for me it was life changing and not only because it meant that we should be together. That kiss made everything I have ever done, everything I will ever do, every thought I have ever or will ever have make sense.”

“Sheldon, if you thought a kiss did that…”

“Penny, you don’t understand. Let me try to explain. Do you recall when I corrected you in your understanding of the term “light years”?

“Sure, you told me light years aren’t about time, they’re about distance.”

“Correct. Well, at least I thought I was correct at the time. When we kissed I felt as though I left my body. I could see everything. I could see string theory, all of the work I have done, all of the work I will ever do. I saw history, not just our history but the history of everything. I suddenly understood how everything works. I understood why things are broken. I saw the whole universe and all of the other universes. I saw all of the Sheldons and all of the Pennys in all of those universes. And every single one of them was dancing. Even the clown made of candy.”

“Sheldon, I don’t understand. It was just a kiss.”

“Penny, until that moment I lived my life for science. It was my reason for breathing, eating, everything. I was single-minded in my dedication. Even my relationship with Amy Farrah Fowler was an aspect of that dedication.”

“Sheldon, that’s one of the things I love about you.”

“Penny, in that moment I understood something at the core that I have never understood before. That I never even thought to try to understand. I found the meaning of my life. I found the meaning of the universe. I found the 0,0,0,0 of everything.”

“Penny, it’s you. You make my life make sense. Without you all I am is a series of theories and facts. You are my reason. You are everything to me.”

Penny stood there with in jaw-dropping amazement. Sheldon had never spoken like this. Ever. She liked it. She loved it.

“One kiss, huh?” was all she could say.

She hugged him again and started feeling around for his on/off switch. She wanted to make sure it stayed in the “on” position.

“Sheldon, have you been body-snatched? Did you take some kind of romance pill? And what does this have to do with my father?”

“Penny, I came to realize that my ongoing quest to prove String Theory, my eventual Nobel Prize, my life itself would mean nothing at all without you in it. I decided that I needed to make absolutely sure that we would spend eternity together. That was why I asked your father for permission to court you and commenced an ongoing email communication. That and another, baser, reason.”

“What reason, Sheldon?”

“Leonard made me aware that your father believed him to be an appropriate mate for you and supported his courting you. He pointed this out many times, most especially after you terminated your relationship the first time. When you recommenced your relationship your father made a congratulatory phone call and left a message. Leonard saved and replayed that message a lot. While I am certain that your romantic relationship with Leonard has reached its ultimate conclusion and I believe that you care deeply for me I needed to be certain that your father no longer pined for your pair-bond with Leonard.”

“Sheldon, you need to understand that I know that what we have is special, maybe a whole lot more special than I though it was before you said all that, but special. And whatever happened between Leonard and me is in the past. It’s over and he’s having a whole lot of trouble processing that. And we both know that it’s much more about him than it is about me. He has a problem, well, lots of problems. And for a long time he thought he was the most well-adjusted one in our group of friends, the one who could most easily fit in with non-geniuses. I can tell you from first-hand experience, he was deluding himself. All of you, even Raj, have found more satisfying things in your lives than you even considered when I first met you. You’ve all grown. Except for Leonard. While he might have made progress in sciencey stuff he still wants the same thing he wanted the first day I moved in. Me. And he can’t accept that it isn’t going to happen because if he did he’d start seeing all the other stuff that’s wrong with him that needs fixing.”

“And I love my father but he has no control over how I live my life or the choices I make. I appreciate it when he approves but his disapproval wouldn’t stop me. And while I know he thought Leonard and I a good match, I also know that he really didn’t know Leonard at all. He knew out-in-public Leonard. He didn’t know the possessive, snarky, jealous jerk that Leonard can be. It seems to me that the only difference between Leonard and Kurt or most of my other old boyfriends is a couple of college degrees.”

“Sheldon, you don’t need to worry about me and you. It doesn’t matter what Leonard thinks. It doesn’t matter what my father thinks. I love you and I want us to be together. And by the way, you’re wrong.”

“Wrong? About what.”

“No way am I the 0,0,0,0 of your universe. We are. Unless it’s “we” the universe doesn’t mean anything.”

“You are absolutely correct. How could I not see that?”

“Because you need me to see it. And I need you.”

“Penny, I’m starting to believe that in some areas you are the one who is a genius.”

“I think you always knew that, Moonpie.”

So you’re officially courting me, huh? Y’know if that’s the case you’re falling a little short in the flowers and chocolates department. Better fix that. Pronto. Other areas though, I wouldn’t worry. You’re doing fine.But I do still want to know, exactly what are my dad and you discussing. And what did you say to him last week especially about what you did with me Thursday night.”

“Your father and generally discuss events in our daily lives, the weather, work, meals. We share nothing intimate about you and I.”

“So it was just a coincidence.”

“What was a coincidence?”

“Nothing, Moonpie. Nothing important.”

“Penny, I’m worried about Leonard. If what you propose is correct perhaps casting him adrift at this time might not be the wisest course of action. His actions of late may not have been very positive…”

“He’s been an ass, Sheldon.”

“Of course. But perhaps we can find another solution that will minimize his interference in our relationship but not ostracize him from the group.”

“I know you, Sheldon. You’ve already thought of something, haven’t you?”

“Penny, you understand how important it is to both of us that we not rush things in our relationship.”

“Where are you going with this, Sheldon?”

“Penny, what if you were to move into the apartment with me. Leonard could then move to your apartment. We would have our privacy and Leonard would not be constantly underfoot.”

“Sheldon, I know this is a big step for you even proposing this, but us living together. I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet.”

“I do not believe we are yet ready to share a bedroom permanently so you could have Leonard’s room. We could be more than roommates but it would be a bit less than cohabitating.”

 “Sheldon, I know you said this morning that you expected this to happen at some point but I…”

“Penny, consider it. I am loath to make this momentous a change in our living situation purely for Leonard’s benefit, especially considering his behavior. It would almost be as though we were rewarding him. If we are to do this, it must be because we want to. Any benefit for Leonard must be considered as an additional factor and not the primary reason for the change. My proposal requires further thought and discussion before we present it to Leonard. It is also entirely possible that Leonard will relish to opportunity for geographical distance from us.”

“O..okay. I’ll think about it. Now I believe you were going to read to me.”

“Yes, I believe that the chapter I am scheduled to read aloud contains a number of torn bodices.”

“Oh boy. Your pj’s are in the bathroom. I’ll get ready for bed out here while you do. Let me know when you’re ready for us to brush our teeth.”

Sheldon changed and was about to call Penny in so they could brush their teeth before bed when he heard her phone ring. He heard it stop ringing so he assumed Penny picked it up. Even with his Vulcan hearing he couldn’t actually determine what was being said but it didn’t sound good. He came out of the bathroom, through her bedroom and found Penny still dressed and putting on her jacket. She looked, in a term she would use, “freaked out.”

“What’s wrong, Penny?”

“Sheldon, that was my manager at work. The Cheesecake Factory is on fire. Get dressed. We need to go.”


	2. 2 - The Burning Pastry Notion

**2 - The Burning Pastry Notion**

As they headed down the stairs Penny called Bernadette to tell her the news about The Cheesecake Factory. By the time she and Sheldon arrived at the scene Howard and Bernadette were already there along with most of the other waitresses, the kitchen staff, assistant manager and manager. At that point the fire was under control but the restaurant looked terrible. From the outside it looked like the structure itself was all that was left. The manager was on the phone constantly, probably to someone from corporate headquarters, Penny thought.

A couple of hours later, as the fire trucks began to leave, the manager gathered his employees and their friends.

“It looks like the fire started in the kitchen but they still aren’t sure how. For now they’re calling it suspicious and we’ll know more in a couple of days. The kitchen is a complete loss. Most of the rest is smoke and water damage. Corporate says they need to speak with the insurance people but that they will probably rebuild and take the opportunity to do some renovations. The good news is that you are all promised your jobs back when we reopen. The bad news is that we don’t know when that will be. If you’d like to transfer temporarily to one of our other restaurants we will help make that happen. For now you’ll all get all monies owed and a two-week severance in the mail by the end of next week. If anyone needs some help getting by until then come over and speak to me privately. I have your phone numbers and email addresses and I promise I’ll keep you updated with any developments at all. This has been a rough night for all of us. After I finish up here I’m heading over to the diner down the road for some coffee. If anyone wants to join me…”

The manager gave cash out of his pocket to a couple of the busboys. Most of the now-former employees headed home. The rest went to the diner and were divided among three adjoining booths. Penny, Sheldon, Bernadette and Howard sat at one booth together. Penny was visibly upset.

Sheldon put his arm around her.

“Penny, I’m certain you’ll be able to find employment. Perhaps you’ll be able to take advantage of this opportunity and find something more appropriate to your current career aspirations?”

“Sheldon, that’s not why I’m upset. I know I’ll be able to find a job. It’s just that I’ve been at The Cheesecake Factory for so long. It’s been a big part of my life ever since I moved to Pasadena. It’s been a big part of all of our lives and not just because of Tuesday nights. It’s kind of our place. It’s where you and me became us.”

“Penny, I would be the last one to deride anyone else’s attachment to a physical location. That would be quite hypocritical of me. Though our new paradigm actually commenced at The Cheesecake Factory with our kiss, I would propose that “our place” is wherever the two of us happen to be. At this moment, this booth in this diner is “our place.””

“Oh, that’s so sweet,” Bernadette cooed.

Howard piped in.

“Sheldon, don’t you ever let her go. We used to think you were some kind of robot and I’ll admit there are some days I still think that might be true. But ever since you and Penny got together you have been acting more like a “real boy” than any of us. And what you just said might be the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard. If Bernadette wasn’t here with me I swear I’d be using it on her later.”

“Howie, you go right ahead. Sheldon, you’re being a good influence on my Howie. You keep doing whatever you’re doing.”

“Bernadette, I had no intention of stopping.”

“You’d better not stop, Moonpie.”

Penny leaned over and gave Sheldon a big wet kiss on the lips.

“Now, let’s say goodbye to everyone and let’s head home. I have a new job to start looking for.”

 

As they headed down the stairs Penny called Bernadette to tell her the news about The Cheesecake Factory. By the time she and Sheldon arrived at the scene Howard and Bernadette were already there along with most of the other waitresses, the kitchen staff, assistant manager and manager. At that point the fire was under control but the restaurant looked terrible. From the outside it looked like the structure itself was all that was left. The manager was on the phone constantly, probably to someone from corporate headquarters, Penny thought.

A couple of hours later, as the fire trucks began to leave, the manager gathered his employees and their friends.

“It looks like the fire started in the kitchen but they still aren’t sure how. For now they’re calling it suspicious and we’ll know more in a couple of days. The kitchen is a complete loss. Most of the rest is smoke and water damage. Corporate says they need to speak with the insurance people but that they will probably rebuild and take the opportunity to do some renovations. The good news is that you are all promised your jobs back when we reopen. The bad news is that we don’t know when that will be. If you’d like to transfer temporarily to one of our other restaurants we will help make that happen. For now you’ll all get all monies owed and a two-week severance in the mail by the end of next week. If anyone needs some help getting by until then come over and speak to me privately. I have your phone numbers and email addresses and I promise I’ll keep you updated with any developments at all. This has been a rough night for all of us. After I finish up here I’m heading over to the diner down the road for some coffee. If anyone wants to join me…”

The manager gave cash out of his pocket to a couple of the busboys. Most of the now-former employees headed home. The rest went to the diner and were divided among three adjoining booths. Penny, Sheldon, Bernadette and Howard sat at one booth together. Penny was visibly upset.

Sheldon put his arm around her.

“Penny, I’m certain you’ll be able to find employment. Perhaps you’ll be able to take advantage of this opportunity and find something more appropriate to your current career aspirations?”

“Sheldon, that’s not why I’m upset. I know I’ll be able to find a job. It’s just that I’ve been at The Cheesecake Factory for so long. It’s been a big part of my life ever since I moved to Pasadena. It’s been a big part of all of our lives and not just because of Tuesday nights. It’s kind of our place. It’s where you and me became us.”

“Penny, I would be the last one to deride anyone else’s attachment to a physical location. That would be quite hypocritical of me. Though our new paradigm actually commenced at The Cheesecake Factory with our kiss, I would propose that “our place” is wherever the two of us happen to be. At this moment, this booth in this diner is “our place.””

“Oh, that’s so sweet,” Bernadette cooed.

Howard piped in.

“Sheldon, don’t you ever let her go. We used to think you were some kind of robot and I’ll admit there are some days I still think that might be true. But ever since you and Penny got together you have been acting more like a “real boy” than any of us. And what you just said might be the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard. If Bernadette wasn’t here with me I swear I’d be using it on her later.”

“Howie, you go right ahead. Sheldon, you’re being a good influence on my Howie. You keep doing whatever you’re doing.”

“Bernadette, I had no intention of stopping.”

“You’d better not stop, Moonpie.”

Penny leaned over and gave Sheldon a big wet kiss on the lips.

“Now, let’s say goodbye to everyone and let’s head home. I have a new job to start looking for.”

 


	3. 3 - The Residential Discombobulation

**3 - The Residential Discombobulation**

Penny and Sheldon slowly walked up the stairs at 2311 N. Los Robles. Penny hadn’t spoken the entire ride home and Sheldon knew she was still upset. He held her hand all the way up the stairs. When they reached the fourth floor they were both alarmed to see Penny’s door cracked open. When they walked in they saw chaos. The entire apartment was a mess. Not just a Penny mess and they both knew how they’d left the place just a few hours earlier. Furniture was overturned. Pictures were pulled off the wall. Broken dishes and glasses were all over. Penny ran to her bedroom. Her new mattress was slashed and off the boxspring. Her clothes were everywhere and ripped to pieces. Sheldon heard a wail of anguish from Penny unlike anything he’d ever heard before. He ran to Penny enveloping her in his arms. Penny was crying and heaving.

“There, there, Penny. It’s only stuff. It can be replaced. Please, let’s go over to my place and we’ll call the police.”

“Okay,” she said between sniffles.

As they reached the door to Apartment 4A they noticed with alarm that Penny’s key, the spare that she kept in a bowl in her place, was in the door. They slowly opened it to find a scene similar to what they found at Penny’s, but even worse because Sheldon and Leonard had more stuff. More breakable stuff. Pieces of collectible statues and action figures littered the apartment floor. The computers and flat screen were smashed to pieces. Sheldon said “Oh, no” and was about to run to his room to check his comic book collection when his foot hit something. Penny’s bat.

“Penny? On the bat. Is that…”

“Blood. It’s blood. Hold it together Sheldon.”

“Penny, you’ve been hysterically crying for the past ten minutes and you’re asking me to hold it together over a little…”

Sheldon felt a little woozy but, as Penny requested, he pulled himself together.

They both looked at the bat. And then they saw the trail of blood droplets leading from the bat to the pile of clothes in front of the bathroom. The pile of clothes that looked like Leonard’s bathrobe.

“Leonard!!” they both screamed and ran over.

Leonard was unconscious. Sheldon pulled out his phone.

“911. Yes This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper at 2311 North Los Robles Avenue Apartment 4A. There’s been a break-in and an assault. My roommate is unconscious and in dire need of medical attention. Please send help. Please hurry.”

“I found a pulse, Sheldon. He’s alive.”

“We shouldn’t try to move him, Penny. We could damage him further. The blood seems to be coming from his arms, which both seem to be broken. We will need to apply tourniquets. I do not know why he is unconscious, but the head-shaped indentation in the wall over there may provide an explanation.”

“Oh, Leonard. Don’t die, Leonard. Please don’t die. Sheldon, the last things we said to him… Oh, God, he can’t die.”

“Penny, please calm yourself. You won’t do Leonard any good by being hysterical. Besides, if anyone is to be hysterical at this juncture it should be me. Do you realize how long it took Leonard and I to assemble all the items we display? And many of them are irreplaceable. But our priority at the moment must be Leonard. We can both worry about our possessions later. The paramedics should be here shortly.”   

With that Penny stepped back and heard the thumping of large men running up the stairs, loudly complaining about the broken elevator. She needed to sit down for a minute. The whole night replayed in her mind. The argument with Leonard, the fire, her apartment, Sheldon and Leonard’s apartment, Leonard lying there on the floor unconscious…

The next thing Penny knew…

“Penny. Penny. Penny.”

Penny was lying on the couch and Sheldon was on his knees on the floor next to her. Paramedics were putting Leonard on a stretcher for the trip downstairs and to the hospital.

“Sheldon, what’s going on? What happened?”

“Penny, you fainted.”

“I don’t faint, Sheldon.”

“Penny, I can only report what I observed. I was ministering to Leonard in what limited way I could and I noticed you were uncharacteristically silent. I turned to see you splayed back on the couch unconscious. I assumed that the events of this evening just “caught up with you,” so to speak.”

“I guess I fainted. How’s Leonard?”

“His arms are both broken as we surmised and the paramedics believe he has a concussion. He is still unconscious. They will know more when they get him the hospital. And I would like you to accompany them and submit to an examination yourself.”

“But there’s nothing wrong with me.”

“Penny, if you had one traumatic experience I would agree that we would be able to handle it. But you have had four in the space of a few hours. I want to be sure you are all right. Please do this for me?”

“All right, Moonpie. But what about you?”

“I will remain here until the police have completed their work and I will then join you at the hospital. I have taken the liberty of calling Dr. Stephanie. She was not on duty but she will meet you at the hospital and make sure that Leonard and yourself receive appropriate care. I will submit to an examination myself when I arrive later. I also called Howard, Bernadette, Raj and Amy and they will all meet you at the hospital. Now please go.”

Sheldon helped her up, gave her a kiss and pushed her toward a waiting paramedic.

“Boy, I wish I had a guy like that. You can tell he really loves you.”

“Yeah. He’s my Moonpie.”

 


	4. 4 – The Hospital Hypothesis

**4 – The Hospital Hypothesis**

Most of the police left about an hour later and gave Sheldon copies of their reports for insurance purposes. Sheldon locked both apartments and headed downstairs to join the last remaining policewoman for a ride to the hospital. On the way down he made another phone call.

“Hello, Beverly.”

“Hello Sheldon. To what do I owe this telephone call. We are not scheduled to speak until next Wednesday.”

“Beverly, Leonard has been hurt.”

“In what manner.”

“He was apparently assaulted by a person or persons who had vandalized Penny’s apartment and were in the process of doing the same to ours.”

“Is that what Leonard told you?”

“Leonard has been unable to tell me anything. He was unconscious when Penny and I discovered him and he was in that state when the paramedics took him from the apartment a few minutes ago. They believe he may have a concussion but will remain uncertain until he is examined at the hospital. He has also sustained multiple fractures to his arms.”

“I see. Please text me the hospital information. I’ll discuss the matter with the doctors handling his case and determine whether my presence is required.”

“Beverly, I am certain that Leonard would want you there.”

“Yes, he would, wouldn’t he? I will make an appropriate determination as quickly as I can. Are you allright, Sheldon? And Penny?”

“We are both physically unharmed but Penny has undergone several shocks this evening and I am concerned for her. Her place of employment burned down. Her apartment was vandalized and all that she owns seems to have been destroyed. In addition Leonard has been seriously harmed and she had a stressful evening prior to any of these events.”

“Penny is a very strong girl, despite what my son chooses to believe. I am certain that with your support she will come out of this just fine.”

“Beverly, I appreciate that you are attempting to communicate optimism as that is the social convention, but I wish I could be as certain. I am, as I said, concerned and I have requested that she submit to an examination at the hospital. I am currently on my way to join her and also check on Leonard.”

“Well, as I said, I will ascertain Leonard’s status and inform you as to my strategy. Good night, Sheldon.”

“Good morning, Beverly”

Sheldon arrived at the hospital a bit later and almost immediately ran into Dr. Stephanie Barnett.

“Hello, Dr. Stephanie.”

“Hi, Sheldon.”

“Have you anything you can report?”

“First, Leonard returned to consciousness shortly after he arrived. He has a concussion and he is undergoing some more tests. His broken arms are being set in casts. He’s probably going to need someone to care for him for a while. So far he doesn’t remember anything about what happened.”

“And Penny.”

“Penny is pretty upset. I would be too if my boyfriend was in that kind of condition.”

“Stephanie, Penny and Leonard haven’t been a couple for more than a year. She and I are…together, and have been for several months.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Stephanie, why would I joke about something like that? How is Penny?”

“Well, she told me about The Cheesecake Factory and your apartments and finding Leonard between crying fits and I offered to give her a sedative but she refused.”

“Stephanie, Penny is a recovering alcoholic. I can understand her refusal to take any narcotic medication. Did you offer her a warm beverage?”

“Actually, that is what she requested in those exact words. She’s down the hall with your other friends.”

“Then I shall join her. However, I would request you give me an examination afterwards. The only way I could convince Penny to undergo one was to promise that I would also since I experienced the same events as she.”

“And if I recall correctly you like to be examined.”

“A happy coincidence.”

Sheldon proceeded down the hall. When Penny saw him she put down her tea and ran over to hug him. She was reluctant to release him.

“Penny, I am perfectly fine. I shall undergo an examination shortly to confirm that. At this point Leonard should be our priority.”

“What did the police say, sweetie?”

“They are saying it was vandalism. They cannot ascertain a motivation. They’ve asked that we come down to the station to speak with them as soon as we are able. We are to speak with a Detective Glass. A representative from the insurance company will come by to examine the damage.”

“I don’t have any insurance, Sheldon. I always meant to get around to it. I guess now I get to pay a price for procrastinating.” Penny said sadly.

“Penny, you are incorrect. You are fully insured just as Leonard and I are.”

“How’s that, Sheldon?”

“When Leonard and I departed on our misbegotten expedition to the Arctic, you promised to care for our apartment in our absence. It seemed quite unfair to me that you offered to do that with no offer of quid pro quo.”

“Huh?”

“No reciprocity.”

“You guys were my friends. That’s what friends do. They take care of each other’s apartments or pets when they are vacation or go to the North Pole.”

“In any case, it seemed incumbent upon me to take care of your apartment as you had taken care of ours. Since you weren’t going on vacation or to the North Pole I decided to purchase you the same insurance policy Leonard and I enjoy. It was a fairly simple matter as I am aware of most everything in your possession through visiting, cleaning or attempting to organize your possessions. It was a simple matter to list them all with their approximate value for the insurance company. I was even able to include your electric chew toy.”

“Sheldon!” Penny said disapprovingly.

“Following the insurance representative’s inspection, we should expect checks to cover the cost of replacement for all of our damaged items within ten business days. In the meantime, as our homes are currently crime scenes and uninhabitable, the policy will cover the cost of a hotel stay for both of us. On my way here I made a reservation for a 2-bedroom suite at the Langham Huntington for the next week.”

“Sheldon, thank you for taking care of me. Even when we were only friends.”

“Penny, at that time you were my friend. Friendship is always important to me and I would never modify it with the word “only.” Now, may we see Leonard?”

“He’s still resting and won’t be able to see us for another hour or so. He’s probably going to be here for another couple of days. The doctor suggested we figure out to take care of him when he gets out though. With two broken arms there won’t be much he can do.”

“All right. Why don’t we all go across the street to the diner to discuss Leonard’s ongoing care paradigm.”

 


	5. 5 - The Ongoing Care Paradigm

**5 - The Ongoing Care Paradigm**

 

Penny, Sheldon, Howard, Bernadette, Raj and Amy went across the street to the diner. On their way over Sheldon pulled Howard to the side.

“Howard, assuming the cameras you installed remain functional, when you have an opportunity, please check last night’s recordings to see if we can ascertain who assaulted Leonard and vandalized our apartments and forward the details and complete record to myself and Detective Glass at the Police precinct.”

“Sure thing, Sheldon.”

Everyone ordered coffee. Sheldon ordered nothing since he had never been there before and could not vouch for the cleanliness or preparation.

Amy spoke up first.

“I have a suggestion. Since Penny is currently unemployed her schedule is open and since she is nearby she could help Leonard with his meals. And since they were intimate there would be no attendant embarrassment if she were also to bathe him and assist with other needs. I would guess that insurance could cover giving her some kind of salary for performing these tasks. Since the rest of us work we can assist when we are available. I propose this is the most sensible solution.”

Penny had a look of alarm on her face.

Sheldon pounded his fist on the table.

“Absolutely not!”

Amy was shocked. “Sheldon, I don’t understand. He is your best friend. Penny is familiar with his needs. Why are you objecting? Your friend needs you. That’s not very friendly.”

Sheldon looked at Penny questioningly. She nodded yes.

“Amy, I have often appreciated and even enjoyed your naiveté in relationship matters. When we were boyfriend and girlfriend I will admit that you had a certainty about how relationships work that I respected. However, since Penny and I have been involved in our new relationship paradigm I have learned that your knowledge of relationships and how they work is primarily based upon popular culture and fairy tales. Penny’s former relationship with Leonard has no bearing on whether it is appropriate for her to care for him intimately or in any other way. I further request that she not be involved except tangentially. Penny, do you object?”

 

“Sheldon speaks for me in this situation.”

Amy seemed unwilling to take no for an answer.

“I don’t see why not. It makes the most sense. And Penny has been closer to Leonard than any of us.”

“Sooner or later you would learn of this. Over the last several months most of you have spoken to me with alarm concerning Leonard’s attitude toward Penny since the two of us became the two of us.”

Bernadette jumped in.

“Excuse me for interrupting but this has really been bothering me for awhile. Sheldon, you and Penny have been together for a while now. Why do you jump though so many semantic hoops to avoid calling her your girlfriend or yourselves a couple? I’m worried that your inability to formally call her what she is may be evidence of a problem with commitment you may have.”

Again, Sheldon looked at Penny and again, Penny nodded.

“When Penny and I decided to embark upon this journey together we decided that what we were going to have was to be special for us, permanent and subject to no existing labels or contracts. I believe that to call Penny my “girlfriend” and myself her “boyfriend” trivializes and infantilizes our relationship which we feel is much more than that. And so many things are organized in couples that we don’t wish to be another. We believe that what have is serious and unique and forever. I apologize if you are bothered by our lack of labeling or if this hurts your feelings but we are not. And in the event you believe it was I who foisted this arrangement upon Penny you would be incorrect.”

“Sheldon’s right. This was my thing and he went along with it. We are grown-ups involved in a grown-up relationship and since we expect to be in that relationship for the rest of our lives it may take that long for us to come up with a name for it or we may never come up with one. As far as we’re concerned we are the only ones who get to define what it is we have.”

“But aren’t you going to want to have kids eventually. And get married?”

“Probably, but we can have kids whether we’re married or not, though we’ll probably eventually get married because Shelly’s mom would insist. Can we drop this and get back to Leonard?” 

“In any case, Leonard has been insufferable in his attitude towards Penny.”

Amy jumped in.

“I had assumed that since living arrangements were static that he had gotten used to the idea. I have.”

“He hasn’t. In fact, prior to our dinner on Monday night Leonard as much as volunteered to satisfy Penny’s sexual needs. He was not joking. And later that evening he told me he was biding his time because he assumed that Penny’s sexual needs would require she return to his bed and he was willing to just wait until that happened.”

“And it won’t. Ever. And I am perfectly satisfied with where Sheldon and I are physically. Very satisfied.”

Sheldon turned beet red.

“Sorry, Moonpie.”

“In any case, after Leonard said that to me, Penny and I disabused him of that notion as we have on multiple occasions over that past year as some of you can attest. I determined that I had heard enough, discarded our Roommate Agreement and I told him to vacate Apartment 4A in 30 days. And that is why Penny and I will be tangentially involved in Leonard’s recovery at best. I will consider staying his eviction until he has recovered and, at that point we may discuss the matter anew. But I will not allow him to even think that an opportunity to revive his relationship with Penny may exist because she cared for him while he was infirm.”

Howard spoke.

“I never thought that I’d be doing this so often but I’m with Sheldon and Penny on this. Leonard has been a real douche. If Penny were to care for him in any way during his recovery he _will_ misinterpret it and he _will_ try to take advantage of it and he _will_ try to manipulate her back into his bed. I’m really sorry he’s hurt. I’ll do whatever I can to help him recover. But he has gone out of his way over and over again to hurt Sheldon and especially to hurt Penny since they got together. He’ll interpret anything they do to help him as a reward for that behavior and that’s just wrong.”

Raj jumped in.

“We could hire a nursing service to care for him. It would be expensive but I could probably convince my parents to let me pay for it.”

“Raj, that’s an interesting idea but I have another proposal that I will make to the appropriate party later. It could actually serve to kill two birds with one stone and perhaps deliver us our friend back as a result.”

“Sheldon, are you thinking what I think you’re thinking.”

“Penny, you’ve been rather good at this lately. What do you think I’m thinking?”

“One word. Beverly.”

“Exactly.”

“I have already informed Leonard’s mother, Dr. Beverly Hofstader, of Leonard’s medical situation. She has by now consulted with his doctors and likely has a better sense of his condition than we do. And because we are regularly in touch she is also aware of what has happened with Penny and myself and Leonard’s ongoing reaction to it and it has disturbed her. I plan to suggest to her that Leonard’s needs are best served by his recovering at home in New Jersey under her supervision. She would also then be able to arrange for Leonard to see a therapist concurrently so that he may finally start to deal with his issues as we all know he must. I can certainly help arrange for Leonard to take a leave from CalTech for his recovery. I understand that removing Leonard from our circle for a time is a radical notion. I suspect it will even anger Leonard. I know we will all miss our friend, but the man lying in that hospital room has not been acting like our friend for quite a while now. Again, this is only a thought at this point but I think we all know that we as a group are unable, and some of us are unfortunately unwilling, to provide Leonard the level of care he requires at this time. I am very sorry that is the reality. I deeply wish it was not.”

Penny spoke up first.

“Sheldon, I support that idea. I’m really sorry that I can’t be there for Leonard but I just can’t. I won’t. I hope we’ll be friends again someday but we aren’t now. He’s been really hurtful to me.”

Howard and Bernadette both supported the idea. Raj reluctantly agreed. Amy, however, disagreed.

“I really don’t understand you people. Leonard has been your friend for years. He’s your best friend Sheldon. Penny, you used to be in love with him. How can you just see him hurt so badly and then ship him off to New Jersey just because it’s more convenient for you? Are you going to eventually ship me off too because I still love Sheldon? Because I do. I just realized that I couldn’t ever compete with the luminous presence that is Penny so I accept loving Sheldon unrequited from afar and will search for an alternative. I’m certain that if you give Leonard more time he will eventually accept reality.”

“Ames, we have given him lots of time. We have been really, really sensitive to his feelings. The only time Leonard even sees me and Shelly together is at our group meals. I never stay over at 4A. I try never to even go in there when you guys aren’t all there because I know that if I’m alone with Leonard he’ll hit on me. And he does. Every. Single. Time. I have been as patient as I can. And it’s not like he’s been spending all of his time alone mourning the end of us as a couple. Just like every other time we split up, Leonard was fucking someone else within a week. First it was a couple of different girls from the North Sea thing. And he was fucking both of them while he was still on the boat and we were theoretically still together. Then he dated Alex. And still every time he sees me he still acts as though I’m his property. Sheldon wanted to throw him out months ago and I wouldn’t let him. Amy, I will not let you put this on me. On us. This is Leonard’s problem and he is going to have to deal with it. All we are doing is trying to turn a tragic situation into an opportunity for something good to happen. If you can’t understand that maybe you need to start studying those brains a little harder.”

“All right, Penny. I will abide by the group consensus. But I do it under protest.”

“Fine. Let’s go back and see how our friend is.”

 


	6. 6 - The CalTech Calamity

**6 - The CalTech Calamity**

 

On the way back Sheldon called CalTech to inform them of the situation and let them know that Leonard may not be at work for a while and that he would not be in that day. Dr. Gabelhauser picked up the phone.

“Dr. Cooper, I was just about to call you. I have some disturbing news.”

“Dr. Gabelhauser, I was about to verbalize a similar sentiment. Please proceed and I will tell you my news afterwards.”

“Dr. Cooper, your office was vandalized sometime late yesterday evening. Everything in it was smashed to pieces. In addition it seems that the same vandals may have attempted to enter my office but were scared away by some grad students working late.”

“Dr. Gabelhauser, I am beginning to think that a number of events that occurred from yesterday evening thought this morning may be related. Most important, Dr. Hofstader has been assaulted and is currently hospitalized.”

“What is his condition?”

“He is expected to recover. However he has sustained a concussion and his arms have both sustained multiple fractures. He is not likely to be able to perform his duties for quite a while. I am currently at the hospital and will remain here for a while longer and then must secure lodging as our apartment is currently uninhabitable.”

“Well, I have some meetings this morning I cannot reschedule but I will come to the hospital this afternoon. You mentioned a number of events?”

“Indeed. The Cheesecake Factory, where as you may recall my friend Penny is employed, burned down yesterday evening. Luckily nobody was injured. When Penny and I returned to her home we discovered it had been vandalized and subsequently discovered the apartment I share with Dr. Hofstader had suffered the same fate. It was then we came upon Dr. Hofstader unconscious having been assaulted.”

“Dr. Cooper, I’m sure you realize that there is a common thread running through these events.”

“Indeed, Dr. Gabelhauser. I will alert the police and inform the other parties involved. I understand that typically on-campus vandalism would be taken care of by campus security officers, however, since we now surmise these events to be connected, I suggest you consult with a Detective Glass of the Pasadena Police Department. She is handling the case. I will speak with her as soon as you and I have completed this call.”

“Very good, Dr. Cooper. I will call Detective Glass and suggest to campus security that they lock down the scenes of vandalism. I will also arrange for Dr. Hofstader’s and your absence to be covered. Additionally, CalTech enjoys a substantial discount at the Langham Huntington for guest lecturers and other visitors. I could have my assistant make a reservation for you. As I said before, I will be at the hospital this afternoon to check on Dr. Hofstader.”

 

“Thank you, Dr. Gabelhauser. Please ask your assistant to reserve a two-bedroom suite for myself and Penny. We will be over to check in within a few hours and expect to stay at least a week.”

“Very well, Dr. Cooper.

Sheldon called over to the group and told them Dr. Gabelhauser had asked him to make a couple of phone calls. He preferred not misleading them but he was worried about further alarming Penny. She was just beginning to calm down a bit and he knew that if he told her what he was thinking she might think it was all her fault.

 


	7. 7 - The Omaha Update

**7 - The Omaha Update**

 

Sheldon called Wil Wheaton, Zack Johnson and the studio execs who had assisted them and alerted them as to the events that had occurred and suggested they take appropriate measures to guarantee their security and safety. Finally he called Penny’s father, Wyatt.

“Is Penny okay?”

“For now she is as well as can be expected. But when I tell her what I believe is going on she won’t be. She may even blame herself for all that has happened, especially to Leonard.”

“Sheldon, to be quite honest, I don’t give a rats ass about Leonard. But I do care about my daughter and I think you’re exactly right. She will blame herself. She might even want to take a drink, or ten. Sheldon, you need to be really careful with her and you know how she hates being “handled.” Do you think her mother and I should come out there?”

“Wyatt, I appreciate the offer. Really, I do. Thus far all of the nefarious activities I surmise Paul Hernly performed himself, participated in or masterminded have taken place in California. However, since it seems as though he has in some way attacked all of those who he has determined cost him his livelihood I suspect he will eventually attack Penny’s mother in some way. I believe she is safer in Omaha where people know her and you are able to watch over her. This will require extra vigilance on your part. Though I understand Penny’s mother and yourself have not reconciled I believe you will need to spend much more time with her in order to guarantee her safety.”

“Honestly, Sheldon, me spending more time with Penny’s mom won’t be a problem for me and I don’t think it will be for her. I think I’ll just make sure that I always have my shotgun loaded with rock salt nearby. Let’s see this Hernly bastard even try to get near my wife. He’ll regret it for the rest of his life.”

“Thank you, Wyatt. I will proceed back to the hospital to check on Leonard. After all, he has been a part of my life and Penny’s for a very long time and we both hope that he will eventually be our friend again. However, I will at some point today need to inform Penny of my theory. I am not looking forward to that conversation or the aftermath.”

“I understand, son. I’ll speak to her mother and I suspect I may encounter a similar situation. I’ll let you know how it goes. We both need to be there for the women we love, Sheldon. And I suspect we’re both in for a rough time of it.”

“Agreed, Wyatt. I will likewise keep you apprised.”


	8. 8 - The Convalescent Comeuppance

**8 - The Convalescent Comeuppance**

 

Sheldon proceeded to Leonard’s hospital room and joined the rest of the group as they were about to go in.

Leonard was awake.

“Hi guys,” he mumbled. “What happened?”

“Actually, that was what we were going to ask you,” answered Raj.

“The last thing I remember is going to bed after speaking to Sheldon. The next thing I know, I’m here in the hospital. What happened?”

“Your apartment and Penny’s apartment were broken into last night and I guess you surprised them and they beat you up with Penny’s bat.”

“So, um, someone,um, went Nebraska on me, huh? Wonder what I did to deserve that?” Leonard looked sheepishly at Penny, who burst into tears and ran out of the room. Sheldon quickly followed.

Bernadette spoke up.

“Damn it Leonard. If Penny and Sheldon hadn’t found you, you might be dead. And all you can think to do is imply Penny might have done it? I’m sorry you got hurt and I hope you get better soon but you are a real, what’s the word? Oh yeah, you are a real schmuck!”

“I’m sorry, Bernie. I probably shouldn’t have said that. I really was only joking because of the bat thing. I really didn’t mean for Penny to take it personally.”

“Leonard, other stuff happened last night. Penny’s apartment was broken into also. All of her stuff has been destroyed. It’s a total loss. And The Cheesecake Factory burned down. And you got hurt. So, in the grand scheme of things, you got injured and you will fully recover and we’re all happy about that. But Penny lost everything, her job, her home, everything. And then you make a really bad joke about her being the one who attacked you. Classy move, Hofstader. Real classy move.”

“Oh God, Bernie, I didn’t know. I’m really sorry. Somebody please get Penny so I can apologize.”

Bernadette went to get Penny, who came back in with Sheldon, his arm across her shoulder holding her tight.

“Penny, I didn’t know. I’m really sorry for what I said. For a lot of stuff actually.”

“I accept your apology for what you said. For the other stuff, I think that your actions will have to show how sorry you really are.”

“Okay, I get that. So, changing the subject, from the casts on both of my arms, it looks like I’m going to have a tough time taking care of myself for a while. Who gets to feed me?”

“Well, as I have the most experience in that particular endeavor, I believe that task will fall to me. I just hope you’ve finally grown out of spitting your peas across the dinner table.”

Everybody turned as Dr. Beverly Hofstader waltzed in.

“Mom!?!”

“Yes Leonard. I am your mother but I believe most of those assembled are aware of that fact without you pointing out the obvious.”

“Why are you here?”

“Sheldon called and informed me of your condition as I was preparing to deliver a lecture in Seattle. I believe the parent/child relationship requires that I visit your bedside to formally inquire as to you condition. How are you, Leonard?”

“Well I was assaulted and have two broken arms and a concussion.”

“Again the obvious. I have already consulted with your doctors and know your medical condition in some detail. I meant, how do you feel, Leonard?”

“Well, I’m in some pain and a bit lightheaded and I guess a bit upset because I said the wrong thing to Penny.”

“Well, the first two are understandable. The third is inexcusable, especially since I am given to understand you have made a habit of saying such things to Penny for quite some time now.”

“Sheldon!”

“While Sheldon did indeed confirm this information I actually learned it from Penny herself. And it was not easy. She asked my advice in an effort to find a way to help you deal with her termination of your romantic relationship. She was concerned you were not taking it well and very much wanted to help you. It took a great deal of effort my part to actually get the details. And as this young lady said a little while ago, you have been a schmuck.”

“Mom, do we really need to have this conversation in front of my friends?”

“Leonard, your friends have had to witness your abhorrent treatment of Penny and Sheldon for over a year hoping it would eventually end. Even a beating by persons unknown didn’t stop you from saying something untoward about Penny as soon as you regained consciousness. You must get past this.”

“Okay, I guess I’ll need to work harder on it. I promise, Penny.”

“Well, Leonard, you’ll have an opportunity to “work on it” while you recover from your injuries home in New Jersey.”

“I have a job, Mother. I can’t just go back to New Jersey.”

Sheldon was glad he wouldn’t have to convince Beverly to deal with Leonard in the way she had apparently already determined to care for him.

“Dr. Gabelhauser implied he would grant you a leave when I spoke to him a little while ago. He will be here this afternoon and I am certain you can work out the details then.”

“But I don’t want to take a leave. My friends can help with my recovery. And I’ll increase my therapy appointments.”

Once again, Howard spoke up.

“Leonard, out of everyone here I’ve been your friend the longest. We all talked and we think that it would be a good thing, especially for you, if you went home to get better. We’ll miss you, but we really don’t like having to choose between you and Penny and you keep forcing us to. And, honestly pal, we’ve been watching you and listening to you abuse Penny verbally for a while now. You say you’re over her but you aren’t acting like it. She doesn’t even want to be alone with you anymore. And when the two of you are with the group the rest of us are uncomfortable. And, buddy, if forced to make a choice, right now I choose her, not you. And I’m not the only one. Go home. Get better. We want our friend Leonard back. We haven’t seen him in a long time.”

Everyone in the group mumbled ascent. Everyone but Amy, who remained silent.

Leonard seemed upset.

“Okay, I’ll think about it. I’m tired now. I’d like to get some sleep. I’ll see you guys later.”

Everyone wandered out of the room. Sheldon, Penny and Beverly huddled together for a moment. Penny began.

“Thank you, Beverly.”

“There is nothing to thank me for, Penny. My son has been acting like an ass. As his parent and as a psychologist it is my duty to at least understand that behavior if not attempt to rectify it. As far as I can observe, and Sheldon provided copious notes after I demanded them, Leonard has behaved in an unfortunate manner and you did very little to deserve such treatment. His enforced absence from this social situation will likely aid to remedy the situation for all concerned.”

“We came to a similar conclusion. As our apartments are currently uninhabitable we are unable to offer you our hospitality. Where will you be staying?”

“I have made arrangements to stay at the Langham Huntington. My luggage is in my rental car downstairs.”

“We will be staying at the Langham Huntington temporarily ourselves until repairs are made at North Robles. May we ride over with you?”

“Certainly. Since Leonard is asleep, this is most likely a good time for us all to check in.”

“I’d like to stay.”

“Penelope, I must insist you accompany us. You haven’t slept. You haven’t really eaten. You haven’t showered. Neither of us have. And both of us need to acquire a change of clothing.”

“Okay, sweetie. I’ll come with you to your old hotel.”

“Thank you, Penny. I appreciate the favor.”

Sheldon really wanted to get Penny out of the hospital before Dr. Gabelhauser showed up or the others learned of what happened to his office at CalTech. He would prefer to tell Penny when they were alone and she had some rest and eaten some food and so he could help her handle her reaction to his theory that Paul Hernly was behind everything that happened. He was not looking forward to it.

 


	9. 9 - The Langham Huntington Revelation

**9 - The Langham Huntington Revelation**

Penny was sobbing in their hotel room and Sheldon could not get her to stop.

“It’s all my fault. The Cheesecake Factory burned down because of me. All those people out of work because of me. Leonard’s in the hospital because of me. You’re homeless because of me. All of your work destroyed because of me.”

 “Penny, you did none of these things. We don’t really know if there is a connection. There is only a theory that there is one. It could all be a coincidence.”

Penny responded through her sobs.

“You don’t believe in coincidence.”

“Perhaps I was incorrect in that regard. I have been reconsidering many things of late. Perhaps I should just add this to the list.”

“We both know you’re right, Sheldon. We both know that asshole Hernly is behind this. I should’ve fucked him. If I’d fucked him everyone would be happy now. I’d have a career. Everyone at The Cheesecake Factory would have a job. You’d have a place to live. Leonard would be all right. Everything would be better.”

“No it wouldn’t, Penny. We wouldn’t be us. We wouldn’t be together. And you would have literally prostituted yourself to Paul Hernly for fame, which would have been hollow because of how you did it. You would hate yourself. That would not be a universe in which I would willingly exist. We will repair, replace and rebuild. We will be fine. You will be fine. If Paul Hernly is involved in this he will be brought to justice by the authorities.”

“Now please. We have a lovely suite for at least the next week. I suggest you take advantage of the deep soak tub and take a bubble bath and then get some rest.”

Sheldon went off to draw the bubble bath. He saw that it was a very large tub.

“Sheldon, I’ll only get in the tub if you join me. You’ve been dealing with the same stuff I have.”

Sheldon was hesitant to join Penny in the tub. He was still shy about nudity, his own and Penny’s, even though Penny was definitely not shy about displaying her beauty. Though the years of friendship and especially since they had gotten together he had to admit to himself that he peeked…a lot, and he enjoyed what he saw when he saw it.

“All right, Penny I will join you. But please do not use the occasion as an excuse to more speedily advance our intimacy. We will bathe together for hygienic and relaxation purposes only.”

“There’s lots of ways to relax, Shelly. I know a bunch.”

“Penny!”

“I had to take a shot, Moonpie.”

“I will enter the tub first. Then you. Please turn around.”

“Moonpie!”

“Turn around, Penelope!”

Penny knew that when Sheldon called her Penelope she was pushing things. She turned around but made sure she was in front of so mirror so she could peek at Sheldon’s reflection. It wasn’t the first time she saw Sheldon naked, but she always enjoyed the sight of her tall, lanky, well-endowed, um, wackadoodle. Even she had trouble sometimes figuring out what they were to each other. It worked so much better non-verbally.

“All right, Penny. I’m in. Your turn.”

Penny turned around intending to make a show of discarding her robe for Sheldon’s benefit when she noticed that his eyes were closed.

“Aw, c’mon, Sheldon, if you close your eyes you take all the fun out of it.”

“We are bathing, not performing in a road show of _Caligula_. Into the tub before you catch cold, Penny.”

Penny got into the tub slowly making sure to face away from Sheldon so he had an opportunity to peek. She knew he would. It was a little game they played. The water was nice and hot and the bath felt very relaxing. And the bubbles pretty much covered everything. Penny sidled up to Sheldon and leaned against his long body, putting her head on his shoulder.

“This feels so nice,” she said. And then Sheldon heard a tiny little snore and realized she was asleep. Sheldon stayed in the tub with Penny asleep next to him for a good while until the bubbles were almost all gone and then rose up, helping Penny to the bench in the bathroom and sat her down. Sheldon dried her off, brought her to her bed, tucked her in and gave her a kiss on the forehead. Penny essentially sleepwalked through the process.

“Good night, my love. May your dreams be pleasant ones.”

And then Sheldon realized he was still naked and scampered off to his own bed.

 


	10. 10 - The Temporary Arrangements

**10 - The Temporary Arrangements**

 

Penny woke up on Wednesday afternoon. She had slept for almost twenty-four hours. She put on her robe and walked out into the suite living room to find Sheldon working on a laptop.

“Sheldon, why didn’t you wake me? I slept almost a whole day.”

“Penny, you slept because your body required rest following the multiple traumatic events you experienced between Monday evening and Tuesday morning. I surmised that when your body felt sufficiently rested you would wake. And you have. Do you feel rested?”

“Well, uh, yeah. Whatcha doin’?”

“I am assembling a list of items requiring replacement for Stuart to order through the comics shop. I shall suggest that he not extend the friends and family discount to me for these purchases as the insurance company will be paying, not I. Even so, they will benefit from not paying manufacturer’s retail price and Stuart will still do quite will as this will be a rather large order. I fear I shall have to visit eBay to bid on replacements for some of the rarer items.”

“Right. I guess I’m going to need to do some shopping too.”

“While you were still sleeping I purchased a new laptop for you. I have formatted it and already bookmarked all of your favorite shopping sites.”

“Wow. Thank you, Sheldon. That was really nice of you. But I think we’re going to have to do some in-person shopping pretty soon. The clothes we have, that we’ve been wearing since Monday night, kinda smell like Cheesecake Factory fire.”

“I’m well aware. While I was out I purchased some items of clothing also. Enough for a few days at least. Your things are over there. I attempted to duplicate items I recall you having. A few are items which I would like to see you wear.”

Penny gleefully attacked the bags. She found several tank tops in colors similar to those she owned, a few camisoles, some jeans, a couple of skirts and very nice blouses. She also found exactly seven pairs of panties, each with a symbol identifying a founding member of the Justice League of America and a Flash t-shirt in Sheldon’s size.

“Good job! But Sheldon, am I supposed to read something into the lack of bras here?”

“Only that I was very uncomfortable even attempting to make that particular purchase. Though I am aware of your size, I did not wish the salesperson to assume that I am some kind of pervert. Additionally, I did not purchase any shoes as I know how much joy you take in that particular task.”

“Thank you, Shelly. I’m gonna get dressed. We should probably go visit Leonard at the hospital and see how he is.”

“I agree. Visiting hours begin at 3. Since your vehicle is still back at North Robles I took the liberty of temporarily leasing another. The Check Engine light in the lease is not on. I checked.”

“Funny.”

“We will also need to visit the Police Station to speak with Detective Glass and following that meet with the insurance agent. I moved that appointment from yesterday to today. Once those tasks are completed we can begin arranging for the cleanup of our apartments.”

“Sure thing. I know I was kind hazy when you put me to bed, but did you call me “my love”? That’s new.”

“Penny, that was a mere statement of fact. You are my love. Now and forever.”

“And I love you too, sweetie.”

Penny walked over to Sheldon and gave him a big wet kiss on the mouth. And Sheldon kissed her right back. Penny enjoyed any signs of progress in their physical relationship. Sheldon used to just accept her kisses, followed by a bit of a “Harumph.” Now he expected them and was a full participant. Even in the sloppy ones.

 


	11. 11 - The Convalescent Confrontation

**A/N: Folks, I screwed up earlier and posted a chapter out of order. This chapter goes before The Constabulary Query.**

**11 - The Convalescent Confrontation**

 

Sheldon and Penny arrived at the hospital just before three and ran into Beverly Hofstader leaving Leonard’s room.

“Hello, Beverly.”

“Hi, Beverly. How’s Leonard?”

“Hello, Penny. Sheldon. Leonard is as expected. He is still experiencing headaches and residual pain from the fractures but he should be able to fly by the beginning of next week. He tells me that he will be seeking new living accommodations when he returns. Were you aware of that?”

“Yes, Beverly. We wish to speak with him concerning that situation. Prior to his assault I had quite reluctantly been forced give Leonard thirty days to vacate our abode. His behavior towards Penny and myself had become unacceptable and he as much as said that it would not change. I saw no other alternative.”

“I see. Well, as the lease is in your name you of course may do as you please. Considering our many conversations on this subject over the past few months I am well aware of the behavior you had to deal with prior to this decision. I will not attempt to dissuade you from this course of action nor so I believe it is my place.”

“Beverly, Sheldon and I talked about an alternative which we’re going to offer Leonard. We’re going to suggest that he and I trade places. He’ll move to my apartment and I’ll move in with Sheldon. That way he won’t have to find a new place to live along with everything else he’ll need to do.”

“Well, I’m not the one who lives here, but that sounds like an eminently fair proposal, and one my son has probably done little to deserve.”

“He’s our friend, Beverly. He’s having a rough time accepting change. We all hope that time away will help. We want him back.”

“Penny is right. We have only allowed his behavior to go on because we believe it to be an aberration. We expect that with appropriate treatment and distance he will finally accept reality and move on.”

“Beverly, do you think he’ll be open to our proposal?”

“I don’t know. You’ll have to ask him. As for me, I have a commitment to fulfill in Seattle that was interrupted by this situation with Leonard. I must return there and following that travel to New Jersey to make preparations for Leonard’s arrival. Apparently your friend Amy has volunteered to ferry Leonard about after he leaves the hospital and prepares to fly home. I will keep you both apprised of his progress via email. Sheldon, I expect to hear from you next Wednesday.”

“I shall look forward to it, Beverly. Have a safe trip.”

Penny also said goodbye and gave Beverly an uncomfortable hug.

Sheldon and Penny then walked into Leonard’s hospital room to find Amy Farrah Fowler already there.

“Hello Sheldon. Hello Penny.”

“Hello, Amy. Hello Leonard.”

“Hi Ames. Leonard.”

Penny spoke.

“Um, is it me or does everyone feel really uncomfortable. How do you feel Leonard?”

“Really uncomfortable. Amy kinda told me about the conversation you guys had and how the two of you really didn’t want to help me after I got out of the hospital and that’s why I have to stay with my mother in New Jersey.”

“Amy!”

“Well, it’s true isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“And I told Amy about how Sheldon is throwing me out of the apartment after nine years.”

Penny was starting to feel like Leonard and Amy were ganging up on her and Sheldon. Sheldon looked shocked.

“Now wait one frickin’ minute! How dare you turn this around and make it seem like Sheldon and I are doing the wrong thing. Leonard, you’ve been acting like an asshole forever and I’ve spent months convincing Sheldon to not throw you out. If he’d gotten his way you’d have been gone a long time ago! We were actually coming in to offer you an alternative but if you’re going to act like a baby, well fuck that.”

“And you, Amy. You claim you’re my best friend yet you take the first opportunity to turn against me. You aren’t getting Sheldon back, Amy. Don’t even try. You’d be wasting your time.”

“Leonard, we came here out of honest concern to inquire as to your condition and guarantee you a place to live when you return from your convalescence. Now all I will offer is that I will place your possessions in storage and procure a check from the insurance company for you to replace those items of yours that are damaged beyond repair. If you wish anything beyond that I will first expect a true and heartfelt apology to Penny and myself. Amy Farrah Fowler, you may continue to travel in our circle of friends if you wish but as of now you are but an acquaintance to me and all regularly scheduled communications between us are now cancelled. Come, Penny, we have other business to attend to. I can tell that the stench of bitterness that permeated apartment 4A has extended to this hospital room.”

“Leonard, I hope you have an easy recovery. But until I receive a believable apology I don’t want to see you again.”

“Please inform us via email if you intend to visit the apartment prior to leaving for New Jersey so that we may absent ourselves. Amy, you will soon discover that you have made an ill-considered choice. Goodbye.”

Penny and Sheldon marched out of the hospital room and as soon as they were far enough away Penny burst into tears.

“Why did Amy do that? Leonard was just being Leonard. I expected him to be a jerk. Why did she take his side?”

“Penny, all I can surmise is that Amy was much more upset about us than she has let on and Leonard took advantage of that to convince her that they can both return to their former relationships if they “team up.” You know very well how he can be when he wants something and right now he wants to hurt us.”

“I know. But Amy is my friend.”

“And in time I hope she will be again. Please remember that Amy does not really have any concept of how relationships actually work. She lives in a world of fantasy, but without any of the wonderful costumes. I believe that when she realizes that Leonard has probably manipulated her into doing something that benefits him and not her she will return to us.”

As they were about to leave the hospital they ran into Howard, Bernadette and Raj with flowers and balloons on the way in.

Raj saw how upset Penny was.

“So, Leonard’s still being a douche, huh?”

“And now he’s got Amy on his side.”

“Oh, sweetie. I’m so sorry. I’m going to have a talk with her. Tell her what’s what.”

“I don’t think it’ll work, Bernadette. I think she’s been upset over me and Sheldon for a while but just hasn’t shown it. Leonard picked up on it and now they’ve teamed up.”

“Kind of like the Legion of Doom,” interjected Howard.

Raj pointed out “We have to remember that we are all friends. We’re just going through a stressful, rough time. I am certain we will all come out of it better friends than ever.”

“I’m not so sure of that, Raj. Leonard seems to be getting worse by the day. And when he finds out he got beat up because of me I can’t even imagine how he’ll react.”

“What do you mean he got beat up because of you?”

“Howard, Raj, Bernadette…think about the various events of Monday. The Cheesecake Factory. Penny’s apartment. Leonard’s and my apartment. My office. Gabelhauser’s office. What do these things have in common?”

All three answered at once.

“Paul Hernly!”

“Indeed.”

“Oh, yeah. Sheldon, I reviewed last night’s tapes. Whoever came in knew there were cameras. They shined a flashlight right into the cameras so they didn’t get an image. The only thing it got was they guy’s back on the way out and he was wearing a hoodie. One other thing though. He came in less than a minute after you guys left for The Cheesecake Factory. I think he must have been waiting for you to leave. I sent what I got to your email and to Detective Glass.”

“Thank you, Howard. Please send Detective Glass a copy of our encounter with Paul Hernly at The Cheesecake Factory right away. Penny and I will meet with her shortly. The three of you should be careful. He seems to be going after everyone who was involved in his downfall.”

“I wish the drink I spilled on him had been filled with acid.”

“Bernadette. No you don’t.”

“Okay. But I’m going to tell my father. And his ex-cop and cop buddies are gonna be on the lookout for Hernly. He’ll be really sorry if they find him.”

“I assume you’ll be over for pizza tomorrow night. It will take place in our hotel suite. I’ll text you the information. Based upon her behavior just no,  Penny and I would be uncomfortable if Amy Farrah Fowler was in attendance. Please do not extend an invitation to her. I assume Leonard will still be in the hospital.”

“We understand, Sheldon. I’m sure we wish it wasn’t the case, but we do understand and will abide by your request. See you tomorrow.”

 


	12. 12 - The Constabulary Query

**A/N: Folks I apologize. Earlier I posted this chapter out of order. Please read The Convalescent Confrontation first.**

**12 - The Constabulary Query**

 

Penny and Sheldon then proceeded to the Police Station to meet with Detective Nora Glass. She was about as tall as Penny and despite her frumpy pantsuit Penny could tell she was in pretty good shape. Her hair was auburn and she wore it in a ponytail.

“Detective Glass, we believe we have additional information which will aid with your investigation.”

“Mr. Cooper…”

“Dr. Cooper,” corrected Penny.

“Dr. Cooper, I think I have a pretty good idea of what you’re going to tell me. I received a lot of information from a Mr. Wolowitz earlier today and I just finished watching a recording of a very interesting get-together at The Cheesecake Factory a few months back. As an aside, I think that you all did a very nice job putting that creep in his place. However, I’d suggest that your mother not make an appearance in Pasadena for a while because I’d probably have to arrest her for what she confessed she did to Hernly’s house, though if I were in her situation I might’ve done worse. In any case, though the evidence is pretty circumstantial, we’re pretty sure you’re on the right track. We think that the various events of Monday night and Tuesday morning are probably connected and we have issued a warrant to bring Paul Hernly in for questioning. Here’s our problem. He seems to have completely disappeared. His house in Sherman Oaks was essentially abandoned. As far as we can tell never even attempted to regain access to his production offices. The studio has been trying to serve him with papers for months and can’t find him. He has no bank accounts we can find. He has no known associates. He may have even changed his identity. We intend to keep searching but we think he may continue to come after those who he believes took his livelihood away. All of you will need to be careful and keep an eye out for him. We think he is probably still in the area because most of those he has a grudge against are.”

“My mother is back in Omaha.”

“Penny, your father has been apprised of the situation.”

“Well, we’ll contact the police in Omaha and alert them to keep an eye out for him but beyond that I don’t know how much we can do. All of our officers have a copy of his picture and we are continuing to examine the evidence in an attempt to tie him to the events. He’s not a pro so we hope the forensic evidence we gathered at the fire and the vandalism incidents will pan out.”

“There’s another thing you should know. Penny, when we were looking around your apartment we found some odd holes in the ceiling and walls in your bedroom, bathroom and living room. We believe that at some point recently there may have been surveillance cameras in your apartment.”

“He was spying on me?”

“We think that may have been the case. I hate to say this, but you and Dr. Cooper should probably be on the lookout for compromising photos and/or videos on the internet.”

“Oh God!”

“I should tell you that posting such material, especially since you were not aware of it and did not give permission is now a crime and punishable by jail time and fines. Unfortunately the fines are not terribly high. If you become aware of anything online like that, please inform me immediately and I will make sure it is taken down and it may help lead us to Hernly.”

“That kind of stuff could ruin any possibility of me getting work as an actress. He could ruin my life.”

“And that is likely what he intends. Detective Glass, we are at your disposal. Anything we can do to help capture this miscreant we will of course do.”

“Now, Dr. Cooper, Penny, I know you and your friends are pretty smart. You outsmarted Hernly pretty good before. But then he was basically a swindler. Now he’s an arsonist with a violent streak. Do not, I repeat, do not attempt to employ some convoluted plot for revenge on Hernly. He’s a criminal and dealing with him is a job for the police, not you. I’m happy for any assistance you can offer but do not take the law into your own hands. Now what I can do is for the next couple of weeks patrol cars will pass by your home and your friends’ homes regularly and check in. I suggest you become friendly with the officers involved. Even after we are unable to regularly stop by they will still be patrolling in your area.”

“Thank you for your help, Detective Glass.”

“Nora, please. You have my number here at the station. Here’s my cell number. If you see or hear anything suspicious, call me. Anytime, night or day.”

“Thank you, Nora. You should know that Penny and I will likely not be returning to our homes at 2311 North Los Robles until late next week at the earliest. While repairs are being made on our apartments and a new security system is installed we can be found at the Langham Huntington. I will apprise you when that changes.”

“You two take care of yourselves.”

“Thank you.”

Sheldon and Penny left and headed to their rental car for the trip to 2311 North Los Robles to meet with the insurance agent and to actually inspect the damage they’d only seen fleetingly Monday night.

“Sheldon, I’m really worried about pictures and videos of me showing up on the internet. Pictures that aren’t so nice.”

“I understand your apprehension concerning such a violation of your privacy and its possible effect upon your career. May I have permission to put into effect a prophylactic measure, so to speak?”

“Sheldon, in English.”

“Penny, we have a good friend who has over the years proven to be quite adept at finding items on the Internet that are not easy to find.”

“Are you suggesting we ask Howard Wolowitz to look for naked pictures and videos of me?”

“Penny, not very long ago I would never even have considered such a thing, but Howard has proven to be a good and loyal friend to both of us. And he was able to discover your appearance in “Serial Apist” long ago. I believe we can trust him to undertake this task with appropriate discretion and without prurient interest. If Bernadette allows him to.”

“Okay, Sheldon. We can speak with them tomorrow night. And I think we can trust Raj with the information also since I know he, um, occasionally visits porn sites.”

“Alright, but this, and I suspect other unknown things to come are things we will not be sharing with Amy Farrah Fowler or Leonard unless they directly affect them.”

“I agree. And it makes me really sad.”

“As it does I.”

 


	13. 13 - The Insurance Inquisition

**13 - The Insurance Inquisition**

 

Penny and Sheldon parked the rental car in the apartment lot and walked over to her car, which had been there since they’d returned from the Cheesecake Factory fire on Monday. It looked a little weird. As they got closer they could see the problem. All four of Penny’s tires had been slashed and the driver’s side window was smashed. Papers from the glove compartment were strewn all over the car and what looked to be a white substance was on the driver’s seat.

“Oh, crap. Not my car too. And on the seat? Is that? Is that?”

“It appears to be dried ejaculate, Penny. I’m calling Detective Glass.”

For the first time in the last few days Penny wasn’t crying. She was angry.

“Detective Glass? Yes, this is Dr. Cooper. We have just arrived at 2311 North Los Robles and discovered that Penny’s automobile has been vandalized.”

“Yes, it is possible that this is unconnected to the other events. However there is an additional factor that does indeed point it towards Paul Hernly.”

“It appears that there is dried ejaculate on the driver’s seat.”

“We expect to be upstairs for about an hour but if you haven’t arrived by then we will await your arrival. Thank you for your prompt attention.”

“Penny, Detective Glass and the forensics team will arrive shortly to examine your vehicle. Let us proceed upstairs to await the arrival of our insurance rep.”

They didn’t have to wait long. Just as they got to the fourth floor he bounded up the stairs behind them.

“Oh, I thought I’d be late, but it looks like I got here just in time. I’m Fred Terling and I represent your insurance company. I’ve received the police reports and I just need to take some pictures and get a bit more information. This part of the process should be painless as you have one of our better policies. Since Dr. Cooper submitted such detailed records of your possessions this is really only a formality.”

“Hello, Mr. Terling. I’m Dr. Sheldon Cooper. This is my friend Penny. Where would you like to begin?”

“We might as well go alphabetically. How about starting with 4A?

“Sheldon opened the door. The apartment was exactly as he left it early Tuesday morning. Smashed and broken collectibles were all over the floor along with books, computer parts, glass from monitors, dishes and glasses. And Leonard’s now-dried blood.”

“Wow. This room looks like a complete loss.”

“Mr. Terling, my roommate, Dr. Leonard Hofstader, will not be returning to this apartment. The detailed lists of possessions I provided for you are divided in three categories; His possessions, my possessions and common possessions. Will you be able to divide any insurance remuneration appropriately between him and myself with any remuneration for common possessions divided equally between us.”

“Well, based on the details you’ve provided that should be a simple enough matter. Let’s explore the rest of the apartment.”

They happily discovered that the damage stopped at the point where they had found Leonard’s unconscious body. Both Leonard’s bedroom and Sheldon’s were intact and undamaged. The same could not be said for the bathroom. The Periodic Table shower curtain was in tatters, the toilet, tub and sink had been smashed as had the tiles on the walls. At that point Sheldon realized that he had probably been more affected by the events on Monday night than he thought. Despite his eidetic memory he had no recollection of turning off the main water pipe in the bathroom but now he realized he must have or there would have been flooding.

“We’ll have to speak with your landlords but it looks as though you’ll be getting a brand new bathroom and kitchen. I know this isn’t connected at all, but if you don’t mind, I think we can probably convince them to fix the elevator also.”

“Please do.”

Terling took a few more pictures.

“Now, on to Apartment 4B.”

Penny wasn’t looking forward to seeing all of her destroyed property again but she steeled herself and opened the door.

It looked exactly the same as it had early Tuesday morning.

“Wow, I apologize. I thought Dr. Cooper’s place was bad, but this is horrible. I can’t see a single thing that can be salvaged.”

“Actually, I do,” said Sheldon.

Sheldon leaned over and picked something up from the floor. A single Penny Blossom seemed to have survived Hernly’s rampage. Sheldon handed it to Penny and wordlessly put his arm around her shoulder.

Terling went into the bedroom and bathroom and called out.

“Excuse me. I’m curious. Can you possibly explain something to me?”

“We’ll try,” answered Penny.

“What are those circles and holes on the wall and ceiling? There are also a couple in the bathroom and living room.”

“The police discovered surveillance cameras had been placed in both rooms at some point. They seem to have been removed by the person or persons who vandalized the apartment. The police suspect that the person who planted the cameras and the vandal are one and the same.”

“Now, Penny, please forgive the question but I must ask it. Did you ever grant permission for this person the police suspect to enter your apartment and were you aware of these cameras?”

“Absolutely not. To be entirely truthful I was away for several months last year and during that time my mother stayed here for part of the time. During that time she let the suspect, Paul Hernly, into the apartment. We think that was when he installed the cameras. However, when I got back I changed the locks just to be safe. Somewhere in here here is a dated receipt for the new locks.”

“I can confirm everything that Penny has told you.”

“Oh, not to worry. The police were quite positive that your apartment was broken into. The vandal had no key and it was clear that the key he used to enter apartment 4A was taken from here. This will in no way affect your insurance settlement.”

“I believe I have seen everything I need to see. There is no reason at all to contest your claim, both of your claims. Paradigm Insurance wishes to officially extend its sympathies to you for your losses. You should receive your settlement within ten business days. However, in closing, may I suggest you install a security system? Both of you. You will feel safer and also receive a substantial discount on your policies. I’ll send you both a list of reputable alarm technicians. If you use any of them you will be offered special pricing.”

“Thank you Mr. Terling for being both friendly and professional. We will look forward to reviewing your recommendations and will most certainly be installing security systems in both apartments as soon as possible. Good day.”

“Goodbye, folks and good luck. And, I hope it’s not too forward of me to say, but you guys are a really cute couple.”

Penny could see that Sheldon was about to explain the parameters of their relationship in detail to Terling so she jumped in.

“Thank you, Mr. Terling. We’ll look forward to hearing from you.”

“Penny, why did you interrupt me?”

“Because, Sheldon, you were about to explain our thing to Mr. Terling and it wasn’t really necessary for you to do that.”

“But he called us a couple and we have agreed that we prefer not to be described thusly.”

“Sheldon, we probably won’t ever see him again. It just doesn’t matter what he thinks we are. Now, we need to go downstairs and meet Nora. Do you want to bring anything back to the hotel from your room? Remember, we’ll be back over in a couple of days to begin cleanup so don’t pack everything you own.”

“One other thing, Sheldon. Paradigm Insurance?”

“I will admit that I was first attracted to the company by its name but I thoroughly investigated them and they are quite reputable. The name is just a fortunate coincidence. I’ll meet you downstairs after I collect a few items of clothing to tide me over for our hotel stay.”

When Penny got downstairs Nora, Detective Glass, was just arriving.

“Did everything go all right with your insurance guy?”

“I think it did. Thanks for getting the police reports to him.”

“That’s my job. Now Penny, when did you last park your car out here?”

“I parked it there when Sheldon, Dr. Cooper, and I got back from the fire at The Cheesecake Factory fire.”

“And that was when you discovered the break-ins upstairs?”

“Yes.”

“Did you see your car at any point after that?”

“Yes. Before I went to the hospital in the ambulance with Leonard, um, Dr. Hofstader, I glanced over at it. It looked fine.”

“Well, even though I didn’t know which car in the lot was yours when we came over on Monday night, I do know we would have noticed if a car had its tires slashed and window smashed in. I just checked with one of your neighbors, an Alicia, who does not like you very much by the way, and she reports that your car has been like this since Monday. She claims she was getting ready to complain to us about it and have it towed away.”

“Yeah, that sounds like that skank. Um, sorry. Yeah, we don’t exactly get along.”

At that point Sheldon came out with a duffle bag and two suitcases and joined Penny and Nora just in time to hear the detective’s conclusions.

“In any case, forensics is checking for prints and will take a sample of whatever that is on the front seat for testing. But my guess is that Hernly was somewhere close watching everything that happened and did this after we all left. I sent a couple of my guys out to look around to see if he’s still about but I’m pretty sure we won’t find him.”

“Like I told you earlier, be careful. This guy is clearly a pretty twisted creep and he literally has a hard-on for you, Penny, if you’ll excuse my bluntness.”

“Thank you, Detective Glass. We will endeavor to take utmost care until he is apprehended.”

“It’s Nora, Dr. Cooper.”

“In that case, it’s Sheldon, Nora.”

“Thank you. We should be through here in a little while. Penny, you’ll probably need to get your car towed somewhere for repair.”

“Yeah, uh, no. I think it’s time to get rid of it. I don’t think I could ever sit in that front seat again.”

“Yeah, I get that, sister.”

“Anyway, we’re gonna head back to the hotel. Can we call you tomorrow to see what’s happening? With the case?”

“Sure, feel free. And I’ll call you if anything important comes up.”

“Bye.”

Sheldon and Penny got in their rental to head back to the hotel.

“Sheldon, I really like Nora, Detective Glass.”

“As do I. For someone who spends most of her time dealing with the crime-filled underbelly of Pasadena, she is quite pleasant.”

“And she’s around our age. We should invite her to dinner sometime.”

“I would not be averse to that. But we should probably wait until our official business with her is concluded to avoid any impression of impropriety.”

“That makes sense. Sheldon, this whole thing is starting to look like it’s going to get really expensive now that I’m also going to need a new car.”

“You may be correct. I shall call Mr. Terling and inform him of the situation _vis a vis_ your vehicle and see how much longer they will cover our lease on this one. And the two of us should sit down and review your finances this evening and determine what our next steps should be. I believe we have a number of decisions to make and we no longer have the luxury of time to make them.”

“You’re probably right, Moonpie. Let’s head back to the hotel, have some dinner and figure all this out.”

“We’ll need to make a stop first, Penny.”

“Where?”

“It’s Wednesday.”

“Oh, right. New comic book night.”

“While I accept skipping Halo this evening in favor of the discussion we must have I see no reason to skip New Comic Book Night.”

“No problem, sweetie. I just completely forgot what day of the week it was. It’s been a weird week.”

“It certainly has.”

When they arrived at the comic book store Stuart immediately came up to them.

“Raj and Howard were in earlier and they told me what happened. I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you, Stuart. Though it may seem odd, you will likely greatly benefit from my misfortune. Tomorrow I will send you a list of items that require replacement. Please purchase them at your convenience. I shall likely receive funds from my insurance company to cover the cost by the end of next week. Additionally, since my apartment requires repairs I won’t have a place for them until those repairs have been completed.”

“Well, Sheldon, since you’re a friend I should be able to sell you the items for the same price I pay.”

“Stuart, while I appreciate your offer, I see no reason why you should not profit appropriately as the funds are not coming out of my pocket, so to speak. Charge me a fair price. That is all I ask. There are also some other harder-to-find items that I may require your assistance in finding replacements for. Also, Stuart, I am making this arrangement for myself alone. Leonard will need to make his own arrangements.”

“I understand, Sheldon. No problem. Um, What’s Penny doing over there?”

Penny was grabbing all manner of super-hero clothing, t-shirts, sweat shirts, tank tops all in two sizes, hers and Sheldons.

“Penny, what are you doing?”

“I still need more clothes, Sheldon. And you know I like wearing your super-heroey shirts so I’m getting a few of my own. And, by the way, we’re stopping by the mall on the way back to the hotel. I’m also going to need some non-superhero underwear and even though I can tell that you and apparently everyone in this store don’t seem to have a problem with me not wearing a bra, I’m gonna need to pick up a few anyway. Do you mind?”

“Not at all, my dear. Lead the way.”

The trip to the mall took a little longer than expected. Luckily, Sheldon was perfectly happy to use his credit card for all of the purchases. He had discovered that Hernly had not found any of the various hiding places in which Sheldon had secreted extra funds. Nor had he found the 15 months worth of uncashed paychecks in Sheldon’s desk drawer. Between that and the expected reimbursement from the insurance company, Sheldon saw little reason to deny Penny anything she wanted. He also really enjoyed seeing the big smile shopping put on her face after such a difficult few days. Even so, by the time they been in a shoe store for almost an hour the expedition was beginning to take a toll.

“Penny, how much longer will we be examining shoes you have no intention of ever purchasing?”

“I’ll be done in a minute, sweetie. I just need one more pair. Besides, I got an email from the studio today. They heard what happened. Tomorrow I get to visit the costume department and I’ll be able to get more shoes there. And maybe some costume stuff too. I can’t wait. And you won’t need to come with.”

“Actually, I should probably spend some time at CalTech tomorrow and see what can be salvaged of my office if anything.”

“Okay, so tonight we still have to figure out finances. Thanks for all of this stuff by the way. I will absolutely pay you back for all of it. Tomorrow we start working on our own stuff. I’ll start looking for a new job. And tomorrow night will be pizza night at the hotel. Sounds like a plan.”

“Can we get some dinner now?”

“Okay. Are you willing to try room service at the hotel?”

“I investigated and am satisfied that they meet my specifications so, yes, I am willing to try room service. Besides, I need to begin my search for a temporary substitute barbeque bacon cheeseburger while The Cheesecake Factory remains unavailable to us.”

“There’s nothing like having a mission! Let’s go.”

 


	14. 14 - The Plennary Exposition

**14 - The Plennary Exposition**

When they returned to the Langham Huntington Sheldon was suddenly very happy that they were staying at a hotel for that meant that he wouldn’t have to carry the many bags of new clothing that Penny had purchased back to their suite. He just needed to calculate the appropriate gratuities.

The two took another relaxing bubble bath, this time without Penny falling asleep and with Sheldon learning that one of the benefits of sharing a bath was having someone to scrub your back. Still the two were content to only peek and Sheldon demanded Penny shut her eyes as he exited the tub before her. And of course Penny peeked. And giggled.

As expected, Sheldon ordered a barbeque bacon cheeseburger with everything on the side and lemonade from room service. Penny ordered a large Caesar salad with grilled chicken and a diet coke.

“All right, Penny. We’ve eaten and I believe we now have to make our plans.”

“I’m guessing that you’ve already got a proposal.”

“You guess correctly. I suggest that once we have completed the clean-up of both apartments we execute the plan we discussed.”

“You mean I should move in with you.”

“Correct. Not only does it make sense for our relationship paradigm, it makes eminent financial sense. Since you are currently without employment and in need of a new vehicle and replacements for your possessions and furniture, we must attempt to make the insurance settlement go as far as possible. If you live in Apartment 4A you will pay a significantly lower rent. To be truthful I can easily afford to pay the entire rent myself but I sense you would not be comfortable as a “kept woman” so we shall split the rent and bills. You will still enjoy significant savings.”

“You sense correctly about the rent and bills.”

“In addition, instead of furnishing two apartments we would only need to furnish one and we could divide the cost equally, another significant savings.

I prefer to avoid dipping into the investments I made on your behalf as you will still require your “nest egg” in the future.

There is another reason I prefer that we cohabitate.”

“Yes, Sheldon?”

“I have come to believe that the distance between our two apartments is too great. I prefer you be closer. Always.”

“Aw, sweetie. I want you close to me too.”

“Are we going to put all of Leonard’s stuff in storage?”

“In a manner of speaking, yes.”

“Explain, Sheldon.”

“Your current lease expires in 4 months, correct?”

“I’m pretty sure you’re right.”

“And the landlord would charge you a penalty if you broke your lease?”

“I’d lose my two-month deposit.”

“Even though Leonard does not deserve this largesse, I am going to presume that when he returns from his convalescence in New Jersey he will have returned to being the Leonard we care for. Therefore, once he has departed for New Jersey, we will store his things in Apartment 4B. I suspect insurance will cover the storage and I will pay the remainder. I spoke with Dr. Gabelhauser this afternoon and he informed me that Leonard requested a 60-Day leave be combined with his accrued sick days. That means Leonard expects to return in approximately three months. When he returns he will have thirty days to decide whether he wants to remain and sign his own lease.”

“That’s very nice of you Sheldon and much more than the little creep deserves.”

“Agreed. It is somewhat of a risk but I will do it out of respect for our former friendship.”

“I have also reached a couple of other conclusions.”

“You’re on a roll, Sheldon. Hit me.”

“I very much enjoy sleeping in the King-size beds they have here. In anticipation of us eventually sharing a bed permanently I intend to purchase one. For the time being we will keep that bed in your room, saving you the cost of replacing your bed.”

“I really like that idea, but we’re going to split it, Moonpie.”

“I’m also becoming quite fond of having a bathtub for two. Since our bathroom is quite spacious I will enter into discussions with the landlords to include one in our remodeled bathroom. I suspect they will be happy to increase the value of the apartment.”

“If this is how you think after staying at a hotel for a couple of days, we’re going to have to do this more often. It might get me a sauna and a gym.”

“We will also be installing a new security system. One without an electrical net.”

“Good move.”

“Let us not inform Leonard or Amy of these plans at this juncture. I think it best that for now Leonard continues to assume he’ll need to find new accommodations when he returns and, sad as I am to say this, I do not trust Amy Farrah Fowler at the moment.”

“I really hope Amy comes around but I agree. And I have to find a new job and not assume that I’ll be going back to The Cheesecake Factory when it re-opens.”

“Perhaps you can find something more appropriate.”

“That would be nice. But I think the priority is that I find something quickly, and probably near North Los Robles since I don’t have a car. After all, I don’t want to be a kept woman.”

“When I informed Mr. Terling of the damage to your car he said they would probably be able to extend the lease on the vehicle we have for another 30-60 days and he also said he could recommend some reputable pre-owned vehicle dealers with which the insurance company has discount arrangements. As soon as things settle down we can begin searching for a new vehicle.”

“I believe we have done enough planning for now. Tomorrow we have individual missions, myself at CalTech and you at the studio to acquire footwear and to begin seeking employment. We will meet here tomorrow evening for pizza night and at that point determine our Friday activities. Saturday I believe we should start Operation Cleanup.”

“Sheldon, I’m sure this whole week has really done a number on your homeostasis thingie so on Friday night what I’d like to do is have Chinese food and play vintage video games with Howard, Bernadette and Raj.”

“That’s a wonderful idea. Thank you, Penny. I actually have a little surprise for you.”

“Sheldon, you know how I love surprises. What is it?”

“I purchased another copy of the romance novel we were reading that was destroyed and I propose we get ready for bed and continue reading it as we intended Monday night.”

“That’s a wonderful surprise.”

“I further propose that we sleep together in the same bed tonight. But no coitus.”

“Um, who are you and what did you do with my Moonpie?”


	15. 15 - The Ecdysiastic Redux

**15 - The Ecdysiastic Redux**

 

The next morning Penny and Sheldon woke up early so they could have breakfast together and, as it was French Toast day, that’s what they ordered from room service. Raj picked Sheldon up for work and Penny had the leased car. When she checked her phone she found a number of messages from friends expressing sympathy over The Cheesecake Factory and her apartment and offering to let her know if they heard of any work for her. She also found a message from someone she didn’t know.

“Hello Penny. My name is Jared and a friend of yours let us know that you might be looking for work. I’m part-owner of a new place called Manny’s that’s just opening and we could definitely use someone like you. Is there any chance you could stop by Thursday morning around 11. We’ll be closed but just ring the bell. We’ll be inside processing orders and getting things ready for the night crowd.”

Penny called the number Jared left.

“Hello, Jared. This is Penny. You left me a message about a possible job?”

“Um, right. Can you come by around 11?”

“Sure.”

Remembering The Cheese Factory uniform she hated and wore for years she decided to ask a question.

“Out of curiosity, for this job, would I have to wear a uniform?”

“That’s entirely up to you.”

She thought it was a bit of an odd answer.

“Okay. Please text me the address and I’ll see you at 11.”

Penny thought that this was lucky and maybe she’d be working a little sooner than she’d expected. She called the costume department at the studio and asked if she could push her appointment to later in the day and they were fine with that. Penny hopped in the shower and then put on her new non-super-hero panties and bra and one of the blouses and skirts that Sheldon had picked out for her. They fit perfectly. She looked very professional. She hopped in the car and drove over to Manny’s.

The restaurant was very non-descript. It looked fairly large, kind of like one of those big box stores and it just had a sign out front that said Manny’s. Penny got out of the car, went up to the front door and rang the bell. A young guy, early twenties, clean cut opened the door.

“Yes.”

“Hi. I have an appointment with Jared. I’m Penny.”

“C’mon in. I’m Tom. Jared’s in his office in the back. I’ll take you there.”

As Penny was led to Jared’s office she looked around. It was pretty dark but she could tell the place was big. And It looked pretty classy. Leather chairs. Mahogany tables. A really big bar. More like a club than a restaurant.

Tom knocked on the door to Jared’s office.

“Jared, your 11 o’clock is here. This is Penny.”

Jared was on the phone.

“Hi Penny. Come on in. Have a seat. I’ll be with you in just a second.”

Penny was a little surprised. Jared looked more like a banker than a restaurant manager. He was wearing a three-piece suit, an expensive one. He had a designer haircut and wore designer glasses. He put down the phone.

“So, Penny. Thanks for coming by. We’re new. Just been open for a few weeks. It’s what they call a soft opening. We’re not going to do anything big. We don’t want to cause anyone in the neighborhood to be inconvenienced. Anyway, we’ve been open from dinner till late and have been doing pretty well. We’re planning to start opening for lunch in a couple of weeks and I think you’d be perfect.”

Penny was a little surprised. She hadn’t said a word yet but it seemed like she had the job.

“We’re very high class. We have a top-notch restaurant. The bar is fully stocked. We basically want to appeal to the businessman crowd during the day.”

“Well, Jared, you’ll find that I’m a hard worker and very loyal. I was at The Ch…”

“I’m sure you are, Penny.”

“Most of the girls here do pretty well. They tend to take home between one and two thousand a week. Of course that’s mostly tips and depends on the shifts you work.”

“Excuse me. Did I hear you right? Two thousand dollars a week for waiting tables?”

“Most of the girls do a couple of shifts a week waiting tables but they make most of their money dancing.”

“Dancing?”

“Sure. We’re a gentleman’s club and we feature nude dancers. I assumed from the pictures your friend gave us that you were fine with that.”

“Jared, may I ask who recommended me for the job.”

“One of out regulars. Guy named Paulie. He spoke to me yesterday in fact and gave me these pictures. Of course we can’t advertise you using these. We’ll need some of your more professional photos.”

“Can I see the pictures he gave you?”

Jared handed over three pictures. One was of Penny wearing the Wonder Woman costume the New Year’s Party at the comic book store. It had been hanging on her refrigerator. Hernly must have taken it. The others, one was of her getting out of the shower and the other was of her brushing her hair in her bedroom. She was completely naked in both of them.

“Oh, yeah, I can see why you wouldn’t want to use these.  Y’know I completely forgot to bring the others. Can I call my girlfriend? She’s nearby and can bring them right over. She’s also looking for work and she’d really hot.”

“Sure, why not?”

Penny took out her phone and called Detective Glass.

“Hello Nora. This is Penny.”

“Hello Penny. What’s up?”

“Listen, I’m at this job interview that our friend Paul apparently set up when he was here yesterday. He left them some pictures but I need my professional ones, you know the ones I use for dancing jobs. Can you bring them over? I’m at Manny’s in Pasadena.”

“Penny, are you in trouble?”

“No, everything’s fine. They want to hire me but they need the pictures. Can you come by? They also might have a job for you.”

“Penny, I know where you are and I’m nearby. I can be there in about ten minutes. Will you be okay?”

“Thanks, that’ll be fine. See you soon. I’m in the manager’s office. His name is Jared.”

“Jared, she’ll be right over.”

“Great. Now, Penny, you need to understand that this is a classy place. Everything is on the up-and-up. There’s no soliciting here of any kind. Of course what happens when you’re off duty is your own business.”

Penny tried very hard to maintain her composure. In a matter of ten minutes she had gone from waitress to stripper to prostitute in this creep Jared’s mind. She just wanted to stall until Nora showed up.

“Penny, do you mind if I make a couple of calls while we wait. When your friend shows up we’ll all talk and then we can move to the stage and you can show me your stuff.”

“Sure. No problem, Jared.”

Penny looked around the office which, she had to admit, was a whole lot nicer than the manager’s office at The Cheesecake Factory. It was starting to feel like the longest ten minutes ever when there was a knock on the door and Detective Glass poked her head in.

“Hi, Penny.”

“Hi, Nora.”

“Nora, this is Jared. He’s the manager. He knows Paul.”

“Hello Jared.”

Penny thought Nora was probably kind of hot if you could get past the fact that she dressed like a cop.

“Nice to meet you, Nora. Penny told me a little about you, but I have to admit that I’m a little surprised that you’d wear a pantsuit to audition as a dancer. Well, maybe once you take it off…”

Penny smiled at Nora nervously.

“Yeah, if I were you I’d stop thinking about the pantsuit or what’s under it.”

Nora pulled out her badge and showed it to Jared, who sat down nervously.

“What’s the trouble, officer.”

“You mean “What’s the trouble, Detective,” don’t you?

“Wha..whatever you say.”

“Penny, where are the photographs?”

“On his desk.”

Nora put on a pair of plastic gloves, pulled a plastic evidence bag out of her jacket pocket, looked at the photographs and put them in the bag.”

“The Wonder Woman photo was hanging on my refrigerator door. The other two I’ve never seen before and never posed for.”

“Okay, Jared, here’s the deal. You’re in receipt of stolen property. In addition, the other photographs qualify as “revenge” photos and could land you in jail just for having them. You also lured Penny here under false pretenses. I could probably get your liquor license pulled for that.”

Nora was pretty sure she was pushing it but Jared looked scared and that’s what she wanted.

“Who gave you Penny’s information and the photos?”

“We got them from a regular. Guy named Paulie. He’s in all the time. I think he’s even staying with one of our dancers, Patsy.”

“What did he tell you about Penny?”

“He said she was hot and she’d be desperate for a job because the place she worked burned down. He also said she’d probably put out for the right price.”

“Did he say anything else?”

“Yeah, he said if she came in to audition that we should give him a call so he could come by and cheer her on.”

“Did you call him?”

“No. Tom, the guy out front is his pal. He has the number.”

“Please call Tom in here now.”

“Um what’s going to happen with my license?”

“Call Tom in here now.”

Jared picked up the phone and called the front of the club.

“Hey Tom, can you come back to the office right away?”

A minute later clean-cut Tom from the front knocked and came into the office.

“What’s up boss?”

“Tom, please answer the detective’s questions.”

“What detective? I thought these chicks were strippers.”

Nora showed Tom her badge and backed him up against the wall.

“Tom, I’m Detective Glass of the Pasadena Police and how the rest of your day goes pretty much depends on what you do in the next few minutes. Do you know a man named Paul Hernly?”

“Yeah, Paulie. He’s a regular.”

“And did he suggest to you that Penny over there would be interested in a job as a stripper?”

“Yeah. He said she was an ex of his and gave me a hundred bucks to make sure Jared called her in for an audition. When I saw her pictures I figured he didn’t even really need to give me the hundred. She’s hot.”

“Was getting her the audition all you needed to do to earn the hundred dollars?”

“No. I was supposed to give him a head’s up on when she auditions so he can come by and watch. I’m also supposed to let him know if she gets the job and what her schedule is and any other personal information I can dig up on her. He said he would make it worth my while.”

“When did you last speak to him?”

“Ten minutes ago. I told him she was here and the audition would probably be pretty soon.”

“So he’s on his way over.”

“I guess. I’m supposed to let him in the back door.”

“Let’s go to the back door and let him in.”

“Okay.”

“Penny, wait here. Jared, come with me and Tom.”

Tom and Jared headed to the back door with Detective Glass following. No sooner had they arrived then they heard knocking.

“Open it, Tom.”

Tom went to the door, opened it and seeing Hernly yelled “Cops. Run!”

Hernly ran. Tom made sure he was in Nora’s way so it took her a minute to get out the door to chase him. By then she could only look around and had no idea where he had gone. Nora turned around and went back into Manny’s. Tom was waiting there with a big grin on his face.

Nora quickly knocked him down, put a knee to his back and put him in handcuffs.

“What’d I do?”

“Tom, you just did a very stupid thing. You just aided a possible fugitive escape from the law. Not only are you probably going to jail, but because you allowed him to be in the club and aided him in luring Penny here, you’ve probably cost the club its liquor license and cost everyone involved a lot of money. And your pal Jared is probably going to jail too. Hope it was worth it for you.”

“I was just helping a pal.”

“And it’s going to cost you.”

Nora cuffed Jared and called the station to send a couple of cops out to pick them up. She then went back to the manager’s office and a waiting Penny.

“Hernly got away but now we know for sure that he’s involved.”

“Penny, why the hell did you come here? If these guys hadn’t been total horndogs you could have been in real trouble.”

“I know, Nora. I feel like an idiot. It’s just that I so need a job now and I thought that this was just a waitressing gig. I should’ve checked it out before I came. I guess I’m going to have to be more careful.”

“Ya think? Now Hernly is on the run. And he probably should be. He’s in a lot more trouble than just with the law. This place is going to get closed down and I have a pretty good idea that some of the investors won’t be very happy about that and when they find out that Paul Hernly is responsible, he’s going to have a really hard time finding a hiding place.”

“Penny, you’ll have to come down to the station with me and give a statement.”

The cops from the station showed up fairly quickly. After Tom and Jared were carted off and the club was being padlocked a couple of the dancers showed up for work. Nora and Penny were about to head to the station when they ran into them. They wanted to know what was going on.

“Well, ladies, the guys running the club were harboring a fugitive, had stolen property and I’m pretty sure were doing a bunch of other stuff too. If I were you I’d look for another job, maybe another line of work. This place won’t be opening anytime soon. By the way, is one of you Patsy?”

One of the women started backing away.

“Patsy, right now I don’t have anything on you. One more step back and I will arrest you.”

“Okay, what do you want?”

“Paul Hernly. Where is he?”

“I dunno. He came to my place about an hour ago, grabbed all his stuff and split. I dunno where he went.”

“How long has he been staying with you?”

“On and off, about four months. But I’ve known him for a couple of years. We’d get together whenever he wasn’t seeing anyone else, sometimes even when he was. He used to be some big TV producer. Even named a character on one of his shows after me. But then some bimbo screwed him and he lost everything. All he talks about now is how he’s gonna make her life so horrible that she begs him to fuck her to make it stop. But he won’t, stop that is. He was actually beginning to kinda scare me, especially the last week or so. To be honest, I’m glad he’s gone.”

“Any idea where he went.”

“I don’t really know. He ain’t got a lot of friends. He knows some guys in the valley that make porn movies. I don’t know their names. But he said that after he made that bimbo fuck him he’d make her famous for fucking in pornos and ruin her life.”

“You’re not under arrest, but you are going to come down to the station with me and make a statement. I’ll need you to tell me everything he said to you, especially about the “bimbo” and I want you to think about where he might be.”

“Okay. It’s not like I have a job to go to.”

“Okay Patsy. Get in the car. Penny, I’ll meet you at the station.”

After Nora took all of the statements and made sure Tom and Jared had been processed she walked Penny out.

“Penny, what are your plans for the rest of the day?”

“Well, I was going to go over to the studio costume department. I have a kind of deal with them so I get to pick out shoes from them they don’t need anymore.”

“Shoes. I love shoes. My shift is over in a half hour. Any chance I can come along?”

“Sure. I’ll just wait in the coffee shop over there. I could use a cup or three.”

“Just watch yourself in there. That’s a cop hangout. I’ll be surprised if you make it through a half hour without a half dozen of them falling in love with you and asking you out.”

“They can look all they want. Sheldon is all I’m ever going to need.”

“Okay. See you in a half hour. And don’t schedule any job interviews.”

“You’re funny.”

Penny really enjoyed spending the rest of her day with Nora. They had a great time at the costume shop. Penny was happy to see that shoes excited Nora as much as they did her. And both were able to pick out a couple of pairs of barely-used designer shoes. Penny spent a few minutes speaking excitedly with the woman in charge and was eager to share what she learned.

“Nora, you’ll never guess what just happened?”

“What?”

“I got offered a job.”

“Do you get to keep your clothes on?”

“Yeah. But other people have to take theirs off. I just got offered a job working here for the next three or four months. One of the assistants is taking maternity leave and they have an opening for someone to be in charge of the shoes! The pay is a lot better than I was getting at The Cheesecake Factory. I can organize my schedule around my classes and I can get time off if I have an audition.”

“You’re going to school?”

“Yeah, I’m in the writing program at City College. After the whole thing with Hernly stealing my script and the studio paying him for it we kind of made a deal after I exposed his whole thing. They’ve been paying my tuition and they have first refusal on anything I write that I want produced.”

“But I thought you’re an actress.”

“I am and I want to be, but I need a backup and they really think I have talent as a writer and I really like writing. I’ve been keeping a diary forever so I’m used to writing every day. Now I just focus it a little differently. And I’m learning so much in my classes. I’m not comfortable going full-time yet but I’ll probably think about it more seriously once me and Sheldon can get past all the crap that’s been going on lately.”

“Yeah, I guess losing your job and your home in the space of a few hours and discovering a wacko is out to destroy your life will put a little crimp in planning for the future.”

“Don’t I know it? I’m just glad I have my wackadoodle.”

“Your what?”

“Kinda something I call Sheldon.”

“I hope you don’t mind me saying this but you guys are a pretty weird couple.”

“We are, aren’t we? The genius and the college drop-out. The waitress and the physicist. But trust me, we make sense to us and that’s really all that matters. And we also make each other better.”

“At what?”

“Well, as you could probably tell, Sheldon isn’t really good at social situations or with new people. To be honest he’s not always great with people he does know. That’s where I come in. I’m way more outgoing than he is. He’s brilliant. And he’s really organized and I’m kind of not. He acts like he knows everything because he pretty much does, but he doesn’t know anything about people and I do. And he has an eidetic memory so he never forgets anything. If you were to ask him what you were wearing or what was on your desk when he met you he’ll give it back to you in detail. We kind of fell in love the day we first met but it took us almost seven years to figure out that’s what happened. We sort of realized that even though he’s from Texas and I’m from Nebraska we sort of grew up in the same place. And I love his family and I just found out my family loves him. Now we kind of know we’ll be together for the rest of our lives.”

“Wow, I’d kill for something like that.”

“Right?”

“Listen, I guess we’re done here and you probably want to get back to your hotel.”

“Nora, Sheldon and I talked about this. We decided we liked you as soon as we met you and as soon as this whole Hernly mess was out of the way we were gonna have you over for dinner.”

“Oh, that’s really nice. I’d like that a lot.”

“I don’t wanna wait. We’re having a couple of friends over for pizza tonight. Please come. To be truthful, we’re probably going to talk about this whole Hernly mess and I think your perspective would really help us.”

“I don’t know. I need to go home and clean up and by then I don’t know if I’ll want to go out. I’m kind of a homebody when I’m not working.”

“How about this? Follow me back now. Our suite has this amazing bathtub. Have a soak. Relax. Have some dinner. Some lively conversation. If you’re too tired we have an extra bedroom and you can stay over. I think we’re almost the same size so I probably have some brand new clothes that’ll fit you.”

“Well, I have a change of clothes in my car and I have the day off tomorrow. Something I have to ask, though. There won’t be any drinking, will there? I kind of have a problem with that.”

“Me too! Haven’t had a drink in almost a year. There won’t be any alcohol. I promise.”

“First, I need to give Sheldon a heads up. He has a thing about getting advance notice about guests.”

“I suspect he has a lot of things.”

“He does. That’s why he’s my wackadoodle. But, trust me, he used to be so much worse.”

Penny texted Sheldon:

<Nora’s joining us for pizza night. May stay over. Lots of news. Lots of shoes. CU L8er.>

Sheldon texted back.

<I should have received 12 hours notice but okay. See you later.>

 


	16. 16 - The Bathroom Conversation

**16 - The Bathroom Conversation**

 

Penny and Nora arrived at the hotel at about 4:30.

“Nice place.”

“We like it, but we’re only here until our place is cleaned and repaired and while the insurance company foots the bill. I’m just lucky Sheldon believes in preparing for emergencies and insured the two of our apartments up the wazoo. We could never afford a place like this, especially with me out of a job.”

Penny led Nora to the bathroom.

“This bathroom is bigger than my apartment!”

“It’s probably bigger than most people’s apartments. Wait till you check out the tub. You might never want to get out. There’s an extra robe over there. Take your time. Howard and Bernadette are giving Raj and Sheldon ride over from work and they’re picking up the pizza on the way. They won’t be here before seven. Any toppings you prefer? Or not prefer?”

“Just don’t go too heavy on the olives. Other than that I pretty much eat anything. I’m a cop.”

“We always go light on the olives. It’s a Sheldon thing.”

“What are you going to be up to while I’m in here?”

“Well, Sheldon and me pretty much have to replace everything in his apartment except his bedroom. I’m going to get started online and put together some proposed purchases we can discuss. Since we’ll be living together I get a vote. And I’ll probably do a little online shopping for me. Until I get the insurance money Sheldon’s letting me use his credit card.”

“So you’re not going back to your apartment? What about Sheldon’s roommate, the one that got assaulted, Dr. Hofstader?”

“Actually, Nora, if I start getting into all of that with you now you’ll never have time to take your bath. We’re new friends and you already know way more about me than I do you and, well, I kinda don’t want to overwhelm you with some of my, um, dirty laundry. You might not like me so much after you hear it.”

“Penny, one of the things I have to be as a cop is a good judge of character. From knowing you for a couple of days I know you’re a good person. And everyone’s done crap they’re not proud of. I promise I won’t judge you. And you’re right, we are new friends. I hope we have lots and lots of time to learn more about each other. But I know that I like you and for now that’s more than enough for me.”

“I like you too, Nora.”

“So, you and Sheldon are going to live together, huh? Big step.”

“You don’t know how big. For both of us. It’s probably happening a little faster than either of us would like but circumstances are kinda forcing the issue. Luckily it was Sheldon’s idea. I don’t think he would’ve gone along with it if it was mine.”

“Does he have commitment problems?”

“Actually, I’m the one with commitment problems. Sheldon has germ and cleanliness problems, among others. And, well, everyone who’s going to be here later knows this but the group doesn’t talk about it in front of Sheldon, but I’m going to tell you… Sheldon and I have been together for a while now, a good while, and we, um, well, we haven’t had sex yet. Not that that’s a problem for me. It really isn’t. I’m perfectly happy to wait until he’s ready because one thing I know is that when Sheldon decides to do something he is fully committed to doing it as well as it can possibly be done. When the two of us finally do the nasty it’ll be earth-shattering. And that, Nora, is worth waiting for. And I’m rambling.”

“I never would’ve thought you two hadn’t slept together.”

“Oh, we sleep together all the time. We just don’t fuck. Yet.”

“Okay, the longer we talk about this subject the longer my bath is going to need to be. I got out of a long-term relationship, four years, about a year ago and except for a couple of one-night stands I regret, I haven’t seriously been with anyone for that long, not since I moved here from Portland.”

“Well, maybe you’ll figure out the same thing I did.”

“What’s that?”

“That maybe you’re looking in the wrong place for something that’s going to be meaningful. I was in a long-term mistake of a relationship and after that used to go to clubs all the time and pick up guys that were just like the jerk I used to live with. After a long time I figured out that I was attracted to guys that were no good for me, that were all about what they wanted from me, sex, and when I finally looked around for someone who was going to be there for me I discovered that Sheldon had been right there for me almost the whole time. And trust me, it’s not as simple as I’m making it sound. I was in a another relationship before this and me and Sheldon getting together hurt him a lot. I’m not sure if we’ll ever really be friends again.”

“Are you talking about Dr. Hofstader?”

“Yeah. And Sheldon was involved with someone too. It isn’t like we cheated on them. We didn’t. None of us were actually dating when Shelly and I got together but I’m pretty sure both of them expected to get back together with us eventually, and maybe still do.”

“That’s rough.”

“Okay. Enough of the story of Penny. You have a bath to take and I have shopping to do. Enjoy the tub. See you in a bit.”

 


	17. 17 - The Pizza Night Interruptions

**17 - The Pizza Night Interruptions**

 

Nora finished her bath and changed to her “street” clothes. When she came out to join Penny in the suite living room Penny laughed out loud.

“What’s so funny?”

“Oh you are so going to fit it with this crew!”

Nora was wearing a classic Fleisher Superman T-Shirt. Penny was relaxing and looking at web sites in a new Flash T-shirt which was large enough to be a dress.

“The guys are totally into their comic books. Are you too or do you just like the shirt?

“My big brother was big time into comics and I started reading his and got hooked. They’re kind of the reason I became a cop, fighting for justice and all that. I still read them when I have a chance but I haven’t found a decent comics shop around here where they don’t treat girls like they’re aliens from outer space.”

“Our friend Stuart has a shop nearby. The regulars are still kind of weird around girls but I feel okay going in by myself. We should go sometime. I’m not as into them as the guys but I still like to read Buffy and Fables and there’s this one from a while back called Sandman that’s really cool I just started. I’ve been picking up the paperback collections.”

“I love Sandman. Most of what I read is superhero stuff but my brother turned me on to Sandman and he said that a lot of girls read it but it’s good anyway. It’s just really good. The guy who writes it stopped a while back but I hear he’s got a new story coming out soon. I’ll definitely pick it up.”

“See, Nora, you belong with us.”

Nora’s cell rang. She indicated to Penny that she needed privacy and Penny pointed at the bedroom. When Nora came out she looked concerned.

“My partner tracked down Hernly’s porn pals in the valley. When they got there they found the place trashed.”

“Do they think it was Hernly?”

“Um, no. One of the neighbors told them he saw some big guys pull up in a van, go in, heard a bunch of noise and yelling, and then saw them drag a couple of guys out and throw them in the van and drive off.”

“Any idea who they were?”

“Actually I think I do. That club, Manny’s, I’m pretty sure it was connected to organized crime, probably as a way of laundering money. Shutting it down pissed them off and they probably found out from people who worked at the club that Hernly was connected and now they’re looking for him. He’s not going to be very happy if they find him.”

“Well that’s good news, I guess.”

“Yes and no. They found some other things at that place, DVDs. My partner looked at one and he’s sending it over. They confiscated the rest. Penny, you’re not going to like this.”

“What?”

“The DVD package has you on the cover, the Wonder Woman picture they had at Manny’s. And the DVD has a bunch of scenes of you in your apartment naked and also doing stuff. By yourself.”

“Oh God! OH GOD! **OH GOD!!!** ”

“Penny, we have their shipping list. We can pretty much track and retrieve anything that they mailed out. It looks like they only started a couple of days ago so not that many are out there. And because they shipped them across state lines they and Hernly will now be up on Federal charges.”

“But, but they’re out there. People are watching me…and…Oh God!”

“Penny, it’ll be all right. I think we can fix this, well most of it. Our problem is we don’t have a lot of resources to track this down if it makes it onto the internet. And you know it probably will. I’m sorry.”

At that moment Sheldon, Howard, Bernadette and Raj walked in excitedly talking about how fancy the hotel was. When they saw Penny in tears they hushed and Sheldon rushed over.

“Detective Glass, what’s happened? Why is Penny so upset?

“It’s Nora, Sheldon. Penny has had a pretty eventful day. And she just got some pretty upsetting news.”

“Nora, I’m going to lay down for a bit. Can you please update everyone and, when you get to the thing we were just talking about, send Sheldon in to talk to me. Right now I need to be alone for a few minutes to pull myself together. Guys, this is Detective Glass... Nora. She’s in charge of the Hernly case and she’s a friend. Listen to what she has to say. I’ll be back out in a little bit. Okay? Sheldon, honey, talk to Nora and when she tells you to come to the bedroom and we’ll talk. Okay?”

“All right, Penny. As you wish. Nora, what is all this about?”

“I’ll start from the beginning. This morning Penny got a call for a job interview. It was a set-up engineered by Paul Hernly at a strip club. As soon as she figured out what was going on, which was pretty quickly, she called me and I met her there and we were this close to catching Hernly when he got tipped off and ran. I lost him but we busted his accomplices and we got some leads. We were also able to close the place down which pissed off the owners who are now also after Hernly.”

Nora explained a little more about the investigation and speaking to the dancers and then Sheldon interjected.

“Penny should never have put herself in danger like that. I don’t care whether she has a job or not. She will not be going on any more interviews unless they are thoroughly vetted by me first.”

“Sheldon, I don’t think that’ll be a problem. And now is the point where Penny needs to tell you something. Sheldon, be gentle. She is really upset and she feels really violated. I’m not overstating it when I tell you that how you handle the next few minutes could affect your relationship with Penny for the rest of your life, either positively or negatively. Tread lightly.”

“Thank you for your advice, Nora. I will respect your experience in these matters and will endeavor to react to what I am told with appropriate sensitivity.”

“Go be with Penny, Sheldon.”

Nora began to explain to Howard, Bernadette and Raj what Penny had just learned.

Sheldon walked into a darkened bedroom. The curtains were drawn and the lights were out.

“Penny, it’s Sheldon.”

“I’m on the bed, Sheldon. Come over and lie down next to me and hold me. I have to tell you something. I don’t think you’re going to like it.”

“Penny, there are many things I do not like. You are none of them.”

“Nora told you about the strip club, right? I’m sorry.”

“Penny, you were tricked into doing something Ill-advised. I am certain you have learned from the experience.”

“I have, Moonpie. Believe me, I have.”

“We will need to take measures to be certain that this does not happen again. Your job search will need to be put on hold until those measures are in place.”

“I don’t think that’s going to be an issue, Sheldon. But let’s not get sidetracked.”

“All right.”

“Remember when Nora told us there may have been surveillance cameras in my apartment?”

“I remember everything Penny. You know that.”

“Right. Anyway we found out today that it was definitely Paul Hernly who put them there and that he has pictures and videos of me. Walking around without clothes on and doing stuff.”

“Penny, what could there be? In the space of time when the cameras were in place you were not present in Pasadena part of the time and the rest of the time you were either broken up with Leonard or with me. And the two of us have done nothing that would embarrass us or cause you shame, have we?”

“Of course not, Sheldon. Horndog as I can be, right now I’m really glad that you and I, um, you and I…”

“Have not yet had coitus.”

“Right.”

“Okay. Well we just found out that Hernly gave the stuff he took of me to some other guys and they made DVDs of me to sell.”

“Penny, you are a beautiful woman, clothed or unclothed. You shouldn’t be ashamed of that.”

“Sheldon, remember last Thursday when you felt my breast and got, um, excited and decided to do something about it back in your bedroom.”

“Penny, you know I am uncomfortable speaking about such things.”

“Sheldon, please forgive my bluntness, but I guess circling around it isn’t going to work. You went back to your room to masturbate, didn’t you?”

“Yes. I did. I’m sorry, Penny.”

“Sheldon, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m sure that you being you, you do it regularly, on a schedule.”

“Typically, yes. Thursday was an aberration.”

Sheldon was looking embarrassed and alarmed, as if he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t.

“Sheldon, it’s okay. It’s normal. Even for people who have sex with a partner regularly. Sometimes you just want to or have to so you pleasure yourself. I do it too. And I have some things that I use to help me. Like the chew toy.”

Sheldon was just looking confused.

“Sheldon, it doesn’t mean that I’m unhappy with where we are sexually. It just means that I’m relieving some tension. And I do it thinking of you so it is kind of like you’re there.”

“Penny, I always thought that it would be wrong of me to admit that I think of you when I do that. I felt that I was being unfaithful.”

“Sheldon, we love each other. The fact that when we fantasize we fantasize about each other isn’t embarrassing or even remotely like cheating. It’s actually kind of sweet.”

“Anyway, the DVD has scenes of me doing that, pleasuring myself. Something I thought was absolutely private is out there for the whole world to see. I feel so violated. I’m so, so sorry, Sheldon. I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore.”

“Penny, you did not willingly do this. You were completely unaware of it. Why would I judge you for doing something that, if I understand, was a demonstration of your love for me? If I did that I would be a cad. The only person who bears guilt for this situation is Paul Hernly. And if anything, I now love you more than I did the moment I walked into this room. You deserve and shall have my support. And if the judgment of others falls undeservedly upon you, I will be by your side to deflect it. Always.”

“Sheldon, I love you. I don’t know why I was scared you would flip out.”

“Penny, though I still have issues with human sexuality and the germs and fluids involved, I am well aware that they are my issues and that you have been more understanding of my reticence and more supportive of my pacing than I could ever have believed possible. For that and so many other reasons I love you.”

“Shelly, I love you and I know that when you’re ready it’ll all be fine. You’re worth waiting for.”

“As are you, Penny. I truly do not believe you will have to wait for me very much longer.”

“Yay.”

“And I must observe that you and Nora have become very close very quickly.”

“I know. We’ve been together almost the whole day and we just clicked. It’s like reuniting with someone I’ve known forever. And Sheldon…she reads comic books and has for a long time. And she loves shoes. She’s going to fit right in with all of us.”

“You sensed she would fit in and you were, as usual, correct. Do you need to wash up before we rejoin our friends for dinner?”

“Okay. Come with me and we’ll go back out together.”

“All right.”

After washing up, Sheldon and Penny joined the others. Bernadette came over to give Penny a hug and Howard and Raj had looks of concern.

“Before today’s events and based upon the discovery that there may have been cameras secretly installed in Penny’s apartment I had considered asking Howard to scour the internet in search of any materials that could possibly show Penny in a light she would not prefer. Howard is quite adept at such a task. First, Bernadette do you have any objection to your husband doing such a thing and second, Nora, what is your opinion of Howard undertaking such an endeavor?”

“I know that my Howie used to be kind of a perv and spent a lot of time looking at stuff I would prefer he never look at again. However, if Penny needs him to do this I trust that he’s doing it for the right reasons. He just better not enjoy it. It’ll be kind of like him using his powers for good instead of evil.”

“Bernie, I promise that if Nora agrees that this is a good idea that what I will do will be a purely academic exercise. I’ll only willing to do it for Penny to protect her.”

“Thank you, you guys.”

“Actually, like I’ve said, the police don’t really have the resources to track this as well as we should. Howard, if you find anything at all just send the web address and ISP to me and I’ll handle the legal stuff. We should be able to get anything you find taken down within 24 hours. Penny, do you have a problem with me giving Howard a copy of the DVD so he knows what he’s looking for.”

“Wow. I don’t know. Guys, you know what’s on there. It’s really, really personal. And, Howard, the old you would have killed to see something like that.”

“Penny, I’m ashamed to say that you’re absolutely right. But Bernie gives me everything I need now. I defer to her and you, Penny. All I can do is promise that I will never bring it up with you or anyone else. I won’t make or share copies of it. Whatever I see on that DVD or on the web I will take to my grave. And I can say that knowing that if I break my word Bernie and you will put me in my grave.”

“You got that right!” Bernadette and Penny said at the same time.

“Raj, I remember that you have also been known to visit those area of the internet. I’d appreciate if you could help Howard if your can.”

“I will do whatever I can to help you, Penny. I will not allow this violation of your privacy to stand.”

Sheldon joined the conversation.

“And nothing of this is to leave this group. Information about this is not to be shared with Leonard, Amy or Priya. Do you understand?”

“Yeah, we get it. Don’t like it, but we get it.”

Sheldon’s phone pinged.

“Hmmm. I’ve received a text from Amy Farrah Fowler. And she seems to be perturbed.”

SHELDON WHERE ARE YOU. I AM AT YOUR APARTMENT FOR PIZZA NIGHT. LEONARD INFORMED ME HIS ATTACK WAS PENNY’S FAULT. YOU ARE NOT SAFE. YOU MUST GET AWAY FROM HER. AMY FARRAH FOWLER.

“It looks like Leonard is manipulating Amy Farrah Fowler in order to convince me to leave you, Penny.”

Penny’s phone pinged.

I DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE PENNY BUT STAY AWAY FROM SHELDON. YOU GOT LEONARD INJURED AND I WON’T ALLOW YOU TO HARM SHELDON. DR. AMY FARRAH FOWLER.

Howard, Bernadette and Raj’s phones pinged.

YOU WOULD BE WELL ADVISED TO AVOID PENNY OR YOU COULD SUFFER BODILY HARM. IT IS HER FAULT LEONARD WAS INJURED. AMY FARRAH FOWLER.

Penny was just in shock. It looked like Leonard had gotten her self-appointed “bestie” to turn on her.

“I have to speak to her. I have to convince her it’s not true.”

“Penny, no. I’m also upset about this turn of events but Amy is allowing Leonard to manipulate her. If we reach out to try and correct her misapprehension we will still not be able to trust her.”

“But Leonard getting hurt is kind of my fault.”

Nora jumped in.

“No, Penny. None of this is your fault. None of it. Your friend, and I use the term very loosely, Dr. Hofstader, is obviously trying to sew chaos and turn this situation to his advantage. And this Amy person is either willingly or stupidly going along with him on it. I’ve seen this kind of thing before. With everything that’s going on, you do not need them in your life right now. They have chosen to make this situation about themselves. They won’t help you and they could very well cause great harm. I know Hofstader is going away for a while. That’s good. Hopefully Amy will come around in time but it seems clear to me that she is not interested in being your friend at the moment and you just don’t need her around. I suggest you ignore her texts and hope she calms down in time. You have more important things to deal with.”

“Penny, I have to agree with Nora. Amy Farrah Fowler has made a choice to ally herself with my soon-to-be-ex-roommate. For the time being she will have to accept the ramifications of that choice.”

“Penny, this is making me really sad and I feel really sorry for Amy. I want to speak to Amy about this but I’ll wait a couple of days and I promise that I won’t tell her anything you don’t want me to. A lot of it she wouldn’t understand anyway. In some ways she’s more ignorant of social stuff than Sheldon is.”

“Hey, Shelly has learned a lot. With all that’s been going on he’s been right there for me every second. He hasn’t run out of the room or fainted or anything. Without him I’d have been a much bigger mess by now. My Moonpie has my back.”

“I’d prefer to believe I have all of you, Penny. Not just your back.”

“And you do, sweetie.”

Sheldon’s phone rang this time.

“It’s Amy. Despite the fact that the social contract requires I take her call, I will not. And I am turning off my phone for the evening. Assuming she follows her established methodology I suggest you all do the same. Amy Farrah Fowler is an intelligent woman. Perhaps she will learn from this.”

As Penny’s phone began to ring she turned it off. Bernadette, Howard and Raj followed suit.

“I believe we should eat our pizza now. I placed it in the oven to keep it warm.”

“Good idea, Shelly.”

The group sat around eating pizza and learning more about their new addition, Nora Glass. Howard was happy to find another non-observant Jew in the mix. And they quickly started a roaring discussion on DC’s New52 and whether the old continuity would ever return.

“I believe that, despite its shortcomings and almost complete lack of whimsy The New52 will remain. The sales are respectable and new readers have been brought in. Additionally old fans still have access to the stories they love through trade paperbacks and digital downloads.”

“Sheldon, that may be true. But here’s an example where it doesn’t work. My brother stopped reading comics a while back. With all the publicity he figured he’d try a few books. He said he couldn’t recognize the characters he used to know so well. And he didn’t find them very likable any more. I think the New52 has kind of created a generation gap.”

“That may be true for a bunch of them not being as likable as they used to be, yes. But Batman has been pretty consistent throughout. And he hasn’t been particularly likable for a very long time.”

“Howard’s right. But I think my biggest problem is with characters that were part of Vertigo like Swamp Thing and Animal Man and John Constantine being pulled over into the New52. They no long have the edge they used to, in my opinion.”

Penny was having trouble keeping up with the conversation but was happy to see Nora holding her own. Then the hotel phone rang. Penny was a little worried it might be Amy but she was pretty sure Amy had no idea where they were or how she could possibly find out. She picked it up.

“Hello Penny. I’m sorry I missed your audition earlier.”

Penny tapped Nora on the shoulder and mouthed “It’s Paul Hernly.”

Nora quickly went to the bedroom and called the main desk from her cell to see if she could find out from where he was calling.

“Penny, your friend isn’t going to be able to find me. Is she the same one who was wearing the pantsuit earlier? She’s cute.”

Penny got Nora’s attention again and mouthed “He can see us.”

Nora indicated to everyone to go around and pull all the shades.

“That’s no fun, Penny, pulling all the shades shut. Did your new friend the cop tell you to do that? What else did she tell you to do? And why were the two of you alone in the bathroom for so long? Does your boyfriend know?”

Nora took the phone from Penny.

“Is this Paul Hernly?”

“Who’s this?”

“I’m Detective Glass of the Pasadena Police. I suggest you turn yourself in before things get a lot worse for you.”

“Oh, I’m fine. In fact, I’m really enjoying myself.”

“Well none of your friends are fine. Your pals from Manny’s are in jail and the club’s closed. Your porn pals were dragged away by the mob and we really don’t expect to find them for a very long time. And their place was trashed. Being friends with you is turning into a real liability.”

“I have lots and lots of friends. And I’ve been able to do pretty much everything I want. Penny destroyed my life and I’ll destroy hers. Being her friend will prove to be a much bigger liability. And you won’t ever find me.”

“That’s the fun part, Hernly. Though I’d love to drag you into jail by your nuts, I really don’t need to. The police aren’t the only ones after you. And those other folks, they don’t follow any of the rules we have to. When they find you they’ll have a lot of fun and you won’t.”

“Nobody’s going to find me. But everybody’s going to find Penny. On the internet.”

Hernly hung up.

Nora’s phone rang. Nora spoke for a second. And then grabbed her gun and badge and started out of the room.

“Lock the door behind me and stay here. Don’t let anyone but me back in. He’s in the hotel. They just told me what room and hotel security is blocking off the area and meeting me there.”

When Nora got to the room she found a camera that was pointed across the courtyard at Penny and Sheldon’s window and a device hooked up to the camera and the room phone that enabled them to be operated remotely. Hernly was nowhere to be found. Nora asked hotel security to review the security camera records from the hallway cameras. She wanted to know exactly who went in and out of that room for the entire time that Penny and Sheldon had been staying at the hotel. Normally it would require a warrant but the hotel manager was very upset that someone was able to harass his guests so was being very cooperative. Nora called Penny and Sheldon’s room and asked if Howard could join her.

“Howard, is there a way to figure out where the signal that controlled the camera and phone was coming from and where they were broadcasting to?”

“I think so. It’s possible.”

“Do you think our tech guys can do it?”

“I don’t think Hernly is doing this himself, Nora. From what I know of him from Penny and her mom, he’s not that tech savvy. I think he’s probably working with a hacker. And the hacker is probably masking his signal. It’ll be hard to find and track. But I might be able to help with that.”

“How?”

“Well you know that I installed “security” cameras in Sheldon and Penny’s building and I can operate them remotely?”

“Yeah, I remember that from The Cheesecake Factory tape you sent over to me.”

“Well, when I was checking the cameras a couple of months ago I noticed there was another signal going out from nearby. I didn’t think much of it but I noted all the specs in case I needed to piggy-back on it to boost my signal.”

“You’re starting to lose me, Howard.”

“Okay. I’m about to make an assumption that Hernly used the same hacker and that hacker masked his signal with a bunch of ghosts.”

“Okay.”

“Well, what I’m thinking is if you compare the signal here to the one that I recorded and you find one common signal that’s the one you should track and it should lead you to the hacker. And maybe, if he’s been working with Hernly all along…”

“That leads me to Hernly. That’s brilliant, Howard.”

“Actually it’s more devious than brilliant. And there’s a lot of ifs here. And also how hard the hacker tried to hide.”

“Howard, get me the info you have ASAP and I’ll get our techs working on it. And maybe you might want to use some of their equipment to do your thing.”

“Thanks, Nora, but I kind of have access to stuff and connections that you guys don’t. You might want to give me what you find. The only problem might be that what I can do may not be entirely legal. You might not be able to use what I find in court but it could get you to Hernly faster.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I, through friends and colleagues, kind of have access to NASA satellites and mainframes and things like that. I’m an astronaut after all.”

“What?!!”

“You’re new, Nora, and Penny probably hasn’t had a chance to give you our full bios, but, in a way, you just joined a group of super-heroes.”

“My day keeps getting better and better. Why don’t you get back to the room and then get that info to me ASAP. And I’ll send you what I have. Maybe we can work it from both ends, me legally to build a case and you doing what you do that I really don’t want to know anything about. We’ll see what we come up with and the priority is stopping Hernly. Okay? I’ll talk to you later.”

Howard ran back to Penny and Sheldon’s room.

“Bernie, we have to go. Nora gave me an assignment and I have to get on it right away. Raj, I need you to come with us. We’re probably going to be working late.”

“Are we going to search for the video of Penny?”

“Not yet. There’s something even bigger right now. I’ll explain in the car. Nora will explain to you guys when she gets back.”

Howard, Bernadette and Raj left Penny and Sheldon in the suite waiting anxiously for Nora, who returned a half hour later.

“Hotel security reviewed their tapes and the only person who entered and left the room with the camera was one of the bellboys. He’s being picked up now. I’m guessing Hernly followed you to the hospital and from there to the hotel and paid off the bellboy to keep track of you and set up the equipment in a room that was “off-line” for repairs. The hotel manager is really upset about this whole thing. You guys are being moved to another suite and they’re covering the expense. The guys who move your stuff will be hotel security. Since you’ve now actually been threatened there’ll be someone next door to you at all times. Say hello to your new neighbor, me. I’ll be supervising the investigation from here and all communications in and out will be monitored. By the way, your friend Amy is about to get a kind of a scare. Because the texts she sent were borderline threatening she’s being brought into the station for questioning.”

“Oh, poor Amy.”

“Penny, I get what you’re feeling, but this might actually help get your friend back… if she understands that the one in danger is actually you.”

“Penny, Nora my be correct.”

“Nora, what’s the deal with Howard?”

“Howard had a really good suggestion and if it works we’ll be a lot closer to nailing Hernly. Is he really an astronaut or is that some kind of geeky thing I don’t understand.”

“It’s true, Nora. Howard’s been on the International Space Station and everything. He’s been doing stuff with NASA as long as I’ve known him. One tip, though. I know he’s reformed and he’s my good friend and all but if he ever asks you if you want to drive a car on Mars, don’t take him up on it.”

“O…kay. Sorry for the chaos. Hotel Security will be here soon to move your stuff. This is the key to your new suite. The hotel manager will be here in a minute to take you there. His name is Manuel and he’s a real sweetheart and like said, he’s upset about all this. He’ll treat you right. I need to go home and pick up some stuff and have some other things I need to take care of. Hotel security will be stationed outside this room and your new one when you get there. Will you still be awake in a couple of hours?”

“Probably. I don’t see how I could sleep at all at this point.”

“Okay. I’ll knock on your door in a couple of hours when I get there. The password is Morpheus.”

“From Sandman.”

“Right.”

“Nora, thank you so much. I don’t know how I could have possibly gotten through today without you.”

“I guess I’m supposed to be the hard-boiled cop and say “It’s my job, miss,” but I really like you guys and I want to make sure you stay safe.”

“Nora, we’ve only known you for a short time but you have already proven to be a good friend. Thank you.”

 


	18. 18 - The Plennary Transition

**18 - The Plennary Transition**

 

Sheldon and Penny were a little overwhelmed by everything that was going on but Sheldon organized everything they had with them for transport. He suddenly realized that between what he had brought over from North Robles and what he and Penny had accumulated through shopping over the past couple of days, they had quite a lot of stuff with them. But Sheldon came up with an organizational plan and it was all ready to move to their new suite in short order. While they were waiting they both realized that with the exception of Penny’s Hernly-related adventures they hadn’t really caught up with each other on the day’s events.

“Sheldon, how did things go at work? What kind of shape was your office in?”

“My white boards were smashed as well as my computer. Happily I keep very few personal effects in my office so the only item on that account that was destroyed was a photograph of Meemaw, Mom and Missy that is easily replaced. Gabelhauser is having the office repainted and I selected new furniture and ordered replacement white boards. I’ll also be getting a newer, bigger computer.”

“Did you lose any of your work?”

“Since I recall everything that was written on my white boards and I backup all of my research to a secure partition on the university server each night it seems that all I have actually lost at CalTech is time that I must now spend reconstructing things and that photograph of Meemaw, Mom and Missy.”

“I’m glad it wasn’t worse.”

“Dr. Gabelhauser’s assistant was quite upset though. It seems Hernly made quite a mess of her desk and since she lacks my eidetic memory she cannot remember what exactly was there when she left Monday evening. I would offer to assist her but I was not near her desk at all that day. However, if she wished to know what was on her desk last Thursday I would be able to be of great assistance.”

“It’s nice that you thought of helping her, Sheldon.”

“I would think that it is more a matter of returning things to their preferred state than helping.”

“Anyway, I have news. I got a job.”

“Penny, did I not say that any interviews and work opportunities must be vetted by me in light of today’s events?”

“You did and I appreciate it but when you said that I had already accepted the position and I think you’ll be okay with it anyway.”

“I assume that you will not be dancing without your clothing.”

“Sheldon! I will only be doing that for you. When the time comes.”

Sheldon blushed.

“What will your new position be?”

“I’m going to be working in the costume shop at the studio replacing somebody who’s on maternity leave. It’s temporary but the hours are flexible and the pay is really good, much better than The Cheesecake Factory. And I’ll be able to hear about auditions and other opportunities. Plus, we know people there and the studio has guards at the gates. They already have pictures of Hernly up with instructions to hold him for the police if he shows up. What do you think?”

“I believe that this is an opportunity you could have moved on to even if The Cheesecake Factory had not suffered damage from a fire.”

“I know, right? I start Monday. Now remember, it’s only temporary, but as soon as we’re settled back at North Los Robles I’ll have to go shopping for a car. Between work and school, the bus isn’t going to cut it and the lease won’t last forever.”

“I received an email from our insurance representative, Mr. Terling, this afternoon with some interesting information in that regard. One of the leasing companies he deals with is selling their 2013 fleet of cars and upgrading to 2014 models. They have an almost new Volkswagon Golf Cabriolet colored red available for a very reasonable price. I asked him to investigate and the “Check Engine” light is not on. I requested that it be held until we could discuss it.”

“Oh Sheldon. What an amazing coincidence! Do you think we can afford it?

“Mr. Terling believes a very beneficial bargain can be struck. I’ve taken the liberty of making an appointment for us to see and test drive it on Sunday. Fortuitously I received an email from Leonard informing me that he and Amy would be going to the apartment that day to collect items he will be taking to New Jersey with him. Since I would prefer to not be present when they are there everything works out well.”

“Well, I certainly have no plans for Sunday. Perhaps we should plan to have a nice brunch here and then go see the car. After that, how about we take in a movie?”

“As long as Nora approves our plan it is acceptable. Should we invite her along?”

“Yeah, I don’t know how she’s going to feel about any of this. Now that she’s kind of protecting me full-time I guess we need to run it all by her and go with what she says.”

“That sounds like an eminently sensible course of action.”

They heard a knock on the door.

Sheldon went over and asked “Who is it?”

The person answered “It’s Manuel, the manager. Um…Morpheus?”

Sheldon opened the door and let him in.

“Dr. Cooper, Miss Penny, please accept the hotel’s deepest apologies for what happened earlier this evening. Anyone found to have been involved will, of course, be immediately terminated and fully prosecuted. Please accept our hospitality and we will move your items to a larger, much more secure suite. And the remainder of your stay with us will, of course, be compliments of the Langham Huntington Hotel. May I escort you to your new suite?”

“Thank you, Manuel. You and your staff, with the exception of any that might have assisted with this evening’s unfortunate events, have been more than kind. Please lead on.”

Penny and Sheldon had been impressed with the suite they were in. When they got to the new suite they were shocked. There were two full bedrooms, each with king-size bed, a flat screen tv and its own bathtub-for-two and there was a sauna, a large living room with a 60” flat screen tv, a kitchen and a balcony.

“Wow!”

“As I said, the suite is _gratis_ for the remainder of your stay. Please inform us how long that will be at your convenience. If there is anything the hotel can do for you please do not hesitate to ask.”

“Manuel, as we said, you have been more than kind. As the length of our stay is governed by progress on the repairs required to our homes, I will pass on that information as soon as it is available to me. As for our stay being _gratis_ , we do appreciate it very much, but as it is being covered by our insurance and I have been paying premiums for several years, it is my feeling that it is incumbent upon them to contribute to covering the cost.”

“Dr. Cooper, I completely understand. How about this? If there is any difference between the cost of this room and what the insurance company is willing to pay, the hotel will absorb that cost. In addition, we will award you a one-week free pass to stay at any of our hotels at some point in the future.”

Penny jumped up.

“We accept. We accept. Thank you so much!”

“Thank you, Manuel for attempting to turn a negative situation into a positive one. It is deeply appreciated.”

“I will take my leave now. Hotel security is stationed in the hall. And the hotel kitchen has been instructed to prepare you anything you like at any time of the night or day.”

“You will find our tastes are quite simple but, again, thank you. Good evening.”

Penny and Sheldon plopped down on the big overstuffed couch, Sheldon on the left and Penny in the center.

“Sheldon, this is amazing.”

“It is quite nice, Penny.”

“Y’know, Nora said it’ll be a while till she gets back. It’s been a long day and a difficult evening. Fancy a bubble bath?”

“That sounds like a lovely idea. Let us just relax until our possessions arrive. It won’t take very long for me to unpack. Then we can bathe and await Nora, then bed.”

“Sounds good, sweetie.”

There was a knock on the door. Security had arrived with their things. It took Sheldon less than twenty minutes to unpack and put everything away. By then Penny had the bubble bath ready.

The bathrooms in the new suite were even larger than the other one and each faced a large picture window with a lovely view of the hotel estate. Not a single other room in the hotel faced theirs so their view was clear, unobstructed and private. Penny turned out the lights in the bathroom and the two of them relaxed and bathed in the moonlight that came through the window. Penny thought that it was probably the most romantic setting that she had ever been in. She couldn’t help herself and leaned over to give Sheldon a big kiss. Sheldon kissed her back and draped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. Penny could kind of tell that Sheldon was getting a bit excited but decided to let the moment be because it was so, so perfect. They lay in the tub in silence and smiled and it was just about perfect.

When they were ready to get out of the tub they silently got out and put on their big fluffy robes. It seemed as though they were now done with closing their eyes, past peeking and just comfortable. It just felt nice. And Penny kept thinking “baby steps” but she knew that it was feeling more like giant steps.

Sheldon grabbed the remote and found a Firefly rerun on the Science Channel. The two of them watched in silence and relaxed on the couch until Nora knocked on the door.

 


	19. 19 - The Suite Revision

**19 - The Suite Revision**

 

Penny and Sheldon were sitting on the couch watching TV. Actually Sheldon was sitting on the couch. Penny was laying on the couch, her head comfortably resting on Sheldon’s lap while Sheldon unconsciously stroked her hair. They both jumped a little when they heard the knocking at the door. Penny straightened up and Sheldon went to answer the knocking.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Nora. Morpheus”

Sheldon opened the door and let Nora in and led her to the couch in the living room. There was a second couch perpendicular to the one Penny was on and Nora took a seat there. Sheldon returned to his new spot next to Penny.

“And I thought the first place was pretty nice. This one puts it to shame. And the one they put me in is pretty nice too.”

“Nora, y’know you could stay in the second bedroom here if you like.”

“Can’t do it, Penny. They’re setting up equipment across the hall to monitor the phone in here and the area around and outside. It has to be watched at all times and I’m also keeping track of what our techs at the station and your friend Howard are doing to track down Hernly’s hacker and the photos and video of you on the web.”

“Nora, do you anticipate being able to eliminate those materials?”

“It may be early enough to be possible. The longer it’s out there the harder it’ll be. I have some good news though.”

“What?”

“The bellboy who set up the camera and phone for Hernly is in custody. He’s scared out of his mind and telling us everything. Hernly paid him $500 to do it and showed him how. My partner went to the place where they met up and Hernly had already left but he left a bunch of stuff behind, including a laptop and more of those DVDs with you on them. We’re hoping that by triangulating information that we got here, from Howard and the laptop we’ll be able to track down the hacker pretty quickly.”

“Nora, though I wish it didn’t exist, have you a copy of the DVD that we can examine?”

“Sheldon, I don’t want you to see that. I don’t want anyone to see it.”

“Penny, I’m sorry to say it, but at this point I have to point out that people have seen it. We may be able to stop any more from seeing it, but it’s out there. You guys are going to have to accept that. And you probably ought to at some point take a look at it. And that kind of brings up another thing I wanted to talk to you guys about.”

“What would that be, Nora?”

“Penny, you’ve been through a lot this week. You’re going through a lot. You’ve lost your job. You’ve lost your home. You may have even lost a couple of friends. It may get worse before it starts to gets better. You have a guy who’s supporting you and good friends behind you but even though I’ve only known you for a little while I can tell it’s starting to take a toll. Do you see anyone professionally?”

“You mean like a psychiatrist?”

“Or a psychologist or a social worker or a priest or rabbi?”

“Well, when I was back in Omaha I was getting counseling from the pastor and going to AA meetings but since I came back I’ve only been going to meetings, and not that regularly either.”

“Considering our shared “problem” I’m kind of surprised you haven’t kicked back and gotten really drunk yet but I think it might make some sense for you to go to meetings a little more regularly and maybe look for a therapist. I can give you some numbers for services that charge on a sliding scale so you can afford it and when I can I’d be happy to go to meetings with you. I’m a little irregular myself.”

“Penny, despite my belief that much of psychotherapy and its supporting theories is hokum, I concur with Nora that you may need another party to share these experiences with and work through them.”

“But, I already share everything with you, Sheldon. You’re all I need.”

“Though I appreciate your faith and trust, Penny, I have no direct experience with the trauma you are undoubtedly suffering and much of what I know is from reading about it. I have learned that in such cases where people are involved an academic approach may not be the correct one. I will always be there for you but it may also make sense for you to discuss these things with an uninvolved party who has more relevant knowledge.”

“Well, if you guys both think this is a good idea, I’ll make some calls tomorrow and then let you check out who I find, Sheldon.”

“Penny, ultimately the choice is yours and yours alone. I will only research their backgrounds and other relevant data to be certain that someone is not a charlatan. Whether or not you “click” with a therapist is something only you will know.”

“Sounds good, sweetie.”

“Okay, so you two have had a long and eventful day and I’m sure you would just like to go to sleep. I’ll leave you to that. What are the plans for tomorrow?”

“My office at CalTech is not yet ready so I will take the bus over to our apartment building and begin cleanup procedures. I have communicated with the 2311 North Los Robles Tenants Association and a representative will meet with me there to review the necessary repairs and our proposal for improvements to our apartment. Penny, since we have already discussed and agreed on these matters your attendance is not required.”

“Shelly, I have faith in your ability to handle the business-y stuff and negotiations with the landlord. I’m not exactly their favorite tenant so me not being there will probably be a good thing.”

“Penny, your absence is never a good thing, but I understand your meaning.”

“Okay, you guys are just so damned cute. Penny, what will you be up to?”

“Actually, I do have a bunch of stuff to do. I have to go to the studio and fill out some paperwork for the new job so I get paid and then I have to go to Pasadena City College to finalize my registration for classes this semester and get my schedule and make sure the studio paid my bill. Then tomorrow night Howard, Raj and Bernadette will be meeting us here for Chinese food and vintage video games. You’re welcome to join us if you want.”

“That would be nice but it depends on where we get on the investigation tomorrow. You may want to check with Howard and Raj about their availability too?”

“I thought you were off tomorrow.”

“I won’t be taking any days off until Hernly gets caught. Give me a call before you leave the studio. Either me or someone I designate will meet you there. I know you’re safe at the studio but I want someone with you when you’re out and about and the college is wide open. I don’t want Hernly finding you alone. Good night, guys. If you need me for any reason I’m right across the hall and you have my cell number.”

“Good night, Nora.”

“Good night, Nora. Thank you for everything.”

 


	20. 20 - The Orbital Discovery

**20 - The Orbital Discovery**

 

The next morning Sheldon put on his bus pants and headed over to 2311 North Los Robles. He preferred beginning the preparation for cleaning up his damaged apartment alone. He knew what belonged to him, what was Leonard’s and what was common property and planned to organize and label things appropriately. He also wanted to detail everything that would need to be done to restore the apartment to livable condition and prepare it for its new occupation paradigm.

Penny drove to the studio in the lease and filled out all the necessary paperwork. Since she was already technically employed by the studio she was able to skip some of it but was happy to learn from the Human Resources representative that she qualified for medical coverage which included outpatient mental health services. She collected information on which therapists were in the network and gave Nora a call when she was done.

“Penny, my partner Stan will meet you in ten minutes. I think we might have something here.”

“What?”

“I’m not really sure. It’s a tech-y thing but my guys found something on the DVD that might help get it off the Internet.”

“Okay. Let me know what happens.”

“Will do.”

No sooner had Nora hung up than her cell rang. It was Howard.

“Nora, I think we have him. The hacker lives in Glendale and, if the satellite is right, ten minutes ago Hernly walked into his house.”

“Satellite?”

“Don’t ask. But infrared imaging says three people and a bunch of computer equipment are in that house. I’ll text you the info. You should probably hurry.”

Nora sent another detective to get the necessary warrants signed and meet them in Glendale and told her supervisor what was going on. He called the Glendale police at let them know what was happening and to organize logistical assistance. She ran down to her car and a group of uniformed cops met her in squad cars. They all headed for Glendale.

 


	21. 21 - The Glendale Expedition

**21 - The Glendale Expedition**

Detective Nora Glass and the other Pasadena police pulled up to a nice suburban home in Glendale about 15 minutes later. Another car pulled up a moment later and handed Nora a sheaf of papers. She rang the bell and an approximately 40-year-old woman came to the door.

“Hello? May I help you?”

“Ma’am, I’m Detective Glass of the Pasadena Police and I have a warrant to search these premises.”

“Um. Why?”

Nora pulled out a photo of Paul Hernly.

“Do you know this man?”

“Yes, that’s Bryan’s writing teacher. He was just here. He left a few minutes ago.”

Detective Glass called over one of the other policemen and whispered a few things to him. He went over to his squad car and began barking orders into his radio, then got in and sped off.

“Who is Bryan?”

“My son.”

“May we speak to him?”

“Is he in trouble?”

“He may be. Does he have a computer?”

“He has quite a bit of computer equipment. We even had to install a special air conditioner for him.”

“Ma’am, please take us to him. Now.”

Detective Glass and two other officers were led to a set of stairs and then down to a basement filled with computer equipment, much of it in a state of disrepair. However, further in was a series of consoles and monitors that looked like a control room at NASA. A kid who looked to be about 16 years old was seated at one of them. He quickly turned around.

“Mom, I told you you’re not allowed down here!”

“Bryan, these are the police. They have a warrant. What did you do?”

The kid looked scared. He actually looked to be on the brink of tears.

“I…I didn’t want to do it. He made me.”

The two officers with Nora began looking around the basement.

“Bryan, I’m Detective Glass. Who made you do what?”

At this point the kid was actually crying.

“Mr. Hernly. My writing teacher. Well he was my writing teacher.”

“What did he make you do?”

“He made me cyberstalk this lady for him. He wanted to know where she was all the time.”

“What else, Bryan?”

“And he made me show him how to remotely work cameras and then he put them where she lived and made me record her doing stuff.”

“And?”

“He had me make a DVD of her and post stuff from it on some porno websites.”

“Bryan, why did you do all this?”

“I go to a special school for kids who are good with computers and stuff. It was really hard to get into. He was my writing teacher a couple of years ago and one of the things I wrote about was what I found when I used to hack websites, all kinds of websites. And I guess some of it was illegal. Anyway, at first said he’d pay me to set up a website and a blog for him and then he told me he was working on a tv show and he asked me to host a blog for him and teach him about the cameras. Then the tv show got cancelled and I didn’t see him for a while. He showed up about a month ago and said if I didn’t do what he asked he’d tell my parents and the police about my hacking and get me thrown out of school.”

“Detective, I’m becoming a bit uncomfortable here. I think I should call an attorney. And maybe Bryan shouldn’t say any more.”

“Ma’am, I won’t lie to you. Bryan could be in some legal trouble. But if what he’s telling me is true, it sounds more like he’s been another victim of this creep, Paul Hernly. It’s completely up to you, but I hope Bryan might be able to help us catch this guy. The more he can tell us about him, the better things will go.”

“Mom, I want to help. Mr. Hernly is a bad guy and someone has to stop him. He’s going to hurt someone. Maybe even you.”

“Bryan, this has obviously been going on for some time. Why didn’t you say something to me?”

“Mom, he said if I told anyone about what he was doing he’d hurt you. He said he’d burn the house down with us in it.”

“Bryan, you tell the officers everything you know about that creep.”

“I felt really bad about watching that lady. She was really pretty seemed really nice and she didn’t know that everything she was doing was being recorded. Mr. Hernly said she ruined his life so he was going to ruin hers. He made me post the recordings and pictures of her on pornography web sites.”

“Bryan, do you know where Mr. Hernly is now or where he might be going?”

“No. He just shows up. When he left before he said it might be a while until he came back but that he was watching me and I better not tell anyone anything or he’d hurt me. I’m scared.”

“Bryan, here’s what’s going to happen. You and your mom and your lawyer are going to meet me at the Pasadena Police Station in a little while. We’re going to write down everything you tell me and anything else you remember about Paul Hernly and what he’s done, what he’s doing and where he might be. You may be charged with being an accessory but I’m going to try to convince the District Attorney not to do that but you are probably going to have to do something to make up for what you did. And your access to the Internet and computers might be restricted.”

“But computers are everything to me!”

“Like I said, I don’t know what we’ll be able to work out, but I don’t think you’re a bad kid. I think you’re a victim here just like my friend Penny, that’s the lady you’ve been stalking. I’m also going to leave a couple of officers here to protect you and your mom just in case Hernly comes back.”

“Um, I did something that might be able to help you.”

“What was that Bryan?”

“I put something in all the files. Something that’ll mess them up and any computers they get put on. Hernly doesn’t know.”

 “Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. When we come back from the Police Station a friend of mine is going to meet us here. You’re going to tell him everything you did for Hernly and all about what you did to the files.”

“Okay. Please tell that lady I’m really, really sorry.”

“For now the files are evidence but eventually all of them will need to be destroyed.”

“Okay. I don’t have a problem with that.”

As they all left for the station, Nora took out her phone and called Howard Wolowitz.

“Howard? It’s Nora…Detective Glass.”

“Yeah, we found the hacker but missed Hernly by a few minutes.”

“He’s a kid. A really scared kid who’s more of a victim than a perpetrator. Hernly threatened to hurt him and his mother and get him thrown out of school.”

“Yeah, it does sound like the creep’s MO. Listen the kid, his name’s Bryan, he says he buried some kind of code in everything.”

“Howard, feel like taking a trip out here to Glendale to speak to that kid? I have a feeling you might be kindred spirits. Also, it might be good if the kid met someone he could look up to. No, not literally, he’s about your height. I think he’s maybe not a bad kid. He just did some bad stuff. Under duress.”

“I thought you might. I’ll text you his address. You can come by and look at his set-up while he’s at the station giving his statement. He said he’d help get rid of the Penny stuff but I also want you to go over everything he did for Hernly and explain it all to me in plain English. I’m leaving a couple of officers here to watch the place and I’ll let them know you’re coming. Yeah, normally we’d just take everything apart and bring it down to the station but I kinda think that would cost us time.”

“Bring Raj along if you want but I don’t think Sheldon really wants to see any of that stuff.”

“Yes, Howard. It’s weird. I’ve known them less than a week and they _are_ a wacky pair. But it works for them and, hell, I am in no position to judge.”

“Let me know what you find out. Will you be at the hotel for Chinese food and vintage video games later?”

“I don’t really blame them at all for trying to insert some normalcy into a crazy week and if that’s a way of doing it, well, since they invited me I’m happy to join in. See you later.”

 


	22. 22 - The Paternal Update

**22 - The Paternal Update**

Penny had finished everything she needed to do at City College and returned to the hotel, followed by Nora’s partner, Stan. She went back up to the suite, ordered some late lunch and tried to get herself ready to make a phone call she’d been putting off.

“Hi, Dad.”

“Hi, honey. How are you doing?”

“Not so great. I mean, things could be a lot worse, but I guess I’m okay.”

“Have they caught that guy yet?”

“No, but they think they might be close. The detective in charge and I have kind of gotten friendly so I think she’s telling me everything. The reason I’m calling is, well, there’s something I think you and mom should know about and it’s, um, it’s something I wish I didn’t have to tell you.”

“Penny, you know you can tell me anything. You’ve kind of seen me at my worst and I don’t think there’s anything you could say to me that would make me love you any less, slugger.”

“This might.”

“Dancing around it will only make it worse. Say what you need to say.”

“Dad, Mom told you about her and Paul Hernly, right?”

“What she told me was tough to hear, but she said she told me everything.”

“She didn’t know about this.”

“Penny, tell me.”

“At some point when Mom was staying in my apartment when he was there he planted cameras all over the place.”

“I’ll kill him.”

“It gets worse, Dad.”

“He recorded me doing stuff. Private stuff. Without any clothes on.”

“Oh, honey.”

“Dad, it’s probably on the Internet by now.”

“Oh my God.”

“The police and my friends are working on getting rid of it but you know what the Internet is like. Sooner or later somebody you know is going to find it and you and Mom need to figure out how to handle it. They’re going to call me bad things and say worse things that you won’t want to hear.”

“Penny, some creep committed a crime and took pictures and video of you when you didn’t know. It’s not about you. It may be embarrassing but it isn’t anything you did. We love you and we’re proud of the person you are. Hernly will never be able to take that away from us.”

Penny started crying into the phone.

“I don’t deserve you guys.”

“Honey, we went through some rough times with you when you were growing up. When you discovered guys you seemed to zero in on the most worthless ones you could find. And then you just up and left for California. I have to admit your mother and I were worried for a long time. We thought we’d lost you. And then you moved to Pasadena and made some new friends and they were a good influence on you and you started to change. And then you went and helped me and your Mom when we were in bad shape. And I have faith that Mom and me will eventually be back together and better than ever and that wouldn’t have happened without you making it happen. You’re a better person than you think, Penny, you can’t let that creep take that away from you. We won’t allow it.

“Thanks, Dad.”

“Penny, how’s Sheldon handling this? I haven’t heard from him since he warned us about Hernly.”

“Dad, he’s been amazing. He’s been incredibly supportive. I couldn’t have gotten through this without him and it’s made us a lot closer.”

“I’m glad. He’s a good man. I’m really looking forward to meeting him.”

“Um, Dad, when all the repairs are done to his apartment I’m moving in with him. I mean, I’ll have my own bedroom but we talked about that not being the case forever.”

“I thought Sheldon lived with Leonard.”

“Leonard’s moving out and I don’t want to say any more about him than that.”

“I understand, honey, and I’m sorry I kept pushing the two of you together. I know now he wasn’t right for you.”

“Dad, I’m just as responsible. I thought I loved him and I didn’t want to see he wasn’t the right guy. Now things between us are really bad. I hope that someday the two of us can be friends again. Right now we’re just not. I’m sorry he got beat up and it was kind of because of me but I don’t love him and I’m not sure I ever really did.”

“So you think Sheldon’s the guy.”

“Dad, I know Sheldon’s the guy. Listen, I’ll keep you guys updated and I’ll remind Sheldon he owes you an email. I really like that you guys are becoming friends.”

“I like him, honey. And as long as he’s doing right by you he’s doing right by me. And I know why you called me instead of your mother. I’ll tell her all about this Internet nonsense and I know it’ll upset her and she’ll feel responsible.”

“Dad, Mom’s just another in a long line of Paul Hernly’s victims and it’s only a matter of time until the law catches up with him. The list of charges against him is getting longer by the day. He’ll be going away for a long, long time.”

“Penny, are you okay for money. I know you’re not working and your stuff is all gone.”

“Dad, it’s just stuff. I didn’t tell you this, mainly because I didn’t know, but Sheldon bought an insurance policy on my apartment and my stuff five years ago, when I barely knew him. He’s been watching out for me and he says it’s just because he thought it was the right thing to do. All my stuff will be replaced. My life is going to get better. The only thing I really need I have and that’s Sheldon.”

“Well, as soon as you two are settled your Mom and I will be out for a visit. She told me how you two are together but I have to see it for myself. I don’t doubt you at all but I want to witness what you have in person so that maybe some of it can rub off on us.”

“Daddy, you guys have it already. You just stopped seeing it for a while. It just might take some time. Be patient.”

Penny laughed.

“What’s so funny, honey?”

“Did you ever in your life think that I would turn into a person who preached patience?”

“Penny, I have to admit you put us through some trying times but the person you turned into, the person you are…it was all worth it.”

“Thanks, Dad. Listen, I gotta go. I’m waiting for an update from Nora…my detective friend. I’ll let you know what happens. And be gentle with Mom.”

“I will. Take care, slugger. Talk to you soon.”

 


	23. 23 – The Vintage Video Vindication

**23 – The Vintage Video Vindication**

Detective Glass called Penny to let her know she was on her way over from the station. Sheldon called a minute later to say he was getting on the bus. Penny offered to pick him up but he said he was already wearing his bus pants and quite literally boarding the bus. Penny straightened up the suite living room a little. Sheldon wasn’t comfortable letting housekeeping come in to clean the room. He’d probably give the place a complete cleaning when he got back.

A few minutes later there was a knock on the door. Penny went to the door.

“Who is it?”

Nora answered “Morpheus” and Penny let her in and gave her a hug.

“Is Sheldon back yet?”

“He’s on the bus. He should be here soon.”

“Well, we got Hernly’s hacker. He’s a scared high school kid that Hernly threatened into helping him. He’s been crying most of the afternoon. I left him and his mom working stuff out with the Assistant District Attorney. Hopefully he won’t be punished too harshly.”

“That’s just Hernly ruining another life.”

“Penny, I think he’s probably a good kid. I’d really hate to see his whole life ruined because of Hernly. I kind of had an idea.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m having your friend Howard meet up with him at his house and go over everything he did for Hernly. I kinda hope they bond somehow. Bryan, the kid, could use a positive role model.”

Penny couldn’t help herself. She laughed out loud and almost couldn’t stop.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nora, you’ve met the improved, happily married Howard Wolowitz. When I first met him eight years ago he was a skeevy perv who spent most of his time plotting to get in my panties. Every time he saw me he’d try a creepy pickup line. He planted a camera in a care bear he gave me. I broke his nose once when he tried to kiss me.”

“And you’re friends now?”

“Kinda crazy, isn’t it? I ended up introducing him to his wife. She did most of the work fixing him. But him as a role model? That’s funny! Oh, I’m sure that he’ll do a great job, but if you know the history…”

“Yeah, I guess it would be kinda funny. Listen, I’m sorry we haven’t gotten Hernly yet. I really do think it’s only a matter of time. But between the kid and Howard we should be able to get rid of most of the stuff of you that’s on the Internet.”

“That would be amazing though, again, it’s funny that Howard Wolowitz is going to be making sure that there aren’t naked pictures of me. Kind of ironic. Though, while we’re alone, there’s something I have to know, about Hernly. I mean, because you deal with stuff like this you might be able to explain.”

“I’ll try. What do you want to know?”

“Why the cameras? I mean, at that point he only knew me as a former writing student. He had already stolen my script and my diary. Why did he need to do that? It doesn’t make any sense to me. I know he wanted to fuck me but why do all that?”

“Penny, some of the stuff people like Hernly do defies logic. Though I’m pretty sure you have gotten hit on most of your life I don’t think that what Hernly was doing was about sex at all, even wanting to fuck you. I think it was about power. I think it was about controlling you. And in the beginning I think it was also partly because he wanted to keep getting information from you for his stupid little show. He could have gotten that with an audio bug but at some point he probably decided that he’d need to control you and that having that material would keep you in line. It’s just that you weren’t as stupid as he thought you were and turned the tables on him before he could put his plan into action. He’s been improvising ever since. And now it’s entirely about revenge. He’s totally being driven by his anger and that’s what will eventually trip him up.”

“Do you think he’ll try to hurt me or my friends?”

“He likes to threaten but basically he prefers to do things from a distance. I think Leonard was an accident. He didn’t expect to find him there. When he was visiting your mother in your apartment Leonard was away, right?”

“Yeah, he was on the North Sea on a ship.”

“He probably thought Sheldon lived alone so when he saw the two of you leave that night to go to the fire…”

“He figured he wouldn’t see anyone. Okay, that makes sense. I don’t know if Leonard will see that. He’ll still blame me.”

“Penny, I spoke to Leonard at the hospital the day after Hernly beat him up. That guy has issues. In his head you guys are supposed to be deeply in love and together forever. He’s delusional and he can’t accept that you’ve moved on. He especially can’t accept you and Sheldon, his roommate. He’s absolutely certain that you and him just hit a bump in the road and you’re going to return to him someday. Until then he’s going to blame you for everything bad that happens in his life.”

“I’m not getting back together with him. I’ve told him that over and over again.”

“Honey, I’ve seen you and Sheldon together. I know.”

As if saying his name made him appear, Sheldon walked in at that moment. He walked over to Penny and gave her a kiss.

“Hello, Nora. I trust you’ve had a successful day pursuing miscreants.”

“Hi, Sheldon. Though we haven’t been as successful as I’d prefer to be, I think we had a good day. And in a little while, when we see your friend Howard, we’ll know how successful.”

“I just spoke with Howard. Young Bryan has devised an excellent method of eradicating most of the materials Hernly placed on the Internet to embarrass Penny and it will also, as they say “turn up the heat” on Paul Hernly. Penny, Howard wished to know whether he could bring Bryan over so that he may apologize in person. I told him that it is your decision.”

Penny looked relieved.

“Nora, do you think it’s a good idea.”

“Actually, yes, I do. We’re making sure that Hernly can’t reach out to him again. I don’t believe he’ll reach out to Hernly. Like I said, Bryan is a victim. And he took a chance with what he did to make sure you wouldn’t be further victimized. I think he’s trying to make amends. Apologizing to you in person is part of that.”

“Okay. Sheldon, call Howard and tell him it’s okay.”

 


	24. 24 - The Friday Night Conflagration

**24 - The Friday Night Conflagration**

Nora went across to the suite she was staying in to relieve the day crew, take a shower and change. Penny and Sheldon pretty much did the same. After Sheldon took his shower he called in the order to Szechuan Palace. Bernadette was going to pick it up on her way over.

As Penny had predicted, Sheldon then went about cleaning the suite in preparation for the evening. He took out the cleaning supplies he’d requested the hotel leave for him and proceeded to clean every surface within an inch of its life. He then proceeded to set up the gaming equipment. The suite was supplied with a variety of game consoles and he was looking forward to playing Ms. Pacman on the 60” flat screen. Sheldon had purchased new copies of some of the games that Hernly had destroyed.

Bernadette was the first to arrive, followed by Raj, Howard and Bryan. Nora came over almost immediately after.

Howard began.

“Bryan, I believe you’ve met Detective Glass.”

“Hello again, ma’am.”

“Hello, Bryan”

“This is my wife, Dr. Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz.”

“Nice to meet you ma’am.”

“Nice to meet you, Bryan. Howard told me what you’re doing for my friend, Penny. Thank you.”

“This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper.”

Bryan whispered something into Howard’s ear.

“Yes, Bryan. He’s THE Sheldon.”

“Excuse me, Howard, but why am I THE Sheldon? Are there other Sheldons involved in this situation?”

“In a minute, Sheldon. All will be explained.”

“And this is my good friend Penny.”

“Penny, I’d like you to meet Bryan Richardson. He has something he’d like to say to you.”

Bryan looked very embarrassed. He couldn’t even look at Penny. He just looked down at his feet and shuffled his feet. He looked like he wanted to be anywhere but right there, facing her. Penny suddenly realized that it was likely that every other time Bryan had seen her before she’d been naked. Then she felt embarrassed.

“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.”

“Ma’am, I’m very, very sorry for the part I played in what Mr. Hernly did to you. I shouldn’t have helped him. I should have called the police right away but I was too scared. I hope you’ll give me a chance to make it right.”

And then the tears started falling from his eyes.

Penny went over and gave him a hug.

“Aw, sweetie. I’m sure it’ll be okay. You didn’t know. Paul Hernly fooled me, too. And my mother. And a whole bunch of studio executives. It’s what he does. You didn’t have a chance.”

Howard spoke up.

“Penny, Bryan did something to all the DVDs and pictures of you. Bryan, would you like to explain?”

“When Mr. Hernly first had me remotely connect to the cameras in your house to record you, he told me that you were his girlfriend and that you wanted him to do it. He made me watch everything and said I had to write down all the time codes for when you weren’t wearing anything. He said he was going to edit that out. After a couple of weeks I noticed that he was erasing all the other stuff and only keeping the footage that had you getting undressed or being naked or doing private stuff. I could also tell from watching that you had no idea that you were being recorded. He lied to me. I had a feeling he was going to do something bad with the recordings. So I did something about it. I was still scared of what he might do to my mother and me so I had to make sure he wouldn’t know what I did for a while.”

“Guys, Bryan is a really good programmer and he really knows his code. He created a virus. A timed virus. And he embedded it in every copy of every recording and every picture. I went over the code and had a couple of people I know at another organization look at it. It’s really elegant and it’s going to work. Bryan…?”

“Okay. Five days after the DVD with Penny on it or any material from it is loaded on a computer system the Sheldon Girl virus will crash that computer, any site that displays it, any device where they are saved and the information will all be destroyed. And when they restart there will be nothing left of the recordings or pictures of Penny except a banner that says ‘This crash courtesy of Mr. Paul Hernly’ with his picture and the cell phone number he gave me. If anyone has a copy of the DVD the same thing will happen five days after they first play it.”

“Isn’t that cool? The entire online porn industry will be pissed at Hernly.”

Sheldon seemed a bit perturbed.

“Excuse me, but why did you call it the Sheldon Girl virus?”

“Tell him, Bryan.”

“Um, well, um, okay…on the whole DVD, all of it, she, um, she only says one word. She says it a few times. And I didn’t know her name and Hernly wouldn’t tell me. All she said was the one word.”

Penny suddenly realized what the word was. She moved closer to Sheldon and grabbed his hand in hers.

Howard couldn’t help himself.

“Bryan can’t say it but I had to watch it and I know. Sheldon, I promise I will use whatever methods of meditation or surgery to erase this knowledge and I will never share it beyond this room but, on the DVD, during the times that Penny is, um, pleasuring herself, she says ‘Sheldon’ when she, when she…”

Bernadette jumped in to save Howard

“That’s enough, Howard. I think we all get it.”

Everyone turned to Sheldon and they could see the wheels turning in his head. Those wheels seemed to be turning very slowly considering the genius he was.

“Um, ohhhhh….”

And Sheldon turned the deepest shade of crimson anyone had ever seen him turn.

“And that’s why I called it the Sheldon Girl virus. And if we want we could also send out an antivirus that will also remove the files and post the banner but won’t cause any other damage to their equipment.”

Penny went over and gave Bryan a big hug and kissed him on the cheek.

“Bryan, thank you so much. You may have saved me and my career. Thank you.”

“Penny, it hasn’t happened yet. It’ll start in another five days. Until then, I’m sorry but people will see you naked. I’m really sorry.”

“Is there any way to advance the timetable, Howard?”

“Nora, we could post warning notices all over the web and give the antivirus to folks like Norton to include in their next update but I don’t know if we really want to call too much attention to it. Right now it’s kind of under the radar and is only in perv land. What happens there tends to stay there.”

“All right. The nice part is that it eliminates another safe haven for Hernly. Penny, are you okay with just letting it proceed.”

“Well, since in five days it’ll start disappearing…

Bryan, as my savior and our new friend, would you like to join us for some Chinese food and vintage video games?”

“Is it okay, Mr. Wolowitz?”

“Call and ask your mother, Bryan. If she says it’s okay I’ll give you a ride home after. It won’t be too late. We all have a big day ahead of us tomorrow, don’t we Sheldon?”

“Sheldon, what’s happening tomorrow?,” asked Nora.

“We are all going to 2311 North Los Robles to clean up the damage at our apartments so that the landlord’s contractors may begin their repair and renovation work on Monday. Penny and I would like to begin our new life in Apartment 4A as soon as possible.”

Since this was the first public announcement that Penny would be moving in with Sheldon all eyes turned to her. She said one word.

“Yup!,” popping the “p.”

“I spent today preparing things over there and negotiating with the landlord over the repairs. The elevator is expected to be back in service by Monday and work on the new bathroom begins as soon as Penny and I approve the contractor’s proposal. They have already been informed of our requirements and the landlord has acquiesced to all of our wishes.”

“Yay,” cheered Penny.

“What are you guys doing?,” queried Raj.

“It’s a surprise, but let us say we were inspired by our hotel stay.”

“My mom says I can stay but I have to be home by 11:30.”

“That should be fine. Let’s eat.”

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Nora went to answer it. One of the hotel security people was there and he whispered something to Nora and pointed down the hall. Nora took a look and then went over to Penny and Sheldon.

“Guys, apparently your friend Amy is here and she appears to be quite angry. Should I have her escorted out?”

“Penny?”

“She’s our friend. Let’s hear what she has to say.”

Nora signaled to hotel security to let Amy Farrah Fowler in.

Amy looked angrier than anyone had ever seen her before. She marched in, looked around and went right for Penny and Sheldon, getting right in Penny’s face.

“How dare you! How dare you have me arrested! I dare to disagree with your wishes once and you call the police on me!”

Nora inserted herself between Amy and Penny.

“Excuse me, Dr. Fowler, but I was the one who had you picked up for questioning. You were not arrested.”

“And who may I ask are you? My replacement! Is this your new bestie, Penny?”

“I’m Detective Nora Glass of the Pasadena Police Department and I am in charge of the investigation of threats that have been made against Penny. I was here last night when Penny and others received some rather alarming texts from you. I took it upon myself to have you brought down to the station. Penny had nothing to do with it.”

“So, your new bestie is trying to get your old bestie out of the way? Is that it, Penny?”

“Excuse me, Dr. Fowler, but if anyone is going to be asking questions it will be me. How exactly did you find us?”

“My ex-boyfriend Dr. Sheldon Cooper is a creature of habit. If it is Friday than he will be eating Chinese food from Szechuan Palace. I waited there until someone I knew came by to pick up dinner. When Dr. Rostenkowski-Wolowitz appeared I followed her here. Apparently Penny and her new boyfriend she stole from me are having a party and decided to leave me off the invitation list. Who are these other people?”

“Dr. Fowler, serious threats against Penny have been made. Her place of work and her home have been attacked. She has lost her job and her home. She has found herself in threatening situations. People are after her. She is in danger. She is under police protection. The last thing she needs is a dingbat flying around playing high school games and making additional threats. Grow the fuck up. And please communicate that to Dr. Hofstader. If the two of you don’t begin acting like adults and showing some real concern for someone you claim is your friend the next time you see me it will be in a court of law and I will be serving an order of protection that legally keeps you away from Penny and, for good measure, Dr. Cooper.

Sheldon decided it was time he got involved.

“Excuse me, Amy. You terminated our relationship. And you made it quite clear that you are allying yourself with my former roommate. While I told you that you are welcome to remain in our circle of friends I concurrently informed you that Penny and I would not consider you our friend until an apology is received. Based upon your behavior last night via text, the very abusive phone message you left me at work and your current attitude, you are not prepared to deliver said apology to Penny or myself at this time. This is our temporary abode and we choose to surround ourselves with friends, old and new. You are currently not counted in that number. Therefore you are not welcome here.”

“Leonard and I have talked. We are certain it is only a matter of time until your relationship comes to the ignominious end it must and you both come crawling back to us. I suggest you accept that reality soon.”

Penny jumped in.

“Amy, Leonard is delusional. And if you believe what he believes, so are you. Sheldon and I are together. We will remain together. Leonard can’t deal with that and apparently neither can you. I’m going to make the same suggestion I made to him. Get yourself some therapy. And to remind you, because I have been very clear about this before, I have one best friend and Sheldon is it. You can call yourself my bestie, or my confidante or my elephant for all I care. That doesn’t make it so. I love you Amy. You were my friend but if you don’t cut this crap out you’d better get used to that being in the past tense. Now I would appreciate it if you left. My friends and I would like to eat our dinner.”

“Amy Farrah Fowler, I am deeply disappointed in you. Please leave. You may communicate to the homunculus that, as previously arranged you and he may visit North Los Robles on Sunday to gather whatever materials he wishes to transport with him to New Jersey. None of us will be present. I will place the remainder of his property in storage. Save the aforementioned apologies we will accept no further communication from either of you. If and when Leonard returns from his leave he may inform me through the University and I will then inform him of the location of his possessions, which has not yet been determined.”

“Why can’t you just leave them where they are until he returns, Sheldon?”

“Not that it is any of your business, but when the necessary repairs are completed to Apartment 4A, my new roommate Penny will be moving in. Please feel free to pass that information along to Dr. Hofstader.”

“And Dr. Fowler, if I determine that you have shared Penny and Sheldon’s current location or any information about them beyond that you will come to regret it. You may be more intelligent than I am but I am a cop and I am Penny’s friend and I’ve got her back. Hotel security will walk you out and you will be barred from entering these premises again. If you attempt to, you will be arrested. Good night!”

Amy looked around expecting some show of support from Bernadette, Raj or Howard. When she received none she assumed a haughty stance and left the suite.

“Well that was certainly unpleasant.,” offered Raj.

“Raj, Amy and Leonard are really not leaving us with any options. They are doing this to themselves,” Sheldon offered.

The room fell silent as Sheldon unpacked and organized the various Chinese entrees that Bernadette picked up and looked around to sit down. Unlike Apartment 4A, there was seating for everyone. Nobody was on the floor.

Uncomfortable with the silence, Penny began.

“I got a new job today.”

Bernadette felt the pressure to keep it going.

“A waitressing job?”

“Nope. I’m going to be assisting at the studio costume shop. Get this, I’m going to be in charge of the shoes.”

“Oh, Penny. That’s perfect!”

“It’s only for a few months. The regular person is on maternity leave but I’m hoping that it can lead to something else. And I’m also around the studio to hear about auditions.”

“But what about school? Are you still going to be in the writing program?”

“Yeah. They said they’ll work around my class schedule. I filled out all sorts of paperwork today and I start Monday.”

“Penny, it’s kind of looking like things are going to work out really well for you.”

“Well, kinda. But until they lock Hernly up I still won’t really be safe. And then there’s Leonard and Amy.”

“Penny, I believe Amy Farrah Fowler and Leonard Hofstader have spent more than enough time with us this evening. Let us temporarily banish them from our thoughts and conversations.”

“Sheldon, despite how they’re acting they are our friends. I can’t help but think about them and hope they’ll be all right. Let’s just hope that they return to us soon.”

“Penny, you are far more forgiving than I but I will abide by your wishes.”

Howard began.

“Penny’s not the only one with a new job.”

“Really, Howard? What new venture will you be embarking on?”

“Oh, not me, Sheldon. I’m talking about young Bryan here. I’m really impressed with his computer knowledge and I’ve offered him a paid internship with the Engineering Department at CalTech and his mom and the ADA said it’s okay. He’ll be working afternoons after school and full-time next summer. He’s going to be my protégé.”

Penny looked at Howard and then Bryan.

“Bryan, it’s okay to work with Howard and learn from him but, do not, I repeat, do not take any fashion advice from him or copy the way he dresses. If you need to know anything about what to wear, you come to me. Okay?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Bryan still avoided looking Penny in the eyes. It was clear to everyone that he was still having a little trouble looking at her and not seeing what he had seen on the DVD.

“Bryan, please call me Penny.”

“Okay, ma’am…Penny.”

“Before we commence our foray into vintage video games, I would like to review our plans for the morrow.”

Penny jumped up and saluted.

“Aye aye, sir!”

Sheldon paused silently until everyone else realized he was expecting them to do the same. Rather than argue everyone slowly rose and once all were standing they said “Aye aye, sir” together.

“That’s better. I have begun preparing Apartment 4A and suggest that I complete those preparations while the rest of you begin in Penny’s apartment. Try to find any items which are recoverable or may be repaired. Bernadette please work with Penny on the clothing and shoes.”

“I’d like to help with the clothing.”

“Raj, work with Penny and Bernadette on the clothing and shoes. I have already arranged for the necessary supplies to be awaiting us. We can leave the packed trash in the hallway for the contractors to remove on Monday when the elevator is once again operational.”

“Any of Penny’s possessions that may have survived Hernly’s attack or may be easily repaired need to be packed, labeled and prepared for eventual transport to her new home in Apartment 4A.”

“Sheldon, what are you going to do with Leonard’s stuff?”

“His room will remain intact until he departs for New Jersey. Damaged materials in the living room, hallway and kitchen that belong to Leonard will be packed, labeled and prepared for eventual transport. Since so much was destroyed I suspect that most of our time will be spent organizing trash rather than actually packing. We will begin at 8 am.”

“But Penny doesn’t even get up till eleven.”

Sheldon looked at Penny.

“Okay, well, the cat’s out of the bag. That hasn’t really been true for a long time. Remember I spent eight months living on a farm last year? You can’t live on a farm and kind of run things while your dad is drying out and sleep till eleven. When I came back here I never changed back to Pasadena time. Also I’m never hung over any more. So I get up early every day and I use the time to do homework, or write or do other things. It’s Penny Time. I didn’t say anything because I had you all so well trained that you never bothered me before eleven and I kind of liked that. I told Sheldon a while back but he still respects my eleven o’clock rule. It’ll be interesting to see how that works out with our new living arrangement.”

“Penny, I’m a little confused. Are you guys living together living together or roommate living together?”

“Bernie, I’m not sure Sheldon is comfortable with me talking about our arrangement and, to be honest, I’m not either. It’s between us. He and I will share the apartment and the two of us will figure out what “share” means. But we are together and we live together and haven’t we already had the discussion about people defining what Sheldon and I are to each other?”

“Yeah, let’s not go there again.”

Everybody looked relieved, especially newcomers Nora and Bryan who were both thinking “TMI.”

“All right. Enough of living arrangements and other ephemera. Time for vintage gaming!”

Gaming continued until 11. Everyone filed out and Nora was the last to leave.

“So have you guys figured out how long you’ll be camped out here?”

“Based upon my discussions with the landlords and the contractors I hope to be back at 2311 North Los Robles in about two to three weeks. I have researched similar projects undertaken by the contractors involved and combined that with the availability of materials and the typically unknown factors that always arise in construction projects. Of course since I am unfamiliar with the construction trade I am only making an educated guess.”

“Sheldon, you’re guessing? That’s remarkable.”

“Penny, I guess all the time. A hypothesis is no more than an educated guess requiring proof. I am more surprised at you using the word “remarkable,” one which I have never heard you use before.”

“Okay. You got me. One of the stores I was shopping in was playing a Little Rascals short from a long time ago and I picked up the word from there.”

“Well, Penny, as a writer I would hope you would use as many sources as possible to expand your vocabulary, even an amalgamation of pint-sized Depression-era scalawags.”

“Sheldon, you did that on purpose to send me to dictionary.com.”

“Okay, I’m gonna leave you two to whatever it is you’re doing now. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow night. A patrol car will be outside your apartment building while you’re there. If anything strange happens, just give a yell.”

“Good night, Nora.”

“See ya tomorrow, sweetie.”

After Nora left Sheldon locked the door.

“Penny, I believe I have made another purchasing decision.”

“What now, Sheldon?”

“How have we survived so long without a flat screen in dimensions such as this one?”

“I can’t imagine, Sheldon. As long as the insurance money can handle it, I have no objection.”

“All right, I will delay this particular gratification until we have received our insurance checks. To bed?”

“Separately or together, Shelly?”

“Penny, have we slept separately since we arrived at this suite?”

“No we haven’t, Sheldon. I just didn’t want to presume.”

“Penny, as long as we are here I propose that you presume.”

“Yay.”

“One last thing, and please do not “go Nebraska” on me for saying this, but since I have just learned that I play a minor part in the material that Hernly has distributed, I would still like your permission to view it at some point.”

“Sheldon, I don’t know. And remember Bryan said he infected all of the DVDs.”

“Penny, I am certain that if you requested him to, Bryan could provide you with an unencumbered copy.”

“Sheldon, I’d kind of prefer it to disappear forever.”

“Penny, I don’t wish to upset you but the likelihood of it disappearing forever is fairly remote. It may well be hard to find, almost impossible to find, but somewhere it is likely to still exist. You, we, should know what it is. And, to be truthful, I am a bit flattered that the only word you said while pleasuring yourself was my name. And I am curious.”

“I did tell you that I think of you then.”

“As I think of you.”

“Well there is something else I could suggest but I know you aren’t ready for that.”

“If you are suggesting what I surmise you are suggesting then I would concur.”

“Okay, here’s what I’ll do. I will ask Nora to request a copy. A copy that can’t be played without passwords. Two passwords. One for you and one for me. If a time comes that we are both interested in watching it, we will make that decision together. Okay with you?”

“Your proposal is acceptable. Bed now.”

 


	25. 25 - The North Robles Decommissioning

**25 - The North Robles Decommissioning**

 

Everyone gathered at 2311 North Los Robles Saturday morning. Technicians were working on the repairs to the elevator and security consultants were installing a new security system for the entire building. They conversed as they made their way up the stairs.

“I suggested to the landlords that Paul Hernly would never have been able to enter the building at all had there been adequate security. Telephone calls supporting my hypothesis were made by the Pasadena Police Department, Paradigm Insurance and the law firm of Wolowitz, Wolowitz and Wolowitz, thanks to Nora and Howard. The landlords are very afraid that either Penny, Leonard or I will file a lawsuit against them and so they have acquiesced to every demand I have made. Tomorrow Penny and I will review the plans for our new bathroom and kitchen and select the fixtures and appliances following some other business we need to attend to.”

“What other business, Sheldon?” asked Howard.

“I’m getting a new car!” squealed Penny.

“Since Penny’s vehicle is no longer in existence having been towed to the junkyard and crushed, our representative at Paradigm Insurance has arranged for Penny to inspect and test drive a recent model of Volkswagen Golf Cabriolet that has become available for a reasonable price.”

“And it’s red.”

“To be truthful, I am still somewhat surprised that the demise of Penny’s vehicle came not as a result of her having never having acted upon the alert from her “Check Engine” light, but from the disgusting actions of Paul Hernly in the front seat.”

“What did he do?” asked Bernadette.

“Don’t ask!” said Penny and Sheldon together.

When they reached the fourth floor landing, as Sheldon had said, they found boxes, bags, markers, label makers, tape and other supplies were waiting in the hallway outside apartments 4A and 4B.

Sheldon prepared to enter Apartment 4A as the rest went into 4B.

“At noon everyone will report to Apartment 4B for a short review of our progress, lunch, afternoon assignments and a short ceremony.”

“Ceremony?” asked Raj.

“Yes,” responded Sheldon.

Penny’s apartment looked pretty much the same as it had when Mr. Terling from Paradigm Insurance had visited. On the surface it looked like a total loss. Penny had specific concerns. Following Hernly’s theft of her diary she had started keep all of her writings in a drawer at the bottom of her closet. She hoped that the general mess that her closet was usually in would disguise that. Though she was a little sorry to see her box of Leonard mementos strewn all over her bedroom she was happy to find the drawer intact and she moved the contents to the first box to be packed. She was no longer sure she wanted to keep the evidence of her long on-again off-again relationship with Leonard. She asked Bernadette to gather that stuff together and pack it in a box. She’d decide later when she wasn’t so angry with him.

Bernadette, Raj and Penny concentrated on her clothes and shoes while Howard gathered the broken remains of her kitchen and living room. It looked as though very little of that material could be saved. Anything breakable was broken into many, many pieces. Dishes, glasses, bowls were beyond repair. Even the appliances had taken a beating. Compared to the appliances littering Penny’s apartment, the toaster that MONTY had destroyed looked salvageable. All Howard could do was organize the trash.

The others were having better luck. Bernadette and Penny didn’t have a lot of experience sewing but Raj had been making costumes for ComiCon for years. He had a good eye for what could be repaired and what couldn’t. Sheldon had a sewing machine and Penny would have additional access at work. They were able to find a number of items that could be repaired with minimal work. However, a number of Penny’s nicer outfits were beyond repair. It seemed Hernly had taken special pleasure in destroying those. They were, however able to recover lots of panties and bras, primarily because there seemed to be a lot to begins with. They were all placed in laundry bags to be dealt with later.

The next project was the gathering of the shoes. They needed to all be found, paired up and judged as to whether they could be saved or lost. Far too many were lost because the right was fine and the left not or _vice versa_. By the time noon rolled around they had been able to save an even dozen pairs. Many more pairs were lost.

Penny looked around the apartment and, as she guessed it would, the organized garbage dwarfed the few boxes of materials that would be moving to 4A with her. She felt a little sad about that. Bernadette consoled her.

“Remember Penny, it’s just stuff.”

“I know, but it’s my stuff. It’s my first apartment, the first time I was really on my own. I always thought that when I moved out it would be because I was going to be famous and live somewhere fabulous. I didn’t think I’d be leaving because a pervert wrecked the place.”

“C’mon, Penny. You’re going to be living with the man you love. Yes, that man is Sheldon Cooper and none of us quite understand that, but you do and that’s all that counts.”

“I know. And I’m really happy about it. And I’m happy for all the changes that are happening in my life. I’m actually on a path to get me where I want to be that makes a lot more sense than the old plan. And I’ll be at a studio where they work on movies and tv all the time making connections. And I’ll live with the man that I love and want to be with forever. I’m actually pretty lucky. I guess I just needed a minute to say goodbye to this chapter of the story of Penny.”

“Do you want us to leave you alone for a minute?”

“Nope. All done. Let’s get some lunch.”

They trooped over to Apartment 4A and opened the door.

Most of the wrecked apartment had been gathered and appropriately packed as garbage or salvageable. However, laid out along the floor, in small boxes that looked like tiny caskets were fragments of statues and pieces of action figures, bits of toys. The apartment looked like a tiny morgue.

Sheldon stood at the bottom of the step that led to the bathroom and bedrooms.

“We are gathered together to say farewell to the second incarnation of Dr. Sheldon Cooper’s habitation at 2311 North Los Robles Avenue in Pasadena California…The Hofstader Years, Cooper 2.0 as it were. When I commenced this period I was a solitary individual dedicated to my work as a scientist, the things that entertained me, and my family in Texas. During this period I met friends who I hope will remain in my life in perpetuity and among those friends is the woman I love. I thought it appropriate to take a moment to reflect upon that and to say farewell to some of the treasured objects that witnessed these events unfold and will be unable to continue the journey with us. When I began this journey they were more important to me than anything in my life. As I continue this journey I realize that they are but things and the most important thing in my life is you.”

Penny ran across the room and gave Sheldon a big hug. The rest followed and a group hug followed with Sheldon at the center. Everyone was crying until from the middle of the pack a voice was heard.

“Enough. We’re not hippies. There are cold cuts and everything you need to make sandwiches on the counter. Drinks are by the sink. Get cracking. We have 45 minutes for lunch and then we need to pack all this crap up.”

As everyone made their sandwiches Penny and Sheldon sat down on the couch in their usual spots.

“Honey, I’m so happy the couch survived. You’ll still have your spot.”

“Penny, Leonard purchased the couch. It goes with his things. We will be purchasing new furnishings.”

“But your spot.”

“Penny, must I keep reminding you? My spot is beside you, wherever that may be. We will purchase a new couch and we can place it exactly where this one is. I will continue to have a preferred place upon which to sit as will you. And when we are both seated there that will be my spot. And when we are in bed together that will be my spot. The location is not important. That we are together is what is important.”

“Sheldon Cooper, every time I’m certain you can’t do or say anything more romantic you go ahead and top yourself. And that’s why I love you, Moonpie.”

Howard spoke up.

“Guys, you’re not alone here. Much as we all enjoy watching you two get all lovey-dovey…”

“Howard Wolowitz, you will not stop me from telling my Moonpie how much I love him and if you don’t watch it I might just rip his clothes off and make love to him right now right here in front of you.”

“Penelope, you will do no such thing!” Sheldon exclaimed as he stood up.

“Aw, Moonpie, you’re always ruining my fun.”

“Penny, we still have work to do and I have no intention of having coitus with you in front of our friends today or any other day.”

“But when our friends leave…”

“Penny!?!?”

“Shelly, I’m just kidding around. Sheesh.”

“In any case, let us organize the boxes of damaged materials together and gather them with the garbage. I have already reviewed all of it and it cannot be saved. Stuart will order replacements for those items that I purchased and for those items that Leonard and I purchased together Penny and I will take my half of the insurance compensation and determine whether those items should be replaced or whether something more appropriate should be purchased. Leonard will be free to make his own decisions for his own abode with his insurance compensation.”

“When next we gather here a new paradigm will begin.”

“Sheldon Cooper 3.0: Beware the Cyborg!” exclaimed Howard.

“No Howard. There will be no Sheldon Cooper 3.0. The new paradigm in Apartment 4A at 2311 North Los Robles Avenue in Pasadena, California will be Penny and Sheldon 1.0 and any new paradigms succeeding it will grow from there.”

Everyone looked around at the apartment they had all spent so much time in over the past eight years and realized that when they next gathered there things would be very different.

And then they all left. They informed the policemen in the patrol car out front that they were done and the group scattered. Penny and Sheldon returned to their suite at the hotel. Howard and Bernadette returned home and Raj returned to his apartment.

When Leonard and Amy came by the following day, Leonard commented that it looked a lot like it did the day he moved in, except for the couch and the stack of trash. Since both of his arms were in casts, Amy did pretty much everything for him. They went to his bedroom, he indicated what he wanted packed and she packed his suitcases. When they were done they went back out to the hallway and both looked wistfully at Penny’s apartment door. Amy locked the door to Apartment 4A behind them and then loaded Leonard’s suitcases onto the now-working elevator and they left.

 


	26. 26 – The Decorative & Automotive Transitions

**26 – The Decorative & Automotive Transitions**

While Leonard and Amy were packing for Leonard’s 3-month journey home to New Jersey, Penny and Sheldon were having a busy day. The contractors had messengered over their plans for the new bathroom and kitchen area in 4A and requested that Sheldon and Penny return them immediately with their approval. They included recommendations for the various fixtures and appliances. The new layout for the bathroom met with their approval but they requested that the new kitchen island be a little longer to accommodate additional seating. Sheldon insisted that each of the fixtures and appliances needed to be reviewed individually. Sheldon decided that the kitchen appliances, once chosen, all have a brushed metal finish. Penny preferred something more colorful but was willing to go along with Sheldon’s choice as long as he accepted a more colorful bathroom décor. Penny had an idea for a theme and it was actually was based on a Sheldonian concept. He wasn’t entirely certain that it would work for the whole room. Penny insisted that if he could choose the kitchen décor she should be able to choose the bathroom décor. After all, based on previous experience, Sheldon knew she would be spending a lot more time in there than he would. Once they got past the general décor, choosing the individual pieces was somewhat simpler. Penny was happy they had a deadline and an appointment to go meet her new car.

So, one by one, they reviewed each item and made a choice. Even though Sheldon said they would be making these choices together, Penny knew that Sheldon had probably already done the research and made his own educated decisions. He was humoring her and, in this situation, she was okay with it. Once they got past the biggest item, the tub, most of the other items were fairly simple. The elected to go with a separate shower, double-wide. The bathroom was reasonably large so they had the space. They also wanted two sinks, not just one and a wide mirror on the wall. The new tile floor would also include Sheldon’s tape lines, but presented more subtly. Sheldon asked Penny whether she would like a bidet but she decided against it. She’d never had one before and didn’t really see the need. They were both interested in the auto-flush toilet with the heated seat. Moving on to the kitchen they pretty much went down the list and went with what Sheldon wanted. He was the more experienced chef and she was still the apprentice. They both wanted more preparation space and felt that the expanded counter would address that. They called the contractor, who had said to call even though it was Sunday, and told him that they would leave the approved plans with their notes and selections at the front desk for pickup and prepared to leave to view the car that Mr. Terling had found for Penny.

They arrived at the address Mr. Terling had given them. It was a large lot with many of the same model car available for sale.  One car stood out. Penny squealed with glee. The Volkswagen Golf Cabriolet was bright and shiny and a convertible.

“Sheldon, I want it. Can I get it? Please. Please?”

“Penny, we do need to determine whether it is operational. For all we know at the moment it could just be a very large planter awaiting soil and seeds.”

“Okay…”

They quickly met with the man in charge and he gave them the keys so they could take a test drive. He said that Terling was a friend so he trusted they wouldn’t steal the car and he was backed up with appointments. He mentioned that he wanted to sell the fleet as quickly as possible.

Penny and Sheldon got into the car and started it up. The motor hummed and Sheldon noticed that the ‘Check Engine” light was not on. He smiled. Penny carefully adjusted the seat and mirrors and pulled out. The car drove like a dream. She especially liked the lack of a roof. Sheldon wasn’t as fond of that feature but was satisfied that there was a roll bar installed for safety. One thing Sheldon did like was the look on Penny’s face as she drove the car and the wind whipped her hair back. She looked as happy as he had ever seen her look.

“Penny, we will purchase this car. However, when we return to the lot please wait by our rental car while I attempt to strike a bargain with the seller’s agent. It would be best if he did not see that you are already in love with the idea of owning this car. Also, you should be mindful that the fact that this is a convertible and will require us to seek one of the more secure indoor parking spaces at some additional expense.”

“Whatever you say, Sheldon. I still want it.”

“And if my negotiation is successful, you shall have it.”

Sheldon’s negotiation was successful. He was able to lower the price by two thousand dollars and format the deal as a lease-to-buy, which would not impact their budget as much. He arranged to have the paperwork processed and to return to pick up the car the following Friday.

Penny was overjoyed and gave Sheldon a bid, wet kiss.

“Penny, we are in public.”

“I don’t care who knows how much I love my Moonpie.”

“Penny, I believe we still have enough time for a bit more shopping. Shall we look at furnishings for our living room?”

“Sounds good.”

Most of the living room furniture belonged to Leonard and since Sheldon had little interest in retaining those items they had purchased together, he and Penny were working with a blank canvas. However, they ended up with items that were quite similar to those that were departing. They just said “Penny” a bit more. The couch was almost exactly like the one that Leonard had purchased from the neighbors, but it was teal, like the one that had been in Penny’s apartment. They also purchased a matching love seat and armchair. Penny felt that they needed to have permanent seating for eight available.

“Penny, though I know you are far more social than I, we do not have that many friends who will visit us regularly.”

“Sheldon, I want anyone who visits us to feel welcome and, even though it isn’t looking good now, I hope that we’ll eventually be able to have Leonard and Amy back as friends.”

“You are far more optimistic than I, but I accept your premise. I also believe we may all be getting a bit too mature for sitting on the floor.”

“Sheldon, there’s stuff we can do on the floor that has nothing to do with sitting.”

Sheldon just turned red and looked ahead at the road silently. Penny wasn’t going to pressure Sheldon to do anything he didn’t want to but she had no problem not so subtly reminding him that there were things he should want to be doing with her.

 


	27. 27 - The Fowler Fluctuation

**27 - The Fowler Fluctuation**

It was early Monday morning when Amy Farrah Fowler trudged up the three flights of stairs to Apartment 4A at 2311 North Los Robles. She really didn’t want to be there and she hoped she wouldn’t run into Penny or especially Sheldon. She was driving Leonard to the airport for his flight to New Jersey and was beginning to realize how correct his mother had been when titling her book “Needy Baby, Greedy Baby.”

He was released from the hospital on Saturday afternoon and had asked if he could sleep on her couch for the two nights before his departure. Amy knew that none of his other so-called friends would offer their hospitality so she offered hers. She was starting to regret it. From the moment he left the hospital every third word out of his mouth was “Penny.” How wonderful his life with Penny had been. How wonderful it would be when she finally realized her mistake. How amazing the sex with her had always been. How beautiful she was in the morning. How big a mistake she was making with Sheldon.

Amy did happen to agree with much of what Leonard said. After all, she loved Penny too. She had often wished that she hadn’t been saddled with heterosexuality so she could pursue Penny herself. But Amy knew she was straight and though she had previously decided that Penny and Sheldon seemed destined to be together, Leonard had convinced her that she could get Sheldon back, that if the two of them worked together they would be an unbeatable force that would set the world back on it correct course. Leonard kept saying it would be like Superman reversing the Earth’s  rotation to turn back time. Amy didn’t care to understand the reference but she did want her old life back, with Sheldon as her hapless boyfriend and Penny as her bestest friend.

But her two days caring for Leonard had been a revelation. He seemed to have no desire to even try to do anything for himself. It was “Amy, please…” this and “Amy, please..” that. Because of his broken arms he asked her to feed him. She offered to make protein shakes so he could use a straw, but he insisted on solid food fed to him with a fork, and his dietary limitations were extreme. No dairy. No corn. No crust on the toast. She even had to give him a sponge bath and that just felt creepy even though she insisted he remain in his boxers. And the entire time he just kept yammering on about Penny and how horrible a mistake she was making and how he would make her beg him for forgiveness before he would take her back.

Now Amy was returning to her ex-boyfriend’s apartment to retrieve the “special experimental decongestant” that Leonard just could not leave without. It was somewhere in his bedroom, he just didn’t remember where. Amy volunteered to look and convinced Leonard to wait in the car.

When she got to Apartment 4A she was happy to find nobody there. She quickly went to Leonard’s room and began to search. She found bottle after bottle of a great variety pharmaceuticals for a variety of ailments Leonard had or imagined he had, but not the one she was searching for. Finally she got down on the floor and looked under the bed to see if it had rolled under there.

“Eureka!” she said to no one in particular. There was the bottle. Next to it was a notebook. Amy pulled both out from under the bed. The notebook said “Penny and Leonard Forever” on the front. Amy debated whether to look at it or just leave it there. She decided that since Sheldon was going to pack up Leonard’s things, he and Penny would likely find the notebook and look at it so why shouldn’t she take a quick perusal.

She opened the notebook and saw it was a diary of sorts and it began on the date Penny returned from caring for her father in Nebraska. Under each date it seemed to list Penny’s activities that day in black ink and then each entry was followed with a section in blue ink. The sections in black ink were fairly simple day-to-day activities, going to work, coming home from school, coming over to 4A for dinner or other social occasions… However, the sections in blue described what would have happened if Penny and Leonard were still together.

One thing that Amy was certain of was that Penny had not done any of these things since she had returned from Nebraska and certainly hadn’t participated in any of them with Leonard. She kept looking, unable to turn away.

Amy was alarmed by what she read. She threw the notebook on the floor and began to cry. Sheldon and Penny had been completely correct about Leonard. He was deluded. And he was obsessed. And he would try to use any opportunity to get back together with Penny. Sending him to recover in New Jersey with his mother and undergo therapy was exactly the right thing to do. What had she done?

Amy decided that would take Leonard his medication, drive him to the airport and be done with him. She would then try to figure out a way to make things right with Sheldon and Penny and prayed that they would allow her to be their friend again. She suspected there would be groveling involved. She was willing. She also thought it might be a good idea to send the notebook to Leonard’s mother and she threw it into her bag. Since Beverly Hofstader was taking charge of Leonard’s recovery, she would need to know the true extent of his problem. She hoped she could make it through the next couple of hours without, as Penny would put it “going all Nebraska on Leonard’s ass.”

Two hours later Amy Farrah Fowler breathed a sigh of relief as Leonard’s plane took off. She went home and began working on the first of three letters she would be writing. The first was the easiest. That was the one for Leonard’s mother and would accompany the notebook. The letters to Penny and Sheldon would be more difficult. She had been manipulated by Leonard into acting emotionally and stupidly and had hurt her friends. But she had allowed Leonard to do it so she still had culpability. Before she could even deliver her apologies and beg them for forgiveness she had to come to terms with herself. She needed to move beyond her love for Sheldon. Not only would it be unrequited but it could only lead her to a life of unhappiness and desperation…like Leonard. Amy decided to take Penny’s advice and seek a therapist to help her better prepare for a life without Sheldon and perhaps open herself up to the possibility of finding her own mate.

 


	28. 28 – The Employment Evaluations

**28 – The Employment Evaluations**

Penny spent Monday learning her new job. She met Margie, the girl who she would temporarily replace and who would be training Penny during her last week before going on maternity leave. Margie was big as a house and Penny was surprised she had stayed at work until just a week before she was due.

Margie was having twins, which explained the size and was planning to spend the next few months at home with the babies before returning. Penny assured her that she had no intention of stealing her job and that she knew she was only temporary but wanted to learn as much as she could from Margie before she left.

Though Penny needed to learn how the costume shop operated and especially how the shoe department was run she quickly impressed Margie with her knowledge of shoes themselves. She knew which shoes went well with which outfit and she had a pretty good handle on period footwear as well. Margie showed her the computer database that listed actors and actresses with specific preferences and how to satisfy them.

For lunch they went to the studio commissary and Penny was impressed with the number of people she saw running around that she recognized. She was having a really hard time not getting excited. Margie tried to help.

“Penny, I’ve been here for a while. I moved here from Texas eight years ago and got this job almost right away. I couldn’t believe who I’d see in here day after day. I also couldn’t believe how many of them were complete assholes. But there are a lot of sweethearts as well. The thing is, every one of them respects when the job is done right. They all put their shoes on one foot at a time. As long as you make sure they fit right and look right you’ll be fine. One piece of advice though, don’t ever mention how you’re only doing this until your big break. They get enough of that everywhere else they go in this town. Do your job. Be nice to them. Trust me, they’ll remember that and if, sometime in the future, they have a chance to help you out, they will. But they’ll do it because they remember that you were good at what you did for them.”

“Thanks, Margie. That’s good advice. So, you’re from Texas, huh? Where in Texas?”

“I grew up in Texas City but most of my family is nearby in Galveston.”

“My friend Sheldon is from Galveston. And he’s a twin!”

“Sheldon? Your friend isn’t Sheldon Cooper, is he?”

“Yup. Do you know him?”

“Well, not personally. But I’ve heard some, let’s say, interesting stories about him. One of my brothers knows his sister, Missy. Isn’t he some super-smart college professor or something?

“Yup. At CalTech. He’s a physics professor.”

“Well, he’s your friend and all but I also heard he’s kind of a weirdo nerd.”

“Oh, he’s not kind of weirdo nerd. He’s sort of king of the weirdo nerds.”

“And you’re a friend of his?”

“Not just a friend. He’s my best friend. Has been for a long time and we’ve kind of been in a relationship for almost the last year.”

“Wow. Forgive me but the Sheldon Cooper I heard about couldn’t even talk to a girl let alone be in a relationship with one, especially one as, excuse me, hot as you are, Penny.”

“We’ve had an interesting few years, Margie. And trust me, if you told me eight years ago that I’d be willingly sharing a bed with Sheldon Cooper I probably would’ve gone Junior Rodeo on you. But that’s what happened. And it’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in and we really love each other.”

“He actually said that! The guy I heard about only loved school and his family.”

“Actually, saying he loves me is probably the least romantic thing he’s said to me lately.”

“Wow. What changed him?”

“Well, he had a roommate who introduced him to other people and then I moved across the hall from him and he just started, I guess, evolving. He’s still just as passionate about physics and sciencey stuff, and Star Trek and comic books and toys but he added friends to the mix and, over time, he added me. And I guess I just kept moving up the ladder.”

“Did you always date brainiacs?”

“Noooo. Almost the opposite. I dated muscle-bound lunkheads. Pretty boys. You know the type. They’re pretty much good for two things. Buying you stuff and screwing.”

“God do I know they type. My two brothers back in Texas like that. Whenever they come visit they are a complete embarrassment. What changed for you? Sheldon Cooper?”

“Actually, no. I just got tired of the kind of guys I was seeing and how they would treat me so I took a shot at something different. Sheldon’s roommate asked me out and I was with him on and off for a long time. Kind of turned me off of dumb guys.”

“But now you’re with Sheldon. That must have been a little messy.”

“Actually, it kind of still is and, to be honest, I really don’t want to talk about that.

“I need to know a little more about you and Sheldon. Please?”

“Okay. I got into a really bad mess a while back. It involved my family and my career and pretty much my whole life. At that point Sheldon and I were just friends. Well, Sheldon pretty much dropped everything and devoted himself to working with me to straighten things out. He was supportive and helpful and if he didn’t know something he’d go off and learn about it, I mean learn about it enough to be an expert. And by the time that was all worked out and my life was back on track I figured out that I loved him. And soon after that he told me that he fell in love with me the moment he met me and had just about given up on anything ever happening. We’ve been together ever since. That’s the short version. There’s a lot more.”

“The mess. Is that why you came to work with a cop?”

“Kind of, yeah. I can’t really talk about that right now. Maybe sometime when we know each other a little better.”

 “No, I totally get it. I’ve been giving you the third degree and you barely know anything about me and it’s time to go back to work. How about we do lunch tomorrow and it’ll be your turn to grill me. But trust me, my story is nowhere near as interesting as yours. Sheldon Cooper! Sheesh!”

On her way back to the costume shop, Penny checked her email. Most of it was junk, as usual, but there was one that stuck out. It was a confirmation and the information for an audition later in the week. She didn’t recognize any of the particulars so she decided to give her agent a quick call to see what the deal was.

Penny had been with her agent Rose since just before she got the hemorrhoid commercial. Rose had been a little angry at Penny about not being included in the negotiations with the studio after the “It’s Chemistry” fiasco. Rose had insisted she could have gotten a better deal. Penny had to work hard to convince her that she was perfectly happy with the deal she got and she didn’t want more until she earned it. Rose said she should have sold the show to the network and Penny said that the timing was wrong. In any case, they worked things out and Rose now represented Penny as an actress and as a writer.

“Hi Rose. It’s Penny. Listen, I got the confirmation for the audition but I don’t know anything about it. What’s the part? Is there a script?”

“Penny, I didn’t set anything up for you.”

“Really?”

Penny explained quickly to Rose what had been going on.

“Penny, forward the email to me. I’ll check it out. Don’t do anything until you hear back from me.”

“Thanks, Rose. Talk to you later.”

Penny continued back to work. About an hour later Rose called back. Penny checked to see if it was okay to take the call and when she learned it was fine she did.

“Hi Rose. What’s the deal?”

“Penny, you haven’t changed your mind about the kind of stuff your willing to try out for, have you?

“What do you mean, Rose?”

“Penny, that audition is for pornography. The last we spoke you really didn’t even want to do nudity unless it really made sense for the part.”

“No, Rose, I haven’t changed my mind. I won’t do porn. I think I know what’s going on here. Thanks for the info. I’ll deal with it.”

“Penny, you really don’t want to get involved with these people. Don’t even speak to them. If you want, I can call them and tell them to back off.”

“Rose, it isn’t necessary. You don’t need to get involved and I won’t be speaking to them. I have a pretty good idea where they got my name and I think it makes more sense if the police take it from here.”

“You know best, dear.”

“Actually in this case, the police know best. Thanks, Rose. We’ll speak soon.”

Penny immediately called Nora.

“Hi, Penny.”

“Hi, Nora. Looks like Hernly’s getting busy again.”

“What now?”

“He set me up to audition for a porn film.”

“You didn’t go, did you?”

“Of course I didn’t go. I got an email confirmation for an audition and I called my agent to check it out. She found out it was porn. I’m forwarding the email to you right…now.”

“Okay, Penny. We’ll check it out. Don’t do anything.”

“Hey, I’m at work. The only plans I have are to finish up around five, pick Sheldon up from school and grab some Thai food for dinner. Wanna join us?”

“Hmmm. Sounds good. Depends if I need to go to the valley to check out this porn thing. Let me get back to you.”

“Okay, sweetie. Even if you can’t do dinner, pop by when you get back to the hotel so we can catch up. I haven’t seen you since Friday.”

“Will do. I’ll try to let you know about dinner before five. Okay?”

“Perfect! Later.”

Nora then decided to give the film company that wanted Penny to audition a call masquerading as her agent.

“Hello, Pointing North Productions.”

“Hello. I’m Nora Glass. One of my clients received a confirmation for an audition with you and I would like to speak with the person in charge.”

“Yeah, I’m Hal Speaker. This is my studio.”

“My client Penny received a confirmation for an audition. As her agent any auditions should be set up through me.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry about that. That was me. I saw her DVD last Friday and really liked it. There was no agent information on it. Just an email address. I’m sorry if that’s a problem.”

“May I ask how you got her DVD? It hasn’t been released yet.”

“One of our regular writers dropped it off.”

“How can I get in touch with him?”

“I really can’t give you that information over the phone. But he usually comes by on Wednesdays or Fridays. I can give him a message.”

“Tell him that Penny is really looking forward to showing you what she can do on Wednesday.”

“Great. I’ll pass it along. If what I saw on that DVD is any indication, this Penny will be a big star. I’ve been showing the DVD around to all my friends.”

“I’m certain she’ll make an impression.”

Nora did the math. If Bryan’s virus works as advertised, the computers at that studio should all crash on Wednesday, just in time for Hernly’s visit. And Nora and a couple of associates would also be dropping by for the show with a warrant. This could be fun. She couldn’t wait to share her plan with Penny and Sheldon.

 


	29. 29 - The Thai Night Redux

**29 - The Thai Night Redux**

Nora headed back to the hotel after she finished her shift and knocked on the door to Penny and Sheldon’s suite. Sheldon opened the door. His clothes were soaking wet and he looked upset.

“Sheldon, what’s wrong?”

“Nora, please come with me.”

As Sheldon led Nora to the bedroom she saw what must have been dinner all over the floor of the kitchen. As they neared the bedroom all she could hear was sobbing, loud sobbing that could have only been coming from Penny. She was under the blankets in a fetal position crying and sobbing loudly.

“Sheldon, what happened?”

“I really don’t know. I arrived home to find tonight’s dinner in the condition you saw and then heard the shower. I called to Penny but upon receiving no answer proceeded to the bathroom assuming Penny hadn’t heard me. I found her sitting in the shower, fully clothed, crying and sobbing much as you see her now. I turned off the shower and got her out, removed her wet clothing, dried her off and put her to bed. That was when you knocked. Have you spoken with Penny today?”

“I did. She told me she received an email confirming an audition that turned out to be for pornography. But she handled it perfectly. She was fine and I was going to update you guys over dinner.”

“I haven’t spoken with her since this morning but have no reason to believe anything additional happened.”

Penny seemed to quiet a bit.

“Hi guys,” she said hoarsely.

“Penny, what’s wrong? What has happened to put you in such a state?”

“I dunno. When I was leaving the studio I just felt a bit off. I picked up dinner and came here and right after I closed the door I… I just…”

“Penny, you don’t have to push yourself. Take your time. If you want some alone time…”

Penny attempted to answer through the tears.

“No, I want to… figure this out. I want to know why. Maybe it’s…well, maybe it’s that I figured out that… Hernly won.”

“Penny, that is absolutely untrue. He has tried mightily to make you do things you do not wish to do but you have defeated him at every turn and will continue to.”

“That’s… not it, Sheldon. He set out… to destroy my life. And he… did.”

“I don’t have a home. My job doesn’t exist. I’ve lost two of my closest friends.”

“But, Penny, you have a new job. You will soon have a new home with me. And eventually your friends will hopefully return to you. All will be as it was.”

“No.. it won’t, Sheldon, it’ll never… be the same.”

“I fail to understand, Penny. In every way, despite Hernly’s efforts, your life has not only continued, it has improved. You have a better, more appropriate means of employment. Our new home will in every way be better than your former abode. And you have me and I am devoted to your continued happiness.”

“Sheldon, you just don’t… get it.”

“Nora, do you understand?”

“I’m not sure, Sheldon, but I think maybe I have an idea.”

“Please explain, then.”

“Can I have a few minutes alone with Penny?”

“Of course. I require dry clothing. Please take your time while I change and mop up the bathroom.”

Sheldon grabbed some clothing from the closet and left, closing the bedroom door behind him.

“Penny, it’s entirely possible that this is just everything that’s happening catching up with you, forcing you to process it. But I have a feeling it might be more. Okay if I ask you a few questions to see if I’m right about something?”

“Okay.”

“How long have you been living on your own?”

“Eight years.”

“And before that?”

“I lived with this guy Kurt that I moved here from Nebraska with for four years.”

“And before that?”

“With my parents on a farm outside Omaha?”

“Were you happy living by yourself?”

“Yeah. I mean things were always tight financially but I knew that was only temporary until I got famous.”

“Why did you leave home?”

“I didn’t want to be like all my friends back home and get married and start having kids. I didn’t want to be trapped. I wanted a better life. I wanted to act.”

“Why did you leave Kurt?”

“He cheated on me. He betrayed me. And he never believed in me.”

“Did you date guys after Kurt?”

“Yeah. A bunch. But never anything really serious. Lots of one-night-stands. You get that, right Nora?”

“Sure. But what happened with Leonard?”

“I got tired of dating the same kind of guys. The ones that were great fucks but couldn’t put together a real sentence. And Leonard had a little crush on me so I figured, why not?”

“And what happened there?”

“He kept pushing to take the next step, to move the relationship forward faster than I wanted to. First he said “I love you” before I was ready to and we broke up over that. Then we were thinking about getting back together and he went and proposed the first time we slept together again. And then he seemed to calm down for a while but after that he started pushing again and I couldn’t handle it so I broke up with him again. He already had us married and with kids and me in the PTA and I wasn’t ready.”

“And what about Sheldon?”

“Well, I met Sheldon and Leonard at the same time the day I moved in. I was kind of attracted to him but he didn’t seem to be into it at all. Then I heard Leonard call “dibs” on me. I mean, who does that?”

“Boys do that, honey. You know that.”

“Yeah.”

“Anyway, it started slow. For a while I thought Sheldon hated me. But after Leonard and I split up the first time Sheldon was the only one that was there for me. And, well, over time he kind of became my best friend. And last year, while I was going through some stuff with my father and dealing with all this pressure from Leonard and then all the stuff Hernly did the first time around, Sheldon was there for me whenever I needed him. He was the one who organized the whole plan to take Hernly down. He helped me negotiate my deal with the studio. And he never made me do anything I didn’t want to do, even if he disagreed with me. He was, he is the best friend I’ve ever had. And when the Hernly thing was over, at least when I thought it was over, I realized that I loved him and wanted to be with him and nobody else. But he was with Amy. Amy figured out what was going on between us, I mean we hadn’t even done anything or said anything to each other. She just saw it, ended their relationship and gave us her blessing. At least she said she did. Anyway when that happened Sheldon came to me and poured his heart out. He said he fell in love with me the moment he met me but because of Leonard and because he was devoted to his sciencey life he didn’t do anything. And we’ve been together since that day. I just love him so much.”

“So what’s going on now?”

“It’s all moving too quickly and I wanna yell “Stop” and I can’t. It’s all out of my control and it’s all changing and I want it to go back to where it was last week and it can’t and I hate that. We were in a really good place and then Hernly destroyed my life and I can’t get it back. And I’m afraid I’m going to hurt Sheldon.”

And Penny was sobbing again. Nora put her arm around her and held her.

“Penny, I think I understand. Can I call Sheldon back in so I can try and explain what I think is going on?”

“Sure.”

Nora went to the bedroom door and called Sheldon back in.

“Guys, I’m only guessing here. First I’m going to repeat what I said the other day and recommend that you get some therapy, Penny. You’ve got a lot going on in your head and some of it conflicts, which makes things like what’s happening now happen. Anyway, here’s my two cents. Listen or not, it’s up to you. I am by no means a relationship expert but I have seen a lot of stuff. So here goes.”

“Penny, you’re kind of a rebel. As far as I can tell, you always have been. You don’t like doing what’s expected. And you really hate when people try to plan your life for you. You rebelled against the life in Nebraska everybody expected you to have and came to California. You rebelled against Kurt when he showed you he didn’t believe in you.”

“I never understood how you stayed with Kurt for four years.”

“Sheldon, you went one kind of university. Penny went to another.”

“Penny went to community college. And dropped out.”

“It’s an analogy, Sheldon” Nora and Penny said at the same time.

“Oh.”

“Anyway. Penny rebelled against relationships by not only living by herself but by only dating men she wouldn’t have to commit to.”

“Over thirty of them.”

“Sheldon, are you trying to make things worse?”

“No, I apologize Penny. I was being flippant. I won’t do it again.”

“Thank you, sweetie.”

“She rebelled against her relationship with Leonard because he wanted it to move faster and further than she was ready for. Twice.”

“And in between her relationships with Leonard she pretty much stayed alone, rejecting romantic relationships entirely.”

“Nora, all of that makes eminent sense and, to be truthful, is information I was aware of. What is going on with Penny now?”

“Sheldon, in you Penny seems to have found the perfect partner, someone who is as skittish about all of this as she is but who loves her as much as she loves you. You guys were figuring this all out, step by step, and it was working. You both are much more comfortable taking this slowly. You won’t pressure her and she is really sensitive to pressuring you to do anything you’re not comfortable with. There was a real comfort there. You weren’t going any further down the line than she was. It was an ongoing negotiation, sometimes verbal, sometimes silent, and sometimes physical. Am I right?”

“That sounds as though it is correct.”

“And then last week everything blew up. Now Penny won’t be living on her own. She’ll be living with you. And it isn’t really her decision to do that. She was forced into it.”

“But we discussed it. It makes the most sense for us both.”

Penny chimed in.

“Sheldon, yes, it makes sense. And I want to do it. I don’t want to be with anyone but you. But I thought, I think we both thought, that we wouldn’t make this decision until we were both ready. I think we’d both agree that we aren’t exactly ready yet but we don’t have another option. Sweetie, I know how much your homeostasis means to you. And I know how much you’ve adjusted to fit me into your life and I love you for that. Well, I have my own homeostasis and Hernly torpedoed it. You are the only part of my life I have left. And, to be honest, I can’t believe you aren’t more freaked out than I am. After all, he torpedoed your life too.”

“Penny, I have an advantage over you in that regard. Much of what I do, my job as it were, takes place in my head. Hernly could not take that from me unless he were to kill me. In addition, you have made a valiant effort to keep to my schedule, which comforts me, even as I am temporarily exiled from my home. And, you need me during this time and it is critical to me that I be here for you. For me to fail in this regard would undermine all that we are. I simply will not allow myself to freak out. As you no doubt have noticed, I have kept myself very busy. I have not allowed myself to slow down. It is quite likely that once Hernly is apprehended and we have embarked upon our new living paradigm that what just happened to you will happen to me and you may be required to sing “Soft Kitty” to me non-stop for days. But until that time comes I will be here for you and I will protect you.”

“Penny, if you don’t hug this guy right now I will.”

Despite the fact that she had nothing on, Penny jumped out of the bed and threw her arms around Sheldon.

“Penelope! Some decorum, please. We have a guest.”

“Hey, don’t stop on my account. I’ll just go out to the living room.”

“Nora, stay, please.” Penny said as she released Sheldon and got back into bed and crawled under the covers.

“Listen, I think you guys are going to be okay. A lot has happened. It isn’t over yet. But you guys love each other and want it to work out. You’re being forced to move faster in your relationship than either of you are comfortable with. It might even make sense for you to see a couple’s therapist. You have a good, solid foundation but even that would take a pounding from what’s been happening. Trust me I’ve seen a lot worse from people who thought they were in a lot better situation.”

“Is there anything you’d suggest, besides therapy, which we will both give serious consideration to?”

“Well, I know this runs counter to what you’d expect, but I suggest you embrace the chaos. Instead of trying to make your stay in this incredible suite as much like being home as possible, try treating it like a vacation. I know you both have jobs to go to but, when you’re here, live it up. Stay in bed for a weekend. Use room service. Just be with each other. Don’t let me or your other friends in for a few days. Concentrate on making what you have even stronger so you can better withstand the changes that are coming. And if what happened today happens again, to either of you, just hold each other until it passes. It will. I promise.”

“Nora, I suspect that if we a able to find a therapist half as good as you all will be well.”

“Like I said, I’ve seen a lot, but I’d rather not be your therapist. I’d much rather be your friend.”

“You are already our friend, and a very good one. Thank you.”

“So are you guys hungry or do you just want to hold each other for a while.”

“Actually, both,” said Penny, the tears finally drying up.

“I think we’ll need to find something other than the Thai food.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.”

“I propose that we, as Nora put it, “embrace the chaos” and order from room service. I quite enjoyed their barbeque bacon cheeseburger the other night.”

“Way to think outside the box yet get right up alongside it, sweetie. But yeah, let’s do that. And Nora, you will be joining us.”

“Good, because I do have some stuff to tell you.”

 


	30. 30 – The Thai Night Substitution

**30 – The Thai Night Substitution**

Penny got dressed and after ordering their dinner from room service Penny, Sheldon sat down in the suite living room with Nora to await delivery of their dinner.

“So, Sheldon, you know Penny got an email today about auditioning to be in a dirty movie.”

“You told me this earlier, Nora. I assume Penny contacted you in order to put a stop to this nonsense.”

“I spoke to Rose, my agent and then I spoke to Nora.”

“May I assume this activity will cease?”

“That I can’t say, Sheldon. I was able to determine that Hernly provided the production company concerned with a copy of the DVD. Apparently he’s been making some kind of a living writing porn films.”

“Pornography films have writers?”

“Apparently so. And he visits their office/studio either Wednesday or Friday each week to pick up his pay, in cash. I provided extra incentive for him to show up on Wednesday.”

“How did you do that?”

“Well, Penny, I kind of led the production company to believe that I’m your agent and that you’ll be auditioning as scheduled on Wednesday. Even made them think you were looking forward to it.”

“I don’t think I can do that, Nora. Not even to catch Hernly.”

“Penny will do no such thing!”

“Relax, you two. Penny won’t even need to be there. I’ll be there along with a few of my associates. We’d kind of like to see the show.”

“I fail to understand how there will be a show if Penny is not even present.”

“Well, Hernly gave these guys the DVD on Friday and they watched it that day. If our young friend Bryan’s virus works as advertised…do the math.”

“All of their computers will go ka-blooie on Wednesday.”

“I don’t believe that “ka-blooie” is the appropriate technical term, Penny.”

“But it does describe what will happen if Bryan’s thingie works. And if we’re really lucky Hernly will walk right into it.”

“But Nora, won’t these guys figure out that you’re cops pretty quickly? I mean, not to criticize, but with the pantsuits and stuff you look like a cop…or a lawyer.”

“Yeah, I could probably use some help on the fashion front. Since I’m mostly with guys I pretty much end up dressing like them. The pantsuits are about as feminine as I get. I think I might need a little help from you to make me look more show biz agenty.”

“Well, that won’t be too hard. Heck, with your looks I could make you look like a hot porn star.”

“Not sure I want to go that far. Remember, I work with a lot of guys. Horny guys.”

“No, I can help you with the right look for Wednesday. And after that we are going to schedule a shopping trip. Nora, you should not be hiding how you look. You’re beautiful and you’re in great shape. And now you have someone to help you with this stuff. Plus, I’m pretty sure that we wear the same size so we’re kind of shopping for two. And I kind of need to start dressing a little more professionally. So we can look for a middle ground that works for both of us. Ooooh, I can’t wait.”

“I sense the conversation is going to veer towards shoes. Prior to that may I share some news.”

“Nora, are you done?”

“Pretty much. Penny, you don’t need to worry about this. I suggest you give your agent a head’s up so she doesn’t accidentally screw things up. If she hears from these people or if you hear from these people go along with it. Act as though you’ll be there Wednesday and you’re looking forward to it. Also, I suspect this isn’t the last time you’ll get an email like this, but if Bryan’s thingie works, the porn industry will eventually be too scared to have anything to do with you. And that’s probably just how you’d like it.”

“That’s for sure. Sheldon, what’s happening?”

“Well, Penny, you know that I am loathe to indulge in gossip.”

“Shelly, you couldn’t keep a secret if your life depended on it. Spill.”

“My assistant Alex came in today to speak with me about a matter of a personal nature.”

“Sheldon, I wish she’d go ahead and jump Leonard’s bones already. He could use the distraction.”

“Penny! In the course of our conversation she made it known she no longer has any interest in my ex-roommate and never wishes to converse about him with me again.”

“Did something happen?”

“Apparently she paid a visit to his hospital room to inquire about his health and all he would do was speak of you. She offered him her apartment to stay at while he was awaiting his flight to New Jersey and he replied that he would be happy to stay with her but that she would have to do most of the work as they achieved coitus since he was unable to use his hands and arms.”

“I’m a little surprised that Leonard was so forward.”

“As was Alex, since she was only offering him use of her couch.”

“Wow.”

“She reported to me that she rescinded the offer, slapped his face and left.”

“Um, good for Alex.”

“I opined similarly. But that is not really the news.”

“Come on Shelly.”

“Alex came in to inform me that Raj had asked her out on a date.”

“No!”

“Raj has mentioned numerous times that he is quite enamored of her. However, despite his newfound ability to converse with women, he is still quite reserved around them. It would have taken significant bravery on his part to actually approach Alex with the request.”

“What did she say? She didn’t turn him down, did she?”

“No. She told him she needed to think about it.”

“Why? Raj is a sweetie. And he’s rich.”

“I doubt that Alex is aware of his wealth. However, she did relate to me that she is attracted to him. She was, however, put off by the fact that he had never spoken with her unless inebriated. And an inebriated Rajesh Koothrapaili is not an attractive proposition.”

“Despite my own drunken adventure with Raj I’d have to agree with you there. Most of the time he’s a real ass when he’s been drinking.”

“I’m missing something here,” interjected Nora.

“Okay. Until fairly recently our friend Raj suffered from something called selective mutism and couldn’t speak to women at all unless he was related to them. But for some reason when he was drunk he could. And we kind of slept together. Once.”

“O-kay! I sense there’s more of a story there but Sheldon looks like he’s about to explode.”

“In any case, Alex wishes to accept Raj’s invitation but wished to discern whether I might have an issue with my assistant possibly becoming romantically involved with another one of my friends.”

“You’d better not have said you did, Sheldon!”

“I informed Alex that she is an excellent assistant and what she did outside of work hours is not my concern. I told her that my problem with her former dalliance with Leonard stemmed from the fact that Leonard believed he was still involved with you yet was having coitus with her. This disturbed me for a variety of reasons. I further informed her that Raj is a good person and a valued friend and that I hoped she would not be entering into a relationship with him frivolously. I also informed her that if they proceeded from dating to a relationship that it would likely mean she would be spending additional time with me and my friends and that I had no objection to that. I then wished her good luck.”

“I’m proud of you, Sheldon. You said and did exactly the right thing. So when are they going out?”

“According to a rather effusive text I received from Raj before I left work, they are having their first date now. Howard gave me a ride home so Raj could prepare.”

“Sheldon, that is wonderful news. I can’t wait to hear what happened.”

“I’m sure that Raj will give you a complete update at your next Girl’s Night. That reminds me, I shall be working late next Tuesday. If you like you can schedule one then.”

“Girl’s Night?” asked Nora.

“Bernadette, Amy and me used to get together to drink wine and do girlie stuff and maybe go out dancing. We don’t do the wine thing anymore and Amy is kind of, well, not included for now but ever since he started talking Raj has been part of it and, trust me, in a lot of ways Raj is more girlie than any of us, in a completely heterosexual kind of way. You should come.”

“Sounds, um, interesting.”

“It’s more fun than it sounds. And sometimes Sheldon gets us together to give him advice on female-related issues. We’re his Council of Ladies. We have t-shirts and everything. And he always supplies us with yogurt that helps us poop.”

“Well, should Sheldon extend an invitation to join the council I would proudly accept.”

“Nora, you may consider the invitation extended.”

“Guys, I might have a thing coming up that I hope you might be able to help me with.”

“Nora, if we are able to assist you in anything you have but to ask. You have been more than just helpful to us in our time of need.”

“Yeah, what Sheldon said.”

“Okay. So I’m not really happy where I’m living. It’s not that close to work and not in the greatest neighborhood. My lease is almost up but I was going to renew because I just really don’t have the time or energy to look for something else. Can you help me find something closer to work and, well, closer to you guys? I have a feeling that I’m going to want to spend more time with you since, well, you’re kind of the only friends I’ve made since I moved here.”

“Nora, despite having known you very briefly and under distressing circumstances I believe that I also speak for Penny in saying we have grown quite fond of you in that time and wish you to continue to be part of our lives even after this sorry situation is concluded. We would be happy to aid you in your search. We may even know of a solution but Penny and I will need to discuss that privately before we can discuss it with you.”

“I understand. But I appreciate that you’d be happy to have me join your merry crew.”

“I was not aware that we would be embarking on a maritime adventure of any kind and we have yet to construct a star ship.”

“Sheldon, don’t be obtuse.”

“Penny, I see your vocabulary-expanding adventure is continuing. Was this also courtesy of the small rapscallions?”

“No, Sheldon. The only other thing I got from the Little Rascals was something about milk that I think you’d rather not hear.”

“All right.”

At that moment there was a knock at the door. Sheldon went to get it.

“Who is it?”

“Room service. Morpheus.”

“Ah, dinner is here.”

The three of them sat down for dinner.

Sheldon, of course, had his barbeque bacon cheeseburger and the kitchen had put everything on the side. He was very happy. Penny had chicken picata. Nora had a steak. The three happily gobbled down their dinners. Just after they finished Penny’s cel rang. She didn’t recognize the number. She answered.

“Hello, Penny.”

Penny mouthed “It’s Hernly.”

Nora mouthed “Put it on speaker and remember to play along.”

Penny mouthed to Sheldon “Please shut up and don’t say a thing.”

Sheldon put his hand over his mouth.

“Hello, Mr. Hernly.”

“Oh please. Call me Paul. I understand I’ll be seeing a lot more of you.”

“Paul, I understand you’ve already quite a bit of me.”

“I apologize for that. I just couldn’t help myself. You’re just so beautiful.”

“Thank you, Paul. And thank you for arranging this opportunity for me Wednesday.”

“You’re going to do it?”

“Paul, you know that I want to be famous more than anything. And since I don’t have a job anymore I need the money. I decided that I would go along with it. Obviously fate is saying that this is how I’ll be successful and I’ve decided to embrace it. I’m working out and I’m going to the tanning salon tomorrow and I’m doing a lot of research so I’ll be really good on Wednesday.”

“If you need help doing research…”

“Well thank you Paul. Maybe after Wednesday. Or perhaps you’ll write something for me that you could also be in?”

“I’ll get right on that. Would you mind if I dropped by on Wednesday to watch?”

“I’d be flattered. My boyfriend, my ex-boyfriend won’t have anything to do with me anymore because I decided to do this. So maybe we can do something afterwards?”

“I’m looking forward to it. See you soon, Penny.”

“Goodbye, Paul.”

Penny hung up.

“Penny, that was great!”

“If there’s one thing I know, it’s how to manipulate guys who think with their dicks.”

“Penny, just to be certain, you aren’t actually giving consideration to this line of work are you?”

“Sheldon, that was acting. The only person I will ever be preparing to have sexual relations with on camera is you.”

“Penny, I’m quite certain that I do not wish there to be a photographic record of anything the two of us participate in privately. I’m already concerned enough that there may be a record of us reading romance novels to each other.”

“Sheldon, just as you are evolving in many areas that concern the two of us you should probably leave some room on that front too. But I’ll never push. You know that.”

“I do.”

“Nora, are you able to trace that call?”

“Probably not. It was a blocked number. Most likely a burner. Hernly is smart enough to dump the phone and get another. Even the number that will get posted by the virus doesn’t work anymore. The picture of Hernly and his name is what will do the damage. Anyway, in case he tries to follow you around tomorrow, Penny, don’t use the lease. Wear some kind of disguise and I’ll have one of my guys drop you off at the studio and pick you up. I’ll meet you tomorrow night to go over my costume for Wednesday and I’ll be over bright and early so you can make me an agent.”

“I’ll arrange to have time off and I’ll stick around here so I don’t blow your set-up.”

“Sounds like a plan. I’m gonna get some sleep. See you tomorrow night.”

“Good night, Nora.”

“Sheldon, about Nora needing a place to live, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Not only that but I have additional information.”

“What?”

“Raj informed me that he told Leonard of an upcoming vacancy in his building and that Leonard has made inquiries and is planning on submitting a deposit.”

“Then…”

“We should inform Nora that we are aware of an upcoming vacancy in our building. It seems as though Leonard may have unintentionally done something that may work out well for all concerned.”

“It might not work out well for Raj and Alex if he lives in Raj’s building.”

“Penny, we cannot become preoccupied with potential pairings and how they affect Leonard. If we do we will most certainly require therapy.”

“Sheldon, about that…”

“Penny, despite my opinion of the field, I am also aware of a number of people who have had positive experiences. I am devoted to you and our relationship. I am also aware that the two of us have been under a certain amount of stress since we decided to pair bond, some of it coming from Leonard and some of it from the situations Paul Hernly engineered and some of it from your family situation. And that even without those stressors, the two of us lead lives that create certain problems and our own relationship has certain issues that we are working through rather successfully I believe but they do exist. If the two of us indulging in a therapeutic paradigm individually and jointly assists in alleviating even a bit of the stress than I support the endeavor. And if you wish to undertake it than I will also.”

“Sheldon Cooper, I was certain you were going to fight me on this.”

“Penny, we’ve known each other for a long time. If there is one thing I am certain of it is that we will fight. I think the moment that I hung your underwear on that telephone line was also the moment that I realized that my feelings for you ran deeper than those I had for anyone else I had ever known.”

“Even your MeeMaw?”

“Now you’re being silly, Penny. But you know that we, as you say, “push each other’s buttons” and we always have.”

“And we always will. Because we’re very different people, Sheldon. And that’s a big reason that we work and you know that.”

“But returning to the subject at hand, I will not fight you on this. Nora believes it has value. You believe it has value. I would prefer to be skeptical but I will instead approach therapy with an open mind. As you search for a therapist that works for you I will conduct the same search for myself. And we will seek yet another to deal with the two of us together. Happily, between the two of us, our insurance coverage will allow this.”

“Sheldon, you know that it is possible that we might find a therapist good enough to take care of all of our needs.”

“Though I believe it unlikely, I will remain open to the possibility.”

“Okay, well since I’m going to be around on Wednesday, after I finish getting Nora ready I’m going to begin making some calls.”

“All right. Let us prepare for bed.”

“Okey-doke.”

Penny awoke the next morning to find Sheldon gone. As she finished her second cup of room service coffee he walked in with a shopping bag filled with laundry detergent, fabric softener, pre-soaking detergent and a folding board.

“Shelly, you’re not going to do the laundry are you?”

“While we did miss our standard laundry time on Saturday night, the first time that has happened in three years and 4 months I might add, my answer is no. In the spirit of “embracing the chaos” I met with Manuel the hotel manager earlier. He has agreed that the hotel’s laundry service can do our laundry using the laundering materials I specify and following my explicit instructions, which I am supplying in multiple languages. I am willing to allow them to try. So gather your things that require laundering. Our things will be taken care of while we are busy elsewhere. If this endeavor is successful, laundry night will not take place until we return home, which is probably appropriate.”

“Sheldon, you may actually be turning into a free spirit.”

“In the words of Landrew, “It’s Festival!”

“I actually got that!”

 


	31. 31 – The Pornography Preparation

**31 – The Pornography Preparation**

 

Penny went to work at the costume shop on Tuesday and expected just another day of learning the ropes punctuated with lunch another lunch at the commissary with Margie. However, Margie called in sick so Penny was thrown into the deep end pretty quickly. Ida, the woman in charge of the shop offered to help but Penny told her she thought she’d be able to handle things but to just keep an eye out in case she screwed anything up. Penny was handling things pretty well. It wasn’t a terribly busy day, just a couple of fittings and prepping the shoes for a location shoot. By the end of the day she was exhausted and realized she hadn’t even stopped for lunch. Ida came over to speak to her before she left for the hotel.

“I can see I made a good choice when I hired you. You kept your cool. You did everything that needed to be done and you did it well. I can already see that things will be in good hands with you here.”

“Thank you so much, Ida. I enjoyed it.”

“I could tell. You know, there are going to be some days when it’s not so enjoyable.”

“There always are. I just keep reminding myself that I could be waiting tables…or worse. I really, really appreciate the opportunity you’re giving me.”

“Okay then. Get out of here. I know you won’t be here in the morning, right.”

“Yeah, there’s something I really have to take care of.”

“You gave us appropriate notice and I did promise when I hired you that we’d work around your other commitments when we could. Tomorrow looks to be a slow day. Margie will be back in and you’ve already taken care of most of what needed to be done. Go home. I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.”

“Good night, Ida.”

Penny walked to her car and waved to the plainclothes cop sitting in his car. She drove to the hotel and he followed.

Nora came over soon after Penny arrived home and they started putting together her agent’s costume. Though Penny had a pretty good sense of what Nora might look like out of her typical pantsuit or jeans and t-shirt she was still surprised when Nora got down to her underwear.

“Nora, don’t tell me you never considered modeling.”

“Yeah, for maybe five minutes. But I preferred using my powers for good instead of evil.”

“Funny. You have got to start wearing some more appropriate clothes. It’s a real shame for you to hide what you have.”

“Remember what I do, Penny. If I show up looking like a model I’ll spend the rest of my career doing hooker stings and I don’t want that. I want to be a good cop.”

“But when you’re not working, I mean, don’t you want to go out and have some fun?”

“Like I told you, I’m kind of a homebody.”

“Oh yeah, that reminds me. Sheldon and I talked about helping you find a place closer to work, and us. We have an idea.”

“Tell me.”

“First, how do you like living across the hall from us?”

“It’s great. I mean, it’s kind of work but I like hanging out with you guys and I like your friends, at least the ones I met.”

“How would you like to go on doing that, living across the hall?”

“This hotel thing can’t go on much longer. We’re gonna catch Hernley and your place will get repaired.”

“I don’t mean here. I mean at 2311 North Los Robles.”

“How?”

“My old place. The lease is up in a few months. Sheldon and I were thinking about holding onto it for Leonard but that kind of depended on him changing back into the guy we used to like and we can’t count on that. Also, Raj told us he put a deposit down on another place. So there’s this kind of wrecked apartment across the hall from us and Sheldon and I would really like it if you moved in. After it’s fixed, of course. I can sublet it to you until the lease is up and I’m sure the landlord would love having a cop in the building.”

“Oh my God. Thank you. Yes. Absolutely yes. I can’t believe I’m saying this but ‘Thank you Paul Hernly for bringing such wonderful people into my life.’”

“Yeah, kind of funny isn’t it? But I still can’t wait for the asshole to be rotting in jail.”

“Me neither. Penny, there’s something you should know about me and I hope it doesn’t freak you out at all.”

“Okay?”

“Okay, I told you I’m a homebody and I am. And I got out of a relationship with a guy about a year ago.”

“Right?”

“Well, I don’t date a lot but when I do I’m not exactly choosy.”

“So sometimes you make some bad choices. We all do.”

“That’s not what I mean. I don’t just date guys. I date girls too.”

“Oh.”

“Please don’t think I’m coming on to you. I’m not. You’re my friend and so’s Sheldon and you guys are together and I respect that. Also, I’m not really attracted to you. You’re a little too much like me. I just didn’t want you to freak out if you found out later.”

“No, it’s okay. Really, don’t worry about it. Y’know, for a while I kind of had a problem with Amy on that front.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope. I mean she was always attracted to Sheldon, but when we first met me she asked if I was gay…”

“Oh you are so not gay.”

“I know. But even after I told her no she kept making inappropriate comments to me and one night she even followed me into my bathroom and started making out with me.”

“Wow. Girl needs to get laid.”

“Yeah. She just went and picked the last guy in the world that would help her in that department.”

“But it works for you.”

“I got a lot of stuff out of the way before Sheldon and I got together. I can wait for something special because I had a whole lot of not special. Amy doesn’t know the difference.”

“I hope you aren’t thinking me and Amy…”

“No absolutely not.”

“Because not only am I not attracted to her, I kind of don’t even like her.”

“You’ve seen her at her worst. She’s kind of a sweet kid, just super smart and really naïve. And she kind of believes in this fantasy of what a relationship is supposed to be. She spent years trying to make Sheldon fit into that fantasy and look at how that worked out.”

“From what I’ve seen of her, she’s not exactly acting super-smart these days.”

“A lot of that’s Leonard and a lot of that is not knowing how to process what happened between me and Sheldon. I hope she takes my advice and gets some therapy.”

“What about you?”

“While you’re out in the valley hopefully busting Paul Hernly I’ll be here calling therapists and setting up interview appointments.”

“Sounds good. Now, can I start trying some clothes on? Because if I sit around here in my underwear for much longer I might forget that I’m not really attracted to you.”

“That would so freak Sheldon out and no way do I want that. That is exactly the kind of thing that would turn him into a super-villain!”

“I was thinking the very same thing. I could even imagine what the costume would look like.”

“Ooooh, I have an idea. For Halloween this year why don’t we make that costume for Sheldon and we can be his slutty minions.”

“Definitely!”

“Back to work.”

After some trial and error Penny and Nora came up with what they thought would be exactly the right couture for an agent bringing her client to audition for a porn shoot. Something professional yet slutty at the same time. Nora left and said she’d be back for makeup and hair in the morning.

The next morning Penny put Nora in a tight bun, some very conservative makeup and for good measure gave her some fake eyeglasses like the ones she’d used on Leonard that one time. Nora looked perfect and left to meet her associates from vice to head out to the valley. Penny started making calls to therapist’s offices.

 


	32. 32 – The Wednesday Wackiness

**32 – The Wednesday Wackiness**

Nora arrived at the office/studio of Pointing North Productions just before 11 and rang the bell. It looked just like any other house in the San Fernando Valley. A guy who looked to be in his mid-thirties and a little scruffy answered.

“I’m Nora Glass. My client Penny is running a bit late. She should be here shortly.”

“Yeah. I’m Hal Speaker. We spoke yesterday. I wasn’t expecting you.”

“Well, it’s Penny’s first audition for this kind of thing and I thought she could use some support.”

“You’re some kind of full-service agent. Heck, you look like you could do this work yourself.”

“Um, thanks?”

“We’re running a little behind ourselves. When Penny gets here just send her over to the makeup room over there, okay?”

“Sure.”

Nora looked around. She was happy to see lots of computer equipment and that even the cameras were hooked up to computers. She just hoped she wouldn’t have to wait too long for the show. She pulled out her cell and called the guys from vice who were waiting a block away. They had prearranged that she would speak to them as though they were Penny running late and there was a code for when they should join her.

As 11 o’clock came and went Nora noticed that they weren’t close to ready. Even though the guy who was supposed to “work” with Penny was walking around stark naked he seemed to be the only one who was ready.

Finally, Speaker came up to Nora. He seemed nervous.

“We seem to be having a technical problem with one of our computers. Looks like we’ll be ready to go in about twenty minutes. When Penny gets here tell her to forget about makeup and just take off her clothes and get on set.”

“You mean on the bed.”

“Same thing.”

“Once she’s there I’ll tell her what to do.”

Nora noticed other computer screens blanking out. Nora picked up the phone and dialed the Vice guys. They said a car was pulling up. Someone who looked like Hernley was driving.

“Penny says she’s pulling up now.”

That was the code. Two of the Vice cops burst in. Nora identified herself.

“I’m Detective Glass of the Pasadena Police. I have a warrant to search these premises.”

“So this whole Penny thing is a scam.”

“No, the whole scamming Penny into doing porno thing is a crime.”

Nora thought she heard something from the far end of the studio. She ran there in time to hear “Cops” and tackled one of the crew with a phone in his hand.

“Nora, a car was pulling up and then booked out fast. One of our guys is chasing him.”

“Okay, asshole. Who did you call?”

“I want my lawyer.”

“You probably think I’m running you in for some petty vice charge and your lawyer’ll have you out by the end of the day. Not quite. You were harboring a fugitive and if that isn’t enough, the mob wants him too. So you’d better hope you’ll be nice and safe in jail.”

“Okay, all of you. See the picture on your computer screens. Whoever tells me how to find him becomes my new best friend. Protect him and you’re also up for harboring a fugitive and receipt of stolen property and pretty much whatever I throw at you. And, trust me, word will get to certain people that you know where Hernly is. The last folks who they spoke to haven’t been seen in over a week.”

Speaker walked up to Nora, sweating and nervous.

“Listen, he was just a writer. I barely knew the guy. I paid him cash. Then he gave me this DVD with that Penny girl and I figured I’d have a big payday down the road. That’s all I did.”

“Well the DVD was recorded without her knowledge or permission. And, by the way, that DVD just totally fucked your computers and will fuck any computers it appears on. So your payday just turned into a money pit. And that’s not even counting what you’ll be paying your lawyers. Paul Hernly has royally screwed you and anyone he gave that DVD to. You don’t owe him anything.”

Nora’s phone rang.

“Yeah?”

“We lost him. We’re pretty sure it was Hernly but we lost him on the freeway. We have his plates and a description of the car and we’re putting out a BOLO. But you’ve gotta come out here. It’s actually kinda funny.”

Nora went out the front door. She knew that Pointing North wasn’t the only porn producer in the area. There were probably ten or fifteen others close by. When Nora looked around it seemed like every IT company truck in the valley had a truck rolling in. The Los Angeles porn industry was having some serious trouble with their computers.

Nora pulled out her phone and called Howard.

“Howard, it’s Nora. Tell Bryan his little thing seems to be working.”

“Nora, you don’t know the half of it. In the last couple of hours almost every porn site has either gone dark or has Hernly’s picture up on it. Every IT geek in the country is gonna get rich doing repairs or selling new computers. And a lot of pervs will be unsatisfied.”

“Penny is going to love this.”

Penny, however, was way too busy to even know about it. After she had made some calls and set up a few appointments she got a frantic call from Ida at the costume shop.”

“Penny, is there any way you can get here right away?”

“Ida, what’s going on. I thought everything was handled.”

“Everything is handled except for one thing. We weren’t expecting Margie’s water to break. She’s in labor and the twins are coming fast. I need to go to the hospital with her. I need you here.”

“Ida, I’ll be there in like twenty minutes. Don’t worry.”

Penny ran across the hall and banged on the door until the officer on duty answered.

“I’ve gotta get to the studio right away. Emergency. Can’t let anyone see me leave.”

The officer called the unmarked car out in front of the hotel and explained.

“Okay. Go down to the kitchen and out the back. The car will be there waiting. Just get in the back and duck down. You’ll be at the studio before you know it.”

Penny ran down and got into the car. They pulled up to the studio gate and Penny ran to the costume shop and got there just as Ida was about to leave.

“Penny! What did you do, fly here? Here are the keys. I left notes about what’s happening today and what needs to be prepped for tomorrow. If you have any questions, call me. I’ll check in. You’re a lifesaver.”

Penny paused to catch her breath.

“You needed me. I’m here.”

“Um, we need to talk. You just made a major impression and if you ask around you’ll find out I’m not so easily impressed. We need to have a serious talk about your future because, young lady, you have one.”

“Wow. Thank you. Um, shouldn’t you be going?”

“Right. We’ll talk later.”

“Tell Margie I’m thinking about her…and the twins.”

Penny went into the shop and got to work. When she finally looked up it was already eight and she still had more to do. Last she heard from Ida Margie was still in labor and they hadn’t been able to reach her husband yet so Ida was staying at the hospital. Penny took a minute and called Sheldon.

“Hi, sweetie.”

“Penny, where are you? We’ve just returned from the comic shop and I was expecting to find you here. Is anything wrong?”

“No. Everything’s fine. Margie, the girl I’m replacing went into labor at work and they called me in and I’m kind of running things while Ida is at the hospital with her. I still have a couple of hours of work left. The officer on stakeout will bring me home when I’m done. Don’t worry.”

“You don’t sound like you usually sounded when you had to work a long shift at The Cheesecake Factory. You sound…happy.”

“I am happy. This is only my third day and Ida trusted me enough to put me in charge while she’s gone. I just want to make sure that I justify her trust in me.”

“I’m certain that you will. You only required an appropriate challenge to shine and shine you have. I’m very happy for you.”

“Oh thank you, Moonpie. Don’t wait up.”

“I will wait up. It has been over twelve hours since I’ve seen you and I don’t wish that time period to be any longer than it has to be.”

“Okay, sweetie. See you soon.”

And Penny got back to work.

“Nora, that was Penny.”

“I figured that. What’s going on?”

“Circumstances at the costume shop required that she go in early and stay late. Apparently she has been asked to take charge while the woman who runs the shop is busy with a co-worker delivering a child.”

“Jeez. So she has no idea what’s been happening?”

“From her tone I suspect she has been kept quite busy. I will need to provide her with the details of today’s events when she arrives in a few hours if she isn’t too tired.”

“Well, if you want me to come over, just buzz. I’m positive I’ll still be up for hours. They’re still trying to find Hernly’s car.”

“Very well.”

“And Sheldon, thank you.”

“For what?”

“Penny told me about the apartment. I decided I’m going to take you guys up on your offer.”

“That’s wonderful news, Nora. Penny will be very happy.”

“And you?”

“I think you know that if Penny is happy so am I. I am glad to see Penny make another friend who is not from the academic world.”

“You mean someone who is as dumb as she is.”

“No, that isn’t what I mean at all. Penny is actually quite smart. And very intuitive. She just lacks formal credentials. It just seems that her life has more and more revolved around a world which she is not comfortably a part of. Now, with you and her work at the studio she has the opportunity to gather a group of friends whose interests are closer to her own.”

“But from what I’ve seen she is quite happy with the world you guys inhabit.”

“Perhaps I’m being unclear. In the time that Penny has been a part of our lives she has, for the most part, served to bring us out of our various worlds of academia and science fiction and comic books and into the larger world. More recently it has seemed that the converse has been true. She has been retreating from the larger world and spending more time in our smaller universe. During the recent crisis she has been spending all of her time with me. I have no complaint on this account. I love her and every minute I am with her. However, I believe that Penny’s long-term health and wellbeing will be adversely affected by spending all of her time with me or us in our world. Though I fully expect to be a major part of her life in perpetuity I also know that she must spend time in other worlds in order to find appropriate challenges and learn new things. I do not wish her to become me. I wish her to be Penny and to become the best Penny she can be. And I wish to continue to marvel in my discovery of her worlds.”

“Sheldon you are one of a kind. We’d have a better world if more men were like you.”

“Nora, if more men were like me mankind might be in danger of extinction.”

“So you think me moving across the hall from you is a good idea.”

“It’s a wonderful idea. We should discuss the apartment and any requirements you may have for it. Since work has only just begun you have an opportunity to make some adjustments. The landlords have been quite receptive to my requests. I suspect that if I were to negotiate with them on your behalf we would be successful.”

“Well, I guess I should head over there and take a look at the apartment as a place to live rather than as a crime scene. But off the top of my head I think I’d want a wall safe to keep my gun in when I’m at home.”

“That seems like a simple request that I can’t imagine them rejecting. I propose that tomorrow evening following work, if your schedule allows, you pick me up from the university and the two of us go to 2311 North Los Robles Apartment 4B and assemble a more complete list of requests. After that we can return here for pizza night. I have decided that tomorrow’s will be the final group activity prior to our return home. Until then Penny and I will devote ourselves to embracing the chaos and, if Penny’s updates to my iCal calendar are correct, a series of appointments with potential therapists.”

“Sounds like a plan, Sheldon. Okay if I call you during the day to confirm? I never know what my day will turn into.”

“Nora, this is what I mean. My life is about order and schedules. Penny is an agent of chaos and I love her for bringing that into my life, despite my frequent verbal complaints. I find it difficult to believe I am saying this, but Penny actually needs more agents of chaos in her life, like you.”

“To be honest, I always saw myself as an agent of CONTROL, but I get your meaning and I really wish I could meet someone like you.”

“There is nobody like me Nora. That is not ego. It’s fact.”

“A real tragedy. I know you don’t like physical contact except from Penny, but may I hug you good night?”

“You may if you wish.”

Nora gave Sheldon a hug good night and he lightly hugged her back. Penny is a lucky, lucky girl, she thought.

It was almost midnight when Penny got in. She thought she’d be exhausted but she was buzzing with energy. Sheldon was still awake, waiting for her.

“I didn’t think you’d still be up, sweetie.”

“I informed you that I would be. Are you hungry?”

“Actually, I’m famished. I’ve been so busy I haven’t eaten since breakfast.”

“One of the advantages of being here is that the hotel kitchen is available to us. What would you like?”

“I think I’d like a swiss cheese omelet with French fries and bacon on the side. And a large chocolate milk. Are you having anything?”

“I’d prefer not having my morning bowel movement at work. So, no. There is a limit to embracing the chaos.”

“Okay, I’m going to hop in the shower.”

“I’ll order your dinner. There are a few things I should update you on before we retire for the night.”

“Okay. Um, Sheldon, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but could you also order me a piece of cheesecake, with strawberries. I kind of have a craving.”

“All right. The laundry has been done and has met with my approval. You will find clean clothes in your dresser.”

“Thank you.”

Penny finished her shower, threw on a pair of shorts and a Green Lantern tank top, and walked out to find her food waiting for her. She hadn’t realized how hungry she was and it seemed like she inhaled it in a matter of minutes. With her mouth full of cheesecake she looked Sheldon in the eye.

“So, what up, Moonpie?”

“Since I still wish to get as much REM sleep as possible and since I suspect you will have another full day ahead of you tomorrow I will attempt to keep this brief. Nora is planning on moving into 4B. She and I will be going there tomorrow evening to review the repairs and determine whether she requires anything done to the apartment to make it more suitable for her. I will then engage with the landlords on her behalf.”

“Are they still afraid of you?”

“Quite. I suspect any reasonable request will be satisfied. We will have pizza night here tomorrow evening but after that I propose we suspend hosting group activities until we return home. Does that meet with your approval?”

“It’s a good idea. We need some us time. Thank you.”

“Raj would like to bring Alex tomorrow night. He wished to know if this presents any problems for you. If it does he will not bring her.”

“He should bring her and if the two of us have a problem we can fill the tub with chocolate pudding and fight it out.”

“Penny, that would be quite messy.”

“Kidding, Sheldon. I’m okay with it but Alex and I should probably talk alone at some point. Nothing bad, just some hatchets that should probably get buried if we’ll be spending more time together.”

“All right, I will inform him.”

“Young Bryan’s virus succeeded in shutting down production for virtually the entire pornography industry in Los Angeles and almost every pornography website. Paul Hernly’s face is everywhere and there are no unseemly images of you to be found, except for those found in “Serial Apist.”

“That’s probably the news that you should have led with, Sheldon. That’s great! Did they get Hernly?”

“Unfortunately they did not. He was warned. Several people from Pointing North Productions are currently incarcerated. The police are aware of Hernly’s license plate and car model and are searching for him. They fear he may have left the state. With his picture everywhere there are few places he can hide and many of his former associates are quite angry at him.”

“Couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.”

“I don’t believe any of this was related to him being a nice guy.”

“Never mind, Sheldon. Anything else?”

“I confirmed the various appointments you made. And Raj informed me that Leonard has indeed placed a deposit on a unit in his building.”

“Very good on all fronts. Bed now?”

“Bed now.”

At three in the morning Penny’s cell rang. The ID said it was Ida. Half asleep, Penny picked it up.

“Hello,” she mumbled.

“Penny dear, I’m so sorry to wake you up but I just had to share the news. Margie had her twins.”

“That’s great,” Penny mumbled.

“A boy and a girl. Fraternal twins I believe it’s called.”

“Yeah, fraternal…” Penny mumbled.

“Would you like to know what their names are?”

“Sure.”

“Penelope and Sheldon.”

Penny was wide awake.

“Ida, you’re freaking kidding me!” Penny yelled.

“Apparently you’ve made quite an impression all around. Get some sleep. Don’t come in till around ten. I’ll see you then. We’ll have lunch.”

“Sure. Good night, Ida. Thanks for the news.”

“Penny, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. Nothing at all.”

“What has happened?”

“Margie had her twins.”

“Is that not to be expected. She was in labor, after all.”

“It’s their names, Sheldon.”

“Spit it out, Penny. It will be daylight soon.”

“Sheldon, she named her twins after us.”

“But did you not just meet this person Monday?”

“Yup.”

“And she named her child after you, who she had only just met and after me, who she’s never met?”

“Yup.”

“There must be more to this.”

“She’s from Texas…”

Sheldon’s phone rang. It was his mother.

“Shelly, I’m sorry to call you so late but I just heard the strangest thing. Do you remember the Wilkins family?”

“A bit. There were two boys who were older than me with a sister a few years younger than me. I don’t believe I ever knew the parents.”

“Well, Mrs. Wilkins is a member of my church and apparently the daughter who works in Los Angeles just had twins and you know what she named them?”

“Penelope and Sheldon?”

“You knew?”

“I was informed just minutes ago. Margie and Penny began working together this past Monday. Apparently Penny has made quite an impression.”

“Well you know what that’s like, don’t you Shelly?”

“I am quite familiar with the impression Penny can make, Mother. Would you like to speak with her?”

“I don’t want you to go and wake her up.”

“She’s right here. Penny, it’s my mother.”

“Hi, Mary.”

“Wait just a second! Are the two of you in bed together? Are you sinning?”

“Yes, Mary, I am in bed with Sheldon. And no, Mary, we have not sinned. We sleep in the same bed. We have not had sex. Sheldon has barely even seen me naked.”

“Penny, I am very upset and incredibly happy at the same time.”

“Yeah, Sheldon does that. You raised him. You should know.”

“I think I’m going to need to pay you two a visit.”

“Mary, you are always welcome. You know that. But can you wait until we’re back home? And we’ll need to coordinate with my folks. They want to visit, too. And we want MeeMaw to come out also.”

Penny whispered to Sheldon.

(Sheldon, did you tell her about us living together?)

(I haven’t had the opportunity.)

(Well, here goes.)

“Um, Mary, there’s something you should know. When the repairs are finished on the apartment Sheldon and I will be living together.”

“In sin?”

“In Apartment 4A.”

“Are you pregnant?”

“Mary, I told you, we haven’t done that. Yet.”

“Penny, I love you. Put my son on.”

“Sheldon, speak to your mother. I think she wants you to make me an honest woman.”

“Hello, mother.”

“Sheldon, when were you planning to tell me any of this?”

“When I was awake.”

“Don’t be flippant with me, young man.”

“Yes, mom.”

“Are you planning to marry Penny?”

“Not planning, but the two of us assume you will eventually require that we marry.”

(Sheldon!)

“Excuse me?”

“I misspoke. I was waiting for the appropriate opportunity to ask for her hand.”

“Have you spoken to her people?”

“I have discussed the matter with her father, yes.”

“And he approved?”

“He did.”

“What are you waiting for?”

“Mother, things have been a little crazy here. I haven’t wanted to share all of the details because they would upset you and there were things involved that you certainly couldn’t share at church.”

“Sheldon, you know that Penny and Missy email all the time?”

“I did not.”

“And you know that Missy tells me everything, unlike you?”

“That I was aware of.”

“I know all about that Hernly character and the pornographic DVD of Penny.”

“You do?”

“My church group has been praying day and night that all this would work out.”

“You have?”

“Sheldon, I love you and I know Penny and I love her. You two getting together is one of the most wonderful things that’s happened in my life. And I expect that any son that I raised will do the right thing.”

“Yes, mom.”

“The next time we speak I expect to hear good news.”

“Yes, mom. Good night, mom.”

“Good night, Shelly. And kiss Penny good night for me too”

Sheldon leaned over and kissed Penny on the cheek.

“What was that for?”

“That was from my mother. And you were right.”

“About what?’

“She’s going to make us get married.”

“Is that a problem?”

“No.”

“Yay.”

Penny could feel Sheldon stiffen a little under the covers, and not in a fun way.

“Sheldon, that doesn’t mean I expect you to go shopping for a ring or propose or start picking baby names. It only means, and let me try to put it in terms you get, that I find the thought of a marriage with you gratifying. But I am perfectly happy with how we are now, especially how we are right now.”

“Penny, it’s not as though we haven’t discussed this eventuality. We knew my mother would insist on a formalization of our relationship, especially if we consider progeny.”

“Sheldon, you make it sound so romantic.”

“You have previously stated that I am romance-challenged, most recently on February 14th.”

“Sheldon, a book telling the true histories of the saints, including St. Valentine, is not an appropriate Valentine’s Day gift. I had nightmares for weeks.”

“Point taken. I promise that gifts in the future will include chocolates and soon-to-be-dead floral arrangements.”

“So, no obsessing about us getting married. We have enough going on.”

‘Penny, regarding that…”

Now Penny stiffened. Was Sheldon getting cold feet about them living together?

“What have you been thinking, Sheldon?”

“I’ve been thinking that I don’t believe I will be comfortable sleeping alone when we move back to the apartment?”

“Well, you know you’ll always be welcome in my bed.”

“I would like to re-address that arrangement.”

“How so?”

“I would like to place the new king-size bed we are purchasing in my room and make that our room. We can then make Leonard’s old room a guest room and work room.”

“Sheldon, I think that putting the bed in your room is great, but that alone won’t make it our room.”

“I understand. When we purchase the new bed we may wish to also purchase other items of furniture that we mutually agree upon and repaint and redecorate in such a manner as to show a shared sleeping space.”

“Sheldon, are you sure?”

“I believe that I am. Does this proposal meet with your approval?”

Penny moved on top of Sheldon and kissed him full on the lips.

“Is that answer sufficient, Sheldon?”

“I believe that it is. It is very late and I need to go to work in a few hours. Please get off of me. I propose we try to sleep a bit.”

“Okay. One last thing. Sometime tomorrow, um, today we should visit Margie and the new babies in the hospital. Since they’re named after us it is kind of a non-optional social convention.”

“I agree. And I believe I may have thought of a perfect gift.”

“Sheldon, you don’t like gift-giving, especially involving strangers.”

“Penny, Margie has named her children for us. That is an honor and is a kind of gift. I cannot be in her debt though any gift we think of will likely not fully erase that debt.”

“What’s your idea?”

“Stuart at the comic shop…”

“Sheldon we are not giving the babies comic books they can’t read or toys they might swallow.”

“As I was saying, Stuart at the comic shop is endeavoring to enlarge his client base through offering a greater variety of products and I noticed earlier that he now stocks baby onesies with super hero icons. I propose we purchase Superman and Wonder Woman onesies for Baby Penelope and Baby Sheldon. I can purchase them at lunchtime and meet you at the hospital when you are available. However, we cannot go after 5 as I am meeting with Nora at that time.”

“Sounds perfect. I’ll see how my day goes. I can pick you up so we can both go over.”

“All right. Sleep now.”

“Sleep now, sweetie.”

 


	33. 33 – The Newborn Niceties

**33 – The Newborn Niceties**

Penny picked Sheldon up at 2 to go over to the hospital. She was surprised that he wasn’t showing any of his usual hospital ticks but decided against mentioning anything for fear it might start him off. Margie was on the 6th Floor. An older woman was sitting outside her room and brightened up when she saw Sheldon.

“Well, you must be Sheldon Lee Cooper! You look just like your mother described. I thought we might be blessed with a visit from you after I spoke with her last night.”

“Hello Mrs. Wilkins. It’s very nice to meet you. I was quite surprised to learn that my friend Penny’s new co-worker was in fact the daughter of a friend of my mother’s.”

“It is quite a coincidence.”

“Um, Sheldon doesn’t believe in coincidences. I’m Penny, by the way.”

“Well, from Mary’s description you couldn’t be anyone else.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

“Margie and Joey and the babies are inside. Go on in.”

Penny and Sheldon headed into the hospital room. Margie was in bed holding one of the babies and a young man, probably her husband, was seated holding the other.

“Penny!”

“Hi, Margie. This is Sheldon.”

“This is my husband Joey. Joey, This is Penny and Sheldon.”

“I thought we were holding Penny and Sheldon” he replied jokingly.

“Oh they look so darling. We brought you something.”

“Can you open it. We kind of have our hands full.”

Penny tore off the wrapping paper, which was actually a poster for the new Sandman comic, because Stuart didn’t actually gift wrap, and pulled out the Superman and Wonder Woman onesies.

“Oh my God. Those are perfect. Joey, look at what they brought.”

Joey beamed and while carefully holding the newborn pulled open his button-down shirt to reveal a Batman t-shirt.

“I can’t tell you how perfect these are. Before we decided to name them Penelope and Sheldon our top two contenders were Clark and Diana.”

“Margie, we’re honored and flattered and all but, you’ve known me for all of one day and you’ve only heard about Sheldon, most of it not exactly nice before the other day. Why on earth would you name your kids after us?”

“Well, like I said, we were going in a different direction but when I got home Monday night I told Joey about what you told me, about how much you loved Sheldon and how he’d always been there for you.”

“Penny has been supportive of me also.”

“I know. I called my mom Monday night and found out that she had become friendly with your mom at church. I got a little bit of the history that she knew. The thing is, we knew that these guys would be fraternal twins, in some ways the same but in most ways very different. We really liked that you guys are so very different but love each other so much. It’s kind of the same with me and Joey. My family is so very religious and Christian and Joey is Jewish. I work in show business and Joey is an architect. We’re really different but we work, too. The symbolism kind of worked. We talked it over. So meet Sheldon Clark and Penelope Diana.”

Penny grabbed Sheldon’s hand and held it tight.

“Would you like to hold them? Oh, you just have to. Joey, you have to get a picture.”

Sheldon looked around and saw some clean hospital gowns he and Penny could put on over their clothes. And then he carefully took baby Sheldon Clark and Penny took baby Penelope Diana. Penny looked at Sheldon as he looked at the baby. She had never seen him smile so widely or brightly without looking like he wanted to kill Batman. That was the moment that Penny knew for sure that they would someday be parents.

Joey spoke.

“Not to take away from the moment, but naming the baby Sheldon also helped save us from some problems with my family. Sheldon is an old family name on my mother’s side. Clark alone wouldn’t have been so easy to get away with.”

“Joey, naming your children Clark and Diana could also be a bit troublesome if you subscribe to the New52 continuity that has Superman and Wonder Woman as lovers.”

“I don’t. I’m a traditionalist. There is only one great love of Superman’s life and it’s Lois Lane. The only occasion that I’ve accepted Wonder Woman in that role was in Mark Waid and Alex Ross’s _Kingdom Come_ , and only after Lois had been dead for a long time.”

“Agreed!”

“Penny, it looks like the nerds are bonding.”

“Yeah, it’s kind of cute when they do that, isn’t it?”

“Joey, take a picture of Penny and Sheldon holding the babies.”

Penny and Sheldon moved together and angled towards each other while holding and looking at the twins. Penny knew there were tears in her eyes and when she glanced at Sheldon she could see he was in a similar state.

“Okay, I need to get back to the costume shop. Seems someone had a couple of babies and they have to deal with her sub.”

“Penny, you’re going to be just fine. Ida loves you. She didn’t give me the keys until I’d been there for over a year. You got them on your third day.”

“Ida was desperate.”

“She trusts you. And she’s right to. Listen, I get out of here tomorrow or the next day. We’ll come visit the shop as soon as we can. And as soon as we can all travel we’re heading to Texas for a while and then to New York to visit Joey’s family. But we’ll see you guys soon. Don’t be strangers. And Penny, if you need any help or advice for work, please call. I don’t want to be one of those new mothers who drops off the face of the earth.”

“Bye guys.”

“Goodbye, Margie and Joey. And goodbye to you too Penelope Diana and Sheldon Clark. It was very pleasant to meet you all and I look forward to our future encounters.”

Penny and Sheldon left holding each other’s hands. Margie turned to Joey.

“Everybody’s right. Those two are a really wacky couple. But I have never in my life seen or felt so much love between two people.”

“Even us?”

“Joey, any time I feel something isn’t right between us I’m going to picture them and I know everything will be all right. Wait till I tell you what my mother told me about what’s been going on with them.”

“Penny?”

“Yes, Sheldon.”

“Thank you for bringing me here. This was a very positive experience.”

“Yeah.”

“Please drop me off at our building. Before I meet with Nora I’d like to perform a surprise inspection of the progress. I’ll call Nora and have her meet me there.”

“Okay, but you guys will be back at the hotel by 7, right?”

“Indeed. I will phone you before we leave and you may place the pizza order for us to pick up. Remember to calculate for additional people.”

“I will.”

 


	34. 34 – The Second Los Robles Reimagining

**34 – The Second Los Robles Reimagining**

Sheldon rode up the repaired elevator to the fourth floor. He saw that the workmen were busy inside the apartment 4A bathroom removing the smashed fixtures and preparing to renovate. Apartment 4B hadn’t been touched yet. Nora joined him a few minutes later.

“Sheldon, this place is going to be perfect and it’s almost twice as big as where I am now.”

“I can’t imagine living anywhere that small.”

“Well, you’re kind of a tall guy and you are from Texas.”

“True enough. Aside from the wall safe, and where would you like that, do you foresee any other adjustments that need to be made?”

“Well, I think I’d like the safe in the bedroom. Do you think they’ll let me choose the appliances for the kitchen?”

“My suggestion is that we not ask, we tell. Penny and I still have the catalogs the contractor sent us back at the hotel. You are welcome to peruse them but I suggest you do so quickly.”

“I used to cook and bake a lot but kind of haven’t been doing that much since I moved to Pasadena. With you guys across the hall and your friends over all the time I can see myself getting back into that and I think I’d want a really good, big oven and a big refrigerator.”

“I believe that can probably be arranged. I look forward to sampling your cooking. I enjoy experimenting in the kitchen myself and haven’t been able to because my former roommate had significant dietary considerations.”

“Yeah, Penny mentioned that the aftermath of his eating the wrong thing wasn’t exactly pleasant.”

“I still maintain it could be weaponized. However, I believe that between the two of us we shall have some very satisfactory culinary adventures. And, someday, perhaps Penny will be able to join us in them.”

“Penny isn’t so good in the kitchen?”

“She is very enthusiastic and can adequately follow a reasonably simple recipe. However, when she experiments, let us say that I have been required to be exceedingly polite.”

“I get it.”

“Shall we look at the bathroom?”

“Sure.”

The bathroom in 4B was somewhat smaller than the one in 4A but the damage was just as extensive. All of the fixtures would require replacement.

“Nora, may I make a suggestion?”

“Sure.”

“As I said before, we do have the catalogs available for you. However, you have limited space here. Where we are able to enlarge our bathtub and add a separate shower, you will need to make do with a combined unit. I saw an interesting one with glass doors, water jets and an all-around shower that I believe you may enjoy. I suspect that you spend much of your time on your feet and would seek the massage-like effects of such an arrangement.”

“You’re quite right there but I’m not sure what you mean by all-around shower.”

“It would provide the option of using a single shower head from the traditional location or multiple spouts from above and below and around. It requires a slightly larger tub and good seals but I believe there is enough space.”

“Sheldon, that sounds incredible.”

“The shower in 4A will have a similar arrangement.”

“Where do I sign up?”

“I will call the landlords while we drive to the hotel and open negotiations. Additionally you should be aware that the apartment will have a newly-installed security system.”

“Sheldon, this is a big step up from where I am now. I can’t wait to move in.”

“As I’ve previously stated, Penny and I will very much enjoy having you as a neighbor.”

“I think that’s about it. Let’s go.”

“I’ll call Penny and have her order the pizza so that we may pick it up on the way.”

 

 


	35. 35 – The Pizza Night Preparations

**35 – The Pizza Night Preparations**

Penny headed back to the costume shop to finish her day still in a sort of happy daze. She was having such a good day. Because she knew she had to meet Margie’s babies she put off her lunch with Ida for Friday and Ida completely understood. When she got back Ida looked surprised.

“Penny, I really didn’t expect you back today.”

“Well there’s still stuff to do.”

“Penny, between what you got done on Tuesday and what you did yesterday we’re set for the week. Tomorrow’s going to be an easy day and we’ll have time for a long, leisurely lunch. How does that sound?”

“Sounds really good.”

“All right. Now run along. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Oh, wait a second. Here are your keys.”

“Keep ‘em.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Penny, I know you’ve been circling around the business for a while but maybe you don’t know this. I’ve been doing this for a long time and I know that when you find someone that you can trust to do the job right and not fuck it up you reward them with responsibility. It doesn’t happen a lot.”

“But I’ve been here less than a week and I’m only temporary.”

“We’ll talk about that tomorrow and, before I forget, I know you’ve been dealing with some issues so I got payroll to fast track your first paycheck, including the overtime you did yesterday. Here.”

“Thank you, Ida. I’ll see you tomorrow, bright and early.”

“I’ll be in at ten and I don’t expect you in before then. There will be lots of other times when we come in early or stay late or don’t leave at all. When we know we have a slow day we take advantage of it. Even me.”

“Okay then. See you at ten. Good night.”

Penny drove back to the hotel and found two registered letters at the front desk from Paradigm Insurance, one for her and one for Sheldon. She decided to wait until Sheldon got back to open hers. On her way to the suite she did, however, open her pay envelope and squealed with joy. It wasn’t an enormous amount, but it was more than three times what she would have gotten from The Cheesecake Factory for a typical week’s work including tips.

She checked her phone and realized it was still off from when she’d gone to the hospital. She found a message from Sheldon that came in just a couple of minutes previous telling her that he a Nora were heading to pick up the pizza. She quickly calculated how much pizza they’d need and called to place their order.

When she got to the suite she quickly took a shower and dressed in shorts and a Flash jersey just in time for Bernadette and Howard to arrive.

“Penny, do you mind if I brought a little wine. I know you aren’t drinking and if it’s a problem…”

“No, it’s fine, Bernadette. I think I have enough willpower to keep away. I can’t shelter myself from alcohol forever. Just one thing, if there’s any left either take it with you or dump it. I’d rather it didn’t stay here.”

“No problem, honey. And Penny, if I haven’t said it before I’m really, really proud of you about the drinking.”

“Me too, sweetie. I can’t imagine what kind of trouble I might be in now if I was still drinking. I might even still be with Leonard.”

“Speaking of Leonard, are you okay with the whole Raj and Alex thing?”

“Old Penny would have a problem. I don’t. And if anything happens I told Sheldon we’d fill the tub with chocolate pudding and Alex and I would fight it out.”

Howard’s eyes lit up.

“I saw that, Howie. You’re kidding. Right, Penny?”

“Of course I’m kidding. We’re both adults. We’ll be fine. The two of us might need to have a little conversation but with Leonard out of the picture for both of us I think we’ll be okay.”

As if on cue there was a knock on the door. Penny opened the door and saw Raj. Alex was almost hiding behind him. Penny gave Raj a hug.

“Hi, sweetie. Um, Alex, I’m not going to attack. You’re welcome here.”

“Um, thanks Penny. It’s just, well, with everything that happened.”

“Alex, maybe the two of us should talk alone for a minute. No reason to be afraid but come with me.”

Penny grabbed Alex’s hand, walked her to the spare bedroom and closed the door behind them.

Raj looked concerned.

“Oh no. I finally get a girlfriend and now Penny’s going to kill her.”

“Raj, it not that bad. Penny and Alex have some stuff that they need to get out of the way before they can be friends.”

“Yeah, Raj, Penny said she was going to do this. She’s really happy for you. By the way, do you have any chocolate pudding with you?”

“What?”

“Howie!”

“Um, hey a guy can dream can’t he?”

Meanwhile, in the spare bedroom.

“I knew this was a mistake. Leonard told me you had a temper.”

“Alex, I’m not mad at you. And by now you should know not to trust anything Leonard told you.”

“Penny, I don’t get it. I went after your boyfriend. I’m really, really sorry I did that.”

“Did you know he was my boyfriend when you went after him?”

“No.”

“Did he tell you he was involved?”

“No. I didn’t find out until Dr. Cooper said something.”

“Did anything actually happen between you?”

“No. Not then.”

“And why was that?”

“Well, you kind of started hanging around at the university a lot and it was really obvious that you guys were together.”

“Yeah, I kinda did that on purpose and thinking back that was probably a real big mistake on my part. So why did you let Leonard think you were interested in the first place.”

“Well, he seemed really nice and interesting and, um, he let me.”

Penny started laughing.

“I didn’t think I said anything that was funny.”

“Trust me, Alex. You did. Do you know who Elizabeth Plimpton is?”

“Sure. She’s a physicist who was up for a job at CalTech and she used to be a friend of Dr. Cooper’s. I’ve read some of her books.”

“Used to be? Hmm, I guess I should ask Sheldon about that. Anyway, when she was here it was just after Leonard and I split up the first time and, umm, he fucked her.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“Anyway, I picked up on it pretty quickly. When I asked Leonard why he did that so soon after we split up do you know what he said?”

“No.”

“He said he did it because she let him.”

“Ohhhh. I get why you’d think what I said was funny now.”

“Um, I don’t want to say something I shouldn’t but…”

“Penny, I know Dr. Plimpton fucked Raj. He told me.”

“He did?”

“He also told me something happened with you and him.”

“Wow.”

“You know that Raj and I had our first date this past Monday.”

“Yeah, Sheldon told me.”

“Well, Raj came over to pick me up for dinner and we started talking and we, um, we never left.”

“You guys have already slept together!”

“Well, mostly we talked. That’s how I know about Dr. Plimpton. And you. And he knows stuff about me. But. Yeah.”

“So you know that what happened between us was just a drunken mistake.”

“That’s not exactly how he put it but that’s pretty much what I guessed happened. He said you barely remembered it.”

“Well, that’s what I told him. I remember a bit more than I told him. We don’t have any problem there Alex. Raj is my friend. Nothing more. But he does have a pretty cock.”

“Yeah. He does.”

“Anyway, back to Leonard. As far as I’m concerned anything that happened between you two is between you. I really don’t care. His behavior towards me since Sheldon and I got together, which happened after I dumped his ass, has been lousy and I don’t feel like I owe him anything. The only feeling I have for you is sympathy for having to put up with his crap.”

“Penny, I thought he was a good guy. He thinks he’s a good guy. He’s not. At least he hasn’t acted like one. He stared sniffing around when he got back from the North Sea and I found out from Dr. Cooper that you were away on a family emergency. Leonard said you weren’t together anymore.”

“Leonard has wanted to be a guy who’s fucking more than one girl at a time for awhile. He figured that we were still together but since I was unavailable and far away he could take the opportunity to play around.”

“Yeah, it took me awhile but I figured that out when he decided to go visit you in Nebraska. Around the same time I found out that he had also been sleeping with two different girls from the boat.”

“Yeah, Leonard has come up with a definition of love that is very beneficial for Leonard.”

“I thought he was serious about me. When he left for Nebraska I was a mess. I had to take a leave from school and from my job. Dr. Cooper was really good about that when he didn’t really need to be. He spoke with my advisor and Dr. Gabelhauser and promised that when I was ready to come back my job would still be there for me.”

“Yeah, Sheldon has been covering up Leonard’s messes for a long time and not saying a word. He’s even taken the blame for some of it. He hides it really well but he really has a big heart. But he’s also kinda nuts.”

“I get that. Penny, I really like Raj. There might be something there for both of us.”

“Alex, I will do anything I can to help you guys. If you can find even a little bit of what Sheldon and I have found you’ll be fine. And with Leonard away for a while I think we all have a good chance.”

“Did Dr. Cooper tell you what happened with Leonard the other day? I was really only trying to be a friend when he needed one.”

“Yeah. That little weasel. Y’know, I used to date a lot of guys who thought with their dicks. I figured that when I hooked up with Leonard that part of my life was over because he was so smart and they were mostly, well, idiots. I discovered that he was just a smart guy who thought with his dick. Trust me, I’m better off without him. You’re better off without him. I sure hope my friend Amy figures it out soon, too. Leonard Hofstader is bad news and he’s going to have to prove that he’s changed before he’s allowed back into this little circle. And as far as I’m concerned you are welcome to join our rebel alliance.”

“Thank you, Penny. I was sort of expecting you to throw me out the door at some point.”

“Yeah, about that. Feel like joining me in playing a little joke on everyone?”

“What kind of joke?”

“Okay, so when Sheldon asked me if I had a problem with Raj bringing you…”

_Ten minutes later._

Sheldon and Nora had just walked in the door carrying several boxes of pizza and some salad when Penny walked out of the bedroom in her bathrobe followed by Alex wearing his bathrobe.

“Sheldon, call room service. Tell them we’re going to need about thirty gallons of chocolate pudding.”

Sheldon looked at Nora and they both said “Uh oh.”

Raj jumped up and ran over to Alex, who looked really upset.

Howard looked overjoyed. Bernadette looked confused.

Sheldon went right for Penny.

“Penny, you can’t do this. Even forgetting the mess, which will be significant, why on earth would the two of you fight over Leonard of all people?”

“She went after my man, Moonpie. Even if he isn’t my man any more, the Girl Code demands vengeance.”

“Penny’s right, Raj. Even though neither of us wants Leonard anymore, I have to defend my actions and Penny has challenged me.”

Bernadette jumped up.

“This is ridiculous. You two are going to fight each other in a tub of chocolate pudding over a guy neither of you wants anything to do with anymore.”

“Naked, we have to fight each other naked, Bernie. The Girl Code is very specific.”

Even though she was humor-challenged, Bernadette was starting to pick up on what was going on.

“All right, if you guys insist. Nora, you’ll need to be Penny’s second. I’ll back up Alex. Seconds are allowed to do this in their underwear, right?”

Sheldon and Raj were freaking out. Howard had the biggest smile on his face that Bernadette had ever seen. Nora was picking up on the joke.

“Sorry, Bernadette. Girl Code rules say the seconds have to be naked too.”

“Sheldon will you please order the damn chocolate pudding already! And find out if the hotel has a video camera they can loan us.”

“Penelope, I absolutely refuse.”

Penny stalked over to Sheldon, stared him in the face and broke down in hysterical laughter, followed by Alex, Bernadette and Nora.

“Bazinga!” yelled Penny.

“So am I to understand this has been a practical joke of some kind?”

“Pretty good one, huh, Moonpie?”

Penny went over to Alex and gave her a big hug. They took off their robes and were fully dressed underneath.

“Me and Alex are fine. And Leonard should be very happy he’s three thousand miles away from us. Let’s eat.”

Everybody grabbed some pizza and sat down to eat.

“Penny, would you like me to make the announcements or shall I?”

“I’ll do it, Moonpie.”

“Guys, we have a couple of announcements to make. First, you guys know that I’m moving in with Sheldon when the apartment is repaired, right. Well, as soon as my old place is repaired our new friend Nora will be moving in there.”

Everybody turned to Nora. Howard started chanting “One of us. One of us.” until the others joined in.

“Um. Thanks guys. Just remember, I’ll have a gun not that far away.”

“And one final announcement. Though we have pretty much stopped Paul Hernly from doing almost everything he’s tried to do to me, it’s taken a lot out of me and Sheldon. And Hernly still hasn’t been caught. We’ve decided to take some “us” time. So the Sheldonian Calendar is suspended until we return to 2311 North Los Robles. Once we’re back there we will send you all a revised schedule. For now we can tell you that except for special events, Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays will remain unscheduled. We love you all very much but we have a whole bunch of stuff to figure out and do. Please don’t take it personally.”

Raj stood up.

“Penny, Sheldon, to be perfectly honest, we can’t believe you guys haven’t turned into puddles of goo on the floor with everything that’s happened. Sheldon used to go nuts if we bought the wrong mustard. Penny used to flip out if Howard even thought about seeing her naked and now she actually gave him permission. We can all see the stress you guys have been under going back to even before Leonard went to the North Sea. You deserve some time to yourselves. Enjoy it. And when it’s all over and you’re ready we should have a big party. I’ll do all the planning. Just let me know when.”

“Thank you, Raj. Though I still fail to understand how you could ever purchase the wrong mustard. And Howard Wolowitz, you will heretofore banish all thoughts of a naked Penny from your mind.”

“Yeah, Howie. What he said.”

 


	36. 36 – The Omaha Potential Conjugation

**36 – The Omaha Potential Conjugation**

After everybody headed home following Pizza Night Penney realized it had been a while since she’d spoken to her mother.

“Hi, mom.”

“Hello, dear. Have they caught him yet?”

“Sorry, mom. No. But the police and my friends have stopped him from doing pretty much anything.”

“Your father told me about the pictures of you.”

“Those are pretty much gone.”

“One of the customers at the diner said something about seeing them. He was teasing me about it and my manager ended up throwing him out.”

“Don’t say anything but he’ll have a little surprise in a few days when his computer stops working. It’ll probably cost him some money.”

“You know, I’ve gotten a couple of funny looks from some people. One of the neighbors grumbled that we owe him a new computer. Is that what might have happened to them?”

“Maybe. The kid that Hernly made do stuff for him planted a little something in all the files. They might see me naked at first but a few days later they won’t see anything at all and the pictures of me will completely disappear.”

“Well, I’m sorry you have to go through that at all. And it’s all my fault.”

“Mom, it isn’t. Hernly was a creep and he fooled a lot of people.”

“But I didn’t see it and I thought he loved me.”

“He took advantage of you when you were vulnerable. Please stop thinking about him. I really don’t blame you and I’m going to come out of this just fine. How’s dad?”

“Your father has been incredible. He’s wants to be sure I’m safe. But it’s not in a smothering kind of way. It’s really sweet. He even bought me my own shotgun with beanbag rounds just in case Paul Hernly comes around.”

“Is he still coming around on Tuesday nights.”

“He comes by every night I work and escorts me home to your aunt’s house.”

“Have there been any more dates?”

“Kind of.”

“What do you mean?”

“I stayed over at the farm last night.”

“Really? Mom, did you and dad…?”

“Yes.”

“That’s great.”

“We’re not ready to be back together yet but I think, I hope, we’re getting there.”

“Well, take your time. You know you guys love each other. The rest will come.”

“Speaking of that, how are things with you and your sweetie?”

“Well, despite all the crap that’s been happening things are going pretty well. I’m giving up my apartment and moving in with him. And not as roommates. I hope that doesn’t bother you.”

“Penny, I’m in no position to judge. And I know how much you love him and your father tells me that he gave Sheldon permission to court you so I’m fairly certain that things are going in the right direction. Are you happy?”

“I think so. With all of this other stuff going on…”

“Be sure, dear.”

“We both know it’s been a really stressful time and that we’ve been forced to do things faster than either of us would like. That’s why we’re going to get some help.”

“What kind of help?”

“We’re looking at therapists, individually and as a couple. We just want to be sure that we deal with what’s been happening and don’t find ourselves freaking out down the road. My friend, Nora, has been really helpful.”

“I don’t remember hearing that name before.”

“Nora is the detective that’s been handling my, our case. We really clicked and Sheldon and I both really like her. We’ve been spending a lot of time together. She’s even staying across the hall at the hotel and when we move back she’s going to move into my apartment.”

“That sounds very nice.”

“Mom?”

“Sounds like you need to ask me something. Spit it out.”

“I spoke to Sheldon’s mom last night and she wants us to get married and we’re not ready. We will. Eventually. But not now. And maybe not soon.”

“Honey, I know how you are when someone tries to make you do something you aren’t ready or willing to do. How’s Sheldon with this?”

“He agrees with me but he’s always kind of been a mama’s boy. If she pushes he’ll go along with it.”

“When all this nonsense is over would you like me to speak to Sheldon’s mother, you know mother-to-mother?”

“Would you? I mean, I know she likes me and she knows I love Sheldon and he loves me, but we really need to do this at our own speed, both of us.”

“I understand. Just let me know when you think it’s the right time.”

“Thanks, mom. Oh yeah, I really like my new job in the costume shop. I think it might turn into something.”

“Penny, I know you have the drive and the smarts to be successful at whatever you end up deciding to do. And I like that you’re at least doing something related to where you’d like to be. How’s your writing going?”

‘Classes start up again in a couple of weeks. That script I was working on is kind of just laying there, kind of because the story is still happening. Hopefully once we move back things’ll slow down.”

“Honey, you can’t assume the time will open up. If it’s important to you you have to make the time, even if it’s only a few minutes every day.”

“You’re right. Listen, it’s late and I gotta go. Sheldon and I still have some stuff to go over before bed.”

“Give him a kiss for me, honey. And really, don’t worry. Everything will work out.”

“Bye, mom.”

Penny walked over to Sheldon and kissed him on the cheek and then on the lips.

“What was that?”

“Well, the first one was from my mom. The other one was from me. And, oh yeah, we got mail from the insurance company.”

Penny went over to her bag and pulled out the two envelopes.

“I figured we should open them together.”

“All right.”

Penny opened her envelope, looked at the check and fell back on the couch.

“Sheldon, I’ve never had this much money in my life. Did you tell them everything I owned was made of gold?”

“Penny, that is the fair value for replacing a lifetime of possessions. Do you believe you will be able to adequately replace your losses?”

“And then some. Sheldon, if I got this much I can’t imagine what you got.”

“Penny, I am well aware of the value of my possessions and I regularly checked various websites and updated the policy when the value increased. I am satisfied that I will be able to replace those items I wish to replace and purchase other items as well.”

“Don’t you want to replace everything?”

“Much of what I owned was purchased with the consideration that I was living with Leonard who shared a similar enjoyment of a number of fandoms. I don’t wish to impress that upon you. Though some of the items I have strong feelings for will be replaced I would prefer that we make major decorative decisions together.”

“Sheldon, you wouldn’t be you without all of your statues and action figures and toys displayed. As long as you let me put out a few care bears and Hello Kitty tchotchkes and photographs and stuff I’ll be happy.

“I think I’ll be satisfied with purchasing a couple of display cases and filling them. Stuart has already got a list of the items I wish replaced. That will be adequate.”

“Sheldon, if you don’t buy the toys I will.”

“That’s acceptable.”

“So tomorrow is our first “Embrace the Chaos” Day. What are your plans?”

“I plan to spend the morning at the University now that I will not be cleaning up chocolate pudding. Tomorrow afternoon I have arranged for Leonard’s possessions to be packed up and moved to storage. I will supervise. He left no detailed instructions for their disposition so I will wing it, as they say.”

“Way to embrace the chaos, sweetie. I’m due at work around ten and my boss wants to have lunch. I have a feeling I won’t be going back to The Cheesecake Factory when it reopens.”

“I believe that to be a positive development, however…”

“I will be sure to instruct our new waitress on the proper care and feeding of Sheldon Cooper.”

“Thank you. Though the hotel does an adequate job…”

“I know. Homeostasis.

_Meanwhile, just outside Omaha._

“I knew there couldn’t be that many Mary Coopers in Galveston.”

“Hello. Is this Mary Cooper, Sheldon’s mother? It is? This is Penny’s mother. I’m sorry to bother you so late but I believe we have an engagement and a wedding to start planning.”

 


	37. 37 – The Revised Employment Paradigm

**37 – The Revised Employment Paradigm**

Penny and Sheldon woke up at 7:00am Friday morning. While Sheldon was in the shower, Penny ordered breakfast. It was oatmeal day so that’s what she ordered. And juice and coffee. Lots of coffee.

Sheldon came out of the bedroom dressed for work.

“Penny, I’m aware why I’m up. Raj will be here shortly to drive me to the University. You are not scheduled to be at work for hours.”

“I was speaking with my mom last night and realized that I haven’t been writing since this whole thing started. I mean, I know why. But I figure that I should re-institute Penny Time and start up again. I may need to adjust the schedule because my work hours are very different now, but I really ought to make the time. And school is starting back up again soon. I can’t let Paul Hernly screw up everything that was gong so well for me.”

“Good for you, Penny. What’s your plan?”

“Well, the script I was working on based on what happened with Hernly before doesn’t really make sense to me now. And I obviously don’t know how this all is going to end but I still think it’ll make a good story no matter what. I mean, I don’t want to tell this exact story but use elements of it. For now I’m just going to try to figure out what should be part of it and maybe try to get a sense of the flow. Sort of an outline and story beats. Then, when I know how it ends, I can organize and actually write it.”

“That sounds like a wise plan. You will need to pick me up at Los Robles at four so that we may pick up your new car. The dealer said he can take care of returning the lease for us.”

“Oh boy! I can’t wait. Have a good day at work and don’t strain yourself packing Leonard’s stuff.”

“I have engaged professionals to deal with that. I shall only be observing. However, I have leased a space in the storage facility also and will be putting some items of my furniture there.”

“Why do you need to store anything?”

“Penny, we have adequate funds to furnish Apartment 4A to our liking creating a new living space. Let us do that without being constrained by choices I made when I had no concept of how happy cooperating with a loved one in making such decisions would make me. When we present our home to our friends I do not wish them to be able to look around saying, “That’s Sheldon’s and that’s Penny’s.” I want them to not know.”

“Well, they’ll know the action figures and statues are yours and the Care Bears are mine.”

“Yes, but the way they are displayed and what they are displayed upon, that will be ours.”

“Okay.”

“I will be off now. Please phone me when you leave work to pick me up.”

“I will.”

Sheldon went to Penny and gave her a kiss. And she kissed him back.

Penny got a decent amount done on her outline but kind of knew that real-life developments could still seriously impact her story. She didn’t want to become too attached to the elements. By 9:30 she was ready to head to the studio for a reasonably short day’s work.

When she got there, Ida called her into her office.

“Penny, most of what we do today will be planning next week. We’ll need to prep the materials for two location shoots the following week and we have one full day of fittings for a new sitcom. We also need to look at the calendar to schedule a shopping trip. Every couple of months I go to New York to see what people are wearing and to wander around the used clothing stores to buy things that I think might come in handy over the next few months. It’s a three or four day trip and you’ll be coming with me. While we’re there we’ll also take in a couple of plays, Broadway if you like. Personally I prefer the smaller Off and Off Off Broadway offerings. Since it’s all related to work the studio covers all of the expenses.”

“Wow. Really? I’ve always wanted to see New York.”

“I suspect you’ll see quite a bit of it. You’ll probably need to take a couple of trips on your own to deal with shoe concerns. I don’t usually take in the Fashion Week brouhaha but if you like I can set you up for that. You should probably experience it once.”

“But Ida, I’m only a temp.”

“Yes, dear. We’ll talk about that at lunch. You have materials on your desk concerning the upcoming studio schedule. Please have a plan ready for me before lunch, okay?”

“Absolutely.”

Penny was a little worried since she hadn’t really ever done anything like that before and she didn’t want to let Ida down. But, once she looked at what was on her desk, based on what she had already done that week, she knew exactly how it needed to be organized and presented. She needed to check the computer database a few times to confirm some things she thought she already knew about some of the actresses coming in for their fittings, but she was able to get everything ready for Ida a little earlier than necessary.”

“Penny, I must say I’m impressed. This is a kind of test I give everyone when they start up. Usually they come to me when it’s due and beg for some more time and then turn in something that I need to tear apart top to bottom. However, you’ve given me exactly what I needed and you’ve given it to me early.”

“What can I say? Margie is a really good teacher.”

“Well, I agree with you there, but you two only worked together for one day. You did most of this based on your own knowledge and intuition. I really couldn’t be happier. Let’s go to lunch.”

“Are we going to the commissary?”

“I don’t think so. We have time for a nice, leisurely lunch so I’ve made reservations at a place nearby that I like. Don’t worry about the prices. It’s on me…well, the studio.”

“Thanks. Let me get my bag.”

They ended up at a little bistro about a mile from the studio. It was fairly busy but they recognized Ida and immediately led them to a table for two by the window.

“Penny, I’m just going to order a few appetizers for the two of us. If you see anything on the menu you’d like, order it. I’ll also be having a glass of wine and you’re welcome to have one also.”

“Ida, Thank you but I don’t drink. A diet coke is just fine for me. And, well, I’ve always wanted to try escargot.”

“Good idea. They do theirs in a little puff pastry. It’s quite delicious.”

“Can’t wait.”

“Penny, the reason I invited you out is that I’d like to run something past you.”

“Okay.”

“I’m aware from what you’ve told me and from what some of the boys running the studio have told me that you don’t expect your future to be in the costume shop. And that’s not a bad thing. I like that you have ambition. And certain people with influence have told me they believe you are a talented writer.”

“That’s very nice to hear but really, I’m not there yet.”

“I understand. I’m also aware that you hope for a career in front of the camera.”

“If I ever get the opportunity.”

“In no way do I wish to discourage you from having those dreams. In fact, if there is anything that I can ever do to help you achieve them you can count on me.”

“Thank you, Ida.”

“However, if you go back to waiting tables at The Cheesecake Factory I will be very disappointed in you.”

“Ida, I may not have much of a choice. My job with you is only temporary and if nothing else comes up before it ends that’s what I’ll have to do.”

“Well, consider this something else coming up. I have been making do without an assistant for two years now, partly for budgetary reasons and partly because I couldn’t find the right person. Well, the budget situation has cleared up. When Margie comes back from her leave I’d like you to become my assistant. It will be more hours, though probably not any more than you’ll already be doing, and you’ll be on call when I’m not available. Of course it will also be more money. And the arrangement I made with you regarding school and auditions will continue. In fact, you will likely be in an even better position to hear about things on your own and I will absolutely not stand in your way.”

“Wow. Um, yeah. Yes, I’d be honored.”

“Penny, it’s a job, not an award.”

“Ida, I appreciate your faith in me and I won’t let you down.”

Meanwhile, several dishes of appetizers arrived along with a glass of wine and a diet coke. Ida and Penny picked from the plates as they continued talking.

“All right. Now, officially you’ll still be running the shoe department for now but as of next week I’ll be bumping up your salary and you’ll unofficially be training to be my assistant. That really won’t involve you doing much more than you’ve already been doing.”

“Ida, I’m not jumping over someone already there am I? I don’t want to create a situation.”

“Penny, the only other person I’d even consider would be Margie and I spoke to her about you yesterday. She loves the job she has and with the twins has no desire to take on any more responsibility. She told me I’d be nuts to not give you a shot.”

“Okay then. But, I need to tell you something first. About some stuff that’s been going on and some things I’ve decided to do.”

“Penny, I do my research. I’m well aware of the Paul Hernly situation. I’ve seen the plainclothes police by the gate. I know you and your friend have been forced to stay at a hotel. And I know about the DVD and the pictures. You know what? Through no fault of your own, you found yourself in a difficult situation. You haven’t let it interfere with your work. You still have a good attitude. As far as I’m concerned, none of that other stuff matters. However, your safety and security is a concern for me. You will be safe at the studio. I guarantee it. And if for some reason you need to deal with that situation just let me know as quickly as you can. I understand that it’s possible that you may not be able to give me much more notice than to tell me you have to leave. I understand. That’s your life and your family. This is just a job. I appreciate that you have your priorities straight.”

“Thank you, Ida. The other thing is that I’ve set up a bunch of appointments with therapists over the next couple of weeks. I may look like I’ve been keeping it together but I know it’s taking a toll on me, on Sheldon and on our relationship. We’ve decided together we need professional help before something bad happens.”

“Penny, that’s admirable. Take whatever time you need to set that up. In fact, I’d like to recommend some people. They have kind of an odd setup but it works. It may appeal to you. The Andersons. There are three of them. Two women and one man and they have a combined practice. Jennifer Harding-Anderson is a psychologist. Bob Anderson is a psychiatrist. And Melanie Anderson is a psychologist/social worker. Melanie used to be married to Bob but is now married to Jennifer but the three of them are very close. In fact, I believe Bob is dating Jennifer’s sister.”

“Sounds confusing but a little familiar.”

“They are quite good. They are definitely within our network. I strongly recommend them. Shall I call them to set up something for you and Sheldon?”

“Well, we have Monday evening open.”

Ida took her phone out and punched in a number.

“Hello, Bonnie. It’s Ida. Listen, I know a couple that could use the Andersons. Do you have anything available on Monday for an intake interview? 6? Will six do, Penny?”

“I think so.”

“Please put down Penny Queen and Sheldon…”

“Dr. Sheldon Cooper.”

“Penny Queen and Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Thank you, Bonnie. Penny, you’re all set. I’ll text you the information.”

“Thanks, Ida.”

“Penny, you are under no obligation whatsoever to continue with them after Monday. It doesn’t matter to me either way. You and Sheldon should do what’s right for you and choosing a therapist is a very personal thing. So, a doctor?”

“Sheldon is a theoretical physicist at CalTech.”

“I’m impressed. Usually women who look like you do are eager to get their hooks into a famous actor or a director.”

“That might have been me a few years ago but not anymore. Sheldon and I have been friends for a long time and now we’re more. We love each other very much.”

“I can see that in the way your eyes sparkle when you say his name.”

“Yeah. He’s spent his whole life looking for the secret of the universe and a couple of weeks ago he said it was me.”

“Wow. Forgive my bluntness but I sure hope you fucked his brains out after he said that.”

“Yeah. No, we aren’t there yet. Sheldon is kind of a special case. He’s worth waiting for.”

“You really do have something special.”

“Yeah. That’s kind of why we want to do the therapy thing. Between the thing with Paul Hernly and some other stuff I’d rather not go into it’s like the universe is throwing land mines into our lives and we need all the help we can get to not let the universe win.”

“Well, you can count on me as being firmly in the Penny and Sheldon camp.”

“Shenny.”

“Pardon?”

“Some of our friends, since we got together, call us the Shenny, combining our names, kind of like Brangelina.”

“To be honest, I find the name combining thing a bit juvenile but nonetheless, please consider me a member of Team Shenny. Are there commemorative T-shirts?”

“Not quite yet, but if you don’t mind me designing one during my down time at work…”

“I wouldn’t expect a lot of that but feel free. I prefer a women’s small.”

“I’ll make a note.”

“Dessert? They have a delicious cheesecake.”

“Sorry, I’ll pass for now. I think I might be done with cheesecake for a while.”

“All right. Let me get the check and we’ll get back to work and finish off and get an early start on the weekend.”

“Great. Sheldon and I are going to pick up my new car.”

“I was going to mention that the sedan you’ve been driving is really not you and this is LA after all. You are what you drive.”

“Yeah, Sheldon leased it and his primary concern is always safety so he leased a tank. The car we’re picking up is more me.”

“That’s sweet. Well, back to work.”

“Thanks for lunch, Ida. And the job.”

“Penny, I’m only giving you an opportunity. Whatever happens next is up to you.”

They returned to the studio and Penny posted a copy of the schedule for the following week above her desk. When she was sure she had prepared all that she could for Monday morning she gave Sheldon a call to tell him that she was on her way over, waved goodbye to the staff and Ida and went down to the leased tank for the last time. She waved over the plainclothes cop on duty and told her where she was headed and the rest of her itinerary for the afternoon.

 


	38. 38 – The Retro-Sheldon Hypothesis

**38 – The Retro-Sheldon Hypothesis**

Penny hopped in the elevator at 2311 North Los Robles for the very first time. As the doors closed she thought that it felt wrong. This wasn’t a part of the home she’d known for so long. With so many other aspects of it about to change she immediately decided that from then on, unless there was a very good reason not to, she’d go back to taking the stairs.

The door to Apartment 4A was open. Sheldon was sitting in his spot, at least geographically it was his spot. The couch and most of the other furniture was gone. Sheldon was sitting on a lawn chair.

“Hi, sweetie. That’s new.”

“Excuse me, it’s not new at all. In fact, this is the first piece of furniture I purchased after I moved in. I had it in the back of my closet and after the men from the storage company took away everything else I realized I needed a place to sit while I awaited your arrival.”

Penny looked around.

“Sheldon, they took away everything, not just Leonard’s stuff.”

“As I told you, I have leased storage space for myself as well as Leonard. Those items which remained intact are better off being stored while construction work and painting is done here. I’ve also had them take away the items from my bedroom. This will make the renovation work and painting proceed more efficiently.”

Sheldon sounded cold. Logical. And he hadn’t risen to kiss her when she came in.

“I’m just kind of surprised. I’m so used to this apartment being so, um, filled with yours and Leonard’s stuff. Like this it just doesn’t seem right.”

“I thought it best to reduce it to a blank slate in order for us to begin construction of our new living paradigm. Was I incorrect in this assumption?”

Something was very wrong wrong. With Sheldon. Penny thought for a second and thought she maybe figured it out. One thing she knew was that she had to get Sheldon out of there.

“Shelly, let’s get out of here and go pick up the car. We have a long weekend ahead of us with no plans and I have some good news.”

Sheldon got up from the chair, looked around, went to the door with Penny, turned around and locked it behind him. His actions were almost mechanical. He went to push the elevator button when Penny said “Let’s take the stairs.”

They walked down the stairs quietly and Penny was a little worried. It seemed to her that as Sheldon had stripped the apartment of its furnishings he had also wiped away everything that had happened to him since Leonard had moved in. She guessed that just as she had started processing her trauma by breaking down in tears, Sheldon was doing the same thing in his own Sheldonian way. She needed to try to get him back to present-day Sheldon as quickly as she could if she could, but they also had a task to perform and needed to perform it as quickly as possible.

She drove out to the lot as quickly as she could without getting pulled over. They walked into the office and the paperwork was ready for her signature. She signed, handed over a check which she was very proud came out of her own bank account and not Sheldon’s, accepted her new car keys and was happily led to her new old car. She had initially planned to enjoy a leisurely drive back to the hotel with the convertible top down but decided on the spot that speed was a necessity. She motioned Sheldon, who had been almost silent the entire time, into the passenger seat and walked around to the driver’s seat. She adjusted the seat and then the mirrors, started the car up, looked to see the “Check Engine” light was not on and started for the hotel.

She made it back in record time, parked and they started walking to their suite. She started thinking “What if he stays like this? What if I’ve lost my Sheldon and I’m stuck with the old one that I didn’t even know? And I haven’t even got Leonard here to help.”

But when they walked into their suite she could see Sheldon visibly relax.

“Sweetie, are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Have you considered what our activities will be this weekend?”

“Well, I was thinking that we’d stick around the room, at least tonight and tomorrow and have a lazy time of it. We haven’t really just relaxed in almost two weeks and I thought we could use it.”

Penny could see a smile start to form on Sheldon’s face.

“Penny, that is a marvelous idea. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll just wear my Saturday pajamas all day.”

Sheldon came over and kissed Penny on the cheek. Her Sheldon was back.

“Shelly, what happened back at the apartment before. You didn’t seem right.”

“I took out the lawn chair and sat in my spot and began considering all that had happened since I had last done that. I was so deep in thought that I barely registered that you were there. I’m very sorry. That was rude of me.”

“Shelly, it was more than that, wasn’t it?”

“For a moment, all of the horrible things that have happened to you, to us, recently fell away and a feeling of contentment came over me. I felt much as I had in the time just before Leonard moved in. There was a kind of peace to it.”

Penny began to cry.

“And you liked it more than you like things now?”

“Not at all. It was empty. It was a false peace. I…I just had a bit of difficulty bringing myself back to the present.”

“And you don’t feel that kind of peace now. I get it.”

“Penny, as I said, it was empty. There was no happiness. There was no love. There was no you. Thank you for getting me out of there.”

“Shelly, you know we both process stuff differently. You kind of know how I do it. Messy and loud and with crying. You put things away as though they never happened. Both ways are probably pretty unhelpful.”

“You’re most likely correct. I do not wish to go to that place in my mind again. I never want to feel that empty again. I suspect that the sooner we enter into a therapeutic paradigm the better I will be equipped to prevent that journey.”

“I’m really happy to hear you say that. My boss Ida set us up with appointment on Monday to see some people she recommends, three people named Anderson that she says are really good, and a little weird.”

“I have been doing my own research in this area and I have run across their names. They are quite highly regarded in their profession. I would very much like to meet them. Meanwhile, Penny, I would like to lie down for a bit.”

“Okay. I’m going to check on a couple of things and make some phone calls.”

“I was hoping you’d lie down with me.”

“Okay. How about this? I’m going to arrange for room service to bring us dinner at about nine. We can lie down until then.”

“I’d like a barbeque…”

“Sheldon, remember sweetie, this is our “Embrace the Chaos” weekend. Let me surprise you with dinner, okay?”

“All right. I’ll be in the bedroom.”

“I’ll be there in a minute.”

Penny called room service. She knew exactly what she wanted and how she wanted it. She also called Manuel the hotel manager and asked him if he could supervise the arrangements just to be sure that nobody that shouldn’t be was involved. Manuel told her that he had started at the hotel long ago as a room service waiter and that he would actually take care of everything personally and not to worry about a thing.

Penny went to the bedroom, took off her shoes and lay on the bed next to Sheldon.

“Shelly, did you get any sense of how long it’ll be until we can get back to North Los Robles?”

“The structural repairs have been completed and painting will begin tomorrow. The new fixtures and appliances are expected to arrive mid-week and will start to be installed then. Painting in the bathroom and the kitchen will commence then. If all goes as planned we will be able to have our furnishings brought in starting next weekend and our possessions from storage a week from Monday. Again, this is if nothing goes wrong.”

“What about 4B?”

“The landlords have agreed to do all that Nora requested and you were quite right, they are very happy they will have a police officer living on the premises. Apartment 4B will be ready for habitation approximately a week after 4A is.”

“I’m sure Nora will be very happy to hear that.”

“I’ve already informed her. She has given notice at her current residence and has, in fact, already moved out. She told me that she really doesn’t have much beyond basic furnishings so I arranged for them to be stored along with our things until she is ready for them.”

“But, Sheldon, I’m pretty sure the police department won’t pay for a hotel for her after we leave. Where will she stay for that week until 4B is ready?”

“Penny, I hope you don’t mid but I’ve offered her our new guest room for that period of time.”

“Okay, now I’m sure that the right Sheldon is back. Old Sheldon would never have done that.”

“Does my plan meet with your approval?”

Penny leaned over and gave Sheldon a big wet kiss, which he returned.

“Does that answer your question?”

“I believe it does. You said earlier that you have news.”

“It can wait. Suddenly I feel a little tired. Shelly, if you hear some noise out in the living room later, it’s okay. Manuel is going to have our dinner ready for us at nine and I gave him and only him permission come in to set it up.”

“That’s acceptable. Manuel has throughout my dealings with him proven to be dependable and trustworthy. I am quite satisfied with the job that was done with our laundry and regret that we will no longer have that service available to us when we depart.”

“Shelly, you’d willingly give up your laundry night? I don’t believe it!”

“Bazinga!”

“Another one of your classic pranks.”

“After your chocolate pudding episode yesterday evening I realized that I was out of practice.”

“Yeah, we haven’t had a lot of Bazinga opportunities lately.”

“I hope that will change soon.”

“Nap now?”

“Nap now.”


	39. 39 - The Friday Night Alternative

**39 - The Friday Night Alternative**

 

Sheldon and Penny both woke up at 8:55pm and went into the bathroom to wash up. When they were done they walked out to the living room together. The lights were low. In the center of the room was a small round table with two candles burning on it set for dinner for two. Next to it were a series of covered trays and a high hat filled with ice and resting in the ice were two bottles of sparkling cider.

“What is this, Penny?”

“Sheldon, it occurred to me that we love each other and we’ve talked about love and commitment and all that stuff and you’ve said some romantic things to me but we’ve never actually done anything traditionally considered romantic. And here we are, together in a lovely place where we can get pretty much anything we want and we don’t have anywhere to be and there are no friends of roommates underfoot and we sort of asked everyone we know to not disturb us. So I took a shot. This is the kind of thing people in love do.”

“Well, I must say that this resembles what I have read to be the traditional setting for a romantic venture. I approve. May I pour you some sparkling cider so that we may toast the venture?”

“Actually, since this is my thing I get to propose the toast. Okay?”

“Proceed.”

Penny poured a glass for Sheldon, then herself.

“Sheldon, you have been amazing. You’ve stuck by my side through the most difficult times of my life. You’ve done things that are totally outside of your comfort zone for me and you’ve done them with a smile on your face. You’ve put my needs before yours and you have been generous and kind and…and…I love you so much.”

“Penny, what I have done has in actuality been very selfish. You have made me feel a happiness I never believed existed. You have given me reasons to awaken each day and to look forward to sleeping by your side each night. Without you I would only have science and though I long thought that was my love you have taught me otherwise. I could not go forward without your love and ensuring your well-being ensures that love.”

And they kissed.

“I am quite hungry, you know. What do we have?”

“I decided to have a fairly simple, traditional meal. We’re have a big salad, a couple of Texas steaks, with some Nebraska corn and a big peach cobbler for dessert. How’s that sound?”

“Even better than a Barbeque Bacon Cheeseburger with everything on the side.”

“Better than spaghetti with little hotdogs slices?”

“Let’s not be silly. Penny, you said earlier you had news?”

“Wow, I wasn’t sure you actually heard anything I said when you were in Old Sheldon-land.”

“I heard. I just didn’t process it.”

“Ida offered me a job as her assistant starting officially when Margie comes back to work.”

“And you are considering it?”

“I’ve accepted, Sheldon.”

“Though I had asked you to let me investigate any offers of employment this situation would obviously be an exception as you are already there and we know you are quite safe in those environs.”

“But what do you think, Sheldon?”

“Are you happy with the opportunity, Penny?”

“I’m very happy. It’s more money and it’s dependable and Ida says our deal about school and auditions will continue.”

“Penny, if you are happy then I am happy for you. And since this position is at least related to your dream of being an actress it is much more suitable than waiting tables at The Cheesecake Factory. I consider this very good news.”

“Thank you sweetie. The really cool thing is that even though I don’t officially start for a couple of months, Ida bumped up my salary starting next week. Imagine that, one week on the job and I’m already getting a raise!”

“I am certain it is well-deserved.”

“Yeah, well we’re probably going to need it if we’re going to furnish almost a whole apartment.”

“Penny, you are well aware that the insurance compensation we received is more than adequate to that purpose. I propose that you allow me to create a budget for your earnings so that you may grow your nest egg.”

“Can I just enjoy myself for a little while? After all, now that I’m a professional I can get all kinds of discounts on shoes and other stuff. Ida tells me some of the manufacturers will even ask for my sizes and send me stuff for free.”

“Penny, you may enjoy yourself within reason But I suggest that out of each paycheck a portion, even a token portion be set aside for your future. Or our future. Or the futures of our potential progeny.”

“Well, if you’re gonna put it so romantically…”

There was a knock at the door. Sheldon went to answer it.

“Morpheus.”

“Hi Sheldon. Oh, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have disturbed you.”

“Hello, Nora.”

Nora wasn’t wearing her work clothes. She was actually wearing a dress, a really nice dress.

“Guys, I’m sorry. You’ve got something going on. I was just coming by to say hi.”

Penny came over. She could see that Nora looked upset about something.

“Nora, it’s okay. Come on in.”

“But you guys look…the candles… the mood lighting…”

“Really, it’s okay. Come on in. Have you eaten?”

“Yeah. No. I guess I could use something.”

“Nora, are you okay? Did something happen with the case?”

“No, everything there is pretty much where it’s been. We haven’t found Hernly or his car yet.”

“So what’s the deal?”

“I, um, I kinda had a bad date.”

“Oh, sweetie. Come on in. Tell us all about it.”

“Penny, despite my recent embrace of romantic endeavors, I believe I may be less than useless in this particular endeavor. May I suggest that I repair to the bedroom and do some online research on furnishings while you and Nora discuss what you wish to discuss. I will happily join you for dessert a bit later.”

“Thank you, sweetie. Though you may wish to consider for the future that your insight as a male may be helpful. Your date was with a guy, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Penny, I’m a bit confused but I’m sure you will explain later.”

“I will. Have fun potentially shopping.”

“So, Nora, what happened?”

“Well, last night I saw all of you guys kind of paired up and happy and having fun so I decided to go out with this Assistant DA who’s been kind of letting me know he was interested for a while.”

“Well, that sounds nice.”

“Yeah, well, he’s cute and successful and drives a nice car.”

“Are you attracted to him?”

“Not really. But I haven’t been dating a lot lately so I figured I should try.”

“Sweetie, that’s not a good enough reason to go out with someone. I mean, were you looking for a relationship or did you just want to get laid?”

“Penny.”

“Nora, I’ve done both and I’m not proud to admit it but I’ve done the latter a whole lot more than I’ve done the former.”

_A voice came from the bedroom. “Over thirty times more.”_

“Yo. Sheldon. I kinda forgot your Vulcan hearing but are you deliberately trying to erase the really nice evening we were having? And one other thing I keep forgetting to mention. Your math is faulty. You never took into account that I was with Kurt for four years and I never cheated on him. I suggest you recalculate. And when you finish recalculating you can take the answer stick it up your ass and never mention it again! Get it?”

_“Got it.”_

“Good. Now where were we?”

“I’m looking for what you have.”

“Oh honey, you do not want what I have. You so do not want what I have.”

_“Excuse me!”_

“Sheldon, either come out here and participate fully or shut your trap!”

_“Shutting my trap.”_

“I haven’t known you guys long but you guys are more in love than anyone I’ve ever known.”

“Honey, it took a very long time for us to get here and most of that time we were with other people. Please don’t use us as an example. To be honest, Howard and Bernadette are a much better example. They’ve been in love almost from the moment they met.”

“You introduced them, right?”

“I set them up. I did it as a favor for Leonard and I was pretty sure it wouldn’t work. Now are you going to tell me what happened?”

“I called him this morning and told him if he was still interested I was free tonight. He picked me up from here. Did I tell you he has a really nice car? Anyway he took me to a really expensive restaurant. And when he picked me up I kinda got the impression he might have had a drink or two after work. When we got to the restaurant he started pounding back shots and kept on insisting I have some too. And I kept on telling him I don’t drink. And he kept on saying that if I tried it I’d like it. I don’t think he was only talking about the alcohol. After he said that a couple of times I got up and left. I called a cab and here I am.”

“Sounds to me like you were on a date and he was on a booty call.”

“Yeah. Sounds about right.”

“Nora, I haven’t known you very long but until now you’ve impressed me as a really solid professional who has it together. But right now, what I’m seeing is, well a really lonely girl without much confidence.”

“Yeah.”

“First, he was a jerk. Don’t give him another thought. He doesn’t deserve someone as wonderful as you.”

“I’m not that wonderful. You don’t know me that well.”

“I intend to fix that. And you are wonderful. You’ve been an incredible help to me and Sheldon during all this. You’re a good cop. And you’ve been a good friend. You just might have questionable taste in romantic partners. That’s fixable too. You should have seen some of the losers I dated… and slept with. Sheldon you say one word and you sleep alone tonight!”

_Silence from the bedroom._

“Things are about to change for you in a big way. You’re moving to a new place. You’re going to have friends. We’re not always a couples club. I’m actually sorry to have inflicted that on you last night. I wasn’t thinking. I’ve been the odd man out and I know how uncomfortable a feeling that can be. And I promise that I won’t be spending all my time trying to find Mr. Right for you. Or Ms. Right.”

“Okay.”

“But one piece of advice I need to give you because it ended up working for me. You need to consider dating outside your comfort zone. That means no cops, no lawyers, certainly no criminals. I’m not gonna out and out say try an academic type but give it some thought. And Sheldon and I would be more than happy to double with you if you like.”

“Thanks, Penny.”

“So, if I heard you right you haven’t eaten. There’s still salad. And if you like I can order you up a steak.”

“That would be great. Thanks.”

“Nora, I can tell we’re gonna be good friends. Hell, from what Shelly told me we’re gonna be roomies for a little bit. We’re here for you.”

“Thanks.”

“Eat your salad. I’ll order your steak. While we’re waiting let me tell you about my day.”

After Nora finished eating Penny started clearing the dinner plates away.

“Penny, it sounds like you had a really good day.”

“Yup. New job. New car. KInda just like new Sheldon. Okay, that part wasn’t so nice.”

“I don’t get it.”

“I’ll explain another time. I don’t entirely get it myself but maybe after a little therapy I will. Hey, have you ever heard of the Andersons? They’re three therapists.”

“Actually I have. Really good things. But I also heard they’re a bit odd.”

“Sheldon and I are seeing them on Monday to see if they’re a good fit.”

“From what I’ve heard about them and what I know about you guys I think it could work.”

“Sheldon, are you finished with what you’re doing in there? Time for dessert!”

“I finished what I was doing quite a while ago. I’ve been watching an episode of Star Trek on my laptop.”

“Well, pull up chair and let’s have some cobbler with Nora.”

 


	40. 40 – The Unconscious Maneuver

**40 – The Unconscious Maneuver**

After some delicious cobbler Nora said goodnight and went across the hall to her suite. Penny and Sheldon went to bed. They slept late the next morning and ordered brunch from room service when they woke up. True to his word, Sheldon wore his Saturday pajamas all day. Penny wore her bed shorts and a tank top.

Much of their day was spent reviewing possible new furnishings for the apartment. They decided that the guest bedroom was large enough to hold Sheldon’s old bed, two small desks and some shelving on the walls. One of the hallway closets could be remodeled to hold Sheldon’s comic book collection. Penny and Sheldon’s bedroom would contain the new king-size bed, night tables and dressers for each of them and a flat-screen television mounted on the wall. Penny thought there might also be space for a small vanity and a comfortable armchair.

The living room would include a new couch, love seat and a couple of comfy chairs. Since the desks would no longer be there Penny suggested that they purchase a long dining room table with chairs so that they could, as she put it, “eat like adults.” Their new 60” flat screen would be mounted on the wall and the new armchairs swiveled so they could face the screen if they were all watching something. They also found a couple of floor-to-ceiling display cases with glass doors. When they were through making each furniture decision they placed their orders and set delivery dates. If any item required assembly they checked the option that included assembly.

Though they chosen most of the furnishings for their bedroom they decided that an in-person visit was required for choosing a mattress and bed frame. They decided to do this particular task on Sunday afternoon.

Sheldon was left to make all of the kitchen decisions himself and he had already placed the orders for new cookware, china, glasses, utensils and anything else he thought belonged there.

Penny had already made her bathroom décor decisions and had thought that the final part might require her to do a little painting, which she wasn’t really looking forward to. She mentioned her plan for the bathroom to Ida at work who had in turn suggested Penny speak to a friend of hers at the scenery shop. Ida’s friend said he could easily fabricate what Penny wanted and would happily help her install it.

Once they had completed their plans for the apartment Penny and Sheldon took a nap. They woke up at about nine and ordered from room service.

“Sheldon, this has been the most relaxing day I’ve had in a long time. Thank you for spending it with me.”

“Penny, I’m likewise relaxed. Thank you for spending the day with me.”

“I have a thought. How about a nice bubble bath after dinner and then maybe a movie? The hotel has a pretty good selection.”

“I think perhaps a double feature is in order. We’ll each pick one and flip a coin to see who goes first.”

“All right.”

“Sheldon chose _Star Trek: Into Darkness_. Penny chose _Before Midnight_. Sheldon won the coin flip but ultimately it didn’t matter. Ten minutes after “Star Trek: Into Darkness” began they were both fast asleep. They woke up when it ended, turned off the television and went to bed.

_Sunday morning._

Penny was sleeping. She was somewhere between deeply asleep and barely awake.

“Penny.”

She had an unfamiliar feeling.

“Penny.”

Not happy. Not safe. Not secure. Sort of all those things. She’d figure it out. She’d felt it before, but not for a very long time. She felt memories of home. Of family. She was probably, for the first time in her adult life, content.

“Penny.”

And then she heard words that she was certain Sheldon Cooper had never uttered before in his life.

“Please release my penis.”

Penny stirred awake. She was lying down, facing Sheldon’s back, spooning him. Her arm was across his waist and down his pajama bottoms and she felt…

“Oh my God.”

Penny pulled her hand back. It was wet. And sticky. Sheldon jumped out of bed and ran for the bathroom.

Penny yelled at herself.

“Oh my God. What did you do? Stupid Penny. Stupid, horny Penny. What did you do!”

Penny jumped out of the bed and ran after Sheldon. His pajamas were on the floor and he was in the shower. Penny started crying.

“Sheldon, I’m so sorry. I know you aren’t ready yet. I don’t know how it happened. I don’t know what I was doing. Please, please, please don’t be mad at me. I’m so sorry. I promise it won’t happen again until we’re ready.”

Her mantra had been “baby steps” for so very long. It stuck with wide-awake Penny. Sleeping Penny was apparently another story and wanted to take giant steps. Had she scared Sheldon away? Was he going to run? Would he ever speak to her again?

“Sheldon, please say something. Sweetie, I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll sleep in my own bed from now on. Please don’t leave me.”

The shower door opened and Sheldon’s hand reached out, grabbed hers and pulled her into the shower. He put his arms around her and held her tight.

“There, there. Everything will be alright. I’m not going anywhere.”

And the feeling of contentment returned. And all Penny could think was “Second time in a week I’m in the shower with Sheldon Cooper and both times I’m dressed and I’m the one who’s freaking out.”

They got out of the shower. Sheldon silently dried himself off and Penny took off her wet pajamas and dried herself off. They donned big fluffy hotel bathrobes and went into the suite living room.

“Are you hungry, Penny? I’ve ordered us brunch.”

“Sheldon, don’t you want to talk about what happened? What I did?”

“Not particularly.”

“Are you angry with me?”

“Would I shower with you if I was angry with you?”

“Yeah. What’s up with that?”

“You seemed to be in significant distress. I was in the shower. I determined that completing my shower, drying myself, getting dressed and then speaking with you would not ameliorate your distress and since that was what I wished to do I pulled you in and held you. Was I successful in ameliorating your distress?”

“Well, yeah. But how about your distress? I grabbed your dick while you were asleep and, well, I don’t really know what I did.”

“Well, it seems that we were so relaxed after yesterday that our unconscious selves were ready to do something that our conscious selves are not. So they did.”

“For someone who was so freaked out you seem to be handling this pretty calmly.”

“Penny, I was not, as you say, freaked out.”

“You jumped out of bed like a bat out of hell and made for the shower. In my book that’s freaked out.”

“Penny, your unconscious self took advantage of a physical situation that I sometimes find myself experiencing in the morning and I reacted appropriately. I repeat, I was not freaked out. I was…sticky and I wished to clean myself off. I’m sorry if I alarmed you.”

“So we’re okay?”

“Yes.”

“And if I wanted to do that again. When we’re awake?”

“I would still prefer you not until I’m ready. Obviously part of me already is. I am certain the rest will follow soon.”

“Can I play with the part of you that’s ready?”

“Penelope.”

“Okay. But did you enjoy it?”

“I believe the answer to that was obvious.”

“Sheldon, it’ll be a lot more fun when we’re awake.”

“I’m certain that it will be.”

“Okay. But we can still sleep together because that thing about me sleeping in the other bed, I didn’t really mean that.”

“I was fairly certain you didn’t. I see no reason to change our sleeping arrangements. Penny, do we need to discuss this any further?”

“Probably not.”

“All right. Well, from the knock I just heard at the door, I suspect our “brunch” has arrived. Let us eat and then get dressed and following that continue with what will apparently be our theme for the day and purchase a new mattress.”

“Yippee!”

 


	41. 41 – The Faux Confection Communion

**41 – The Faux Confection Communion**

 

Sheldon had already organized an itinerary. They would be going to three different mattress stores and testing their wares. Sheldon was pretty happy with what they had at the hotel so he had made notes on the manufacturer and model number. He was, however, also considering a mattress that was adjustable in terms of firmness or softness and wanted to test one even though he was pretty sure that he would be comfortable with a single firmness determination. And being Sheldon he wanted to conduct as thorough an investigation of available mattresses as possible.

Penny just had fun hopping from mattress to mattress lying down next to Sheldon. Sheldon, however, felt that his sleep was important and mattress selection was serious business so he did not quite understand the frivolity with which Penny approached the task. But he just kept reminding himself how much he enjoyed seeing her happy and smiling. He hadn’t seen nearly enough of that for the past couple of weeks.

In the end they wound up selecting exactly the model mattress that Sheldon had noted at the hotel. They purchased the matching boxspring and selected a lovely antique iron bedframe. The also found two matching bed tables and lamps. All of the items were in stock and delivery and installation were promised for a week from Monday unless they were asked to hold due to the apartment not yet being ready.

Satisfied, Sheldon and Penny decided to take themselves out for dinner. Since there were so few Sheldon-approved restaurants they decided to drive to one of the other Cheesecake Factory locations near Pasadena.

When they walked in they found a restaurant that looked exactly like the one they were familiar with, just not it. However there were a couple of familiar faces. The manager from Penny’s location was temporarily managing this one and came over to give her a hug.

“Penny, I’m so happy to see you and your friend.”

“Sheldon.”

“Your friend Sheldon. Let me show you to your table and I’ll update you on what’s going on.”

Penny thought that then was as good a time as any to deliver the news.

“Bob, I think I should tell you that when you reopen I probably won’t be coming back. I’ve accepted a wonderful opportunity at a film studio and between that and going to school I just can’t see returning. I want to thank you guys for keeping me going for so long but I think it’s time to move on. We’ll all continue to be loyal customers.”

“Penny, I have to be honest. I’m not surprised. It’s always been pretty clear that this isn’t your dream job but it won’t be the same without you. You’ve been a loyal employee and we appreciate your service. There will be a pre-opening party that you and your friends will all be invited to and I really hope you’ll be able to come. I think you’ll be very impressed with the improvements.”

“Any idea how soon?”

“We expect to reopen in about six to eight weeks. You’ll get an email.”

“We’ll look forward to it.”

“Your waitress will be right with you.”

“Penny!”

“Dana!”

Their waitress was one of the other refugees from their Cheesecake Factory. Penny and Dana hugged each other.

“I’m surprised it took you so long to come here. I assumed Sheldon would be here Tuesday night.”

“Yeah, well, we’ve been kind of busy.”

“Yeah, I heard about your place. Where are you staying?”

Sheldon looked at Penny.

“Penny.”

“Yeah, um, I’m sorry. It’s nothing personal but there’s some stuff going on and I really can’t tell you. I hope you understand.”

“No. I get it. So I kind of heard you telling Bob you’re not coming back?”

“Yeah. It’s time. I got something I really like and it’s really challenging and it’s, um, a lot more money. I’m pretty happy.”

“But we’ll see you at the party, right? It’s not a party without Penny.”

“I’m pretty sure we’ll be able to make it but I can’t really commit when there isn’t even a date for it yet.”

“I get that. So, Barbeque Bacon Cheeseburger everything on the side and lemonade for Sheldon and you, Penny?”

“I’ll have the same, thanks.”

“Be back soon.”

“Sheldon, this is really weird. I’ve never actually been a customer at The Cheesecake Factory. And this one looks so much like ours it’s creepy. I feel like I’m in an alternate universe or something and everyone should have goatees.”

“I have a similar feeling. It is exactly the same yet totally different. I wonder if the food will taste the same.”

They half-expected the rest of the gang to walk in and almost fell off their chairs when they saw Howard, Bernadette, Raj and Alex actually walk in. Penny waved them over.

“Wow. It looks like we all had the same idea. We were going to call you guys but figured from what you said Thursday you wanted some alone time. This is a little creepy.”

“Sure is, Bernie.”

Dana came out with their lemonades.

“Did you guys plan this or is it a coincidence?”

“Total coincidence,” answered Penny. “We didn’t even decide to come here until like an hour ago. Can we get a bigger table?”

“Sure. Give me a minute.”

Dana looked around her section and then led them all to another table that fit six and took the rest of their orders.

“Penny, I asked the kitchen to hold off on starting yours and Sheldon’s so all the food comes out at the same time.”

“Thanks, Dana.”

“So I haven’t had a chance to tell you guys I’m not going back to The Cheesecake Factory when it reopens.”

Bernadette looked surprised.

“Really. I thought what you got was only temporary.”

“Technically, yeah. But as of yesterday as soon as that ends I start as the assistant to the director. And I get a raise. And the raise starts now, while I’m training.”

“That’s so great.”

Everyone looked at Sheldon, knowing how much he despised change.

“None of this is a surprise to me. I am gratified that Penny has secured employment on her own merits in an area related to her dream profession, that she will be continuing her education and her attempts to find work as an actress. And she has assured me that whoever our new waitress at The Cheesecake Factory is will be adequately trained.”

“Sheldon, should we tell them what we were doing today?”

“I see no reason not to.”

“Sheldon and I were out buying our new bed.”

Howard and Raj’s mouths dropped.

Howard spoke.

“So you really are doing this. You guys are really going to be living together. As a… something that’s like a couple but not that word.”

“Yup.”

“I was sure that something would happen before you moved in.”

“We’ve ordered the furniture. If all goes as expected the new paradigm begins a week from tomorrow.”

“Congratulations.”

“Thank you.”

Penny turned to Sheldon.

“Sheldon, are you still working late Tuesday night?”

“I expect to be back around eleven. Raj will be working with me on a paper we’d like to finish.”

“Bernadette, feel like having a Girl’s Night?”

“Just us two?”

“Alex, feel like joining us?”

“What’s Girl’s Night?”

“We just hang out and schmooze. Sometimes we go dancing. Or to a movie. We used to drink wine but not anymore. We talk about the guys.”

“My car’s in the shop. If Raj can drop me off…”

“And I’ll bring Sheldon back when we’re finished and pick you up.”

“Sounds perfect.”

“And I’ll also invite Nora.”

Bernadette looked a little sad.

“Not Amy?”

“Sorry, Bernie. I don’t think Amy’s ready to play with us again just yet.”

“I get it.”

“I’m bringing dessert. I know the perfect thing. It’ll be a surprise.” Alex added.

“Okay. And we’ll order a bunch of appetizers from room service. It’ll be fun.”

Their dinners arrived and the group kept talking about work and school and The Cheesecake Factory and pretty much anything but deliberately avoided mentioning Paul Hernly and the situation that had overshadowed their lives for almost two weeks. They were obviously trying to have a normal evening out even though it wasn’t Tuesday and it wasn’t their Cheesecake Factory and a couple of people were missing and their regular waitress was sitting with them instead of serving them. And they mostly succeeded.

Afterward Penny and Sheldon drove back to the Langham Huntington. They hadn’t expected their day to be as exhausting as it was.

“It was nice running into the guys at the other Cheesecake Factory.”

“It was mostly pleasant. Though it did seem everybody struggled a bit to avoid speaking of Paul Hernly.”

“I know. But I kind of think that might be the right thing to do.”

“How so? I would think avoiding discussion of a situation that saps so much of our time and energy would be counter-productive.”

“Sheldon, I kind of think that if we think about and talk about him 24/7 that’s letting him win. It’s kind of like the way you used to be with Wil Wheaton and your enemies list.”

“My enemies list has but one name on it now.”

“But do you get what I’m saying?”

“Wil Wheaton once said to me, and I’ll paraphrase, that I was allowing him to reside rent-free in my head. That may have been correct. Though I am capable of processing many things allowing so much of my thought processes to be solely considering Paul Hernly and his actions does deprive the universe of more serious consideration.”

“Kind of.”

“But Penny, this is only happening because of my concern for you and your well-being.”

“And believe me, Sheldon, I know and I deeply appreciate it. But at some point we need to move past him and look to the future.”

“You are correct, of course. Considering the future would be a much more worthwhile endeavor, especially since that future includes you.”

“Aw, sweetie. If I wasn’t driving I’d jump your bones right now.”

“Then I am grateful you are driving. We’ve already suffered one carnal misstep today. I don’t believe we need another.”

“Sheldon!”

“Perhaps that should have remained unsaid.”

“Ya think?”

“I am starting to believe that this morning’s events were more significant than I believed.”

“Are you angry with me about that, Sheldon?”

“Actually, no. I’m not. I believe that I may be angry at myself for not being ready to accept your physical expressions of your feelings for me.”

“I’m thinking that we may be starting therapy at exactly the right time.”

“You may be correct.”

“So, tomorrow at six? Should I pick you up?”

“Actually, the Andersons offices are a very short distance from the campus. I will walk over. Should we determine them to be the appropriate persons to engage in out therapeutic paradigm that will prove to be quite convenient.”

“Sure will.”

 


	42. 42 - The Therapeutic Paradigm Commencement

**42 - The Therapeutic Paradigm Commencement**

_Jennifer Harding-Anderson is a psychologist._

_Bob Anderson is a psychiatrist._

_And Melanie Anderson is a psychologist/social worker._

Following work Penny drove to the Anderson’s offices, arriving just before six.

When Penny arrived at the offices she found Sheldon waiting for her and filling in a form on a clipboard. Penny sat down next to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. She looked around and found a comfortable waiting room adjacent to a hallway with three office doors.

“Penny, you may wish to check in with the receptionist and collect your own clipboard.”

Penny checked in with Bonnie, the receptionist and sat back down with Sheldon.

“Doctor Cooper and Ms. Queen, Dr. Anderson will see you now.”

**[A/N: When I made the decision to send Penny and Sheldon to therapy I also decided that I would not follow them in. My story, my call.]**

After about fifteen minutes of general conversation, Sheldon remained with Dr. Bob Anderson while Penny went back out to the waiting room to wait for Melanie Anderson. While she was waiting she hear a familiar voice leaving Jennifer Harding –Anderson’s office.

“Goodbye, Jennifer. I will see you Wednesday.”

Penny looked up to see Amy Farrah Fowler walk into the waiting room.

“Amy!” Penny exclaimed, clearly surprised.

“Penny, I am surprised, yet very gratified to see you.”

“Um, me too?”

“Penny, I believe I owe you an apology for my horrible behavior when last we encountered each other.”

“Amy, no reason to be so formal. We were, are friends.”

“I’m happy to hear you say that, though I can’t understand why you would considering some of the things I’ve said to and about you.”

“Well…”

“Please allow me to continue. I came to understand from observing Leonard and reading some things that he had written that he has indeed been suffering from significant delusions regarding you and your relationship with him and your relationship with Sheldon. I further came to understand that I allowed my own sadness over the termination of my relationship with Sheldon to give Leonard an opportunity to convince me that I could, in his words, “get him back.” I have since come to realize that is not the case and to further realize that I need to, as you told me, get some therapy. That is why you find me here. And that is why I hope you can accept my sincerest, heartfelt apology for my words and my actions.”

“Amy, I appreciate that…”

“Penny, pursuant to that, I should say that a few therapy sessions is not enough to prepare me to continue dealing with seeing the two of you on a regular basis. I hope to be ready soon and at that point I will reach out to you and, if you and Sheldon are amenable to it, return to socializing with you.”

“Amy, I understand how hard it was for you to say that and I look forward to hearing from you when you feel that you’re ready.”

“Thank you, Penny. Are you here alone?”

“No, Sheldon is with me. He’s in with Dr. Anderson. Will you have a problem if he and I were to see the Andersons? After all, you were here first and we can go elsewhere.”

“I don’t believe I would have an issue. I believe that if we run into each other again we can “deal with it.” Of course I am perfectly willing to give you my schedule so that you can work around it. I’m here Mondays and Thursdays at five thirty and I attend a group on Wednesdays at 7. I think you would agree with me that we should probably not participate in the same group if that opportunity were to be offered.”

“Yeah, I think at this point that’s probably a bad idea.”

“All right. I’ll take my leave. I don’t think I’m ready to see Sheldon again quite yet.”

“Okay, Ames, take care.”

“Okay, that was a little weird and kind of intense,” Penny thought.

“Ms. Queen, Melanie can speak to you now.”

After about a half hour Penny came back out to the waiting room. Sheldon was still in with Dr. Anderson. Penny started to get alarmed when she heard some loud banging coming from Dr. Anderson’s office.

Sensing Penny’s alarm, Bonnie the receptionist said, “Oh, don’t worry, that happens all the time. It’s part of what Dr. Anderson does, especially during the first session.”

When Sheldon finally came out he had a big smile on his face.

“Penny, I quite enjoyed that. I’m looking forward to coming in again to see Dr. Anderson. How did your session go?”

“I like Melanie and I’m looking forward to seeing her, too. I need to tell you something before we make our next appointments.”

“All right?”

“After I left you I was waiting out here and Amy came out. She was seeing Jennifer.”

“Was it uncomfortable?”

“Kind of. She apologized for the things she said to me and said she thought Leonard had some real problems.”

“We are both aware of that. I’m gratified that she has finally reached the same conclusion.”

“Sheldon, she said she isn’t quite ready to hang out with us and I guess I’m not quite ready to welcome her back?”

“I feel similarly. Her words and her actions toward you were very hurtful.”

“Do you have a problem with possibly running into her here? We could look for other therapists.”

“I am quite satisfied with this selection and feel no need to search further. How do you feel?”

“The same. Amy gave me her therapy schedule so if we want we can schedule our sessions so they don’t coincide.”

“If it makes sense with our own schedules we can do that but we should not go out of our way to satisfy that need.”

“Okay. Let’s set up our appointments. Melanie suggested that while all this stuff with Hernly is still going on and our lives are so unsettled that twice a week would make sense.”

“Dr. Anderson suggested the same and that once we are settled into our new living paradigm we can cut back to once a week if we so desire.”

“Sounds good.”

Both Andersons had suggested that they wait a little before seeing them as a couple. Once they had set their appointments they got into Penny’s car to head back to the hotel.

“Sheldon, you don’t have to tell me, but what was all that noise coming from Dr. Anderson’s office?”

“Dr. Anderson perceived that I am not comfortable with most forms of physicality, of which you are well aware. He also perceived that I am quite angry over the current situation Paul Hernly has put us in. He suggested that I express that anger physically on a punching bag he keeps in his office, pretending that it was Hernly, positing that I might find it helpful. He gave me some gloves to put on and though I began a bit tentatively I must admit that towards the end I was able to deliver Hernly a pretty good beating. It was really quite cathartic.”

“So you think you’ll enjoy therapy?”

“I don’t believe enjoy would be the correct word but I am beginning to believe it could be a worthwhile experience.”

“Me too.”

 


	43. 43 – The Girl’s Night Gaggle

**43 – The Girl’s Night Gaggle**

The next night was Girl’s Night. Penny ordered a bunch of different appetizers from one of the Langham Huntington restaurants; Pomme Frites, Tacos, Lobster Corn Dogs, Sliders and Watermelon and Caesar Salads. She also ordered up some juices and sodas.

Alex was the first to arrive and as promised brought dessert which immediately went into the refrigerator. She was quickly followed by Bernadette and Nora. They all seemed pretty hungry because they dived into the spread Penny put out.

“Guys, I kinda ran into Amy yesterday.”

Nora and Alex looked a little surprised. Bernadette looked hopeful.

“Is she coming?”

“No. I didn’t tell her. She apologized to me for what she’s been doing and saying but she said she isn’t really ready to join back in and I get that. I’m just happy that she’s trying to see things as they really are and wants to be maybe be friends again. I think we just really need to give her time.”

“Where did you see her?”

“I’d really rather not say.”

“Did she say anything about Leonard?”

“Bernie, she did and I’m just going to keep that between me and her. I don’t want to talk about Leonard tonight or really, at all. Can we drop it and move onto something more fun?”

“Okay. Alex, what’s going on with you and Raj?”

Alex looked a little taken aback. Penny leapt to her defense.

“Bernie, this is Alex’s first time hanging out with us. She really shouldn’t have to go through an interrogation. I’m sure that if she wants to share stuff she will.”

“Penny, the way these things used to work by now you’d have finished off a bottle and given us a play-by-play of life with Leonard.”

“Yeah, kind of glad that isn’t happening anymore. Sheldon would definitely not appreciate the sharing.”

Penny was about to add that she thought that Leonard probably enjoyed that she shared their intimate details with her friends. He never realized that what she was sharing was not exactly complimentary.

Nora decided to step up.

“Okay, since I’m the other newbie here I’ll happily take the focus off of Alex until she’s a bit more comfortable.”

Alex looked at Nora gratefully.

“So Nora, what’s your deal?” Bernadette asked.

“Well you know I’m a detective. I grew up in Portland, Oregon and became a cop and then a detective there. I decided I wanted to live somewhere a little less gray and rainy so I looked around and sent out some applications and got a really good offer from the Pasadena PD so I moved here about a year ago.”

“Are you involved with anyone?”

“Now, no. In Portland, yeah. I was with a guy for a long time until he decided he was in love with someone else, a woman he worked with. That’s part of the reason I left Portland. We travelled in the same circle of friends and I just didn’t want to see him. Or her. What he did was really hurtful and he didn’t exactly step up and own it. I had to find out on my own.”

“That’s gotta suck.”

“You really ought to think twice before you try to step out on a detective. He was dumb and I caught him. And I realized he really wasn’t who I thought he was.”

“So now you’re here.”

“Now I’m here and mostly I work. Until recently. Penny and Sheldon are really the first friends I’ve made here. They’ve been great.”

“Nora, you’re the one who’s been great. From the first time we walked into the police station she’s been watching over me and protecting me. I know she’s going to catch that creep.”

“I hope I can, Penny. There are no guarantees.”

“Nora, I can’t believe that you aren’t dating and going out all the time, the way you look.”

“It’s kinda not my thing. When I’m not working I prefer staying home and reading or cooking or watching movies. I’m kind of a homebody. And I don’t drink so the bar scene isn’t that appealing to me. And not having a lot of friends or any…”

“Well. Hopefully that’ll change when you move.”

Bernadette suddenly had an idea.

“You might not think that this is related but Howie and I had dinner with Bryan Richardson and his mother Friday night.”

“That’s really nice, Bernie, but how is it related?” responded Penny.

“Well, it was Sabbath dinner and afterwards we went with them to Friday night services at their synagogue.”

“I didn’t know Bryan was Jewish.”

“His dad wasn’t but his mom is. Anyway, it was kind of my first time. Howie’s mom has been trying to get me to go but Howie told me that he doesn’t even understand most of what’s going on at the place she goes. Anyway, we were just being polite when they invited us since Bryan is working for Howie and because he really helped Penny out. So we went with them and it was really nice and mostly in English with lots of music and singing. And there were a bunch of single people there. Nora, we’re going to go back and if you want to come with us you’re welcome.”

“That’s really nice of you, Bernadette. I haven’t been in a while but I do still like to pop my head in every now and then to remind myself where I come from. But I think I’ll probably mostly still stick around home. It’s just that now I’ll have some friends to stick around with.”

Bernadette jumped back in.

“And maybe we’ll find you a guy.”

“Or a girl. I’m not that particular.”

Bernadette’s jaw dropped.

“Bernie, no judging. This isn’t like what was happening with Amy and me.”

Alex looked intrigued.

“You and Amy?”

“Um, yeah. Not that anything actually happened, but Amy has always had this kind of crush on me. Not that I’ve done anything to encourage it. But she did have a kind of tendency to say really inappropriate things to and about me that made me sort of uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, she sure did. I hope that if she’s getting some therapy that’s one of the things that she’s dealing with.”

“Me, too. Because I definitely don’t swing that way.”

“I don’t know, Penny, you’d be a big win for the other team.”

“Thanks, Nora. I guess.”

Alex blurted “I had a couple of relationships with girls. In college.”

Penny, Nora and Bernadette all looked surprised.

“It was at Stanford and it kind of made sense for me at the time. When I got to grad school I got way too busy with my studies for relationships but at that point I found I was more attracted to guys.”

“Like Leonard.”

“Bernie!”

“No, it’s okay. Penny and I talked about it. Yeah, Leonard was really sweet to me when I started as Dr. Cooper’s assistant and I had a kind of crush on him. I didn’t really do anything until he let me know he was interested. He told me he and Penny weren’t together anymore. I know now he was lying and I also know now that I wasn’t the only one he was sleeping with then.”

“Like I said earlier, I really don’t want to talk about Leonard. Alex and I worked out our issues. We’re going to be friends. I know it.”

“Actually, on that note…I think now is a good time to bring out the dessert I brought.”

Looking around at the empty plates the appetizers had been on Penny was forced to agree.

“Sounds good.”

Penny collected the empty plates from the table and Alex went over to the refrigerator and brought out a tray with two large covered bowls in the middle and smaller empty dessert bowls on the side. When Penny sat back down Alex uncovered the bowls and everyone broke down laughing hysterically.

The first bowl was filled with strawberries, blueberries and raspberries. The second bowl contained chocolate pudding.

Penny was the first to begin to recover.

“That’s really not enough to wrestle in, Alex.”

“It’s actually mousse, not pudding but I figured you’d all appreciate it.”

After they all loaded up their bowls with pudding and fruit Penny spoke.

“I propose that from here on chocolate pudding or mousse be the official dessert of Girl’s Night.”

Everyone else called out “Seconded.”

“The motion carries!”

“So Alex, now that you’re a little more comfortable do you wanna say anything about you and Raj.”

“Okay. I really like him. And as long as he isn’t drinking, he’s really sweet.”

“That’s for sure.”

“He came over last Monday for our first date and we talked most of the night. We did some other stuff too and I’m really not someone who does that on the first date.”

“Raj really isn’t either, sweetie.”

“Anyway, since then we’ve either been at my place or his place every night.”

“Wow.”

“And I have to say, he has way better hair products than I do.”

“Yeah, in some ways Raj is kind of a bigger girl than any of us in a totally heterosexual way.”

“I really get that.”

All four women were now starting to relax with each other and began discussing more intimate details of their lives and past loves. They stayed away from the present and neither Penny nor Alex wanted to spend any more time on Leonard than they already had but they freely discussed the kinds of men, or women, they had been attracted to in the past and time passed quickly. When they finally checked they noticed it was already 11:30 and Sheldon and Raj were walking in.

“Hello ladies. I hope my absence from Ladies Night wasn’t too great a tragedy.”

Penny answered.

“Raj, you were present. You were definitely present.”

Raj blushed. So did Alex.

“Well, not to rush anyone out, but I would like to spend a little time with Penny before bedtime.”

“It’s okay, Sheldon. I think we were pretty much done. At least we’re done with the chocolate pudding.”

Hearing the words “chocolate pudding” Sheldon rushed to the bathroom. Finding no evidence of pudding in the tub he came back out to the living room to find Bernadette almost out the door and Nora, Alex and Raj whispering amongst themselves and close behind her.

Penny was chuckling to herself. It was looking as though her chocolate pudding joke was going to have legs.

“Penny, it looks as though your Girl’s Night in Exile was a success.”

“I think it was. And it looks as though Alex and Nora will fit right in.”

“I believe that if and when Amy Farrah Fowler returns she will find a somewhat changed dynamic.”

“You don’t know the half of it, Shelly. You don’t know the half of it.”

“You are making an oblique allusion, Penny. Do you care to clarify it?”

“Sheldon, you’ve participated. You know that what happens at Girl’s Night, stays at Girl’s Night.”

“Fair enough. Raj and I had dinner at work. I know that you’ve eaten. Shall we prepare for bed?”

“Lets.”

 


	44. 44 – The Morning Transportation Conundrum

**44 – The Morning Transportation Conundrum**

 

_Wednesday morning_

Sheldon heard his phone beep as he finished his high-fiber cereal. He saw it was a text from Raj and called to Penny in the bedroom.

“Penny, Raj says he is running late and will be unable to take me to work. As you have not even begun to get ready I will be taking the bus. Will you be at the comic book store tonight?”

“I should be there around six and I’m going to ask Nora to come. Have a good day, sweetie.”

“Thank you. Have a good day, Penny.”

And he was gone.

Penny knew she was running a bit behind schedule and after a quick shower hurriedly got dressed. She was about to run across to Nora’s suite to ask if she wanted to meet at the comic book store later when she heard some noise in the hallway. She looked through the peephole and saw Raj and Alex leaving Nora’s suite wearing the same clothes they had on last night. Penny was torn. She really wanted to know what the deal was but she also knew that if she went over to ask Nora she’d probably be late for work. So, she pulled her stuff together and decided she’d head to work and quiz Nora later when there was time. She was really curious though.

Work at the costume shop was beginning to settle into a routine, a chaotic routine but a routine nonetheless. Penny posted a schedule at the end of each day so the assistants knew what was coming up and when the following day. She also emailed the schedule to each of their iCal calendars. Wednesdays tended to be fitting days so they were fairly steady and tightly scheduled. The only thing that could throw them off would be a temperamental actor or actress or one running late. This particular Wednesday had none of those and went pretty smoothly. When she had a moment she texted Nora asking whether she would be able to meet up at the comic book store at six for New Comic Night. Nora texted back that she was pretty sure she could. Penny kept busy the rest of the day and didn’t even really give any further thought to what she had witnessed that morning.

Penny got to the comic book store at almost the same time as Nora and Sheldon, Raj and Howard were already inside.

“Nora, this is Stuart. He owns the place.”

“Stuart, this is my very good friend Nora. I assume you’ll treat her right.”

“Cool. Stuart this is a really nice store. Do you have Sandman: Overture #1?”

“It’s right over there. There are a few different covers. So you’re not here against your will? You’re actually a fan?”

“Pretty much. Been reading them since my big brother turned me on to them.”

“Okay. Feel free to look around. If you don’t see something you want ask me. It might be in the back or if I don’t have it I’ll order it for you. As a friend of Penny’s and because I want more women to come into the store I can extend the 25% friends and family discount to you.”

“Thank you Stuart. That’s very kind of you. Since I’m moving into the area I’ll probably be coming in pretty regularly.”

“Great.”

Nora and Penny started looking around.

“Penny, what’s Stuart’s deal?”

“He’s a really nice guy but a little lonely and needy. And he’s a really good artist.”

“He’s cute in a 19th Century tubercular kind of way.”

“Are you interested?”

“No. Not really. Just curious.”

Penny looked Nora right in the eye and Nora knew Penny wanted to ask her something.

“Yeah. I’m a little curious myself.”

Nora picked up pretty quickly on what Penny was getting at.

“Not here. I’ll tell you everything back at the hotel.”

Nora grabbed a copy of Sandman: Overture #1, The Fox #1 and a couple of Fables collections she didn’t have. Penny saw an issue of Buffy and grabbed that. Sheldon got the new Flash and Raj and Howard both got copies of Batman that they had forgotten to purchase the previous week.

Nora said hi to Raj, Howard and Sheldon but didn’t seem to go out of her way to greet Raj any differently than the others. Raj also behaved fairly normally. This just got Penny more and more curious about what had happened between Nora, Raj and Alex.

Sheldon joined Penny for the ride back to the hotel and they related the events of their individual days to each other, the most interesting item being the revelation that a certain action star was missing a toe and needed special adjustments to his shoes so he could run correctly.

A few minutes after Sheldon and Penny got back to their suite Nora knocked on the door.

“Okay, lady, dish…”

Nora was about to start talking when Sheldon came out of the bedroom.

“Penny, something very curious happened today and I wonder if you could help shed some light on it. Oh, hello again, Nora.”

“Okay, Sheldon, what’s rolling around that head of yours?”

“Well, as you know, Raj texted me this morning to inform me that he’d be late to work and would be unable to pick me up.”

“This I know.”

“I’m not finished. When I arrived at work I discovered that Alex would also be late. When she arrived she told me that she was late because she had to go home and change her clothes.”

Though Penny knew exactly why they were both late she was curious to find out where Sheldon was going and how Nora would react.

“Makes sense.”

“I thought so also. I assumed she had stayed over at Raj’s in order for them to have coitus.”

“Sheldon, I’ve told you many, many times I do not like that word.”

“All right. Sex. In any case, when I saw Raj at lunch he informed me that he was late because he had to go home and change his clothes and that confused me. Since they had both left here rather late where could they have gone that required they both change their clothes in the morning?

Penny looked at Nora. Nora decided to solve the conundrum.

“Sheldon, Raj and Alex stayed with me last night.”

“I’m sorry but that raises more questions than it answers. Why would they stay with you when your room has but one bed and we have an entire extra room they could have used.”

“We slept in the same bed, Sheldon. They stayed with me so that we could do that.”

“Oh, I was unaware that you enjoyed sleepovers of that sort. When I was young my Meemaw let me sleep in her bed when it was storming out. I quite enjoyed that. Judging by the improvement in your mood between last Friday and today perhaps when you are staying with Penny and I you would like to share our bed with us?”

“Sheldon!”

“Penny, have I said something inappropriate?”

“Sheldon, you just kind of invited Nora to have sex with us! Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Um, Nora I’m not judging you or anything. Oh, crap… Nora, help me here.”

Penny felt like she was digging herself into a deeper and deeper hole and then she felt guilty for using that particular metaphor in her head. Penny was turning a very bright shade of red.

“Sorry, Penny, watching you try to explain this is just too much fun.”

“Obviously I’m missing something here. Would one of you care to enlighten me?”

“Sheldon, Nora and Raj and Alex slept together. They had sex.”

“Actually, it was mostly sleeping.”

“Oh. Ohhhh. So have the three of you embarked upon a new relationship paradigm?”

“Huh?”

“What Sheldon means is are the three of you together now?”

“No. Definitely not. We just decided to have a little fun. We might even do it again. But, no, this is not a permanent thing or even a regular thing. Raj and Alex are together. The three of us just enjoyed ourselves a little.”

“Spill. How the heck did this happen right under our noses?”

“Okay. So Alex and I were bonding since we were kind of the new people in the group. And you know some of the stuff we talked about…”

“I still have questions.”

“What, Sheldon?”

“I understand Nora having sex with Raj. But what did Alex do?”

“Sheldon, let me explain something. I like guys but I also like girls and I have sex with guys and I have sex with girls. And sometimes, on very rare occasions, I have sex with both at the same time.”

“Nora, I think you’re taking Sheldon way out of his comfort zone now. Sheldon, I think I may need to buy you volume two of that book Leonard and I gave you.”

“Penny, I think I’d prefer you just explain it to me later. I still maintain that book gave me nightmares. Now, I’m going to order dinner from room service. Nora, will you be joining us?”

“I’d love to. Thank you, Sheldon. Can you order me a chicken Caesar salad and a diet coke?”

“I’d like the same thing, Shelly.”

“All right. I will place the order and then repair to the bedroom to read my new Flash comic so that you may share the details of Nora’s carnal adventure. However, I would like to repeat that I appreciate the positive mood that you are now in, Nora.”

“Thank you, Sheldon. So do I and I appreciate you noticing.”

Sheldon headed into the bedroom with his Flash comic.

“Okay then, back to last night.”

“Okay, so when we were all talking and we discovered that Alex and I had both been with girls in the past and liked it but Alex is, as she told us, really into Raj and I didn’t want to do anything that would mess that up for them. It was kind of her idea to ask Raj if he was interested in the three of us having a little adventure.”

“And I guess he was.”

“Penny, I don’t know what your experience with him was but that boy knows what to do with two women at the same time. And I have to say Alex is pretty adventurous too.”

“Honestly, I didn’t have much of an experience with him. We kissed. We got naked. I put the condom on him. It was over. We slept. We felt guilty.”

“But you’d agree he has a really pretty cock?”

“Definitely. I don’t much go for the manscaping or shaving thing but on him it really works. So I guess you had a good time.”

“I had a great time. But we all agreed from the start that we were just having fun and nothing more than that.”

“Okay. Listen, I’m sorry for what I said before. I wasn’t being judgmental or anything. Sometimes Sheldon doesn’t really know what he’s saying.”

“Penny, I’m not going to say the thought of going to town with you two hasn’t occurred to me but, I value your friendship, I know that you’re straight and not interested and I really wouldn’t want to confuse or hurt Sheldon. So I’m going to turn down Sheldon’s kind invitation to share your bed. And you.”

“You know that wasn’t what he was doing.”

“I’m kidding. But I have to admit that I am enjoying turning you all kinds of shades of red.”

“Yeah, thanks a lot. And thanks for making me explain to Sheldon what I’m going to have to explain to him later.”

“I am available for show-and-tell if you like.”

“Nora.”

“Told ya. This is fun.”

There was a knock on the door. Room Service with their dinner.

“Sheldon, dinner’s here.”

They enjoyed a nice dinner and when they were done Penny walked Nora to the door.

Penny hugged Nora good night and Nora gave Penny a kiss that went on a little too long.

“Hey, watch the tongue, missy!”

“Penny, you have got to see the color of your face. Good night, sweetie.”

Despite her ongoing embarrassment Penny had to admit that she really appreciated Nora’s improved mood and kind of enjoyed a flirty Nora. _Just not enough to respond._

“Hey Sheldon, remember what you said on Sunday about almost being ready. I’m really going to need you to work on that.”

“Alright.”

 


	45. 45 – The Separation Anxiety Solution

**45 – The Separation Anxiety Solution**

 

“Sheldon, I guess we need to talk about all that.”

“I’d really prefer we not.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I was a bit confused. That’s all. I am aware that human sexual relationships come in many forms. I was just previously unaware that they came in many forms among those we already know. I do not need to be made aware of the mechanics.”

“I’m surprised.”

“I can’t see why. You know how much I value my privacy. Our privacy.”

“Yeah.”

“Nora, Raj and Alex should have the same expectation of privacy. What they do amongst themselves is not my concern.”

“I’m a little surprised.”

“I never wanted to know what you and Leonard were doing. Or what you were doing with the other men you dated.”

“Sweetie, you knew what Leonard and I were doing.”

“Not because I wanted to know.”

“Yeah. You’re probably right about that.”

“Thank you.”

“Sheldon, if you want to know anything about my past you only need to ask. I will tell you.”

“I believe that if you think I should be aware of something you will tell me. I would do the same for you.”

“We don’t have the same kind of history, Sheldon.”

“I’m quite aware of that. I am not concerned with your past. I am concerned with our present and our future. What I will say, in the hope that it will end this uncomfortable conversation, is that I am satisfied with where we are now and where we are going. We share a goal and we will reach it. I feel no need to measure it against any other relationship and I hope that you feel the same way. It is special and it is ours.”

“You’re right. I do feel the same way.”

Life started moving along a little more quickly. Penny and Sheldon went to work on Thursday. Sheldon checked the progress at North Los Robles and was satisfied that the schedule he’d laid out would be met, at least for Apartment 4A. Work had not even begun at 4B even though he had submitted Nora’s appliance and fixture requests and the landlords had accepted them without comment. Sheldon concluded that Nora would likely be staying with him and Penny for more than the week he’d originally estimated. Instead of finding this revelation annoying, Sheldon actually took some comfort in it. He knew that Penny still had trepidations about their new habitation paradigm even though she claimed otherwise. Nora’s consistent presence would hopefully be a comforting influence. And even though he essentially had already been living with Penny for the past couple of weeks, Sheldon knew that actually being in Apartment 4A was a big step for him in a number of ways, a step he knew he wasn’t entirely ready to take. Nora’s presence would slow things down a bit. He just hoped that it didn’t annoy Penny.

Sheldon confirmed the various furniture deliveries for Monday. Some of the vendors had delivered to 2311 North Los Robles before and Sheldon had to assure them that the elevator was indeed functional and that they would not need to use the stairs. He also informed the landlords of the impending deliveries so that they could cover the walls of the refurbished elevator appropriately for deliveries. He also decided that even though the furniture would arrive Monday he and Penny would not leave the Langham Huntington until Tuesday. When he informed Nora of this she told him that she would remain at the hotel at least until Wednesday because she believed that he and Penny should have their first night in their new home to themselves. This both excited and terrified Sheldon.

Penny suddenly got very busy at work. A couple of television shows were unexpectedly given the green light and rushed into production forcing the costume shop to pull things together for them rather quickly. Since it was already almost fall and new TV shows were already about to air Penny asked Ida what was going on.

“Ida, they must have a lot of faith in these new shows to rush them along so quickly.”

“That’s probably not the case. I think that the studio has almost no faith in a couple of shows that the network already committed to air. They want to make sure they have something ready for when they fail.”

“Aw, that’s too bad for the folks involved.”

“That’s the business, dear. We just roll with the punches. And you have been doing a great job keeping up with everything.”

As a result of this Penny never even went back to the hotel to sleep on Thursday night. She took a quick nap in her office at about two in the morning. When she woke up she was surprised to find Sheldon standing over her.

“Sheldon, what are you doing here?”

“When you called at eleven to tell me that you’d be pulling an “all-nighter” I became concerned that you wouldn’t seek sufficient nourishment and would, as a result, be cranky all weekend. So, very selfishly, I decided to bring you adequate nourishment to sustain you in order that we may continue to prepare for our big move without me having to fear Junior Rodeo time.”

“Sweetie, that’s so nice. But how did you get in?”

“I phoned Ida and she made arrangements. She even arranged for a car to pick me up. Apparently she has heard a number of stories involving me and was anxious that we meet. She seems to be a very competent and concerned employer.”

“She’s a really good boss, sweetie. Let me introduce you.”

Penny led Sheldon over to a smaller, somewhat older woman. The first thing that occurred to Sheldon was that Ida seemed to be the size he imagined a hobbit to be.

 “Ida Miner, this is Dr. Sheldon Cooper.”

Ida looked up at Sheldon. The look in her face and the air of authority she possessed made her seem much taller than the 4 feet six she stood. In fact, Sheldon who tended to carry quite an air of authority himself, instantly felt as though this woman was instantly deserving of his respect and that was pretty unusual for him.

“Penny speaks very highly of you, Dr. Cooper.”

“As she does you, Ms. Miner.”

“Please call me Ida.”

“Then you must call me Sheldon.”

“I’m very impressed that you were so concerned that Penny would not eat. I usually try to make sure everyone is taken care of but today just sort of got out of hand and by the time it occurred to me everything was closed. I do apologize. So what did you bring Penny to eat, Sheldon?”

“You are correct that most places whose food I would be willing to partake in are indeed closed at this hour. However, Szechuan Palace has recently begun experimenting with a 24-hour delivery model and since I have partaken of their fare for years I knew the selections to be mostly dependable, despite my feeling that they cannot tell the difference between a tangerine and an orange. I determined we would be safe if I avoided any dishes including those fruits. Assuming Penny would wish to share I brought a selection.”

“Well, that was very kind of you, Sheldon. Will you be joining us?”

Penny hoped to stave off Sheldon’s explanation of his bowel-movement schedule.

“Actually, Ida, Sheldon doesn’t eat this late.”

“I will be returning to the Langham Huntington now. Are you aware of the bus schedule?”

“Sheldon, the bus will take you forever. You were kind enough to bring us all food. I’ll call for a car to take you back to the hotel. And tomorrow I’ll let the guards at the gate know to provide you a pass so you can always get in to visit us. Penny, I’m sure Sheldon would like a few minutes alone with you while I arrange for his car.”

Ida pulled her cel out and walked off.

“Penny, I like and respect Ida. She seems quite professional yet is very concerned with her employees’ needs. She provides a good example I wish some at the University would follow.”

“I like her too, Sheldon. Thank you so much for bringing us food.”

“Penny, as I said earlier, this was a rather selfish endeavor.”

“Yeah, you didn’t want me going Junior Rodeo on you this weekend. No need to worry, there.”

“There was another reason.”

“What was that, Moonpie?”

“Since you went to work yesterday morning we have been parted for almost twenty hours. That would be the longest we have been apart since you returned from Omaha. I didn’t like it.”

“You big baby. I missed you too.”

Penny gave Sheldon a big hug and a kiss and sent him on his way. She liked it when Sheldon exhibited his need for her. It made her feel special and it was never the cloying kind of need that Leonard exhibited. Of course Leonard’s need had never actually been for her but for sex with her.

“Penny, that guy really loves you,” Ida opined as she watched Sheldon get into the waiting limo.

“Believe me, I know. And I love him right back.”

Penny finally finished everything that needed to be done Friday afternoon. When she and Ida were satisfied they had covered all the bases and had also done all of the prep work necessary for Monday they sent everyone else home and closed the shop for the weekend.

“Ida, Sheldon and I are moving back to our place on Tuesday so if you don’t mind I’d like to take the day off.”

“Sweetie, you’ve been working hard and I appreciate it. You’ve done a week’s work in less than a day. We’re all set for those new series and everything that was on the schedule before is in fine shape. Take a long weekend and don’t plan to come in till Thursday. If anything comes up and it turns out I need you, I’ll call. Okay?”

“Oh, Ida. That’s great. Thank you so much.”

“Now go give your Sheldon a big kiss. I’ll see you Thursday.”

Penny drove back to the Langham Huntington, walked into the suite, undressed as she headed towards the bedroom and flopped onto the bed. When she woke up she found herself covered with blankets. She got out of bed and walked out into the suite living room to find Sheldon eating cold cereal.

“Sheldon, why are you having cereal for dinner?”

“Why would I have cereal for dinner?”

“Well, obviously it’s 7:30 and there you are and there the cereal is and you’re eating it.”

“Penny, I believe I understand your confusion. You are quite correct on all of those points. However, I believe that you think that it is 7:30 Friday evening when in fact it is 7:30 Saturday morning.”

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

“You worked for an inordinate amount of time and required rest.”

“But I thought you didn’t like being separated from me. I haven’t seen you in over twenty-four hours.”

“Penny, after being separated for almost twenty hours we were together for approximately one, then separated for another thirteen until I came back to the hotel yesterday evening and found a trail of discarded clothing leading to a naked you sprawled sleeping above the covers on our bed. I moved you, covered you, wiped the spittle that had formed next to your mouth and slept next to you until just a short while ago. We have been together for thirteen and a half hours. You just haven’t been conscious. Would you like some cereal?”

“Thank you for taking care of me last night. I guess I was really beat. I’m going to order a real breakfast and take a shower. Do you want anything?”

“The cereal is adequate. Thank you.”

Penny came over and gave Sheldon a kiss.

“What was that for?”

“Ida sent it.”

“Am I expected to reciprocate?”

“Well, I do expect you to kiss me. I don’t believe Ida expects you to kiss her.”

“Alright then.”

Sheldon walked over to Penny, gathered her in his arms and gave her a big kiss.

 

 


	46. 46 – The North Los Robles Habitation

**46 – The North Los Robles Habitation**

Much of Saturday and Sunday was spent laying around in the suite, ordering from room service, taking bubble baths and surprisingly for Penny, engaging in some serious makeout sessions initiated by Sheldon. Though she knew that Sheldon enjoyed kissing her and he knew that she enjoyed kissing him they had both been comfortable with primarily sticking with greeting kisses, goodnight kisses and surprisingly good morning kisses. They didn’t usually kiss to just kiss. Something had changed.

“Sheldon. Not that I’m complaining, but what’s gotten into you?”

“On Wednesday you suggested that I should work on getting ready. Since we are moving into the apartment on Tuesday I was under the impression that our new habitation paradigm would require that we engage in coitus on Tuesday night. Since Nora informed me that she would not be present until Wednesday or Thursday to give us time alone I believed that this was a non-optional social convention and I wished to be ready for it.”

“So after taking it slow for over a year you suddenly want to set a land-speed record over three days so we can fuck Tuesday night? Do you really believe that I would want you to do something like that?”

“Penny, I have no frame of reference in this regard. I have never moved in with a woman before and certainly not with a woman I love and intend to have coitus, um, sex with.”

“Sheldon, there is no reason for you to change anything and certainly not because of the calendar. Now, really, I’m not complaining about making out with you. And if you’re comfortable we can even go further. But ONLY if you’re comfortable.”

“Well, that is certainly a relief.”

“Excuse me?”

“Penny, is this one of those situations wherein whatever I say will likely be the wrong thing, encouraging you to initiate a Junior Rodeo paradigm?”

“I think you can pretty much count on that, Sheldon.”

“What if I were to suggest we return to “making out” and see where that takes us.”

“Now you’re talkin’.”

They made out some more and Sheldon finally got around to playing with her right breast. And then her left breast again. Still while they were both fully dressed. And then she almost squealed with joy when he started playing with both of them while they were taking a bubble bath. There was never any warning and each time it went on for what seemed like forever. Sheldon’s level of concentration was incredible. Penny remembered the term he told her. He was isolating her variables again. And each time Penny experienced the same result. And she couldn’t remove the smile from her face. She didn’t want to even try. She considered isolating his variable but was still a bit skittish after what had happened Sunday. She did, however mention to him that if he’d like her to all he had to do was ask.

On Monday, after they returned from supervising the delivery and assembly of their new furniture Penny and Sheldon spoke to all of the hotel employees they had dealt with during their stay. Sheldon distributed appropriate Penny-approved gratuities. Finally Manuel came to the suite to say goodbye.

“We’ll all be very sad to see you leave tomorrow, Dr. Cooper and Ms. Penny. Though your stay here began with a bit of difficulty I do hope you’ll remember it fondly.”

“Manuel, you and your staff have been just wonderful. We’ll certainly recommend the Langham Huntington to everyone we know.”

“Thank you. As promised, here is a pass for a one-week all expenses paid stay at any one of our hotels. You will be booked in a suite like this one and receive the same treatment you received here.”

“I really don’t believe that’s possible. Now I believe Detective Glass will be here a couple of days more.”

“The Pasadena Police have made those arrangements, yes.”

“We will be departing in the morning and hope to see you again.”

“Thank you. And I pray that the unpleasantness that precipitated your stay here is over.”

“Thank you. We do, too.”

Sheldon and Penny both knew that it wouldn’t really be over until Paul Hernly was in jail, but thus far he was still successfully evading capture. Nora told them that they had found his car abandoned near Union Station. She believed it was possible that he had disguised himself and boarded a train. He could be anywhere.

Penny let Sheldon pack up everything they had accumulated during their hotel stay. Primarily it was clothing and Sheldon had purchased a few additional suitcases to handle that. The laptops and games they had purchased had their own bags. They called the front desk to let them know they were ready to leave and Manuel-approved porters came up to bring their things down to Penny’s car, which they were pretty sure would hold everything. Penny and Sheldon looked around the suite, gave each other a hug and went down to her car.

When they pulled up to 2311 North Los Robles they waved to the officer already stationed there. With Hernly still at large, Nora was not at all comfortable letting her guard down. She had convinced her superiors that this was exactly the opportunity Hernly would be looking for. Penny decided that this was the kind of situation that called for using the elevator and not the stairs and happily helped Sheldon carry the bags from her new space in the underground parking lot to the elevator. They both noticed the multiple security cameras all around and felt reasonably secure.

When the elevator reached the fourth floor and opened they saw a big bouquet of flowers outside the door of Apartment 4A and could hear construction noises in 4B. The card with the flowers said “Happy Homecoming” and was from Ida Miner and Penny’s co-workers.

For a moment they wondered how the flowers had gotten there but when they walked in they found Howard and Raj waiting for them.

“Sorry guys. We’re just hooking up all of your electronics and making sure they work and are absolutely secure. You have access to the security feed in the building. You can access it. It absolutely cannot access you. Your computers are also connected to all of the flat screens in the apartment and if you want, Sheldon, you can use the tablet on your desk to use them as white boards. We were hoping to be done before you got here.

“And, as a housewarming present from Raj and I, mostly Raj, every movie or TV show we can remember either of you having is in your iTunes folder along with a gift certificate that should cover anything we might have missed. We know that space will be at a premium so we thought that would save you a bunch. And we know you’ve ordered replacement toys and statues from Stuart but we know that you don’t have these and we figured that this wouldn’t be home without anything like this in it.

Howard and Raj gave them brand new just-released statues of the Silver Age Barry Allen Flash and Linda Carter Wonder Woman. Penny gave them each a big hug. Sheldon just had a big smile on his face.

Howard and Raj left. Penny and Sheldon looked around at their new home. It really looked nothing like the old Apartment 4A. For one thing it was much more colorful. Penny had picked the wall colors, primarily light pastels, blues and pinks. Even the furniture was more colorful. And the two giant floor-to-ceiling display cases looked perfect, if empty. It would still be a while before it felt really homey.

The bell rang and Sheldon walked over to the security console next to the door. He could see it was someone with something rolled up.

“Penny, I think this may be for you.”

“Yup. It’s Bobby from the scenery shop with the final piece for the bathroom. Buzz him in.”

A few minutes later there was a knock on the door.

“Hi, Bobby”

“Hi, Penny. I think you’re gonna like it. Where does it go?”

“Follow me. Sheldon, you have to wait out here until we’re done. It’s a surprise for the bathroom.”

Since Sheldon had left the bathroom décor completely up to Penny he really had no idea what to expect. While he knew what the fixtures looked like and was aware of the floor plan, Penny had kept the color scheme and design of the tile work to herself and had promised her he wouldn’t even peek until she permitted him to see it. He actually had to give his word of honor on MeeMaws’s life that he wouldn’t peek. Penny was that serious.

After about fifteen minutes Penny and Bobby walked out of the bathroom, closing the door behind them.

“Okay, give it about a half hour to seal and don’t let the room steam up for another two hours. After that it should be fine. If there’s ever a problem or if it gets damaged we have a record in our computer and could fabricate another one with a day’s notice.”

“Thanks, Bobby. What do we owe you?”

“Ida says it’s on the studio. She says they told her it’s an “It’s Chemistry” experiment, whatever that means.”

“So Sheldon, it looks like our friends at the studio want us to know we’re part of the family.”

“Well since I don’t know what they’ve given us I’ll have to assume from your smile that it’s a good thing.”

“It is. So, Sheldon, why don’t you start unpacking, except for the bathroom. After that why don’t we go do some grocery shopping. When we get back I’ll show you our new bathroom.”

Penny and Sheldon did a pretty thorough shopping trip. Knowing they had absolutely nothing in the house made it easy. They needed everything. Additionally knowing that the market delivered made it easier. And since they were actually planning to cook at home more often than order takeout gave an overriding organization to the process. Penny allowed Sheldon to set the menu and therefore organize the expedition. Thursday’s Pizza night would remain intact. Additionally The Cheesecake Factory would return to the schedule once it reopened. However, it would move to Wednesdays and be combined with New Comic Day. Sheldon actually couldn’t come up with an objection. Penny no longer worked there on Tuesdays or at all. Every other night involved either cooking at home or going out. Penny had insisted that they have a regular date night that partly involved eating at a restaurant that they hadn’t eaten at before. She promised Sheldon that she would research them and be sure that they satisfied his requirements but she insisted that there be a level of adventure in their dating lives. Sheldon would have preferred that his digestive system not partake in the adventure but Penny insisted.

They bought a lot of food and a lot of staples. Luckily they were still in pretty good shape financially. Sheldon hadn’t even touched the insurance settlement yet. His paycheck from the second week of the previous November actually covered the groceries. They also wanted to take a trip to the Farmer’s Market for fresh produce but decided to wait a day.

When they got back to the apartment Penny decided to unveil the bathroom. She led Sheldon in. The walls and floor tiles were all done in light pastel blues and yellows. Sheldon already knew that the fixtures were all sky blue. They all fit in the room exactly as they had envisioned. The tiles on the floor included light blue lines where Sheldon’s tape marks would have gone. He approved. Penny then turned him around. Their new bathtub faced out in to the bathroom. At the head of it, on the wall above it was what Penny and Bobby had installed earlier, a very large whimsical yellow duck holding a completely unnecessary umbrella. Smaller versions were found along the floor of the tub and shower.

“Penny, I love our new bathroom. It’s so whimsical. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Moonpie. I figured that since one of the touchstones in our relationship was whimsical ducks, or rather the lack of them, I needed to be sure we’d always have them.”

“We will need to be sure that all of the things that are important to us are appropriately on display. Obviously the napkin with Leonard Nimoy’s DNA will be on display in a place of honor.”

“Thank you, Sheldon.”

“My other things will be brought here from storage tomorrow along with what was salvaged from your apartment.”

“Well, I’m going back to work on Thursday and when I get home I’d like to help Nora get settled in here. Why don’t we keep this Pizza Night just the three of us?”

“Penny, I’d really rather not entertain at all until we think we have the apartment ready to do so. I’m sure here is a great deal of finetuning we have to do before it feels homey. It lacks the warmth that it once had.”

“Well, yeah. It doesn’t have any of our stuff.”

Penny started to tear up.

“Penny, I realize most of your possessions, especially the decorative ones didn’t survive Paul Hernly’s assault. We have sufficient funds for you to find some things that will add to the warmth here. Perhaps we could acquire some houseplants?”

“There’s an idea.”

The bell rang again.

Sheldon went to the console and saw…

“Alex, Kripke, Leslie Winkle and Dr. Gabelhauser?”

“Buzz us in, Coopuh.”

A few minutes later there was a knock and Sheldon opened the door.

Kripke wheeled in a dolly with several rather large, Sheldon wanted to think plants, but they were more like trees.

Dr. Gabelhauser decided to address the group.

“We all felt that you two deserved some kind of housewarming present and Miss Jensen suggested that houseplants might be appropriate. I assume from the smiles on your faces that she was correct?”

“Definitely,” Penny replied.

“I made absolutely sure that they are bug-free and if any of them develop bugs or gets sick or die they are guaranteed so they will be replaced. There are also a variety of organic plant foods that come with them to keep them nice and healthy.”

“Thank you, Alex. I wish we could offer you guys something to eat or drink but we actually just got back from the market and we aren’t expecting our groceries to arrive for another hour.”

“It’s alright. We really don’t want to intrude any longer.”

“Speak for yourself. I want to see what Dr. Dumbass and Malibu Barbie did to the place. Did you guys have an exorcism to get rid of Hofstader’s spirit?”

“Dr. Winkle! I had a suspicion I’d regret bringing you along. I apologize. For all of us. We’ll, um, get out of your way now.”

“Thank you for the foliage. I will see you at the University on Thursday.”

 


	47. 47 – The Apartment Preparation Postulate

**47 – The Apartment Preparation Postulate**

Much of the rest of Tuesday was spent accepting deliveries of groceries and more housewarming gifts. There were more flowers from some of Penny’s former co-workers at The Cheesecake Factory and her agent. Penny’s parents arranged for a gift basket of fruit accompanied by a framed family photo taken in front of their farmhouse. Bernadette sent another basket of bath goods. Penny had just barely run out of the materials from Sheldon’s Christmas gift of so long ago before the Hernly unpleasantness and all they really had now were the little bottles Penny had grabbed from the Langham Huntington bathroom on the way out. A package from Sheldon’s family included a brand new Bible, a variety of homemade cookies baked by  MeeMaw and a photograph of Sheldon and his family taken before he left for college at age 11 and a replacement for the photo of his mother, Missy and MeeMaw that Hernly had destroyed. Sheldon was very happy to receive those. It seemed that almost everyone close to them had realized that the main ingredient that Sheldon and Penny’s new home required was memories.

Sheldon had a surprise gift for Penny. He had the photo that had accompanied the traffic summons he had received for driving her to the hospital due to her lack of adhesive ducks blown up and framed. Penny squealed with joy.

“Aw. Our first date. And you even got to second base. Sheldon, thank you.”

Penny gave Sheldon a framed selection of Penny Blossoms.

Sheldon suggested to Penny that she look through her iPhoto file for some more photos that could be made into prints and framed. Knowing that many of the photos Penny had were destroyed with her laptop he had asked their friends to send him copies of any photos they might have of their various adventures over the past eight years. He then pored through them removing those that might be a little too Leonard/Penny-centric. He didn’t discard them. He just didn’t think Penny would want to review those just yet. He had then organized the photos into files and placed them in her iPhoto folder.

“Sheldon, thank you for getting all of those photos for me. I thought I’d never be able to have a record of those memories again.”

“You may wish to contact any friends you had before you moved here to assemble memories you have of them.”

“Sheldon, as far as I’m concerned my life began for real when I moved across the hall from you. I can always get some more stuff from home in Nebraska. I kind of prefer that my time with Kurt is just a fading memory.”

“I have no objection to that at all.”

Penny looked around and could see where she thought the photos they now had could best be displayed and she leaned them against the base of the wall in those locations. Neither she nor Sheldon had thought to include tools like a hammer or screwdrivers or even nails among their purchases. Putting them up would have to wait.

The groceries arrived and Sheldon got to work organizing the kitchen. He was still expecting the dishware, glasses and flatware to arrive via FedEx and shortly after that they arrived delivering more boxes than Penny could have even imagined.

“Penny, somewhere amongst those boxes are our new sheets, pillows, comforters et cetera. Please gather them on the other end of the room with the laundering supplies we purchased at the market. Everything will need to be laundered before we can use them.”

Penny wasn’t at all surprised by this. She was just glad everything had actually been delivered.

When Sheldon was through putting all of the groceries and staples away he started bringing the laundry out to the elevator for an impromptu but necessary Tuesday Laundry Night. Penny helped out and they were both happy when they arrived in the basement to find the laundry room much as it was the last time they’d seen it and empty. All of the washers and dryers were operating as they had and the room seemed to have even been cleaned. They also noticed a new security camera which limited their activities in the room to laundry only. Sheldon estimated that they had at least two loads for each washer and intended to remain until everything was done as the sign in the room commanded. Penny knew there was no use convincing him otherwise and she told him that she was going upstairs to do some more unpacking. Sheldon asked her to not unpack any of the kitchen items as he had already devised an organizational paradigm. Penny promised that she would concentrate on her suitcases and her dresser. Sheldon knew that meant that he would eventually need to reorganize them but really didn’t mind.

Sheldon finally brought the final load of dry and folded laundry up to the apartment around midnight and looked exhausted. Penny had ordered some Chinese food and kept it warm in the oven for him. Since he wasn’t going to work the next day, Sheldon didn’t mind eating that late too much. Penny and Sheldon prepared for sleep and flopped into the bed exhausted.

“Sheldon, much as I would have loved to do what you were planning to do tonight before I stopped you, I’m not sure either of us would have had the energy. Sheldon? Sheldon?”

Sheldon was already fast asleep.

 


	48. 48 - The New Roommate Arrival

**48 - The New Roommate Arrival**

 

Sheldon woke up very early on Wednesday and began organizing the kitchen. By the time Penny woke up at 7 he had coffee ready for her and was starting on bacon, scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast. Penny went into the bathroom. She couldn’t wait to try the new shower. She got in, turned on the water and it started coming at her from almost every direction. It felt great and she sort of went into a trance. She never wanted it to end. But, remembering how much she had to do she shook herself awake and washed herself, shampooed and conditioned her hair and got out. She put on a pair of Hulk sweatpants and a grey tank top and headed out to eat breakfast and then get to work on the apartment.

As soon as they were through eating the bell rang signaling the storage company’s arrival with their things. Sheldon directed everything where it needed to go. His old bed and dresser went into the guest room with the two new small desks that were already there. The boxes of comic books went into the empty hallway closet that had been prepared for them. The other packed boxes went to the areas of the apartment where their contents would belong. The boxes that just didn’t require opening yet, or ever, went to the bottom of the living room closet.

Nora phoned and said she’d be there at around eight that evening and Sheldon suggested she pick up pizza on her way over. The day was punctuated by a trip to the Farmer’s Market for produce and a stop on the way back at a hardware store where Penny purchased a small tool kit, a drill and a selection of nails, screws and brackets. Though she didn’t expect that there would be much working with tools required she knew that if there was any at all she would be the one doing it, not Sheldon, and she wanted to be prepared. She also really wanted to get some stuff up on the walls as quickly as possible. They stopped on the way back to the apartment to pick up sandwiches. They still had much to do before Nora arrived and they didn’t want to waste time preparing lunch.

At around seven they reached a stopping point. Most everything that needed to be unpacked was and things that could wait were put away. Stuart had promised that the first shipment of replacement action figures, statues and toys would arrive on Friday and Sheldon was looking forward to playing with, um, storing them appropriately on Saturday. Stuart was unable to tell Sheldon what would be included in the shipment until the very last minute so Sheldon had been unable to plan their display paradigm. This made him anxious and excited at the same time.

After Penny and Sheldon cleaned up, they started chopping up vegetables they had purchased at the Farmer’s Market for a salad to accompany the pizza that Nora was bringing. A little after 8 the buzzer rang to signal Nora’s arrival.

“Nora, do you need any help down there?”

“I could use a little, yeah.”

“Be right down.”

Sheldon and Penny ran out to the elevator and headed down to the lobby. Sheldon grabbed the pizza from Nora and brought it up to the apartment and then came back down to help bring Nora’s suitcases in from her car. He joined Nora and Penny in the lot. Each of them grabbed a rather heavy suitcase and brought it into the elevator.

“Is that it, Nora?”

“For now.”

“Most of my stuff, and there isn’t really a lot, is in storage and won’t come over until the apartment is ready. What I have now is mostly clothes and I’ll pick up stuff as I need it while I stay with you guys.”

“Well, you know we’ll finally be taking that shopping trip I’ve been talking about for so long on Saturday.”

“If you say so, Penny.”

They arrived at the fourth floor, opened the door, walked in and deposited the suitcases in what would temporarily be Nora’s room.

“Wow, you guys have done a lot. Even though you’ve only been here a couple of days the place already says Penny and Sheldon live here.”

“That’s so nice of you to say. There’s still so much to do but I think over time we’ll get it where it needs to be. We still need to get it to be a bit more personal.”

“I don’t know. It kind of is now.”

Nora walked over to the wall to look at the various photographs Penny had put up. There was one of Sheldon, Leonard, Howard, Raj and Penny that especially attracted her attention.

“Wow, how long ago was this one taken?”

“That was the first year I moved here. I had a copy in my apartment the Hernly wrecked but luckily Sheldon still had the file.”

“I’m a little surprised you’d have a picture of Leonard up.”

“Listen, I know he’s been kind of an ass but we were friends for a long time and maybe will be again. But I don’t have any from when we were together up. Sheldon was able to find a bunch but we decided that putting any of them up might give people the wrong idea. Right now it’s kind of hard for me to even look at them.”

“Sheldon, I’m not seeing any toys or comic books around yet. When do they arrive?”

“I expect the first shipment of things Stuart ordered via the comic shop on Friday. Other items will arrive as they become available. I expect that by the end of the day Saturday my tastes will be adequately represented.”

“And I have a shipment of replacement Care Bears and Hello Kitty memorabilia coming soon too. Right, sweetie?”

“I have ordered items replicating those you had and they will be displayed appropriately. I was saddened to learn, however, the Care Bear Super-Heroes are generic rather than traditional heroes.”

“Yeah, I guess they didn’t want to pay the licensing fees.”

“I know of some fan costumers who could make such costumes for them.”

“Yeah, let’s wait on that, okay? Maybe later.”

“Anyway, Nora, let’s have some dinner and then, if you want I’ll help you unpack. Okay?”

“Sounds good.”

They sat down at the long dinner table. That was a new feeling for Sheldon especially. He was able to look out over his new living room and he felt as though he was in a brand new apartment. It was not an entirely comfortable feeling. He looked forward to the arrival of his display items and DNA models and felt that he had to have at least one white board in the living room. Those hadn’t arrived yet either. He’d ordered ten but promised Penny that unless they were actually in use they would be stored away. They were also going to have a rail installed on the living room and office walls so that they could mount the white boards on the wall when Sheldon was working at home instead of taking up valuable floor space. However, despite Sheldon’s valiant argument that they could be considered art of a sort, Penny insisted that they were not to be mounted permanently.

Once again Nora had no new information on Hernly’s whereabouts. He really seemed to have completely disappeared and every one of his former friends had turned on him. Nora was convinced they really had no idea where he might be. The one thing Nora did know was that he was very resourceful. And dangerous. She wouldn’t let her guard down and she wouldn’t stop searching.

When they finished dinner Penny accompanied Nora to the gust room to help her unpack. When she saw the full extent of Nora’s wardrobe she was absolutely certain of her plan.

“Lady, we are both going to buy some new clothes this Saturday. We both need some professional, yet sexy stuff. The stuff I’ve been wearing to work doesn’t match my new position and you have got to stop dressing like a guy with tits.”

“Penny, you know why I have to do that.”

“The thing is. You don’t. I don’t believe I’m saying this but you can wear a pantsuit and look like a woman, like the beautiful woman you are. What will keep the horndogs at work from hitting on you isn’t how you dress it’s how you carry yourself and you carry yourself just fine. If they can’t handle working with a beautiful woman that’s their problem.”

“Okay, but I really don’t know that much about fashion stuff.”

“I don’t either but I’m learning quickly. But you know who does know about this stuff?

“Who?”

“Your new boy toy.”

“Penny, there’s nothing happening there. I told you we just had a little fun.”

“Hey, if you’re going to stick your tongue in my mouth to get a rise out of me I’m going to make fun of what’s been getting stuck in you.”

“Okay, that’s fair. But only between the two of us. I’m not sure Raj or Alex would appreciate the humor.”

“Actually, I kind of think Alex would. But okay. No innuendos around them. But Raj does know fashion and I’m pretty sure he would actually enjoy the outing. Alex might too. Okay if I give them a call?”

“Sure. Why not?”

Penny pulled her phone out.

“Hello, Penny.”

“Hi, Raj. I have a favor to ask.”

“Okay?”

“Nora and I want to go shopping for some more professional but also feminine clothes on Saturday. Feel like coming with as an advisor and critic?”

“You’ll actually take my opinion into account?”

“We will.”

“All right. Alex mentioned that she’d like to get some things also. Is it all right if she comes along?”

“Definitely.”

“All right. I will do some research. I’ll email a proposal to all of you by Friday and we’ll settle on a final itinerary then. We’ll need to begin by nine on Saturday. Will that work for you?”

“You know that I’m up early these days. That’ll work.”

“All right. Keep an eye out for my email. Goodbye.”

“Bye.”

“Okay, Nora. We’re all set. Be prepared. I have a feeling it’ll be exhausting.”

“Okay.”

 


	49. 49 – The Shopping Excitation

**49 – The Shopping Excitation**

Sheldon was happy he’d have the apartment to himself for most of Saturday while Penny and Nora were out shopping with Raj and Alex. He had been internally debating how to arrange the statues and action figures in his display cases ever since he’d received the final shipping list from Stuart. One thing Sheldon was certain of though, he would already have more things than space to display them. He decided that he would treat the display cases as though they were a mini-museum and schedule exhibits based on themes. Of course some items would be on permanent exhibit. The new statues of The Flash and Wonder Woman that Howard and Raj had given hem and Penny would certainly number among them. However, Sheldon was very much enjoying looking at the calendar and organizing his schedule of exhibits. His first one was in a way inspired by something his new temporary roommate had mentioned to him.

Sheldon carefully organized the packages by shelf they would appear on and then began unwrapping and unboxing each one. For the action figures, Sheldon had wisely purchased two of each, one for display and one to store away in mint condition. Everything that wasn’t going on display immediately was stored in the living room closet. Sheldon considered that he might need to have custom shelving constructed for it but that was a task for another day. He wanted to complete the first display by the time Penny and Nora returned from their shopping expedition. He wasn’t certain when that would be but he would hazard a guess and add three hours to that. If he was right, Nora and Penny would be walking in around ten that night.

At about eleven two gigantic walking talking amalgams of shopping bags walked in the door of Apartment 4A. Sheldon only saw shopping bags and feet. He had to assume that somewhere within were Penny and Nora. He could hear their voices. He just couldn’t see them. All of a sudden, as if by some inaudible signal, the bags all dropped to the floor and Penny and Nora were visible.

A minute later, two more shopping bag monsters walked in the door and bumped into Penny and Nora who were just standing there. Their bags dropped revealing Raj and Alex.

“Raj, I don’t understand why you brought all of your items up.”

“Dude, this is all for Penny and Nora. Alex’s stuff is still in my car. And all I got was a tie.”

“C’mon, Raj, some of that stuff Alex bought was for you to enjoy too. Admit it.”

“Penny, what happens in Victoria’s Secret stays in Victoria’s Secret.”

“Sure, Raj. Alex, Raj has been a real trooper today and helped us out a lot. I suggest you reward him with that red number you picked out. He looked like he really enjoyed that one.”

Alex blushed a little and responded “That’s what I was thinking. And you should wear the black one for Sheldon. You looked great in that one. Right, Raj?”

“Excuse me. Am I to understand that you modeled the items you bought before Raj, including your underthings?”

“Yes Sheldon. In fact, we brought Raj into the dressing rooms with us and let him dress and undress us.”

“I object.”

“Bazinga!”

“I believe that may be the first classic prank of our new living paradigm.”

“The first of many I hope, sweetie. Raj was with us to help us make fashion decisions because at this point he knows more about this stuff than we do and also partly because we needed to know how things looked to a guy. So, yeah, we modeled everything for him but there was no hanky-panky. Though I suspect there will be some when he and Alex get home.”

Alex and Raj both blushed.

“And on that note we will depart and get home just as quickly as we possibly can.”

“But I’ve prepared a light dinner.”

“Thank you, Sheldon. But we _really_ need to go. Next time.”

“Raj, thank you so much for all of your help. And thank you for coming along, Alex.”

“Yes, definitely, thank you both.

There were hugs all around and Raj and Alex quickly went out the door.

“I wonder why they were in such a big hurry to leave.”

“Sweetie, I’m hoping that very soon you won’t have to wonder about that at all.”

“What? Ohhhh. Are you implying that they sped out of here for coitus?

“A. Bingo. And b, that word, Sheldon.”

“Alright. They went to Raj’s apartment to have sex. I just don’t understand the hurry. They knew the entire time that that was where they were going and that was what they’d be doing.”

“Shelly, they’re in a new relationship and they’re very excited to get to know each other.”

“They’ve known each other for years.”

“Not like this.”

“Oh. In any case I’ve prepared a light dinner. Crepes with steamed fruit.”

“Sheldon, my people have another name for that. _Blintzes._ ”

“Thank you, Nora. It’s nice to know that I can mark off two ethnicities on my cooking checklist.”

“Actually, Sheldon, I was under more of an impression that you’ve been concentrating on preparing foods that Leonard would never eat.”

“A happy coincidence.”

“Why do I keep having to say you don’t believe in coincidence when you so obviously do?”

“An interesting hypothesis. Someday you’ll have to present me with the proof.”

After finishing dinner, Nora wandered over to the now-filled display cases. The cases were lit and she admired the many items within.

“Sheldon, there’s an organization to this display, isn’t there?”

“There is. Would you like to attempt to guess what it is?”

“Hmmm. Let me take a shot. Well, first there’s a Batman and a Superman shelf. And a Star Trek original series and a Star Trek: The next Generation shelf. That’s obvious.”

“Indeed.”

“Okay, let’s see. Well there’s the Justice League of America. And there’s the Legion of Super-Heroes. And you even have my favorite, Tenzil Kem, Matter-Eater Lad.”

“Very good, Nora. You continue to impress me with your knowledge of comics characters. Proceed.”

“Those are all from Watchmen. Teen Titans. Those are all from Kingdom Come.”

“Very good, Nora.”

“Except for the individual Superman and Batman shelves they are all groups of heroes.”

“Indeed. You’ve guessed the theme of my current exhibit. It’s sort of in your honor, Nora.”

“How’s that?”

“You mentioned that Howard had posited to you that we are group of super-heroes of a kind. Though I would never be so brash as to call us that, we are certainly an unusual group of people, extraordinary one might say. And we are made better by you joining us, becoming part of our group of heroes, since as a police detective you are a hero every day.”

“Thank you, Sheldon. I’m honored to be part of the group.”

Nora went over and gave Sheldon a hug. Penny smiled as she watched Sheldon hug Nora back. Her wackadoodle was growing up.

“Penny, will you be unpacking these shopping bags this evening?”

“No Sheldon. We’re too tired. And besides, unpacking is the best part. We get to try everything on again and see what it really looks like. And because Nora and I are pretty much the same size we both get to try everything on. If you were thinking Raj got a show, just you wait until tomorrow.”

“Perhaps I should plan to be elsewhere.”

“Sorry, buddy. Non-optional “roommate” obligation.”

“Leonard never forced me to watch him try on his new hoodies.”

“Leonard wasn’t the same kind of roommate that I am. He didn’t share a bed with you.”

“So you’re saying…”

“That’s what I’m saying.”

“Alright.”

 


	50. 50 – The Sunday Exhibition

**50 – The Sunday Exhibition**

Sheldon woke up on Sunday morning alone, which was rare. Even with Penny’s new early wakeup paradigm Sheldon always awakened first. He very much enjoyed tapping her on the shoulder to wake her and giving her a good morning kiss to begin their day. He wondered whether something might be wrong. Was Penny ill? Then he heard laughing and giggling from the living room. He put on his robe and walked out to find a rather interesting sight.

The living room looked as though all of the bags of clothing that Penny and Nora brought home the night before had exploded. New clothing was everywhere. Blouses. Pantsuits. Skirts. Slacks. Bras. Panties. Slips. Dresses. Camisoles. Frilly things that Sheldon wasn’t quite sure he knew the name of. And in the middle of the clothing explosion stood Penny and Nora in their underwear.

“Excuse me. I feel as though I have been transported into one of Howard Wolowitz’s perverted dreams. What is going on?”

“Sorry, sweetie. We were going to do this in Nora’s room but there just wasn’t enough space. We decided to spread out.”

“And this required that you not wear any clothing?”

“Yeah, um, sweetie, this is probably a little new to you. For the time being you have two female roommates and this kinda thing might happen. Especially when those roommates are me and Nora. We’ll try to be sensitive to your, um, sensitivities, but you might have to get used to the possibility that once in a while you might see some stuff.”

“Penny, I am certainly used to your sense that clothing is an option not a necessity. I just expected a bit more from Nora as a professional.”

“Sorry, Sheldon.”

“Sweetie, I guess I’m a bad influence. I must be corrupting her. Do you feel corrupt, Nora?”

“Actually what I feel is chilly.”

“The temperature is set to 70º Fahrenheit.”

“Yeah, I might’ve turned it a bit lower.”

“Penelope!”

“I was warm last night.”

“I suppose that it is possible that with the new furnishings and remodeling that the air currents in the apartment may have shifted causing it to feel warmer. I have not yet spent enough time in my spot to make such a judgment. I will suspend my criticism of your temperature adjustment for now but please do not adjust it again. In order to determine a new optimal setting for the thermostat I will be required to approach the process scientifically, rather than use your haphazard methodology of changing the setting when you feel like it.”

“Wackadoodle.”

“Are you sure you two aren’t going to kill each other eventually?”

“If we kill each other I guarantee it won’t be over the temperature. So back to trying stuff on. I want to figure out what we’re going to wear to work this week. Since everything fits both of us, even the underwear…”

“Penny, I’m perfectly happy to share almost everything I have with you, but I’m drawing the line at underwear.”

“I was certain Nora would be more professional about this.”

“Sheldon, shut up and make us some breakfast, okay?”

“Blueberry pancakes?”

“Yay.”

Penny and Nora went back to trying things on. Sheldon tried very hard to keep his back turned to them as he prepared breakfast, only turning around when Penny called “Sheldon, look.”

Penny and Nora were each wearing outfits consisting of pencil skits and sleeveless blouses.

“You both look very professional.”

“We also have matching jackets.”

“Penny, while that outfit might make sense for you, I can’t imagine Nora pursuing a perpetrator of a crime in such an outfit.”

“Right, Sheldon. But I also need to make appearances in court and this could work for that.”

“You are correct. It would be appropriate for such an occasion. Or if one were invited to a cocktail party.”

Penny and Nora went back to trying things on, mixing and matching outfits. When they wanted his opinion they’d call to Sheldon and he tried very hard not to turn around unless they called. However, he did still view himself as the hero, and he peeked to see Penny and Nora stark naked between outfits. He quickly turned back around.

“Penny, he may not be facing us but I swear Sheldon is blushing.”

“Shelly…did you peek?”

“I refuse to respond to such a question.”

“You did, didn’t you? Did you like what you saw?”

“Penny, I have viewed you sans clothing previously. It is nothing new to me.”

“So you peeked to see Nora?”

And now Nora was blushing.

“Penny!”

“Sheldon, you lived with me for three weeks. You were great. I feel really comfortable with you and I hope you feel comfortable with me. But you have to understand living with two girls is a completely different experience. I haven’t lived with another girl since I shared a room with my sister when I was twelve. I want to enjoy it. I want to do girlie things. Like this. I really hope it won’t be a problem for you.”

“Penny, by now you must know that I will do anything to ensure your happiness. If that requires me to reside with two beautiful half naked women than I will force myself to do that for you. But you cannot make me be happy with that circumstance.”

“Wackadoodle.”

After consuming some blueberry pancakes, Penny and Nora went back to trying things on until they had completely planned out their wardrobes for the week. Sheldon decided that he would attempt to be elsewhere for their next session.

 


	51. 51 – The Cleanliness Query

**51 – The Cleanliness Query**

Monday came and Penny, Sheldon and their temporary roommate Nora slipped into their routines. Raj would come by each day to pick Sheldon for work. Penny would drive to the studio in her new car, followed by a plainclothes police officer who would then camp outside the studio gates. Nora would head to the Pasadena Police Station and first check for any progress on finding Hernly and then move on to dealing with the many other cases on her desk. They repeated the pattern each day. On Mondays and Tuesdays Sheldon would see Dr. Anderson and then take the bus home. On Wednesdays and Thursdays Penny would see Melanie Anderson. Nora tended to work long days and was almost always the last one to get home.

Pizza Night was reinstituted the second week and Bernadette, Howard, Raj and Alex joined Penny, Sheldon and Nora. The guests all commented on how grown up they felt eating at the dining room table and how different the apartment felt. Sheldon was getting used to it. And even though he would never admit it, he was also getting used to Penny and Nora occasionally walking around the apartment in their underwear.

At the end of the second week Apartment 4B was finally ready and Nora had her things from storage delivered and moved in. Penny spent a lot of time over there helping Nora get settled but things settled fairly quickly and Sheldon didn’t feel like things had changed much. When she wasn’t at work Nora still spent most of her time in Apartment 4A with Penny and Sheldon and really only slept in her own apartment. Sheldon realized this was a fairly familiar situation with only a minor difference. Nora always contributed towards the food, even the groceries.

There were more similarities. One Friday while Sheldon was working from home a package was delivered for Nora. He waited until she got home and went over to knock on her door.

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Nora._

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Nora._

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Nora._

“Hi, Sheldon. I was coming over in a minute. What’s up?”

“You received a package. I signed for it.”

“Thank you. Come on in.”

And then Sheldon got his first look at Nora’s, formerly Penny’s apartment. He had until then avoided going over thinking that when Nora was ready for guests she would say something. Apparently Nora and Penny had something else in common in addition to clothing size and taste. The apartment was a mess. Clothes were strewn everywhere.

“Nora, I apologize for the intrusion. Obviously you are not yet completely unpacked or ready to receive guests.”

“Sorry, Sheldon. When I was staying with you guys I was on my best behavior. But most of the time, mainly because I work so much, I’m kind of a slob.”

“Nora, I would be happy to design an organizational chart to enable you to live more efficiently.”

“Sorry, Sheldon. This is me. Get used to it.”

“You really don’t have to live this way. I really can help. Please speak with Penny about it.”

Later that evening, while Sheldon was working in his new home office, formerly Nora’s room, Nora spoke to Penny.

“Penny, Sheldon said I should talk to you about my apartment.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured he’d have a problem when he saw it.”

“He wants to come up with some kind of organizational chart for me. I don’t want to tick him off but I know I’ll never follow it. What should I do?”

“Let Sheldon clean your apartment.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope. Let him do it.”

“But it’s such an imposition.”

“It’s really not. Not letting him clean would be an imposition, mainly on me. He won’t sleep. He’ll toss and turn just knowing that there’s a mess he can’t clean up. Trust me. For all of our sakes, let Sheldon clean your apartment. Figure out a time he can do it when you’re not there. Set clear boundaries if there are things you don’t want him to see or touch.”

“So he had this arrangement with you.”

“Eventually. The first time he did it was while I was asleep in my bed and he snuck in with Leonard to do it. I almost hogtied and castrated him when I woke up the next morning and discovered they had been there. After a while I figured out that it was his way of showing how much he cares. It’s kind of sweet. And you kind of appreciate how nice it is to live in a clean place. But really, set boundaries. Once when he was cleaning in my bedroom he found some stuff and I was forced to have a _really_ uncomfortable discussion with him. _Really uncomfortable_.”

“And you’re okay with it?”

“I have absolutely no problem with it at all. I’d have a much bigger problem if you didn’t let him. Mainly with him. A little with you.”

“Okay. If you say so.”

Nora knocked on the home office door.

“Hi, Sheldon.”

“Hello, Nora. What can I do for you?”

“Penny suggested that we work out an arrangement for you to clean my apartment on occasion.”

“Judging from what I recently witnessed I believe that would be wise. I believe I can fit you in on Thursdays.”

“Sheldon, I don’t believe it’s necessary that you do it every week.”

“I beg to differ. Penny and I had an arrangement wherein I would occasionally clean. I found that the occasions moved further apart and the mess grew larger and larger and the cleanup took longer and longer. I would propose that regular cleaning would in fact involve less work and far less of an imposition.”

“All right, Sheldon. Let’s try it out for a couple of weeks and see how it goes.”

“Are there any areas you prefer I not approach? Initially Penny did not allow me in her bedroom, and when I was eventually permitted there not her closet. When I was finally permitted to organize her closet I discovered some things I admit I am still a bit disturbed by.”

“Nope. You have complete access. You just may not want to look at any of my files if they’re lying around. The photographs can be a bit disturbing and I know you can be a little sensitive about those things.”

“Thank you, Nora. I will begin this Thursday.”

“One thing, Sheldon. Don’t ever, ever come into the apartment when I’m there sleeping. Remember, I have a gun.”

“Nora, you have no need to worry about such a thing. Penny made it quite clear that such an act would be a violation and punishment would be quite severe.”

“Good.”

The three of them ate a quick dinner. Nora had been working a lot and was pretty tired so she went back across to her apartment and went right to bed and fell asleep. She was awakened by knocking. It was quick and anxious.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Nora.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Nora.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Nora.

Nora came to the door just dressed in a large Superman t-shirt.

“Sheldon, I said there’s no cleaning while I’m in bed.”

“Nora, this not about cleaning. There is a problem. Please come with me.”

Nora didn’t even bother with a bathrobe and accompanied Sheldon across the hall. Penny was anxiously pacing back and forth, constantly pressing redial on her cell phone.

“Nora, Penny can’t reach her parents, either of them. She regularly speaks to them at this time each week. I’ve checked the meteorological services and there is no weather condition of any kind in the area that would cause an outage. They are not responding to their cell phones or the land line at the farm.”

“Penny, calm down for a second.”

“Nora, you don’t understand. I have never _not_ been able to reach my folks. Never. There’ve been lots of times when I didn’t want to speak to them but they have always picked up whenever I call. There’s something wrong. I know it.”

“Okay, keep dialing. I’m going to call the local police. I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation.”

Nora hoped what she said would calm Penny. The truth was she was also worried.

 

**A/N: Yup. A cliffhanger. We’re approaching the end of our tale. I’ll probably be writing the final chapter tomorrow. You’ll see it within a week. I have a bunch of loose ends to tie up so lots of stuff between now and then. Coming: some drama, some pain, some laughter, some tears and a couple of parties. Thanks for the reviews. I’d love more.**


	52. 52 – The Nebraska Night Patrol

**A/N 1: Now that I’ve got you on the edges of your collective seats…**

**52 – The Nebraska Night Patrol**

Billy Mosbacher was out on patrol in his car. It was another quiet night outside Omaha. He never expected he’d be a small town cop in the very town he grew up in, but jobs weren’t exactly plentiful when he got back from serving in Afghanistan and when this one came along he jumped at it. It wasn’t a very hard job. Crime wasn’t exactly rampant in the area. There was the occasional meth lab that needed busting. Speeders. Cow-tipping teenagers. He did have to attend some farm auctions. That was a little distasteful. People he knew all his life were losing their family homes because of a lousy economy, the same economy that put him in his job.

He’d been a cop for about a year and was now actually thinking about it more as a career than a job. He even started considering running for sheriff in the next election. The current sheriff was retiring. He had at least as much experience as the other potential candidates. More if you considered his service. He figured that if he went in that direction he should consider asking people to stop calling him Billy. Maybe Bill. Or William. That sounded more authoritative. Billy, well, Billy sounded more like someone who desperately wanted people to think he was young.

The most exciting thing that became part of his patrol was his periodic drive by of the Queen farm. Their daughter Penny was having some trouble out in California and the police out there thought it was possible it might spread to Nebraska. So the sheriff had him periodically drive by the farm to see that things were all right. He also stopped by the diner where Mrs. Queen worked, which wasn’t really an imposition because he ate dinner there most nights anyway.

Billy liked the Queens. They never held the fact that he had arrested their son for having a meth lab against him personally. Wyatt told Billy he was only doing his job and that his son needed the kick in the ass to get his life together. Billy appreciated that. And Mrs. Queen was always nice to him at the diner. Billy’s older sister used to be a friend of Penny Queen’s but she screwed that up, pretty much like she screwed everything else up. Valerie Mosbacher was back living with their parents on her third kid and her second husband and always unhappy. She always said she wished Penny had gotten the head cheerleader job instead of her because then she would have had the stupid quarterback’s stupid kid. It seemed like sleeping with him to get that honor didn’t exactly leave her with the prize she was expecting. He ended up leaving town before the kid was even born.

He’d had a little crush on Penny but she was a couple of years ahead of him in school and he was pretty sure she didn’t even know he existed. Billy admired that Penny Queen was smart enough to get out of town, to pursue her dreams elsewhere, even if she left with a jerk like Kurt. He was glad to hear from Wyatt that Kurt had been out of Penny’s life for a long time.

Night patrols gave Billy time to think. Think and drive. And be thankful that it was pretty unlikely he’d run into any IEDs in Nebraska.

Usually the patrols were pretty quiet. Suddenly Billy’s radio crackled.

“Patrol Car 73. Patrol Car 73. Come in.”

“73 here.”

“Billy, take a run out to the Queen farm. I just got a call from the police in California. Their daughter can’t reach them. We checked the line and it looks like it’s out and cell service looks like it’s down too. It’s probably nothing, but check in with the Queens and get back.”

“Will do. Over.”

It would probably take a bout 10 minutes to get there. As he got closer he saw that all the neighbor’s lights were on so he knew it wasn’t a power problem that affected the phone service.  As Billy approached the farm he noticed all the lights were out. That was unusual. There was always at least a porch light on. He stopped and got out of the car and looked around. He thought he saw a light, someone carrying a torch.

Then he saw a flash.

And heard a blast.

And another flash.

And another blast.

And then Billy heard a blood-curdling scream.

 

**A/N 2: And I’ll be keeping you on the edges of your seats just a little bit longer.**

 


	53. 53 – The Stalking Sequestration

**A/N 1: Sorry for the cliffhangers. Well, not really. I heard from a lot of you today so I’ll assume what I did worked.**

**53 – The Stalking Sequestration**

Back in Pasadena, Penny, Sheldon and Nora were sitting around anxiously waiting for news. Any news. It had been at least an hour since Nora had reached out to the local police outside Omaha. They’d said there was a patrol car in the area but after that nothing. Penny was thinking the worst.

“Oh my God. You don’t think Hernley would hurt my parents, do you Nora?”

“Penny, so far he hasn’t directly harmed anyone except Leonard, and like I said before, I don’t think he planned to do that.”

“But we have no idea where he is. He could be in Omaha.”

“Yeah. Yeah, he could.”

“Penny, your father is very capable of defending himself. He is armed as is your mother. Have you attempted to reach your aunt?”

“That was the first thing I did after my dad didn’t pick up. My aunt says mom is spending more nights at the farm. So they’re probably there together.”

“This is good news isn’t it, Penny?”

“Yeah, I guess, but it also means they’re in one place if Hernly is out to get them.”

“Shall I prepare something to eat while we wait?”

“Thanks, sweetie, but not for me. I don’t think I could eat a thing. I’m too nervous. What’s taking so long? Nora?”

“Penny, I just don’t know. And I don’t want to speculate. There are lots of reasons the phones could be out. We just have to wait until the police out there call.”

“But the longer it takes the worse it could be, right?”

“I’ve been doing this a while. One really has nothing to do with the other. Really, try not to work yourself up.”

Penny was starting to wish she had some vodka around just so she could calm herself down. “No, bad Penny, no drinking,” She said to herself.

Sheldon had no idea what to do. He tried to hold Penny but she shook him off and kept on pacing. He looked questioningly at Nora and she reflected his expression right back at him. They both felt completely helpless. They both knew that all they could do was be there for Penny, no matter what the news was.

Suddenly, Penny’s cell phone rang. It was a 402 area code but she didn’t recognize the number.

“Hello?”

“Hi, slugger.”

“Dad! Are you okay? Is mom okay? What’s going on?”

“We’re all fine.”

“I’ve been trying to get you for it feels like hours.”

“Yeah. We had a bit of a situation out here.”

“What happened?”

“First you need to hear something. Is anybody else there?”

“Sheldon’s here. So’s Nora…Detective Glass.”

“Okay, put your phone on speaker.”

Penny put her cell phone on speaker. First there was silence and then some rustling. And then they heard what sounded like an animal in pain. It was almost inhuman screaming and crying.

“Did you hear that, slugger?”

“What is that?”

“That, sweetie, is your pal Paul Hernly. He’s been going on like that for about forty minutes. The police are here and they called for an ambulance but you know it takes them a while to get out here with all the cutbacks. There isn’t really anything we can do except leave him there writhing in pain until they get here. Considering the pain he’s put you through I’m not really having a problem with that.”

“Dad, what happened? Why couldn’t I reach you?”

“Well, as far as we can tell, and the police checked, Hernly cut the phone line and rammed the nearest cell tower with a car. And you remember we don’t get the best cell reception out here anyways.”

“Except in the laundry room.”

“Yeah, I know. That’s always been a little strange but I remember it worked for you and Sheldon.”

“Anyway, we were watching a movie and your mom noticed that you hadn’t called at your regular time and when she tried to call you she couldn’t get any service. We tried the landline and nothing. We started to get a little worried. That was when the lights went out.”

“Oh my God.”

“We figured something was going on outside the house and your mom and I had talked about what would happen if we spotted Hernly or someone like him at the farm. So we got our shotguns and she went out the back door and I went out the side door and we circled around to the front.”

“Your mom spotted something first. Someone was approaching the house and then they lit a torch.”

“Someone was going to burn the house down with you in it?”

“That’s my guess. Anyway, your mom acted quickly and shot the guy right in the balls with a beanbag round. I heard a scream and fired at him and got him right in the ass with a load of rock salt. Guess we got him coming and going.”

“But what happened with the torch? Is the house okay?”

“That’s almost the funny part. When your mom shot him he lost his grip on the torch and when I shot him he tried to grab it before it fell to the ground. He grabbed the wrong end. He’s been on the ground screaming ever since.”

“Dad, we called the police.”

“I know. Billy Mosbacher pulled up right as this was happening. He saw it all. I’m calling you from his radio. They patched it through at the station.”

“Mr. Queen, this is Detective Glass. Can I speak with the officer?”

“Nora, right? He’s a little tied up right now. I’m sure your folks out there and our folks have a bunch of legal stuff and jurisdiction stuff to go over. When the ambulance gets here they’re going to take him to the hospital. He’ll be kept under police guard. But, believe me, the son of a bitch is in no condition to go anywhere.”

“How’s mom?”

“Your mom’s great. After Hernly went down and we put out the torch she went over to him. When she recognized him she gave him a couple of boots where the beanbag hit him and told him that’s what he gets for fucking with our family and friends. I guess she picked up a little rough language while she was in California. Would you like to speak to her?”

“Sure.”

“Hi sweetie.”

“So I guess you guys had a little excitement tonight.”

“Your father and I would have preferred to watch our movie but all in all I can’t say it’s been a bad evening. I’m glad it’s finally over.”

“I hear you’re a pretty good shot.”

“Not really, honey. I was aiming at his head.”

“Well, you did get him where he does most of his thinking.”

“I guess you’re right, sweetie. Oh it looks like the ambulance is here. I was sort of hoping it would take a little longer.”

“Mom, it’s not like you to enjoy someone suffering.”

“I’d say this is an exception. I plan to feel guilty about it in church, but for now I’m happy because he deserves that and more.”

“Mrs. Queen, I guarantee we have an airtight case against him out here. He’ll be going away for a long time.”

“Is that Nora? Thank you so much for all you’ve been doing for Penny. Is Sheldon there?”

“I am.”

“Sheldon, please give our Penny a big hug for us. It looks like this horrible time is just about over.”

“I will be most happy to deliver your message.”

Sheldon draped his arm across Penny’s shoulders.

“Sweetie, they’re loading him into the ambulance. Looks like they gave him a shot or something but he won’t stop screaming. We have to go. The police want us to go to the station and make a statement. Your dad wants to get the power back on first. I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Okay, mom. I’m glad you and dad are safe. Bye.”

Penny put down the phone and sat down on the couch in Sheldon’s new spot.

“I can’t believe it’s actually over.”

“In truth, Penny, it isn’t. Hernly will certainly face charges and stand trial in Nebraska and then will need to be transported here to stand trial. We will all likely need to testify.”

“I know all that, Sheldon. But the thing is, he can’t do anything to us now. We can stop looking over our shoulders. We can go on with our lives.”

“I was under the impression we were doing that very thing.”

“We were. But Hernly was always there. There was always the possibility that he would do something else.”

Nora tried to be comforting.

“Listen, we’ll still keep an eye out. Hernly was pretty devious. But I think that it really is almost over. I’m pretty sure that the DA will want to go to trial quickly. There’s lots of evidence against him. There are lots of witnesses. And he has nobody on his side.”

Nora stepped aside to call her captain and give him an update on the events in Nebraska. She hung up and came over to Sheldon and Penny and sat down.

“I’ll probably meet with the DA tomorrow to go over exactly what’s going to happen. He’s going to have to speak with the folks in Nebraska but here’s how I think it’ll go. Hernly will be arraigned and charged in Nebraska and will probably be tried there. What he did there is fairly clear. The police are still gathering evidence but he’ll probably be charged with intent to commit arson, possibly intent to commit murder and malicious mischief for the cell tower and phone lines. Your parents and the officer that witnessed everything will probably be the only ones that need to testify at trial out there. After that arrangements will be made to bring him here to stand trial on the charges we assemble. You’ll probably need to testify but we also have deals with the idiots from the strip club and the porn producer to testify against him. We also have Bryan. I think this will all move along fairly quickly. He won’t get bail because he’s already shown he’s a flight risk. I’ll be surprised if this all isn’t tied up and Hernly is serving time within two months, three at the most.”

“That would be great, Nora.”

“There is something I advise that you do though, just to be safe. Get an attorney to represent your interests. People like Hernly hire the kind of lawyer who likes to turn things around and accuse the victim. You should have someone whose only job is to protect you. Don’t depend on the police or civil authorities to do that. They’ll do whatever they can to make their case and if that involves throwing you or your friends under the bus they’ll do that without a second thought. I’m saying that as someone on the inside. You need your own advocate.”

“Penny, you know how difficult it is for me to admit I do not know something, but you have already witnessed my abilities in a courtroom. We must do as Nora advises. Luckily I believe we have the funds and our needs will be for a finite time. Perhaps we can speak with Howard. He has a number of relatives in the profession.”

“I can also give you some names of attorneys who are good and charge reasonable fees.”

“Nora, I really don’t like the idea of spending good money to protect myself legally when I’m the victim.”

“I know, Penny. It doesn’t really make sense. But please do it if only to make sure that Hernly has no way of making this go on forever.”

“All right. I’ll do it.”

“Well my day is probably going to be starting pretty soon so I’m going back across the hall to get ready to go in to work. I’ll let you know what I can when I get home tomorrow. That’s another thing. I may not be able to tell you everything. That sucks but it’s how the law works and in the larger scheme of things it makes sense. I’m not trying to keep secrets from you. I hope you understand.”

“I do. We both do. Just try to let us know if something like that comes up so it doesn’t turn into a thing.”

“Okay, we’ll figure something out. Good night, guys. I guess you’re going to have your first really peaceful night in a while.”

“Yeah, that’ll be nice. Good night, Nora.”

The next day Penny gave Howard a call and he put her in touch with one of his cousins, Seth Wolowitz, who offered to help her out for a reasonable price. Seth told Penny that she probably wouldn’t need him but that he’d make himself available and would attend any meetings she had with the prosecution, preliminary hearings and the trial. He told her that if nothing came out of it he wouldn’t charge her as a favor to Howard.

 

 

**A/N 2: I finished writing the final chapter of this story today. Unless something unforeseen occurs we will end at Chapter 60 with a tiny little epilogue attached. I still have a number of loose ends I’d like to tie up. What I’d really like to know between now and then is whether you’d like to see me continue playing in this little alternate universe. In addition to our regular cast (who I don’t own), would you like to see more of Nora. And Billy. And Ida.**

 

 


	54. 54 – The Constabulary Convocation

**54 – The Constabulary Convocation**

Nora proved to be right about things in Nebraska. Hernly was arraigned in his hospital bed the following afternoon. Doctors spent most of the morning removing rock salt from his nether regions. His hands were bandaged because of the burns he received when he tried to catch his torch. He tried to convince the police that he was only visiting his old girlfriend but they weren’t buying it. His fingerprints were all over the car that had been driven into the cell tower, all over the shears that had been used to cut the phone line and also on the torch. And his actions had been witnessed by a police officer. The police felt the Queens would have been well within their rights to use lethal force against a threatening trespasser but they hadn’t. They’d used non-lethal force. Hernly vainly tried calling people in California to get money for a lawyer but nobody would take his calls. He ended up having to use a court-appointed attorney who recommended that Hernly try to make a deal. The District Attorney wasn’t interested in dealing since Hernly had nothing to trade. He attempted to use information he’d gleaned from Penny’s stolen diary to turn Penny’s brother in as a meth dealer but was rebuffed when the police told him that he was already imprisoned for that very crime.

Hernly’s Nebraska trial took place two weeks later. Penny’s parents, Billy Mosbacher and the woman whose car Hernly had carjacked from the train station were the only witnesses for the prosecution side. Penny was advised not to attend and she really didn’t want to see Hernly until it counted in California. Hernly attempted to take the witness stand in his own defense but couldn’t even sit because it was so painful. He tried to blame his actions on Penny and her mother but the judge wasn’t hearing any of it. Ultimately he was sentenced to eight years in prison for his crimes in Nebraska.

Next it was time to transport him to Pasadena to stand trial there. Billy Mosbacher drew the assignment. They flew to California and Hernly required extra cushions to sit on the plane because he was still in pain. Billy had to threaten to put him in the bathroom for the rest of the flight to stop him from complaining.

Once he was delivered to the Pasadena Police Billy was planning to turn right around and fly back to Omaha but Nora convinced him to at least stay for dinner and he booked one night in a motel. Nora decided to call Penny at work.

“Hey Penny.”

“Hi, Nora.”

“Thought you’d like to know that Hernly’s been delivered to stand trial.”

“Great. About time.”

“Hey, listen. The cop who brought him doesn’t really know anyone out here except maybe you. Okay if I bring him over for dinner tonight?”

“Sure. What’s his name?”

“Billy Mosbacher.”

“Wow. Little Billy Mosbacher?”

“So you do know him. And he’s not so little.”

“Well, mostly I knew his sister. We were friends when we were little. Later not so much. Yeah, bring him over. What time do you think you’ll show up?”

“About seven, seven thirty.”

“Okay. I’ll let Sheldon know.”

Aware of Sheldon’s dislike for surprises, Penny gave him a call.

“Hi, sweetie.”

“Hello, Penny.”

“Okay if Nora brings a guest for dinner?”

“I’d really prefer more notice.”

“Not really an option this time. It’s the cop who delivered Hernly for trial. Turns out he knows me a little.”

“Penny, you know I’m sometimes a bit unclear on terminology…”

“Get your mind out of the gutter, Dr. Cooper. I knew him when he was a little kid. Mostly I knew his sister. Do you remember me mentioning Valerie Mosbacher?”

“Penny, you are aware that three words you never need to say to me are “do you remember.” I remember everything. I believe you referred to her as a “big ol’ slutbag.”

“Yeah, that’s the one. You might not want to mention that tonight.”

“Understood.”

“Do we need to shop?”

“I don’t believe so. I was planning to make chicken-fried steak and I believe we’ll have enough for four. I may add an additional side dish, though. How does creamed spinach sound?”

“Creamy.”

“All right. Shall I meet you at the Andersons so that we may ride home together?”

“Will that give you enough time to prepare dinner? Nora expects to come over with Billy between seven and seven thirty.”

“I expect dinner will be ready between eight and eight thirty. We can put some light snacks out prior to that.”

“You’re becoming a pretty good hostess, Shelly.”

“I am not a female, Penny. The appropriate word for a male would be host.”

“Just funnin’ with you.”

“With 50% of the population of our apartment hailing from Nebraska should I expect more corn-fed humor like that this evening?”

“I wouldn’t bet against it, sweetie.”

“Alright. I will practice an appropriate smile to signal my enjoyment.”

“You do that. See you later.”

“Goodbye, Penny.”

Penny and Sheldon got to 2311 North Los Robles at about 6:45 and Sheldon immediately got to work preparing dinner. Penny quickly chopped up some vegetables and made some yogurt dip and put everything out on the coffee table.

Nora showed up with Billy Mosbacher at about 7:15. Nora was right. Billy was not so little anymore. He had grown up to be a really good-looking man. He was just a couple of inches shorter than Sheldon and he was built. His hair was cut kind of short, almost a military cut and light brown. When he and Nora walked in Penny immediately thought, “That’s a good looking couple. I wonder if there’s any chemistry there.”

“Hey, Nora.

“Hi, sweetie. I’m gonna run over to my place and change. Be right back.”

“Hi, Billy. Long time.”

“I wasn’t sure you’d remember me, Penny.”

“Honestly, I remember a skinny little kid, which you are definitely _not_ now.”

“Yeah, well. I think the Marines had something to do with that.”

“You were a Marine?”

“Once you’re in you’re always a Marine. But yeah.”

“Did you serve over there?”

“One tour in Iraq, two in Afghanistan. Just came back a little over a year ago.”

“Thanks for doing that. Was it tough?”

“It was what it was. I really don’t like talking about it much.”

“I can respect that. So, um, how’s the family? How’s Valerie?”

“Do you want the polite answer or the truth?”

“Wow. Didn’t expect blunt.”

“I’m a cop. And a Marine. It’s my go-to attitude.”

“Okay. You might remember that me and Valerie weren’t so friendly when I left. We haven’t been in touch since then at all.”

“You’re better off. If she wasn’t my sister I wouldn’t have much to do with her myself.”

“Okay, dish.”

“So I remember that you and her were up for the head cheerleader job.”

“Yeah. She got it after she slept with the quarterback.”

“Okay, well he got her pregnant.”

“They got married?”

“Nope. He left town. Went to some junior college back east. His family left town too.”

“She had the kid and a couple of years later got married to a guy she met while she was working at the Bag’n Save, had another kid with him then he split and last year she hooked up with another guy, no job, got married and they’re both living with our folks. And she’s pregnant again.”

“Big ol’ slutbag seems to be an appropriate appellation.”

“Sheldon! Billy, the cook over there lacking an internal editor is Sheldon.”

“Your dad mentioned him. Also mentioned how much he likes him. A lot.”

“Yeah, well. There’s no accounting for taste.”

“He is right you know. She’s my sister and I love her but she is kind of a slut. You should probably be glad you got the hell out of there when you did and didn’t hook up with the quarterback.”

“Billy, I made my share of mistakes, maybe more than my share. But I’m pretty happy with who I ended up with.”

Sheldon finally reached a point in the preparations where he could take a break. He quickly went to the bathroom, washed his hands and came back out.

“Dr. Sheldon Cooper B.S., M.S., M.A., Ph.D., Sc.D., Best Friend at your service.”

“You forgot wackadoodle, sweetie.”

“That’s unofficial.”

“Billy, we rarely receive visitors from the bucolic environs of Nebraska. Please accept our hospitality and gratitude for your role in apprehending Paul Hernly.”

“Yeah, I understand he’s been some kind of scumbag to you folks.”

“Hopefully that distasteful episode is almost at an end.”

“From what Nora told me they’ve got a pretty good case against him here and he’s already going to serve time in Nebraska. I suspect you won’t have to worry about him for a long while.”

“Yeah, once we get through the trial.”

Penny was nervous about the upcoming trial. She wasn’t looking forward to facing Hernly again.

Nora had returned from her apartment dressed more comfortably in jeans and a t-shirt and who had been been fairly silent up till then joined the conversation.

“Penny, don’t obsess over the trial. You’ll be fine. We still have a couple of weeks. Let’s just enjoy ourselves. Smells like Sheldon has cooked up something delicious.”

Dinner was delicious. Sheldon had outdone himself on pretty short notice. He served Chicken-fried steak, mashed potatoes, corn bread, cauliflower and creamed spinach. Nora had pick up an apple pie on the way there and Sheldon warmed and topped it with Chunky Monkey ice cream.

Penny and Billy talked about people back home and where they were. He updated her on what was going on with her folks. Though he hadn’t been around when they split up he knew they were living apart when he got home. He ate at the diner a lot and noticed that when her dad started hanging around her mom started smiling more. He liked them both a lot.

Nora and Billy talked about being cops and the differences between their days.

Sheldon and Billy talked about gaming. Billy loved Halo and played a lot but mostly by himself. Sheldon offered to play but Billy said it was getting late and he had an early flight. Nora offered to drive him to his motel.

The next morning Penny called Nora.

“Hey Nora. I, um, noticed you didn’t come home last night.”

“Nothing happened. We talked. That’s all we did. Talked.”

“I could tell from how you looked at him. You’re interested, aren’t you?”

“Okay. Yeah. I’m interested. But he’s in Nebraska and I’m here.”

“And you’re going to leave it at that?”

“Well, he said he has a long weekend coming up and he thought he might like to come back out here for more than a day. I offered him my couch.”

“Sounds interesting.”

“Penny, don’t start matchmaking. In fact I distinctly remember you telling me not to date cops.”

“If all cops looked like Billy Mosbacher I never would have said that. He’s a sweetie.”

“Yeah. He kind of is. But long-distance things never work out.”

“Sheldon and I never really clicked until there was a couple of thousand miles between us. We had some of our best talks while the two of us were doing laundry, him here and me in Nebraska. That was when I really started to realize how much he meant to me. If there really is something between you and Billy you’ll figure out how to make it work. And in the meantime, have some fun. I think you two are mature enough to enjoy each other without erecting a mountain of bullshit. You deserve to have some fun.”

‘Okay, well, he’s coming back out next weekend. Maybe we should plan something for the four of us to do together. It looked like Sheldon actually got along with him.”

“That may have been the mention of Halo. How are your Halo skills by the way?”

“I’m okay.”

“You may need to come by and practice. Sheldon’s really good and me, well, I really like to shoot stuff and I pretty much usually beat the pants off him.”

“How’s that going, by the way?”

“We’re getting there.”

“We might need to double-team him.”

“Nora, we talked about that.”

“A girl can dream…”

“Later.”

“Bye.”

 


	55. 55 – The Judicial Juxtaposition

**55 – The Judicial Juxtaposition**

 

Nora worked with the Assistant District Attorney and they believed they had an airtight case. However, Hernly had found a lawyer, a real sleazebag, who was going to try to prove that everything that happened was Penny’s fault and that not only was she a willing participant in everything that Hernly did, but that most of it was her idea. He had gotten hold of the video from The Cheesecake Factory and selectively edited it to show Penny proposing everything. He also intended to twist the testimony of the witnesses in Hernly’s favor.

Nora and the Assistant DA had seen this lawyer in action before. The ADA worked tirelessly with all of the witnesses and especially with Penny. They told Penny that the lawyer would be trying to make her break down on the stand, to make her look like a hysterical liar. Penny was worried.

“Nora, I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Penny, I know you can. Sheldon knows you can. We all do. All you need to do is remain calm. If you remain calm he won’t be able to do a thing. And remember, I was with you most of the time. I can back up everything that you said. I can testify that I advised you to say some of those things. He’s grasping at straws. We’ve gotten to almost every person that was involved and they are all prosecution witnesses. Plus, once he introduces the edited tape of The Cheesecake Factory, we’ll be able to show the unedited one and Hernly doesn’t come off so good in that one. And he’ll never be able to use the DVD against you because it proves he committed a crime. It all comes down to you. You can’t let him win. And we have a trump card.”

“What?”

“Dr. Hofstader reached out to me. He remembers everything that happened now. He can identify Hernly as the one who assaulted him and wrecked the apartment.”

“But I think Leonard’s still in New Jersey.”

“He said he’ll be back for the trial. That’s all I know. Penny, the DA is going to go over your testimony with you. I know you’ll do great. We will put this guy away for a long time.”

The trial began the following Monday. It lasted all of two days.

There was only one possible minor misstep. When it was Sheldon’s turn to testify he recognized the judge, Judge Kirby. He was the same judge who had sent Sheldon to jail for contempt. As soon as Sheldon took the stand the judge commented to him.

“Hello again, Dr. Cooper. I hope we aren’t going to have any trouble.”

“Hello, Judge Kirby. It’s very gratifying to see you again. And may I congratulate you on your promotion? I trust you stayed away from the breakfast burrito today.”

“Thank you, Dr. Cooper. And my breakfast was quite satisfactory today. Let’s move on.”

Hernly’s lawyer tried to shake every witness the DA presented with no success. Nobody saw Leonard until he was called to the stand on Tuesday. He looked rested. His hair was longer and didn’t have any product in it. He was even wearing new suit. When the DA asked him if the person who assaulted him was in the courtroom he said yes and pointed at Paul Hernly. When Leonard’s testimony was over he left the courthouse. He didn’t speak to anyone and nobody spoke to him.

Penny was the final prosecution witness. Though she was nervous she radiated calm. She matter-of-factly related everything that Hernly had done to her or arranged to have done. She told the court about how they met when he was her teacher, his theft of her script, his seduction of her mother, his attempt to have sex with her so she would get a part on his TV show, what he did to her and her friend’s apartments, what he did to her car, his stalking her, the cameras he planted and what he tried to do with the recordings, the auditions he tried to lure her to, his phone calls. On cross-examination Hernly’s lawyer unsuccessfully tried to make her out to be an angry ex-girlfriend or an opportunistic wannabe actress. Penny stayed calm and refuted every accusation.

Then the defense presented its case. They only had one witness, Paul Hernly. He tried to present himself as a concerned ex-college professor whose former student for some reason tried to take advantage of him. He tried very hard to sound sincere and befuddled.

In the defense’s closing argument Hernly’s lawyer called Penny a slut who got exactly what she deserved and was trying to destroy a good man’s reputation.

The DA just listed the charges.

The jury deliberated for ten minutes and found Hernly guilty of all charges.

Two weeks later the judge sentenced Hernly to fifteen years in prison. He wouldn’t be eligible for parole for ten years. And there was still the eight years he’d need to serve in Nebraska. Nora told Penny she was pretty sure that Hernly would be serving at least twelve years total. As he was led out of the courtroom Hernly tried to catch Penny’s eye. She never looked at him once.

 


	56. 56 – The Hofstader Prevarication

**56 – The Hofstader Prevarication**

When Penny and Sheldon returned home from the courthouse they found a letter in their mailbox from Leonard.

_“Dear Penny and Sheldon,_

_I’m sorry that I couldn’t stick around at the courthouse but you were very specific about how you’d prefer I handle things between us and I thought it important that I respect your wishes and begin trying to repair things in writing._

_I hope this letter finds you both well. I considered whether I should write you each individually but ultimately concluded that it would be more respectful to address you together, something I refused to do before now._

_To say that I’m sorry for my behavior towards you doesn’t adequately express how I feel about the way I’ve treated my two closest friends in the world. I have disrespected you and I’ve attempted to undermine your relationship and I’ve acted like a real jerk for a very long time and not as the friend and good guy I always wanted to believe I was. I also know that whatever I say in this letter cannot even begin to repair the damage I’ve done. All that I can hope to do is convince you to open a door and allow me to attempt through my future actions to be your friend once more._

_I have a great deal of bad behavior to make up for and I still have a great deal of work to do. My mother has surprisingly been very supportive of that work and she may have even learned a few things about herself. We got a lot closer during my time back home. She helped me find a good therapist in New Jersey and that went very well. He helped me find someone in Pasadena to continue the work I need to do._

_Forgive the possibility that I may ramble a bit but there is a great deal I feel I need to address._

_Penny, thank you for your friendship and for the time we were together. You are a kind, loving person and I will never forget you. From the time we met I wanted us to be together forever. I’m sorry that I never really gave appropriate consideration to what you wanted. To be honest, it was very unscientific of me. Before you say that relationships aren’t science let me try to explain. When you moved into Apartment 4B I formulated a hypothesis that we belonged together. I jumped from hypothesis to conclusion after I returned from the Arctic Expedition. However, just as I had done in the Arctic, I kept skewing the results of our relationship experiment to fit the only conclusion I made available. I kept pushing you to fit the conclusion that we belonged together, without adequately observing all of the variables, namely you. You were never in the same place that I was and I could never accept that you didn’t love me, at least not in the same way I thought I loved you._

_To be honest, I’m not sure I know what love is. I know the word. I’ve used the word, probably more than I should. I’ve never considered that it’s a lot more than just a description for a feeling. That’s probably a result of my upbringing but we don’t need to discuss that here. In any case, one thing I do know is that when you and I talked about love we were probably talking about very different things. I think that if I had ever taken the time to really observe what you and Sheldon have always had, even when you fought, even before you two even knew you were friends, I’d have a much better idea of what love is. When I think back objectively I realize that you and Sheldon clicked the moment you met. None of us really saw it or were willing or ready to accept it for a very long time._

_Sheldon, you are my best friend though I have rarely shown you the respect that title deserves. I never adequately apologized for what I did to you in the Arctic. Perhaps I should have seen that as a symptom of other unacceptable behavior. I slowed the progress of your career just as I attempted to slow the progress of your love for Penny. I see that now. I have been a bad friend, a bad roommate and a bad colleague. I hope you will give me a chance to make up for some of that if I can._

_I believe I am ready to respect what you guys have and maybe even learn from it. You formed a hypothesis and you have embarked on a long period of experimentation to prove it. You finally know you love each other but because of a variety of factors, one of them being me, both of you are somewhat skittish. But one thing I know is that you belong together and each and every day you get closer and closer to that conclusion and I hope you will have a long and wonderful life together. I only hope that you will find it in your hearts to forgive me and allow me to be a part of it._

_I’m looking forward to returning for good next week. I understand from Raj that a great deal has changed. As you may know, I’ll be moving into an apartment in his building. Please supply Raj with the information about my possessions in storage. Hopefully, once I’m settled there and back at the University, the three of us can get together. I don’t expect anything to happen quickly. I hope I’ve learned to be patient. I promise that I won’t push. Things will never be as they once were, but I pray that we will eventually be able to move forward and rediscover our friendship._

_Sincerely,_

_Leonard”_

When she finished reading the letter there were tears in Penny’s eyes. Sheldon didn’t exactly have the same reaction.

“Sheldon, he’s really hurting.”

“Considering some of his words to you before he left he should be. As far as I’m concerned nothing has changed yet.”

“We should give him a chance.”

“Penny, he may be ready and you may be ready. I’m not. Not yet. Please respect that.”

 


	57. 57 – The Cheesecake Continuation

**57 – The Cheesecake Continuation**

A few days after the trial ended Penny and Bernadette received invitations to a pre-opening celebration at the rebuilt Cheesecake Factory. They were asked to bring their friends. They were bringing Sheldon and Howard and passed the news on to Raj and Alex and Amy Farrah Fowler. Amy hadn’t really been around much but Penny felt that this would be a low-pressure opportunity for her to be with the group yet be under no pressure to attend or even stay. They didn’t invite Leonard. According to Raj, Leonard had not yet returned from New Jersey and moved into his new apartment, though Raj had already arranged for his possessions to be delivered there from storage.

Penny had conflicted feelings about going. She had worked there for so long and it had been a big part of her life. In terms of time she had been there longer than any other current employee, even management. “Pretty good for a terrible waitress,” she thought. But at the same time she knew that chapter of her life was over and that she was incredibly happy with her new life. Working with Ida was wonderful. She learned new things every day. And everyone kept telling her how good she was at her job. After hearing it enough she had actually begun to believe it. She was feeling confident and she wasn’t sure she wanted to remember what she’d thought of herself when she was a waitress.

The biggest difference in Penny was that, unlike most of the time when she worked at The Cheesecake Factory, now she was happy. She wasn’t struggling to keep up with the present or bury the past. She was in control and building a future. And she was in love.

Sheldon wanted to go because he dearly missed his barbeque bacon cheeseburger with everything on the side and he kept saying so. Despite finding worthy substitutes they weren’t the same. He was hoping that even though the restaurant wasn’t really open he would be able to get one.

When they all arrived they saw that the place had been completely redesigned. They had a new area designed specifically for families with children and offered a new expanded children’s menu. The bar was bigger and the rest of the place was divided into three smaller themed dining rooms. They noticed that some people were standing around drinking while others were seated and there were actually waitresses serving the tables. They decided to sit down and the manager came over to greet them.

“Penny and Bernadette, I’m so happy you were able to join us. And your friends too. Everything on the menu is available and it’s on us. A waitress will be by shortly.”

“The place looks so intimate now. I really like the smaller dining rooms but I’m going to have to admit that I’m not sorry that I won’t get to work in the children’s area.”

“Yes, I know that can be a challenge. But the company did some demographic studies that show that we have a lot of young families in the area and we should do more to attract them. We’ll be doing kids events and story time and a lot more birthday parties.”

“Well, it sounds like you have a plan.”

“You know that if either of you ever wanted to come back you’d be welcomed with open arms.”

“Thank you. It’s nice to be appreciated.”

The manager went off to schmooze another table.

“Penny, you wouldn’t actually consider returning, would you?”

“Not in a million years, Sheldon. I was being polite, just like I’m sure he was. I was a terrible waitress. I wouldn’t hire me. Bernadette on the other hand…”

“Nope. Never. Nuh-uh. It got me through school. School got me a great job. The waitressing part of my life is over.”

Howard looked dejected.

“What about me?”

“My Howie-wowie is the only one I’ll ever wait on. Besides, I couldn’t wear what I wear doing that here anyway. Or really anywhere.”

“That’s a little too much information, Bernadette.”

“Anyway, these two waitresses are retired.”

Their waitress came over.

“Dana!”

“Hi guys. Can I take your order? Though I’m pretty sure I know what Sheldon wants.”

“Barbeque bacon cheeseburger, with barbeque sauce, bacon and cheese on the side. And a lemonade. I assume it will be prepared correctly. I have been waiting for almost three months.”

“I can pretty much guarantee it. I knew you’d be coming and I made sure the kitchen staff was ready for you.”

“Thank you, Dana.”

Dana took everyone else’s order and quickly returned with their drinks.

Penny was curious.

“Dana, what do you think of the remodel?”

“I’m getting used to it. I like the smaller dining rooms but I’m really not looking forward to the kiddie stuff.”

“That’s what we were saying.”

“I think your food’s nearly ready. I’ll be right back.”

Dana came back out with everyone’s meal and put Sheldon’s down in front of him but Sheldon had a sour look on his face.

“Something’s wrong.”

Dana was alarmed.

“But Sheldon, it was prepared exactly to your specifications. Everybody concerned wore gloves. I know it’s the right temperature.”

“I understand. But something just isn’t right.”

Penny started getting alarmed. But then she had a thought.

“Sweetie, I’ll take it back to the kitchen and review the preparation with Dana and everyone involved. Maybe they missed something. Okay?”

“Thank you, Penny.”

Penny took Sheldon’s plate and led Dana back to the kitchen. Dana looked upset.

“Penny, I know it was done the right way. I’m sure.”

“I know, sweetie. Just give me your tray.”

Penny put Sheldon’s dinner on the tray and carried it right back out to the table. She put the plate down in front of Sheldon and he had a big smile on his face.

“Perfect.”

That was the moment that everybody at the table finally realized that it had never really been the burger that brought Sheldon to The Cheesecake Factory every Tuesday night.

 

 


	58. 58 – The Celebratory Consideration

**58 – The Celebratory Consideration**

 

Between work, therapy and school starting back up, Penny never really had a chance to celebrate the end of the Hernly ordeal. Then Sheldon came home and passed on some good news.

“Alex’s dissertation has been accepted and she will be receiving her doctorate.”

“Sheldon, that’s wonderful news. But does that mean she’ll be leaving?”

“She has received a number of fine offers but I’m hoping that she remains with CalTech. I have asked her to continue working with me.”

“Do you think she’d be willing to continue working for you.”

“With me, Penny. As a colleague, not as an assistant. We can hire a grad student to work for both of us. She has proven to be a good sounding board for my work and she has made worthwhile contributions. Some of her own theories are quite intriguing. I believe she will be prove to be a good theoretical physicist.”

“When will she give you an answer?”

“She wishes to consult with Raj and speak further with Dr. Gabelhauser but I believe she will remain. Continuing to work with me is an invaluable opportunity.”

“Yup. That’s how I look at it. Sheldon, I know we’ve both been busy, well, mainly me, but we really ought to celebrate. Everything. We haven’t really had a housewarming. Or celebrated Hernly finally being out of our lives. And now Alex. I’d like to have a little party.”

“A little party?”

“Yeah. Um, next Saturday. Just the regular group with a couple of extra people like Bryan and his mom. And Ida. And I think Billy Mosbacher is coming back out to visit Nora next weekend.”

“Those two do seem to like each other.”

“They’re a cute couple. But don’t say that I said that to Nora. She still hasn’t figured out what’s going on.”

“I wouldn’t say anything in any case.”

“Sheldon, I’d like to invite Amy and Leonard, too.”

“I have no issue with Amy Farrah Fowler coming. We have run into each other at the Andersons enough so that I’m certain there would be no problem there if she were to accept our invitation. However, I have barely seen Leonard since he returned. He keeps to his lab most of the time. He only speaks with Raj.”

“I know. Raj says he can tell that Leonard misses us. All of us. I think it might just be easier for all of us if there’s a big group. That way if he’s uncomfortable he can just slip out.”

“Leonard’s discomfort isn’t really my concern.”

“Sheldon, I’ll make sure that you are very busy playing host. What do you think of cooking up a big Tex-Mex feast?”

“I am aware that our friends do enjoy that cuisine. I could barbeque on the roof earlier in the day to prepare everything and set it out as a buffet. All right, Penny. Let’s do it.”

“Cool! How about if we call it a New Beginnings Celebration?”

“That would be appropriate.”

“I’ll invite Amy and, so he doesn’t think it’s any more than what it is, I’ll ask Raj to invite Leonard.”

“That would be acceptable.”

 

**A/N: We’re almost at the end of our tale. We’ll conclude with Chapter 60.**

 

 


	59. 59 – The Celebratory Convocation

**59 – The Celebratory Convocation**

Leonard Hofstader pressed the intercom button for Apartment  4A at 2311 North Los Robles. It was the first time he’d been there since he left for New Jersey. Almost four months. He knew that some things had changed. Considering what had happened he wasn’t surprised to find a better security system. He knew the damage to the apartments had been repaired. He was surprised when he received the insurance check. He was aware of what his collectibles were worth but he was shocked that Sheldon had equally divided the reimbursement for all of the common purchases, especially since he knew for a fact that Sheldon had spent more. He was also shocked when he saw the couch among the items Sheldon had stored for him. Sheldon had actually surrendered his spot. Leonard still felt uncomfortable sitting on it. He knew that Penny and Sheldon were still doing whatever it was they were doing. He assumed that Sheldon had a new roommate. The only one of his friends he’d spoken to was Raj, mainly because they now lived in the same building. He didn’t press Raj with any questions about the others, especially Sheldon and Penny. He was afraid Raj might think he was asking for the wrong reasons.

The voice that asked who it was wasn’t familiar but they buzzed him in. Leonard didn’t want to assume that Sheldon had ordered takeout that he was able to eat so he had stopped by the Szechuan Palace to pick something up on the way. He also brought a flourless chocolate cake. Normally a celebration begs a bottle of liquor but Leonard hoped that Penny was still abstaining. He was surprised to see an operational elevator. He nervously got in and pressed “4.” When he arrived at the fourth floor he automatically looked the door to 4B and paused for a second and then knocked on Apartment 4A’s door.

A teenage boy opened the door.

“Hi, you must be Leonard. I’m Bryan. Can I take your things?”

“Um, sure.”

Leonard walked in and looked around. He’d assumed that Sheldon would put the apartment back together exactly as it had been. He was wrong. It was completely different. There was not a single piece of furniture remaining from when Leonard lived there. He looked around at the people. More than Sheldon would normally be comfortable with. He saw Howard and Bernadette. And Raj. And Alex? And Amy Farrah Fowler? And a few people he didn’t recognize at all. And over in the kitchen he saw Sheldon in a chef’s apron with Penny, cooking. Sheldon cooking? Suddenly a beautiful brunette in tight jeans and a Superman tank top came over to Leonard. She looked a little familiar but Leonard couldn’t place her.

“Can you come across the hall and help me bring some things over?”

“Um, sure.”

She led the way to 4B and opened the door. It looked familiar. At least the mess did. Some of the furniture did too. It used to be across the hall.

“I guess Penny got some new furniture.”

“Actually, it’s mine. I live here now. Excuse the mess.”

“Okay. I’m a little confused. I’m Leonard Hofstader. I used to live across the hall with Sheldon and our friend Penny lived here.”

“I know who you are, Leonard. We’ve met. A couple of times. I’m Nora Glass and I was the detective handling the Hernly case.”

Now Leonard knew why she looked familiar. And really hot. He was suddenly interested in knowing her better.

“Leonard, watch the eyebrows and don’t even think about it. I have not just one, but two friends capable of going Nebraska on your ass. And I carry a gun.”

“Okay, okay. But I have a couple of questions. First, if you live here where does Penny live? And which one of the people across the hall is Sheldon’s new roommate? And who are all of those other people? And why the hell is Sheldon Cooper cooking?”

“Okay. Your second question answers your first question and you can just introduce yourself to the people you don’t know to find out who they are.”

“So Penny moved into my room?”

“No, Penny moved into Sheldon’s room. With Sheldon.”

“I’ve stepped into some kind of alternate universe haven’t I?”

“There’ve been some changes since you left. Your mother suggested that it might be best if we didn’t keep you updated on all the changes that happened while you were away. That it would be better for you to concentrate on yourself without distractions.”

“Okay. That makes sense. But why are you telling me this stuff and not Penny and Sheldon.”

“Because they asked me to. Penny and Sheldon and I became very good friends while the Hernly thing was going on. I lived across the hall from them at the hotel they stayed at while repairs were being done here. I was kind of their protection detail and we spent a lot of time together. I was looking to move and Penny offered to sublet 4B to me. And when 4A was ready and 4B wasn’t I lived with them for a bit. The reason they were uncomfortable telling you this stuff is because the last several conversations they had with you didn’t go so well.”

“But I sent them a letter.”

“I know. They showed it to me. It was a very nice letter. I really hope you mean what you said. But here’s the thing.”

“Oh, there’s a thing.”

“Yeah, there’s a thing. I really love those two people and you really, really hurt them. But they care about you and they’d like nothing more than to welcome you back into their lives but they’re scared.”

“Of me?”

“Well?”

“Yeah. I get that.”

“So here’s the thing. They invited you here. They want you here. Sheldon specifically made some lactose and corn-free dishes for you. They want you to be part of this celebration. It’s about new beginnings. A lot of new beginnings. For you too. Don’t screw it up.”

“That’s another thing. In all the time I lived with him, Sheldon never cooked.”

“Leonard, think about it. He never cooked because you couldn’t eat what he knew how to make and after a while he got into the habit. Now he cooks all the time. Penny does too. And sometimes what she cooks is even edible. But she tries and we encourage her. She tries really hard and considering she’s working full time and going to school it’s not easy for her.”

“Wait a second. She’s at The Cheesecake Factory full time now?

“Listen, if I tell you everything in here you won’t have anything to talk about over there. But Penny is now assistant to the director of a major studio costume shop. She has a lot of responsibility and people there love and respect her. The short older woman across the hall is her boss, Ida. Despite all of the crap Penny went through over the past few months, she has been able to move her life forward and get to a better place. She’s happy. And because she’s happy Sheldon’s happy.”

“Okay. I guess there’s a lot I need to get used to. The place looks entirely different. It’s like I was never there.”

“I wonder why. But that’s not really true. If you look around you can see bits of you in there. I can see them. Remember, pretty much everything Penny owned was destroyed and so was everything in 4A except for the bedrooms. Those two spent a lot of time figuring out how to live there together. They’re still figuring it out.”

“Okay. I won’t do anything to screw it up.”

“Leonard, it isn’t about not doing things. It’s about really being their friend. That’s all they want. That’s all they ever wanted. I know you have history and you have issues. We all do. The trick with friendship is to not make it all about the issues. That’s what therapy is for. And that remark was not specifically directed at you.”

“You mean?”

“With all the crap I see every day of course I see a therapist. And I recommend it. And I know that they wouldn’t mind me telling you that Penny and Sheldon also see therapists now. They are fully aware of the pressures created by what’s been going on around them on their relationship.”

“Sheldon?”

“Yes, Sheldon.”

“Okay, now grab a tray of brownies and go back in there and have some fun with your friends. And meet some new people. One of the benefits of the crapfest that those two have lived through is that it’s brought some really nice new people into their lives and made their world a little bigger.”

“Okay. Let’s go back over.”

 


	60. 60 – The Post-Celebratory Consideration

**60 – The Post-Celebratory Consideration**

_Much later that night._

“I think that went pretty well. What did you think, sweetie?”

“Though I believe I will always be far from comfortable with large gatherings it was quite satisfying to see all of our friends and acquaintances, old and new, enjoying each other’s company.”

“Leonard seemed all right.”

“Honestly, we didn’t converse very much. And we only spoke a bit about his new research. I am gratified that he is attempting to do something worthwhile. I did sense a nervousness, though.”

“First, I’m impressed that you would be that sensitive. I’m proud of you. Second, I think that’s kind of understandable. I felt the same thing. I kinda think Nora put the fear of God in him.”

“I think I would prefer he be afraid of Nora.”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure he is. I noticed a couple of times he looked around to see where she was and whether she was watching him.”

“He doesn’t yet realize that Nora has a sense of when someone means us ill.”

“You picked up on that too, huh? I’m so glad she’s our friend.”

“She spent most of her evening with Billy Mosbacher.”

“I know. I think there’s something happening there. This is the third weekend he’s been here staying with her.”

“I do like him. And he is a worthwhile Halo competitor.”

“Sheldon, I was thinking, when we go out to see my folks for the holidays, we should convince Nora to come along.”

“Are you intending to play matchmaker? I prefer you not interfere in others lives.”

“I have a pretty good track record. Howard and Bernadette happened because I “interfered” in their lives.”

“May I remind you that you were surprised that they worked out and may I further remind you of your multiple failures in attempting to “hook” Raj up.”

“Okay. Point taken, Sheldon. But Nora and Billy pretty much happened on their own with no help from me. I just figure that as the only person who’s a part of both of their worlds I’m kind of in a unique position to sort of help them out if they need it. Hey, did you notice Leonard chatting up Bryan’s mother?”

“Beth is a very attractive woman. And quite intelligent. And not much older than Leonard.”

“You know if those two got together that could pretty quickly satisfy Leonard’s need for a family to replace what he got stuck with. For once the person he’d be with would be a few steps ahead of him.”

“Penny, they were speaking. They were not copulating. And I think it would be wise for Leonard to eschew such involvements for a time.”

“We can always hope, sweetie.”

“I did notice, though, that Alex avoided Leonard the whole evening. As did Amy Farrah Fowler.”

“Yeah, I saw that. I spoke to Alex. She’s really fine with all of us but him being here reminds her of stuff she’d rather not think about. I keep telling her I really have no hard feelings and that I consider her my friend but she still feels really bad about what happened.”

“To my mind that situation was entirely Leonard’s responsibility. Alex has for too long accepted fault that does not belong to her.”

“Raj told me he asked Leonard not to drop by his apartment unannounced for fear of an uncomfortable confrontation.”

“It’s really on Leonard to make that right. If we let him come by here they will run into each other. And how long can they avoid each other at work?”

“In actuality they’ve been rather successful at that. Leonard keeps to his lab and rarely joins us for lunch. When he does it seems it’s only on occasions when Alex is absent. I suspect that Raj is coordinating this but I honestly can’t be bothered.”

“I think we just have to give it time, sweetie. And Leonard is going to have to figure out that our group dynamics have changed a bit.”

“True. For a very long time he felt he was the nucleus of our atom with the rest of us as electrons. Then the two of you became the nucleus together. Now it seems that the two of us are joined as the nucleus and he is just one of many electrons.”

“Actually, my little proton, he’s only a potential electron. He’s on probation.”

“I believe Amy Farrah Fowler is also having some difficulty finding her place in this new paradigm.”

“That’s not too surprising. She came to the group as your friend and then girlfriend and after that her life kind of revolved around you and me and that really didn’t work out for her. Also, it’s kind of obvious that I now have a female best friend and it isn’t her. And she did kind of embarrass herself. Hopefully she’ll eventually find her place.”

“I hope so. Penny, we need to have a conversation we’ve, well I’ve, been putting off.”

“Well, we have been a little busy but I was thinking the same thing. And I’m not exactly sure that talking is going to resolve it.”

“You’re probably correct.”

“I’m hearing a “but” there.”

“Again. Correct. You’ve been in touch with Missy, correct?”

“Every couple of weeks we trade emails. But you know that.”

“So you are aware that our mothers have been plotting.”

“Yeah. I think at first my mom was doing it to keep your mom out of our hair. Sort of distracting her.”

“I’ve gotten a sense from Meemaw’s letters that may longer be the case.”

“Yeah, I think you’re probably right. I have a feeling that they’re both into it now.”

“I’m uncomfortable with being forced into something.”

“What does this have to do with us finally, you know…”

“Having sex.”

“Thank you for not saying coitus. But yeah.”

“Alright. Let me attempt to present my case. First, you know that I love you and intend to spend my life with you. Correct?”

“Yes. And ditto.”

“But I am averse to a religious ceremony involving supplications to a deity I do not believe in.”

“And I’m not so hot on that idea myself.”

“However I am not averse to a ceremony marking our love for and commitment to each other, without a deity involved.”

“Our moms would never let that happen.”

“Let me finish.”

“I am also not averse to, as they say, “going all the way” with you.”

“Now? I have no problem with that. Let’s go.”

“Again. Let me finish. Though I am by no means a traditionalist, I propose that we combine the two things.”

“I can’t believe you want a real wedding night? That’s so sweet. But, Sheldon, I’ve waited a long time. We’ve waited a long time. And I’m not complaining but asking me to wait a few more months to finally share each other completely just isn’t fair…”

“I concur. Here’s what I suggest we do.”

 

**Epilogue**

 

“Shelly, are you sure you want to do what we talked about last night.”

“I am.”

“And you don’t want to tell anyone?”

“That was your thought, Penny, but I believe it to be a good one. We will only inform the people who absolutely need to know, and not until they absolutely need to know. Though you are all right with informing Meemaw of our plot. Everyone else will learn of it afterwards.”

“We need Meemaw on our side.”

“We do.”

“Our friends are going to be pissed.”

“If they are truly our friends they will understand. And when we are ready we will eventually throw them a “kick ass” party.”

“Okay. It’s a plan.”

“I will speak with Manuel at the Langham Huntington and see if he’s able to give us two suites for three days next week instead of one suite for seven at some undetermined time in some undetermined location.”

“Once we know if he can do that we’ll call and invite them for a three-day all expenses paid holiday.”

“It is very short notice.”

“They’ve been saying they want to visit us since we moved in together. And it’ll throw a monkey wrench in our mothers’ plotting.”

“The plotting has kept them from bothering us.”

“It has.”

“But I agree that it’s better for us if we take charge and do what we want.”

“And this is what we want.”

 “We just need to put one more piece in place and I believe I know exactly the right person for that.”

_What exactly are Sheldon and Penny planning? Stay tuned for my next story, which is at this point untitled._

 

**A/N: And that’s a wrap! I hope you enjoyed this little trip into an alternate universe. I never expected that this story would be so long but I guess I had a lot to say. This story, combined with my other two stories set in this ‘verse, grew out of a really simple notion, “what if Penny and her mother traded places?” I never expected it to turn into this. And I also wasn’t expecting to create any original characters that I wanted to keep playing with. I’m not talking about Hernly. He’s a fairly one-dimensional villain and you’ll notice that I never told the story from his POV. But Nora Glass came out of nowhere and I really enjoy writing her. And I especially like that Penny now has a real friend who isn’t part of the boys’ world but can comfortably exist alongside it and step into it when she wants to. And that she’s also Sheldon’s friend. I also have some thoughts about Billy Mosbacher and his future role. And Bryan and his mom, Beth.**

**I tried to give all of the regular cast moments. I even gave Leonard an opportunity to redeem himself though he really didn’t deserve it. I don’t want to bash the show. I do still watch it regularly and mostly enjoy it. I completely understand why the characters seem to be drawn more broadly than they used to be. Success and several seasons under your belt will do that. You don’t want to screw with a formula that clearly works. However, I really believe that the writers are doing a disservice to Penny by making her dumber and dumber. And I really can’t understand why she would tolerate how Leonard treats her. But that’s my problem and I’m clearly in the minority. Most viewers are perfectly satisfied. The ratings evidence that.**

**Based on the positive reactions I’ve gotten it seems you folks would like more. I’ve just started a new story that begins a little after this one ends. I have some thoughts but they need a bit more time to gel.**

**In the meantime I have some personal stuff to deal with. I need to find a job. I’ve been unemployed for a ridiculously long time. And I need to battle eviction from the place I’ve lived for almost twenty years. Obviously the two are related.**

**So enjoy your holiday season. Not really my favorite time of year. But you’ll see something new from me soon, I hope.**

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fairly long story and I've got about 35 chapters of an expected 60 or so in the can so you can expect it to come along at a pretty good clip. I love reviews. Enjoy.


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